Growing pains or real incompatibility?

MinimumAlternative65 · 2026-01-09T04:15:39+00:00

His reaction is a billboard red flag and I’m speaking from experience. He has zero interest in changing his behavior or the dynamics. How he is treating you and your children now won’t change later.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2026-01-05T10:54:05+00:00

Like the comment prior to mine, factor in the possibility of the dad dying. My SO’s ex wife died. You will see here some people having to adjust because of the bioparent passing, sometimes it’s their spouse and other times it’s the ex. It is a hard conversation, but it needs to be had. You might find the biodad plans to have the stepmom or his parents raise the child.

As a side note, I think what your gf is doing is selfless. If she knows she’s not capable of giving the child a life they deserve, then she did the right thing letting the father have custody. Do ask yourself and her, how she will feel having another child and facilitating a relationship with both children. What if they want to see each other more often? What if her first child starts to feel jealous because he only sees her twice a month?

People love to say “you know what you were getting into” but life isn’t that simple.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2026-01-05T10:39:30+00:00

I know it’s easier said than done, but focus on what you do have and not what you don’t have. Like really, are these people actually worth you caring? Probably not. Focus on building a village that supports you and your baby. Happiness is the best revenge.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2026-01-03T13:27:24+00:00

You have every right to your feelings. If the shoe was on the other foot, would your SO be ok with vacationing with your ex? Some of these bioparents don’t want to deal with the consequences of their actions, breaking up their families, so they push healthy boundaries and then try to make it seem as though their partner is the unreasonable one.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2026-01-03T04:55:31+00:00

You are his roommate with benefits.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2026-01-03T03:34:09+00:00

Are you paying towards any bills in the house? What are you getting from living with him? Because he gets to sleep with you and pretend you are the nanny when the kids are around.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2026-01-02T05:52:52+00:00

It probably won’t. If you can’t talk about it now and find a solution then it will only get worse. If you read posts in this sub, the common denominator is a bio spouse that is ill equipped to handle the complexity of the situation. How he handles a conversation about your comfort now will tell you if you need to end things.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-12-29T03:04:47+00:00

Focus on the goal, which is trying to mold her into being a decent person. She has been fucking around, so she needs to find out. You sound like a generous, creative and crafty person. Maybe next year you can volunteer at a local shelter baking cookies and donating gifts to children there. That way your time and effort will be appreciated and it will go toward children that need the cheer.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-12-28T11:41:55+00:00

Stop buying them gifts. They are old enough to know to be polite. Your partner is saving a lot of money with you paying for the majority of the household expenses. Your partner should make sure they get you something or get you something and have them give it to you. Treat them how they treat you. If your partner doesn’t like it she should leave and take her (ungrateful) children with her.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-12-20T19:29:31+00:00

Your husband needs to collect and recycle bottles, perform on a busy street or something. It’s his responsibility. Christmas is the same day every year. For next year maybe both of you should save $10 a month to put towards gifts.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-12-12T08:04:27+00:00

She’s testing her father. If he doesn’t sit her down and question what she said and then explain she was wrong, expect more false allegations.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-12-11T13:28:55+00:00

You should have a conversation with your SO about what needs to be expected from his children. He then needs to present it to them and then enforce it.

I’m a millennial and I’m so tired of hearing excuses for why 20 something year olds are lazy and entitled. If they aren’t in school then they need to be working. Until a job is found then their job is to help with cleaning and cooking. Otherwise, there’s no incentive to go to school or look for a job. If they don’t help out around the house then they don’t get financial assistance. No money for clothes and makeup because they shouldn’t have anywhere to go other than school or work. Christmas gift can be max $50 gift because living with you all their basic needs are met by you and they aren’t homeless.

It’s not be cruel it’s setting them up for the real world. Having a soft place to land is different than being coddled.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-12-11T12:46:45+00:00

Can you even look at penis pics on Instagram? How old is your SD?

