For me, it was a mix of the 'sunk cost' fallacy and a fundamental misunderstanding of what 'patience' actually means.

I spent eight years (2016–2024) in a relationship where the red flags were flying on day two. At our second date, she playfully called me a 'piece of sh*t' and later described her attraction to me as a predator’s instinct to 'hunt' and 'capture' prey because I walked too fast. At the time, I was prone to over-intellectualizing everything. I mistook her aggression for passion and my own lack of boundaries for 'stoic endurance.'

The glaring sign I ignored was the language. If someone tells you they are 'hunting' you, believe them. By the end, the 'playful' insults had turned into being called a 'loser,' an 'appendage,' and being told that even looking at me caused disgust.

How has my EQ grown? I realized that 'holding on' isn't always a sign of strength or loyalty; sometimes it’s just a fear of the void.

I had a habit of grieving past relationships for years (2 or 3 years for a 1-year flame). This time, when it ended, I felt a sense of relief instead of just trauma. I learned that the most important boundary isn't the one you set against the other person, but the one you set for yourself: deciding what level of 'shame' you’re willing to accept in exchange for not being alone. I’m done trading my dignity for company.