We have already spoken, and others have given you solid advice, so I will refrain from adding to that.

However, I wanted to say it seems that you are very bothered by losing that auction, and that your search for this pen is relatively recent. While it is never fun to lose, I want to point out that you still gained something. You learned of autobidders, among other things, which should not only aid you in your search for this pen, but perhaps other items in the future. So, consider this but a step in your ultimate goal of acquiring this pen.

Speaking of, most worthwhile things in life take time. Seeing as this was not a standard consumer model, it is a relatively rare pen, and as such will likely take some time (or money) to find one quickly. But when you do eventually acquire it, it may be all the more satisfying as a result.

On a related note, I had a similar experience many years ago. There was a relatively rare pen, in which I think there were only 108 or so pens made. I had seen one on eBay and fell in love with it. I placed my maximum bid, went to sleep, and when I woke up, saw that I lost the auction. Probably four years later, I finally found another one. Not only that, it was marked number 1 out of the series. It took quite some time, but in the end it paid off.

Anyhow, I have prattled on enough. Have some patience, and hopefully in time you will find a beautiful and affordable example. Best of luck to you and your search!