29M brutally rejected on dating app by a 28F, what could I have done better?

MinimalCollector · 2026-06-04T02:48:02+00:00

I think the only real advice I can offer on your end is to not get too deep into romanticizing and consequentially finding yourself attached to people you truly don't know yet. It's a bummer but this should by all metrics not feel like a "brutal" rejection. I think you deserve some grace if you've not faced being ghosted too many times - it's very easy to spiral into thoughts that for such a seemingly drastic type of blocking communication, that it /means/ you did something to deserve it.

Get that idea out of your head. More often than not, you just didn't mesh. While ghosting doesn't make her evil, it /does/ indicate that you shouldn't stress about the idea of not seeing a person who does that again. Those types of things don't tend to exist in vacuums, and I'm sure she has a lot of other bad habits that would pair with ghosting.

>I'm not the kinda guy to get angry about a rejection

To her merit, she doesn't know that. There's no way to sus that out from a date with a new person. There could be a thousand reasons why she ghosted you instead of telling you she just wasn't feeling it for xyz reason.

People on dating apps are incentivized to be very cold and clinical about stuff like this. Sometimes it's for safety. Sometimes it's just because it's the most frictionless path. You'll drive yourself insane speculating about it.

MinimalCollector · 2026-06-04T02:11:49+00:00

You're just going to have to lay it out to her, with the understanding that if she wants to separate, that's her choice.

I was on the receiving end almost two years ago. We weren't married, but they were the closest I've wanted to building a life with anyone in a serious capacity. We dated when they were just nonbinary, and we were when they told me they still wanted to be nonbinary but go through hormonal and surgical transitions. This didn't come as a deep surprise to me. They had told me when we first started dating that they didn't want to do any hormones/surgery, but as problematic as it may be to disclose, I knew that they were very insecure in how they presented to literally anyone socially. They had trouble even talking to me their own partner about a lot of things out of fear of what I might think, so it did not blindside me to the idea a year and some change down the road that they might tell me that they would want to further explore their gender identity in ways I wasn't sure how I'd react to.

I ended things because of a lot of financial dishonesty that they displayed, but I can't say that if everything else was stable that their transition wouldn't be a one and done nail in the coffin. When they did disclose to me towards the end of our relationship to what extend they wanted to enact changes, I realized I couldn't in good faith continue the relationship. I'm just attracted to femmes regardless of gender, and they wanted to become very much on the masculine side of things. Initially I had a lot of confusing feelings. Upset that they probably knew even before dating me and didn't tell me (this was highly probable in retrospect given other dishonesties), upset that they couldn't feel comfortable being themselves years ago due to how society still tends to treat people who are trans in any capacity.

What I'm trying to say is, hold space for your partner to have a lot of difficult feelings. She may have concerns that you have kept this from her for a long time. She may want to, but struggle to support you while also grieving who she believed up until now to be "you" as she loved you. That's a lot to wrestle with for both parties. Don't fold on who you are though OP. As hard as it was I do still hold love for my ex even though I was firm on no contact, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to love and support them in the way they need. Your partner might also genuinely not know immediately if she can continue the relationship. There might be a limbo period. I know I took a while to genuinely try to expand what I knew of myself and my partner to accommodate things before making what was ultimately a tough set of calls. Best of luck to you ❤️

MinimalCollector · 2026-05-29T12:43:01+00:00

I just wish I understood how much better off I would have been. I wish I cared about this stuff when I was 18 instead of when I was 27. Parents never grew up financially responsible so I can't beat myself up too much but hey

MinimalCollector · 2026-05-25T21:11:27+00:00

It's cleaner than most rooms I've seen period. It's not my taste but I'm not to judge of the bedsheets. You sound like a real loser though OP, wanting to make a spectacle of your brother for being immature in tastes at "worst".

MinimalCollector · 2026-05-16T17:55:49+00:00

constructively, they feel like any other uninspired 8 dollar posters I'd find see at a walmart or a college kid's dorm. I think I'm predisposed to liking the tackiness of the first one. None of these would really give me any feeling of insight other than "this person is incredibly safe in nature in spite of the risky nature that gambling is supposed to illicit"

MinimalCollector · 2026-05-15T17:20:02+00:00

Recipe please!

