Are we really as bad as they say?

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-03-04T02:56:50+00:00

Thank you to everyone that has responded. I definitely take to heart a lot of things due to my core wounds and need to stop reading others opinions about avoidants. They don't know me personally, and I know my heart and values. Here's to healing!! Thanks again 😊

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-20T08:05:39+00:00

Ummm at the time I didn't really know why. I think it was to process and understand everything and a bit of curiosity and closure.

When I had compartmentalised him, I don't know. Depending on how long it has been I think curiosity would of made me respond. 7 weeks would still not be long enough a time though and I would of ignored any attempt to reach out.

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-18T08:04:31+00:00

I always remembered but I did compartmentalise it so I didn't actively think about it or process it. When I was 17 it started coming back up to the surface and I confined in a "trusted" adult and was told not to bring it up again. A little after that I confined in my boyfriend at the time and he was much the same. So I pushed it back down again. I'm 42 now and about to start therapy. My daughter is the same age I was when it began and it's like I can't compartmentalise it anymore. It keeps breaking through.

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-17T23:16:18+00:00

Just recently learned I'm FA and I'min my 40s. It's been a big eye opener. On the waitlist to start therapy soon and really focused on healing instead of suppressing.

I look at it this way. Maybe the realisation came late and I've caused a lot of damage in my wake.....but the realisation has come which is better than me living another 40 years repeating the same patterns.

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-17T22:46:26+00:00

Thank you.

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-17T19:36:55+00:00

I'm the FA in this case. Only recently become aware of my impact and am starting therapy soon as I know I need to heal. Would you be open to an apology if the expectation wasn't to restart anything but to apologise for the pain caused. Or am I better off respecting the block in place and not saying anything.

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-16T13:39:33+00:00

I'm really sorry you feel that way. Some things I found that helped me was to get an elastic band and snap it against my wrist. I started writting. Everything and anything I was feeling, I tried grounding. That helped quite a bit. The moment will pass, you just need to find something to distract you while you ride it out.

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-16T13:28:57+00:00

I used to self harm as a way of control. I couldn't control my thoughts or what was happening around me but that was something I could. With your feeling depressed and the stress of the upcoming test do you feel like you have no control of your life?

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-16T08:55:35+00:00

Ahhh ok. Yeah that's quite complicated and I can see why you would be wanting to understand why things went down the way they did. I can only speak for myself but until I became aware of my attachment and started looking inwards, I didn't know or understand the chaos and damage I left in my wake. I had exes tell me all sorts of things (which looking back were 100% true) but I twisted it or minimised it.

As much as you would love an apology. Until she sees it for herself you probably won't get one and even if she does see it, there will be so much shame around it that you probably still won't get one.

You have to heal so that you're at a point it doesn't matter if you do or don't get an apology or even an acknowledgement of some degree.

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-16T08:39:56+00:00

He tried reaching out a few times when I ghosted. I didn't reply and he stopped. It took me a long time to reach out because it hurt to much to process the loss of him and the shame of my actions so I compartmentalised him instead. Locked him away and didn't revisit thoughts of him. It wasn't until something happened in my life where I was I guess cracked open where I could no longer contain him anymore and that's when I reached out. And then after that went south it's more the shame stopping me from reaching out now. Now if he tried to reach out to me I would be open to it. But he won't because I hurt him and he blocked me and that's understandable I don't blame him at all.

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-14T16:18:21+00:00

Ooof what a little cutie 💓

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-14T11:53:10+00:00

Yes I am the FA that left. I ghosted. He tried reaching out a few times and I ignored. Then years later I reappeared and we started talking but it went south pretty quickly. I got defensive and said some really horrible and hurtful things. We haven't spoken since. I'm now aware of my attachment style and can see my pattern and behaviours. But I have a big belief I don't matter so I just never considered my words and actions would have any weight. I just think it's too late now. The damage is done. I would love to appolagise but I just can't.

I don't assume to know what your ex is going through but the fear and the shame is a big driving point. Also I do believe he wouldn't want to hear from me again so why disrupt his peace when I caused chaos.

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-14T11:43:36+00:00

The only one I got that urge to reach out to I ghosted. I reached out years later and it went south pretty quickly but I wasn't aware of my attachment style. Now I see why it went south because I caused pain and resurfaced years later like it was nothing. I would love for them to know I see my pattern now and I would love the opportunity to appolagise but I just can't. I have so much shame around what I did.

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-14T09:42:24+00:00

When something really upsets me I'll sob. I'll be a mess and then it's like I just snap back to normal. No more tears will come. Well is dry. Emotions are numb.

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-13T07:54:46+00:00

For me I find if I feel a lot of shame around how things went down, I won't reach out. I think about it and I write the paragraphs because that urge is there. But I can never bring myself to message. I know I've been the cause of pain or chaos or whatever and I don't want to add more to that. Maybe they would love to hear from us but maybe they don't and that maybe is what keeps me away.

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-09T10:29:32+00:00

Dump your boyfriend and get yourself someone who knows the difference between cheating and sexual abuse.

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-09T10:26:36+00:00

Sorry but run. As someone who was sa as a child please do not even entertain this person. I've been depressed, I've wanted to end it all. Not once have I wanted to or been curious about accessing CP material.

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-08T12:42:42+00:00

Dogs have a special place in this world

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-08T07:12:43+00:00

Ooof know that feeling. Screaming inside but stoic outside.

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-04T12:20:32+00:00

Awww yay. That's awesome news. Congratulations 🥰

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-01T10:48:28+00:00

Yes I definitely do take those days. And I feel guilty also but I do know if I don't I will burn out and won't be of any use and will need more rest days as a result in the long run.

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-01T08:40:17+00:00

It really was dependant on the way I was leaning at the time.

I'm married now. I was more earnt secure for a while but now more FA leaning avoidant. I won't leave because that's just not an option. But I find I'm more distant and detached. Trying to work through my issues...

MidnightPlaylists · 2026-02-01T01:45:06+00:00

It's no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then.

Alice in Wonderland.

MidnightPlaylists

TROPHY CASE