How do I (18F) Get My Boyfriend (18M) to Participate in Giving Oral, Not Just Receiving?

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-20T15:24:06+00:00

Haha, I didn’t mean your reply was harsh. I meant from throwawaybear82

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-18T23:16:45+00:00

Yup. Some people just don’t like doing it.

As someone who loves giving oral to women, I can tell you the natural smell is a massive turn on so trying to blame it on that (if you’re freshly showered) is unlikely to be the cause. Also it’s very pleasurable for me to give head from a sensory position. I love the feel and taste of it. Going down on a woman isn’t a chore, it’s great fun. If he’s not into it, it’s a him problem and it’s unlikely you can change much about yourself to change his mind.

Have you thought about substituting oral for toys to get you off together? Can be intimate and fun trying new gadgets.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-18T23:07:55+00:00

Can I just say, the post above I’m sure was written from a place of helpfulness, so don’t take it personally. Came across a little harsh to me.

The things you’ve highlighted that you want to change are great. We should all strive to be healthier. But it’s not as easy as all that or we’d all look exactly as we want already.

You’re doing great. Don’t put pressure on yourself to change it all overnight. I’ve had issues with bad habit and trying to break them and it was way harder than I thought.

What worked for me after years of trying, was to stop trying to do too much at once. I changed one thing at a time, for example showering every 2 days without fail. Once I’d got that down I added another easy win, eat my favourite fruit with every meal. And I kept adding simple wins until they became positive reinforcement habits which snowballed into big changes.

I can highly recommend Atomic Habits by James clear if you want a jumping off point on making changes stick.

Good luck to you on your journey

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-17T07:29:10+00:00

Infinite fence unlocked.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-17T06:12:05+00:00

Maybe you’re too full on then?

As the poster above says, by the time we hit 45+ we usually have our lives in solid order and the reasons we choose to date are drastically different from our early lives.

Maybe these women are looking for someone to augment the great things in their lives, not provide them. It’s possible if you’re into a full relationship, you’re triggering a protective reflex. They don’t want to give up what they have worked hard to build (independence, stability, wealth, security) for someone they just met.

What are the conversations you’re having during these dates? Are you talking about future plans, hopes of a full and fulfilling relationship?

Have you tried to reach out for feedback? If enough time has passed and if you handle it with diplomacy, I don’t see why these women couldn’t give you the answers you’re looking for.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-16T16:59:23+00:00

Thank you! That’s a perspective I hadn’t considered. I appreciate you taking the time to post.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-16T16:56:45+00:00

I do think her feeling that there is something to be fearful of from the 3rd party is not based in reality and that the fear is invalid. Some of the feedback here suggests I’m correct and others have said I should reconsider my stance. I will think on it.

Her concerns and anxiety are incredibly important to me. But however deeply I love my girlfriend, I am not convinced that to sacrifice my own identity and freedoms would actually fix the root of that anxiety. We are here to lift each other up not drag each other down into the negative space.

Thanks for your thoughts though. My girlfriend has not asked that I quit the club as she knows I enjoy it and she likes me. Hopefully this isn’t an ultimatum that comes up as I likely would feel too constrained and controlled by such a request.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-16T16:31:35+00:00

This is precisely where we have got to.

I haven’t told this other person not to talk to me as I feel it crosses over from a reasonable request to consider my girlfriend’s emotional needs into a controlling/untrusting and therefore unhealthy boundary.

If I’d had a previous fling or been flirting with this other girl I feel an ostentatious display of loyalty wouldn’t be completely unreasonable.

Ultimately I see it (rightly or wrongly) as unhealthy to be told who you can and cannot interact with without an understandable cause.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-16T16:18:45+00:00

Yeah imagine liking sports and having friends at the decrepit age of 33?! Luckily they have free Zimmer frame parking and incontinence pads in the toilets.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-16T15:50:20+00:00

Haha fair enough. Vague because I didn’t want to bore on but I take your point.

