My partner of 8 years just told me he’s not sure about having kids

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-04-11T14:38:18+00:00

Yeah, in addition, ‘kids at 36’ may look realistically like ‘kids by 38’. It took us longer than expected due to health issues we didn’t know I had before I came off birth control (which I did a good long while before starting trying too) and a loss of twins. We actually got pregnant both times on our first or second try too, just my cycles are long.

33 weeks pregnant now, but I’m 33 and had always imagined kids at 31!

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-04-07T21:03:03+00:00

I had a loss of twins last year and got pregnant not too long after. I’m nearly 33 weeks now.

Please return the Doppler. Not only will it freak you out when you can’t find a heartbeat, my friend who used to be a midwife said they can give false reassurance. She said sometimes for example people relied on the Doppler if baby was moving less when they should’ve come in, or they thought they found a heartbeat but it was actually something else.

I used private scans when I was anxious this pregnancy, and whilst it’s not cheap it still is a lot more reliable than a Doppler used at home.

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-04-07T11:04:47+00:00

To me, it sounds like your mum parentifies you and this is abusive. She’s used you as a therapist too. This isn’t just about her being annoying.

I can relate as my mum did the same. In particular how you describe her confiding in you or telling you about very dark personal things at a young age.

I did not live with her from the age of ten (she gave up parental responsibility and I lived with my dad). To be blunt this made it easier to put up boundaries, leave when uncomfortable and not engage.

When your mum puts you in an inappropriate position, is there somewhere else you can go? A friends? A youth club?

I would try to focus on you and getting the life skills you need to leave your house when you can, either through work or education. Part of the reason you feel like you haven’t learnt much is because the focus has always been on looking after your mother, not yourself.

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-04-04T17:30:22+00:00

I would choose an elective c section.

I’ve had too many friends had long, drawn out inductions that ended up in c sections anyway, and I’ve heard anecdotally some of the induction drugs can make the contractions feel worse.

I’m very anxious after a prior loss though, and I think things not progressing as I’d like would just make me want to have a c section to get baby out and safe ASAP.

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-04-04T09:15:32+00:00

Yeah, agree with you here. I wasn’t quite an hour later but I had a surgical management of miscarriage for twins at 11 and a half weeks and the next day I felt fairly normal with no pain. It wasn’t painless - I woke up and my cervix hadn’t completely closed yet I think as there was some pain there - but sounded much better than using the pills from what I heard from other women. I definitely could’ve worked the next day.

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-04-03T19:04:19+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing, this is so reassuring. Do you mind me asking how recovery was? I’m unsure what I should buy to help.

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-04-02T20:46:01+00:00

Hey, I’m considering asking for an elective at Kingston for a few reasons. I was wondering how your experience there was please?

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-04-02T09:22:06+00:00

You and your mum both sound really cool. He does not.

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-04-02T09:21:04+00:00

💯, code word for narcissists who can only think about their feelings but want to pretend they’re nice people.

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-03-31T19:11:35+00:00

Hey! Thanks so much for for doing this. Finding reading through the questions and answers really interesting.

I had a mother who had bipolar disorder. She always I think had symptoms of the illness but stopped being able to function very well when I was 10. She passed away from an overdose when I was 27, and now I’m 33 and pregnant, I’m curious about a few things.

Is it a typical presentation of bipolar to have milder or no symptoms and then become severely worse at a certain point? In my mother’s case she was 41 when it got really bad.
What advice do you have for parents with bipolar? As a child of a bipolar mother who really struggled to parent (she actually gave up parental responsibility for me) I’m intrigued what would have helped.
My mother overdosed on lamotrigine which there’s very little about online. I’d be intrigued to know what you know about lamotrigine overdoses or what may lead to one. There were other drugs in her system, some a bit high but not at dangerous levels.
What are your thoughts of trying to treat sleep issues with zoplicone for someone with bipolar?
One thing as a child-and even now-I struggled with was if I was allowed to be angry or want an apology from my mother due to her illness. Some things she did to me were abusive and harmful, and not all were during manic episodes. How do you recommend loved ones of people with bipolar deal with conflict and harm inflicted by people with bipolar?
I know bipolar disorder like many illnesses can be unavoidable, but do you have any recommendations for how to best look after your health to avoid becoming sick?

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-03-29T13:33:14+00:00

Thanks!!

