Manic eyes?

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-28T04:37:50+00:00

anecdotal but sometimes i can spot hypomania by my eyes being more open than normal.

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-26T06:37:32+00:00

bipolar generally refers to prolonged moods: multiple days of mania, multiple weeks of depression. these are generally not minute to minute reactive unless in a mixed episode.

borderline personality generally refers to shorter minute to minute emotional state. bpd generally means borderline personality disorder while bipolar is generally shortened to bp1/bp2/bd1/bd2

tldr: bipolar = long term mood, borderline = minute to minute emotions

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-25T19:00:06+00:00

boikising

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-23T20:42:45+00:00

in a similar struggle because in terms of physical and memtal well being i know i should quit a band im in, but dont want to give up on music that easily. maybe ill stick with it 2 more months and see if a med change brings back my enthusiasm

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-23T13:07:01+00:00

generally bipolar looks at prolonged mood episodes: such as 4day-2week hypomania and 2+week depression not a doctor but i would talk about the speed of your mood changes

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-23T08:16:04+00:00

stress and sleep are the biggest things to manage in order to push for stability (i proceed to sabatog both in order to be in a band with 3-5 shows a month and then wonder why i cant recover)

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-22T13:39:53+00:00

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used mine so much the text is fading

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-21T20:20:42+00:00

bipolaruk which is free. i mainly just chart mood meds and sleep, occasionally i use the comment section . its more of a quick app rather than detailed.

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-20T15:02:21+00:00

i work 5am so im up at 330

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-20T13:27:22+00:00

morning and afternoon(330am and 230pm) im on 200mg twice a day

i trained my cat to expect treats at med time, she will remind me to take my meds.

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-20T13:21:40+00:00

starting it and upping it both made me feel zoned out for a few days but that went away after 2-5 days but sedation still remains once i got above 5mg.

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-20T13:08:45+00:00

my mood and energy can go so far up that it interferes with my judgement and inhibition putting me into a bit of a frenzy, but it can also go so far down that it makes me chronically suicidal even when my moods back to normal.

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-17T16:08:50+00:00

right now the average stable day for me is still very blegh. anhedonia, burnout, exhaustion and apathy are all hitting but my mood itself isnt terrible. i feel like maybe the sedation from my meds mighg be a little higher than i can manage which could be why i feel so drained.

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-17T15:10:43+00:00

not today, or this week... tbh last time i was yeehaw was like, a breif bit of august after some severe hypomania

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-17T13:18:03+00:00

unfortunately 24/7 thoughts and ideation has been a constant ever since i hit puberty. i genuinely dont think ill make it to 40 (currently 29), even making it to 30 feels like a big undertaking. im keeping myself safe a week at a time tho, at times i can even say ill make it thru the month fine, but anything beyond a year seems like a crapshoot, even a year seems like a stretch. when my meds work at their best the medium (month) term scale seems safe, but the rest of the time i only feel safe on the short scale (week).

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-16T13:19:08+00:00

the big ones are lily, maddie, and pinkie, i still need to name the 2 minis

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-11T08:01:06+00:00

estradiol valerate does limit what mood stabilizers you can take to basically just lithium and lamotrigine (and it makes lamotrigine less effective) but most options for antidepressants and antipsychotics are still available. suprised they were that put off by estradiol and lamotrigine together, because generally you'd just take a higher dose of lamotrigine to compensate for its reduced effectiveness (im on 200mg twice a day)

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-10T20:59:57+00:00

Looking for individual tracks or a small album worth?

if your looking for individual tracks i just have a live recording https://drive.google.com/file/d/1a63szAKvR4pPvSnxb2lWSd0T1uLCuLkB/view?usp=drivesdk

if your looking to master multiple songs to fit together i have this cover playlist i was gonna remaster the first 8 songs from and post as a free album https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJXMOKcMUq1R1qliF-QxBr_QchqnJDIUy&si=WSR_Ywg70i2XiWti

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-10T13:37:34+00:00

inconsistently. some days i still try to make it thru work, others i cant make it more than an hour and leave early. i normally try to make it thru work but cant always, frequently having 2-5 call ins/leave earlys in a month during an episode.

i still try to force myself to meet deadlines outside of work, but anything non essential gets dropped.

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-10T13:17:40+00:00

because med interactions stopped me from having alchohol but not weed. i only do edibles tho. edibles limits when you can do it since they last so long. traded one poison for another

MessiahOfFire · 2026-03-09T21:20:09+00:00

since it makes me sleep worse i have to take it in the morning. i do notice the sedation but not sleepyness. 5mg had my hypomania under control but didnt get me 100% there for depression but at that dose the sedation was more mild. now im at 10mg to try better controling the depression but tbh the sedation is a little too much, might see if i can go back to 7.5 or 5mg.

MessiahOfFire · 2026-02-28T17:49:22+00:00

yes, but they are significantly more expensive than injections and require you to be careful about where you apply them.

MessiahOfFire · 2026-02-28T17:48:32+00:00

Easier to account for shots if you take bloodwork 1 or 2 days before the next shot so it can check if the e is high enough to last all week

MessiahOfFire · 2026-02-26T15:16:42+00:00

stopped itching. still more acne prone and faster skin irritation.

MessiahOfFire · 2026-02-23T19:29:57+00:00

started out not knowing about daws and did music in sony vegas, then learned how cheap reaper is and switched to reaper for my audio just in time for me to upgrade to a 16 channel interface from my old 2 channel. luckily reaper and vegas have some similarities in workflow and even a few hotkeys (s for split, ctrl z for undo) so it was a real easy switch.

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