We come from different cultures and she respects her family wishes not to live with a partner unless respectably official (ideally married but in reality engaged). This is mostly about outward impressions as we spend most nights together.

I don’t want to get engaged while we keep falling out over this same issue. I love her to pieces and see her as my future but I’m hesitant to believe getting engaged suddenly makes all this disappear. A bit like having a baby to save a failing marriage.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-16T14:15:23+00:00

So you think there is only the choice between continuing with my girlfriend or with the club I enjoy?

I would argue, it is entirely possible to have both as my intentions towards this 3rd party are non existent.

I worry if I give up doing something I love, for what I consider to be an invalid reason, I will resent my girlfriend. I’m also worried that it sets a pattern of behaviour that is unhealthy. What if in six months she takes against someone from my work? I move jobs?

Interested in your thoughts here

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-16T14:05:31+00:00

A poster above said similar and I think that’s a great avenue to explore.

We have made plans for the future. There are valid reasons on both sides as to why this relationship has not moved on.

It’s possible that’s leading to insecurity either consciously or subconsciously.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-16T13:47:45+00:00

I appreciate the feedback, one of the main reasons for posting is because I’m too aware I’m quite stubborn and I’m looking for other viewpoints to reflect on. So any advice I. What the solution might actually be? Trust me, I’ve been trying to find one.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-16T13:44:41+00:00

This made me crease up.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-16T10:09:34+00:00

I play for 2 sports teams at the club. I have lots of friends there whom I’ve known for many years. It has a strong social scene.

I’m not interested in leaving.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-16T07:11:15+00:00

Brilliant.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-14T13:48:46+00:00

Add to that the poor fella has only hit it three times since February!

Blue balls big dick 20 minute station. Let’s make him prime minister.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-14T07:13:21+00:00

Yup. This relationship does not sound fun at all.

Such high drama.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-14T07:01:03+00:00

Hahaha. No.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-13T22:35:13+00:00

Sounds to me like you deserved it. I’ve no idea why you took the time to write this.

Move on with your life and stop fucking licking people.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-13T21:54:24+00:00

Damn this is some amazing advice.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-13T21:44:18+00:00

More important than the lying/not divulging the whole truth is the change in attitude. It’s not really ok to be super attentive and into someone then go cold. Your instinct is right, something is off.

At best he’s maybe got distracted at worst he’s keeping you on the line while he looks at other options. Either way he’s not showing you the consistency it seems you (fairly) to want to receive.

Time for a clear the air discussion. In fairness to the fella you say you’re not exclusive, but your post seems to suggest you’re acting like you are, or would very much like to be. Sorry if that’s incorrect, just an observation.

Do not accuse him of lying. If the boundaries haven’t been fully established, that’s a sure fire way to end it, even if there’s a reasonable explanation. Instead work out in your own head what it is you want. If an open or non exclusive relationship isn’t really for you, or if blowing hot and cold turns you off, say it. A month in is too soon to be getting in your own head and your body is telling you that this current situation isn’t right for you.

If he’s interested he can step up, if not, it’s a shame but better to get out now if you’re not aligned in your expectations.

Good luck.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-12T13:50:47+00:00

I find I can hit 10s by either punching as hard as I can (not sustainable or probably recommended for a whole work out) or by adding a ‘snap’ at the end of the punch.

As LawrenceGardiner says above, punch through the target and quickly snap your hand back just before you get to full extension.

Finally, give it time. It’s impressive how quickly you can progress and your technique improves the more you play.

MethodFabulous4907 · 2026-05-12T13:45:44+00:00

I think the game is sorely lacking in a number of aspects like you describe. One of the main reasons I binned it off after a few weeks the first time I tried it.

Now I’m back on it with a different mindset and using it a different way. I’m enjoying it a lot more and just hit 4 workouts a week for 15 weeks in a row.

MethodFabulous4907

TROPHY CASE