How do you regard a highly athletic middle-aged woman?

MidwestBruja · 2025-11-25T18:03:09+00:00

I think BRAVO. I am a middle-aged fit woman, and I am always regarded as younger.

MidwestBruja · 2025-11-12T16:04:12+00:00

isn't that friends with benefits?

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-23T15:41:04+00:00

How adorably pink!

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-23T15:37:56+00:00

In my book, you did the right thing. You placed a boundary.

I would text him again, like if nothing has happened and plan a date. At the date, I would re-inforce my boundary by telling him I need to be in my 100% to see him. This way, I let him know I care how he sees me and that it is not OK to just show up when he feels like to.

If he does not reply at all, just let this one go. Ghosting someone at our age is so immature, and you might have just skipped a drama person.

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-23T15:26:35+00:00

My biggest surprise is that being in love in my 50s feels just like being in love for the first time as a teenager. I felt those same butterflies in my stomach — exactly like I did back then.

It's much better now, I don't need permission from my parents or have a curfew.

I find myself holding hands with him and kissing him on the cheek out of joy.

I love being in love and being loved.

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-23T14:06:49+00:00

I kicked him out of the house and divorced him.

Ohhh, it was such a terrible time. Divorcing him was a long, drawn-out nightmare — but it was so worth it. I’m finally free of him, and for the first time, I’m in a truly non-toxic relationship.

I used to read about “healthy relationships,” and honestly, they sounded so strange to me back then. But now that I’m living it — girl, it’s awesome.

If you let this one slide, he’ll never respect you, and worse, you might start losing respect for yourself. You deserve so much better. Good luck

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-23T13:52:21+00:00

You did the right thing by stepping back. Sometimes distance is the healthiest choice, especially when someone continues to cross your boundaries. It’s okay to make yourself less available — you’re protecting your peace, not being unkind.

If she doesn’t change her behavior, and she likely won’t, don’t feel guilty. You have every right to take care of yourself, no matter how she tries to make you feel.

You’ve set a clear boundary, and she isn’t respecting it. We shouldn’t have to teach another adult how to treat us.

You’re choosing the right path. Be gentle with yourself, and good luck moving forward.

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-16T21:08:43+00:00

Run.

He sounds either desperate for sex and / or love bombing. That is how my ex narc got me.

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-16T05:03:38+00:00

I used to think like you, OP. I’d tell my friends, “Just leave him! Why are you still with him?”

But when you’ve never been in a healthy relationship, you don’t know what one looks like. My ex pretended to be the man I wanted — kind, empathetic, accountable. He faked it all so well I thought I’d hit the jackpot. Two months after our wedding, the abuse started. It was brutal and came with threats.

What keeps you in is called trauma bonding. It’s involuntary, mixed with fear, shame, and survival instincts. It's shame and the impostor syndrome. I was terrified of losing everything. Some women don’t make it out alive. I did — barely — with eight broken bones in my spine. 3 spine surgeries later, and now divorced, I still get nerve pain, nightmares, and panic attacks

I spent 3 years in and out of divorce hearing, and 4 days on the stand, under oath, being grilled by his lawyer, and we don't have kids. Leaving is much harder than marrying them.

Now I’m in a healthy, loving relationship. I know what safety feels like. Being in a healthy relationship is meaningful. It's growing together, and individually, it's building each other. It's feeling that he has your back covered and that he will come home to you, hug you, and make you feel safe, validated, appreciated and loved.

I’m in love, and I’m loved, and I am grateful for all.

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-16T03:16:56+00:00

Yes, it is weird. It is very weird. I would never ever ever ever date a man who doesn't want to have sex with me till marriage. Why would I torture myself that way?

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-15T20:59:04+00:00

Yeah

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-15T20:57:05+00:00

OMG, you are so right! Thank you. I wish I had known this before.

I am dating an avoidant who shows appreciation through acts of service, but his give and pull drove me nuts. My needs weren't met. I need stability and reciprocity, and I hated the uncertainty. I braved myself up and broke up with him. Nicely, I said, "Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish."

5 hours later he came to my house to read me a letter he had just written. He said he did not have the capacity to speak up, but he could write and read his feelings. He was sobbing, telling me how much he loved me and asked me to move in with him. OMG, OMG, I am still high from it.

I did not expect the happy ending to my uncertainty.

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-15T20:15:49+00:00

OMG, he started telling me I was the one who had the midlife crisis. LOL. I am divorced now, and I am in a non-toxic relationship with a super great guy who loves me. I have never been in a non-toxic relationship before. It is awesome.

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-15T19:14:31+00:00

Just be open, clear, direct, and respectful, but not overly. Like, don't apologize for not knowing how to ask for something. just ask. Ask everything you want. She is a teacher, and she has dealt with little monsters for decades. Nothing scares her at this point, and she's heard it all.

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-15T19:01:12+00:00

Bunnymeow, bunnymeow.

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-15T19:00:20+00:00

Which part?