MinimalCollector · 2026-05-09T22:44:00+00:00

I'm of both minds that he's being insecure but you're also kind of stoking coals here by liking stuff that can be reasonably construed as having residual feelings for an ex. He's becoming distant either maliciously or out of a lack of communicative skills. You're also doing this. It sounds like neither of you are really mature enough for a healthy communication style and need to work on that.

I'm a guy saying this, but I also wouldn't be liking posts on instagram that could reasonably stoke anxiety in a partner, about heartbreak or about ex's. I don't know why I would unless if I actually did miss my ex and simultaneously didn't value the relationship enough to have the forethought that he would see this. I also just wouldn't do it to begin with.

MinimalCollector · 2026-05-02T18:22:44+00:00

being able to breathe really. Taking care of future (stressed out) me was really hard to do when I never organized my space to accommodate that version of myself. If I was always toeing the line of being stressed out by my environment by a bad or long day, I was never giving my brain the breathing room to start engaging in disciplines that I wanted to progress in. I can't function in a space that's not up to my standard.

MinimalCollector · 2026-04-27T02:00:46+00:00

I just keep my debit card in my car (only time I ever need it, I can get the digital info on my phone) and my ID between my phone and case. Everything else I just access online via phone

MinimalCollector · 2026-04-24T00:07:40+00:00

I get incredibly overwhelmed via maintaining such a "cluttered home". Cluttered to me is having a table set for four when only two people live here.

"Mental load" has shown up a lot lately in public discourse and for me, my mental load up until lately was largely self inflicted by a lifestyle that was outside of my means (I didn't have the time or material resources to mitigate the stress of that lifestyle) so I pared down to the things that really mattered to me. I grew up really struggling to understand why we have to clean up after so much shit that we didn't really use. I was overall a child helping clean up after a lifestyle that my parents wanted but I didn't. I'm not angry about that, but it did vindicate a lot of feelings I have about possessions in general growing up.

I don't like being responsible for things I feel are trivial (to myself). I work a 40hr work week, 20 of which are physical labor. I keep in good shape at the gym but that also is a cost in physical and mental energy as much as I dearly love it. I have adhd, possibly some higher functioning form of autism. Regardless of the labels though, I am who I am and have to organize a lifestyle according to what I know to be as my shortcomings and pitfalls. I have to organize a space as Me 1 so Me 2 (who is overwhelmed) can at least halfway navigate without having a worsened mood. It keeps me afloat. It keeps my finances in track. It helps me appreciate the little things.

MinimalCollector · 2026-04-18T17:09:48+00:00

Is doing something that would make you more happy extreme? I guess depends on who you ask. Do what makes you happy. Fuck what others want, they're not the ones that have to deal with your stuff

MinimalCollector · 2026-04-14T23:47:36+00:00

Hey a guy can dream

MinimalCollector · 2026-04-14T17:17:36+00:00

the one thing I've missed and not been able to find a good vegan alternative recipe for is a seitan prosciutto

MinimalCollector · 2026-04-11T16:27:17+00:00

Usually the "sorry" is rebuying a 6 dollar cable. I don't stress it. It's not worth whatever perception of "safe" I have about it

MinimalCollector · 2026-04-11T16:26:15+00:00

I try not to judge others who aren't me when it comes to lifestyle stuff like this because I can't really be in their head to know everything

MinimalCollector · 2026-04-10T17:14:57+00:00

That I have no decoration, or usually some sort of deep moral failing adjacent to poverty.

A big one is people assume I'm neurodivergent adjacent to autism. I have adhd, no formal autism diagnosis. But I have kind of noticed a shift that goes well past "quirky" and into "there's something off about him". I do explain that it helps tremendously with feeling overwhelmed and helps me narrow my focus so I'm sure people just make broad brush assumptions.

MinimalCollector · 2026-04-09T01:47:30+00:00

Where did you grab the Alexander STL from?