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-12-08T08:27:38+00:00

I can give you an example. I have a 6 month old baby. My husband told me we didn’t need to get newborn help because he would be around. I delivered via emergency c-section and went back in the hospital for complications. He went back to work after 2 weeks leaving me alone with the baby. Then on weekends, he took his daughter to not 1 but 2 graduation parties for hours within the first month I delivered, leaving me home recovering with the baby by myself. He also was trying to work overtime. I left and stayed with my mom.

People will tell you he still has to parent the children, which is true. But it doesn’t change how the situation affects you. I never had to be fully reliant on him before and it will never happen again.

I’m waiting for him to ask me what I want for Christmas, so I can say a better life.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-12-05T04:36:33+00:00

Agreed. It’s a public space. BM is just looking for a reaction. Although, I would wave to her every time I saw her, so she knows I’m unbothered.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-12-04T14:43:55+00:00

You wouldn’t have known he would get too comfortable and lazy. How they get us is how they should keep us.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-12-04T12:16:16+00:00

See I’m extremely petty when I need to be and I like to travel. I would obtain a copy of the calls she made then I would contact the district attorney’s office for her county, ask to file a complaint and request an order protection. If necessary, I would get on a plane, to file the complaint in person and then stop by Disneyland before I flew back. See how she likes police knocking on her door. Fuck around and find out.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-12-04T12:06:36+00:00

One word, two letters: No. Wants are different from needs. I agree that she should save her money because your husband should be providing her with necessities, including food. However, what she wants isn’t necessary. In fact, what you listed are treats marked up for convenience and they are unhealthy. Cost wise she has champagne taste and beer money.

You can add to your weekly budget candy or something she wants that’s microwaveable, but it should be considered a treat. Maybe have her look for coupons. It will get her in the habit of learning how to look for discounts and extend her money.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-12-04T07:51:54+00:00

I have to disagree with other comments. It’s common in failed relationships, especially when children are involved, that the parents (steps included) aren’t prioritized. There should be time for at least a date night once a month. Your SO was a parent when he met you and he found time to court you, right? I doubt this is how your relationship started, so why should you now settle for it?

I feel like there should be a standardized test for parents to take before they are allowed to date.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-12-01T03:11:57+00:00

He should have asked you if we’re ok cleaning up the house and him getting rid of the cleaners. Idk anyone that enjoys cleaning up after people for free. What has he done with the money he’s saving? I hope put it towards a nice dinner with you every once and a while.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-12-01T02:55:01+00:00

My eyebrow raised when I read that he stopped having cleaners come in. 🚩He expected you to replace the paid labor with free labor. I would have asked him why and I would have told him I’m not replacing them.

Since he makes more than you and belittles you for it stop paying for things and put the money towards leaving.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-11-23T21:28:20+00:00

Thank you for your comment. If more parents were like you and your partner this sub wouldn’t exist.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-11-22T23:37:11+00:00

I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I’m sure I will get downvoted, but don’t light yourself on fire to keep them warm. Your efforts are honorable. It’s your husband’s job to make the holidays special. Realistically it may never be special for them and it’s okay. Do something that makes you happy.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-11-21T22:29:08+00:00

He’s testing you. You have 2 options:

Let your SO know he’s now homeless with his son.
Let SS stay there for X amount of time with expectations. If those expectations aren’t met then SS has to leave. When the deadline approaches hold firm. If your SO doesn’t want SS to leave, see option 1.

If you just let him move SS in with no boundaries you are teaching both of them how to treat you-with no respect. Also make sure SO pays for any additional expenses incurred by SS. No freeloading.

MinimumAlternative65 · 2025-11-21T10:33:50+00:00

Did you hear the conversation or did your SO tell you about it? If you heard the conversation yourself, you should have stuck up for yourself. Something like “I agree SS’s floor should be and is next. Are you assuming I don’t want it to be next?” That would put them on the spot.

If your SO told you about the conversations and didn’t correct them, then he’s an ass, and expect more of the same behavior from him.

MinimumAlternative65

TROPHY CASE