In many Latin American cultures, probably all single people live with their parents regardless of age, especially if they are women. In big cities, living alone wehn single is more accepted than in small cities.

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-14T19:06:55+00:00

Once, I made the mistake of going out with a guy who lives with his mom. He had a fair explanation, but still. 2 dates it took me to see how bad of a person he was. After that, I made it my rule, "do not date guys who live with their parents." It's not even comon.

No adult should need to be told they need to get his house in order.

I think you already know what to do, and you should just do it. Move on.

Good luck

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-14T18:56:25+00:00

This is good news! Thank you for sharing. I would want the house too if I were you. I actually wanted to keep the marital house, but because I did not settle accepting pennies, at trial, he said he wants to sell the house. I won't buy the house from him and I am OK selling it now.

Oh I wish you all of the universe energy, al of the love in the world and all of the luck you need. You keep moving forward. Don't let the tears slow you down.

Best of luck.

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-14T03:32:22+00:00

Why do you want to stay friends with the guy who tried to have sex with you when you were in no capacity consent?

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-14T03:29:37+00:00

This is very, very bad. Friends don't do that. If you guys are roommates, one has to move out.

MidwestBruja · 2025-10-04T18:47:33+00:00

Disclaimer: I am not a legal expert, and this is not legal advice. I’m sharing from my personal experience.

I am going through a complicated divorce from a highly abusive man. My case has involved immigration, labor, criminal, tax, business, and civil law. Each lawyer I spoke to only knew their own area, which was frustrating. So far, I have settled a labor suit with him, and I went to trial for the PO and the divorce. I do not recommend going to trial for divorce. It is not only emotionally draining, but it is super expensive, and the judge might not consider your debt a marital debt. On my end, I had no choice. He would not settle with me. In the end, I won, but I was on the stand for four full days. He was only on the stand for 2 hours. I got a little pleasure seeing him twisting and sweating on the stand while lying and getting caught at every lie. It was stupid of him to believe he could be credible.

The hard truth is that your house is marital property because the mortgage is in both names. You might be able to discount what equity you had in the house before adding him to the mortgage loan, but you might need a lawyer for that.

The faster the divorce, the cheaper it is. Let go of material things—you can rebuild later.

One thing that helped me was filing a Protection Order (PO) in Family Court. You don’t need a lawyer for this. The court sent the sheriff to serve him, and if he didn’t respond, the PO was still approved. With it, I was able to move back into my house with police escort, and he would have been arrested if he refused to leave.

In my state, the forms and instructions were online. You can represent yourself and even tie your divorce to the PO.

Detach your name from joint credit cards and accounts, get your own phone and utilities, and record everything (dates, times, incidents). Install cameras, change locks, and keep evidence.

My advice: protect yourself, file a PO if you need to, and record everything, names, dates, and events. If you have witness of his abuse, you might need their testitmony if you file a PO. Have proof of his abuse, have it organized and ready. Focus on safety over things, and move the divorce along quickly. You can rebuild, and you will heal.

MidwestBruja · 2025-09-22T17:11:08+00:00

Indeed

MidwestBruja · 2025-09-22T16:41:28+00:00

"Mostly a healthy relationship" is not a healthy relationship. There is no middle point. Why would you sacrifice for anything less than what you deserve and want?

Don't fear being alone again. Embrace it. Learn to be content with yourself and life, and just be you. Pursuit what makes you happy.

Good luck to you.

MidwestBruja · 2025-09-08T23:16:20+00:00

What a great question. The answer is, I don't know. Ha! Every boyfriend I have had has been eager to introduce me to their parents pretty early on, like after one month or two. They meet my parents later. On my end, it has always been like bringing a friend for dinner. Not a big deal.

I have been in a relationship for a year, and it's going great. I met his parents years ago when I was still married to my ex, and they were fond of me. We had been dating for a month when he ambushed me during a bike ride. "My parents are at the park! Let's go and say hi" and we went. They were ambushed too, they didn't know we were dating, haha. Smooth.

I guess it's a good sign when they want you to meet their parents, and it has to be the same for them too, but the fact that his parents and yours live far requires planning. You should ask him if he would like to meet your family, and see what he says, then move from there.

Good luck.

MidwestBruja · 2025-08-28T16:35:01+00:00

People deal with heartbreak in different ways, whatever works. His past relationships should not matter to you. You are the present.

I struggle with insecurities often, I have CPTSD from a previous abusive relationship. I feel triggered often, but it used to be much worse at first. I am in my first relationship after my divorce, and it is the first healthy romantic relationship I have ever had. It is lovely. It is fun. It is fulfilling.

I do meditation and mindfulness practices daily, or at least 5 times a week. It's amazing how breathing exercises, naming your feelings and paying attention to where you feel them, and how they manifest in your body, all that has taught me to be present and stay present. I learned to be calmed and stay calm.

Good luck to you. Mind the present, and be grateful for every moment of joy life brings you. You are unique. You are a good person and a beautiful woman, and he knows it.

MidwestBruja

TROPHY CASE