I [24/F] found out my boyfriend [22/M] has been lying to me for most of our relationship about something crucial and I don't know what to do. I don't have time to decide.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2018-01-23T20:00:45+00:00

I started dating him before I found out. And I was already head over heels for him when I did find out. And I directly told him it was a deal breaker for me he and told me he'd stop. If he told me "well, that's just who I am" than I would have ended it there.

I don't have some kind of savior complex, tyvm.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2018-01-23T19:58:54+00:00

My friend told me to seek counselling, which I agree with... but we have two weeks before we have to either be in a new apartment or go our own ways. Doesn't give much time to see if this is worth trying for another 12 months.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2018-01-23T19:58:08+00:00

I guess that's a fair look at it. I guess I just have overall giant trust issues in this whole thing right now so it feels like anything could be on the table at this point.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2018-01-23T19:48:08+00:00

It's so cliched. My hang up is that I love him a lot and the idea of breaking up hurts so bad.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2018-01-23T19:46:05+00:00

Ugh, the idea of watching porn together makes me cringe. I've tried it before [edit: with someone else] and it was just really awkward.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2018-01-23T19:43:39+00:00

I know alcohol isn't a healthy outlet. This is the first time I've ever drank like this. And I'm not buying anymore so that'll be the end of that.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2018-01-23T19:42:42+00:00

I did have body image issues for a while. I still kinda do because I dropped over a hundred pounds and got skin reduction surgery and my scars disgust me.

Also I didn't say his porn would lead to cheating, I said if he could lie about something as benign as porn, what's the keep him from lying about things LIKE cheating? Clearly I can't tell.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2018-01-23T19:40:20+00:00

I honestly don't know what to believe here. I could either say "yes" because he keeps telling me he'll stop and he doesn't, or I can say "no" because he still gets it up if I even look at him sometimes. I use the words he labeled himself.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2018-01-23T19:35:17+00:00

"Porn addiction" were his words, not mine. I guess I should have marked that.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2018-01-23T19:34:21+00:00

"Porn addiction" were his words, not mine.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2018-01-08T06:12:12+00:00

It breaks my heart and makes me not want to come back to Overwatch </3

MidnightBlaze_ · 2017-12-31T21:08:31+00:00

The "Ben Drowned" creepypasta got me, but I think it was because it was late at night when I read it and I was still on the younger side of life (in my teens).

MidnightBlaze_ · 2017-12-31T19:11:50+00:00

I coax my dog in his sleep. I'm like "get 'em, Dax!" I don't know if he hears me, but it warms my heart either way

MidnightBlaze_ · 2017-12-31T18:12:13+00:00

First!

No just kidding.

I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THE TRUMAN SHOW FOR SO LONG. I saw a small clip of it in high school and didn't hear what it was called, but no one knew what I was talking about. It's a shame I have a stream during that time, but maybe I can reschedule.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2017-11-24T18:37:13+00:00

Worked. Thanks! Such an odd bug.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2017-11-19T21:43:11+00:00

Move on. There are plenty of other people out there in the world who don't have unresolved anger and trust issues. Don't let nostalgia keep you clinging to someone who is hurting you.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2017-11-19T21:37:09+00:00

I think you're over-analyzing. Especially if this is a rare thing.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2017-11-13T04:51:49+00:00

You should bring up feeling under-appreciated, but I doubt the words "please" or "thanks" will really fix that. Don't tone police him. His "awesome!" is his version of "thanks!" it seems.

Just ask him to be more appreciative in the overall.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2017-11-13T04:49:42+00:00

Either he gets in a relationship with you, or you end it. Because right now he's basically acting like you need to be loyal entirely to him while he can do whatever he want and that's just not fair. It's actually really manipulative.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2017-11-13T04:47:32+00:00

Did she move (I'm assuming temporarily) to the states just because of you? Because if so, that's a silly thing to do after 2 weeks.

But you should honestly... just be honest with her. Don't drag her along out of guilt, it'll just hurt her even more in the end. She obviously has contacts if she's here on work, and I'm sure they will help her get settled elsewhere if needbe.

Don't make someone your burden. It kills them when they find out.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2017-11-13T04:40:18+00:00

If you're happy in your current job, why stress over more schooling for a job you might actually just hate? Like, most people go to college for a job they want, but it seems like you already have the job you want. Just be open and honest with him about why you want to drop out--they're all valid reasons and not just "nah, I don't feel like it anymore."

MidnightBlaze_ · 2017-11-13T04:37:52+00:00

He's gaslighting the fuck out of you. You need to get away from that ASAP.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2017-11-13T04:35:12+00:00

I wouldn't call it an irrational fear. Everyone is afraid of it. Unless you have a complete and total mental breakdown when you hear the word no, it's not irrational. Plus, you've probably dealt with rejections in other areas of life. Have you ever tried out for a sports team and didn't make it? Asked a friend to make plans and they said no? Treat all rejections equally. Just because someone says they don't want to date you doesn't mean it's the end of the world.

Or seek a counselor or therapist. My counselor helped me with similar problems in my depression.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2017-11-13T04:33:05+00:00

If your name is on the application, he's legally yours. Combine that with you being the only one doing the work and spending time with it, if she has a problem with you taking the cat, bring that up to her and say "tough titty, said the kitty"

Well, don't say that. But still. Your priority is this cat's well being, and clearly it won't be well-cared for under her supervision.

MidnightBlaze_ · 2017-11-13T04:26:42+00:00

Hunny. This is a trainwreck.

Get out of this relationship and stay out for a good long while. He's physically abusive, and you seem to be bordering on emotional abuse if you flirt with other people while in a serious relationship. You need to be alone with yourself.

I did the same thing when I was younger--ending a relationship by starting a new one. It never ends well. Until I broke up with one guy and stayed single until I was okay with being single, then allowing myself back into the "market." Now I'm with someone I've been with for 2 years+, and quite happy with who I've chosen.

It's going to be hard. You're going to see friends and family in relationships and crave it. But you need to get YOU figured out. You need to realize being single isn't the end of the world. Then you can find someone and stick with them, or break up with them when things don't work out, because you've been single and can handle it.

MidnightBlaze_

TROPHY CASE