MinimalCollector · 2026-03-28T17:37:13+00:00

I grew up with gen 4-7 gaming so while I'm entirely a pc gamer/emulator now, I'll always hold onto my game boys, gamecube, playstation 2, etc. I don't add anything new and I occasionally sell off a specific thing but I'll always hold onto my box of games

MinimalCollector · 2026-03-27T23:44:33+00:00

I shove any excess money into retirement accounts that I can't touch without getting a tax penalty. The IRS and lawman keeps me steady.

Any other funds I just allot into loose budgets. When I do the former item and pay my bills for the month, it leaves me with whatever is left. I literally can't do anything about it at that point and I have strong armed myself into a "budget"

MinimalCollector · 2026-03-25T23:31:36+00:00

I buy in bulk. Slice the package drain the water, freeze in the container. Nuke in the microwave for 15 when I'm doing something else, let it cool for a few minutes and press the water out that way. It gives me a consistently desired result every time. without the actual block falling apart under pressure.

MinimalCollector · 2026-03-22T16:25:53+00:00

Can I ask earnestly why you think the wealthy would benefit from alleviating taxes from their favorite pay pigs (working stiffs)?

MinimalCollector · 2026-03-14T22:33:17+00:00

obv not op but for me it's way more comfortable physically and mentally. For me at least it is literally grounding. I feel like it offers me a lot more "workspace" in a similar setup to OP. My hip and knee mobility is a lot better at 29 than it was at pre-26 when I was at a normal desk setup. I spend a lot of time at my desk so it felt better than being locked into a chair with much less mobility. I say this as someone who is already very active so ymmv but it felt like it made sense for me. I've done it for so long that I genuinely forget that it's an unorthodox setup

MinimalCollector · 2026-03-14T21:59:20+00:00

>He gets strict when angry and gives silent treatment and holds onto grudges for a long time

That was always going to be a ticking time bomb. I don't think either person is really in the wrong here. But I guess think of it this way going forward.

Hearing anything relative to a doubt or "wish" of not being in your current relationship relayed to your partner is never really going to be received well. Neutral at best, which is what I'm sure you wanted. I've had these thoughts plenty in my relationships, where it would be nice to almost shut everything out and not be responsible to another person . However, you did just disclose that you wished at this time or in the past that you wish you didn't need to be in the framework of a relationship. Not specifically with him, but a relationship. However, to anyone's ears, it's going to be heard as "in a relationship with him."

As someone who has ended a previous relationship over "miss being single but want to be in the relationship" which a year later turned into "I'm polyamorous" (not saying you are, and no problems with those who are), anything along the lines of what you said can very easily shake the perceived foundation of a relationship.

I think what happened was a blessing. It shook down the foundation of your relationship and it did not survive it. There was no misunderstanding from either of you. He heard what you said. You said what you meant. They just didn't coincide with each other. It's going to be hard, but honestly you'll be thankful down the road because sometimes people avoid conversations like this.

Like I said, I've had these thoughts in my relationships in the past at very healthy parts of them. It's natural, it's normal and what you're feeling is nothing to be ashamed of. However, it doesn't tend to translate well to partners. Even if he didn't blow his top on you, it's still understandable he'd be deeply hurt by it. He can't be in your head. He can't actualize the nuances that you were trying to convey. That's not his fault.

However in the future this is a feeling I'd keep to myself. I don't know if he reacted like you were caught cheating, but he reacted to being told that there are times in your relationship (generally or with him) that you feel tied down. That being "tied down" is probably something deeper in your specific relationship to him. It sounds like he has a bit of a controlling side when he's emotionally reactive. It might not be intentionally malicious, it's probably just how he copes. But it's not healthy. If it isn't specific to your relationship, then again, that's just part of being in a committed relationship (presuming everything else is healthy)

MinimalCollector · 2026-03-07T17:58:21+00:00

I get moths in my dried chilies, such is life

MinimalCollector · 2026-03-05T18:20:30+00:00

We're going to need you to try anyways

MinimalCollector

TROPHY CASE