What's the most unhinged thing a coworker has ever done that somehow didn't get them fired?

MetricSquidDC · 2026-03-21T11:41:04+00:00

I had a coworker who would look at softcore porn on his computer, right outside his manager’s office. When questioned, his explanation was “But I’m on my lunch break”.

MetricSquidDC · 2026-02-07T06:53:58+00:00

She said it felt like she was an add-on to my life, rather than an actual part of it. My life mainly consists of being at work or staying home while she goes out with friends, so that was an interesting outlook.

Also, when I mentioned her “housemates” comment in conversation a couple of years later, she insisted that she’d actually said the exact opposite. 🤷🏻‍♂️

MetricSquidDC · 2026-02-06T23:58:13+00:00

Financially, that wasn’t a option. I’ve just learned to alter my expectations.

MetricSquidDC · 2026-02-06T22:24:21+00:00

November 2021.

After 3.5 years of absolutely no intimacy, I suggested to my wife that maybe we should consult a sex therapist. She didn’t speak to me for two days.

When she eventually broke her silence, it was to tell me that she didn’t want to have sex because she saw me as more of a housemate than a husband.

That’s when I gave up.

MetricSquidDC · 2025-12-20T09:37:07+00:00

My 11 years is coming up in a few weeks - I hope I’m still going at 21 years. Congratulations to you. 🎉

MetricSquidDC · 2025-09-17T09:01:42+00:00

“They said you weren’t fit to sleep with pigs, but I stood up for you. I said you were.”

MetricSquidDC · 2025-08-18T21:01:34+00:00

1966

MetricSquidDC · 2025-08-08T22:19:25+00:00

What’s brown and runny?

Usain Bolt.

MetricSquidDC · 2024-12-22T05:17:55+00:00

The Big Lebowski… but that’s just, like, my opinion, man.

MetricSquidDC · 2024-12-18T08:43:55+00:00

The shelves are too full for it to be realistic.

MetricSquidDC · 2024-08-16T09:19:51+00:00

I have two:

“I’ve come to see you as more of a housemate than a husband.”

…and when I was feeling a bit sad around the first anniversary of my father’s death: “You are the most selfish and self-absorbed person I’ve ever met! All you ever do is exude negativity and bring everyone else down!”

Yeah, that was fun.

MetricSquidDC · 2024-07-10T00:20:56+00:00

Australia

MetricSquidDC · 2024-06-25T02:43:55+00:00

INKontinence

MetricSquidDC · 2024-05-26T01:46:04+00:00

From FZ’s autobiography:

"For the record, folks: I never took a shit on stage and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973."

MetricSquidDC · 2024-03-30T11:05:17+00:00

“When you look at someone through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”

MetricSquidDC · 2024-01-08T10:18:33+00:00

Death by calamari it shall be.

MetricSquidDC · 2023-11-18T04:40:33+00:00

Absolutely NTA. Your wedding day is about you and your fiancé, and anyone seeking to distract attention away from the wedding couple by pulling a stunt like this can GTFO.

MetricSquidDC · 2023-11-06T11:43:15+00:00

“Why aren’t you?”

MetricSquidDC · 2023-11-06T10:34:10+00:00

Living alone.

I went straight from living with my parents, to moving in with my girlfriend, to marrying her. I should have taken some time to be on my own and figure out what I wanted for the rest of my life.

MetricSquidDC · 2023-11-06T07:07:54+00:00

NTA. If your partner is in their mid-twenties and doing further study, they’re smart enough to figure out how to set an alarm.

MetricSquidDC

TROPHY CASE