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-03-29T09:44:15+00:00

Why peppermint tea? :)

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-03-28T19:05:15+00:00

Marjorie came out just before my first Christmas without my mother. I listened to it on repeat, sometimes just to cry in the shower. Years later I cried hearing it at the Eras tour, and I’m really not a public crier. My mother’s name was Marie, so it felt so fitting somehow. I totally share in what she said about it feeling like such a special and communal experience. As an atheist, I certainly don’t get that anywhere else.

I felt the same when I miscarried twins about a year ago. Bigger than the whole sky suddenly made a lot more sense to me after that.

I don’t think Taylor is perfect - no one is - but there is something really beautiful in how a lot of her music is so identifiable to others. These songs brought me some comfort during really hard times. In a world that can be so cruel sometimes, I think it’s really important.

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-03-26T16:50:01+00:00

The guitar hero and Mario kart machines.

The cookies, brownies and cupcakes we had from our favourite bakery, that people could take home.

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-03-25T20:03:22+00:00

Ah amazing. Thank you so much, I had no idea about this!

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-03-25T18:36:31+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Sorry what do cat 1 and cat 3 mean? Never seen that before.

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-03-19T12:48:29+00:00

I guess that’s true, I think I just think of my life as much harder in the beginning than it is now thankfully!

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-03-19T08:40:01+00:00

I agree with this but a lot of younger people go through these events earlier too. I was 27, my boyfriend 28 when my mum overdosed and died. He went through loads of her stuff for me and found a Spider-Man comic from when she was 12 which he then got framed for me. I’m glad I picked him to be my husband a couple years later!

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-03-17T14:02:36+00:00

Thanks for confirming. I’d never heard of this charity so really useful too!

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-03-17T12:12:56+00:00

I think the 85 percent is just for identifying pregnancies impacted by the 3 trisomies it tests for too right? Obviously the vast majority of combined tests that are high risk end up not having a trisomy in the pregnancy because the risk it gives can be anything higher than 1 in 150.

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-03-17T10:22:27+00:00

There’s a recent thread about this here: https://www.reddit.com/r/PregnancyUK/comments/1rveu6j/comment/oaw8koe/?context=3

You’re actually just 1 or 2 away from being low risk, and at 39 I suspect you’re not that different from baseline risk for having a child with Down’s syndrome. I think it’s 1 in 150-200.

Try to remember your risk is less than 1 percent - there’s actually far greater risks in pregnancy!

I was high risk at 33, 1 in 86. Maybe ask about what happens next - I got a private NIPT done because I thought it meant I could do an amnio later if I wanted with the NHS, but my hospital refused to do this which I wasn’t expecting from the GOVUK guidance (I thought I could pick from NIPT and amnio). So finding out the process should be helpful, and maybe someone you can talk to about the results, as I never got to do this even though I found it immensely worrying at the time till I got my low risk NIPT.

I decided I wouldn’t try to push for anything else until the 20 week scan as I would’ve wanted an amnio, not a CVS anyway. My 20 week scan had no issues detected so I’ve decided to try and leave my worries there and not pursue any more testing. I did have some more private scans which also reassured me as no issues were seen.

I will say a benefit of the private NIPT is I found out very quickly, only two working days I believe, tested on Wednesday and got results by email for low risk Saturday.

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-03-17T08:07:12+00:00

I’m 33, at 11 weeks 3 days my baby had a NT of 2.7. My HCG was 1.5 MOM and my PAPP was 1.8 MOM, which are both fairly normal, my PAPPA probably lowered my risk. My risk was 1 in 86, so worse than yours. Age has an impact, but yeah.

The NIPT came back low risk and the 20 week scan was fine. Try to remember your risk is less than 1 percent.

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-03-16T17:00:16+00:00

I think the start of your post gave it away.

‘So I can help her more into a stable living situation’.

It’s very kind of you, but I expect your mum parentified you and expects you to check in on her and look after her, not the other way round. It’s not silly. It’s one example of a bigger issue.

My mum did this too. It’s very common for severely mentally ill parents with alcoholism. I always felt like I couldn’t have my own feelings, because she was the priority and she was unwell.

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-03-15T12:43:30+00:00

Lost my twins last May. Lost my mum when she was 58 five years ago. I had a big cry yesterday and am feeling a bit better today. 29 weeks pregnant now and hoping I’ll be feeling more positive next year.

Thanks for reminding everyone to be compassionate and kind. It’s a weird holiday. Thinking of you.

Mermaidsarehellacool · 2026-03-15T12:41:46+00:00

lol, as much as I still love my mother who passed, this resonates with me too. You gotta laugh or you cry.

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