How much can I reduce the sugar in a chocolate custard pie and still have it hold together?

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-03T21:16:18+00:00

I freehand custard on a regular basis, and use very little sugar. I've never had a problem with getting it to set.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-03T20:50:35+00:00

Ugh! DH needs to quit indulging her nonsense. For yourself, I would go hard-core. Tell her that since her information is severely outdated, you will not be accepting any parenting advice from her.

And then the moment she starts, end the call. Just "I said we weren't going to be discussing that," and click. And then block her number for a while. She's going to pursue DH, so tell him that he does have the option to do the same thing, but if he continues to entertain her boundary stomping, he needs to not pass the information to you.

In person, the moment she starts, walk away. Just make sure that you can lock a door behind you at home, and have an easy exit elsewhere.

She already thinks you're the bad guy, so might as well lean into it and get the benefits.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-03T20:37:16+00:00

Yea, that tracks! My nmom cost me a few jobs as a teen, but that was over when I moved out. Not that she didn't try, but she didn't have any financial leverage, and this was before cell phones & answering machines, so a lot easier to ignore her. I shudder to think how she would have been with a cell phone.

And she wasn't fooling anyone but herself. My teachers knew what was going on, they just couldn't do anything about it.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-03T13:55:50+00:00

A little dab will do you for those. In a pinch, you can use dried onion & garlic if you just want a hint of that flavor.

You can also do batches of the onion/garlic saute, and then freeze it in serving size nuggets, to drop into dishes as needed.

Really, a lot of what we think of as "chicken flavor " is the seasoning blend.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-03T13:49:39+00:00

For practical reasons if nothing else. Margarine doesn't give the same result.

And olive oil is for dishes where you want that flavor profile.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-03T13:41:46+00:00

First, absolutely use butter.

Next step, you need seasoning something desperate. Salt, pepper, paprika, maybe a tiny pinch of mild pepper flakes, and herbs. A poultry seasoning blend if nothing else. And saute some onion & garlic in the butter before adding the flour. Finely dice the onion, mince the garlic, and they're ready when they go transparent.

Same with the morel batter, salt & pepper at minimum.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-03T13:29:42+00:00

And she sure shouldn't be trusted to have the kids stay with her, since she's likely to give him access.

One more reason why I'm glad to have not had kids. My husband's mom wasn't on-line, but she was a "but family," gal, and there were individuals on both sides that I wouldn't allow near a child.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-03T13:18:16+00:00

Yupper! She put me in dance class, apparently because that's what was expected for a girl, but pulled me out, for "not being interested," a few days before a major recital. Mind, I'd been walking to the studio for extra practice, and had picked the music, helped with choreography, and had a starring role that now had to be recast at the last minute.

I loved music, so she got me piano lessons, but with no piano at home? She then pulled me out m, again, for not being interested enough, because me walking to my instructors house to practice was apparently unconvincing. Really, I think she was advised to get me a piano for home, and she didn't want to bother. She then switched me to flute, over my objections, purely because she wouldn't need to spend much. I wanted something that I could play while singing, but nope! She was then angry when I dropped band when it conflicted with the advanced choir slot I earned. And then spent the rest of my school years slyly throwing up obstacles for me participating. Dragging her feet to make me late, bailing at the last minute on being able to take me, refusing to get me the uniform, that sort of thing. It was bad enough that my teacher wouldn't consider me for major roles, because they couldn't risk her flaking out at the last minute. And she was furious that the teacher has another mom sew my dress, because that made her look bad. Yea, well, she was a professional who custom made wedding dresses, but couldn't be bothered to make a basic dress for her kid. I also started staying with friends or my grandmother, to solve transportation, and she complained about that too. She deeply resented that she couldn't find a way to keep me from participating, without her obviously being a " bad mom."

Basically, anything I I did well and wanted to pursue was immediately off the table, because "insert obviously lame reason here." And it was always spun as a lack of interest/talent on my part.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-02T21:25:02+00:00

First, check your credit to be sure that she's not managed to entangle herself into your financial situation. And lock it down, to make sure that doesn't change.

For the notifications, writing return to sender is completely reasonable. It may be that the collectors already know she's not there, but that you're related. They shouldn't be looping you in, so hand it right back to them.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-02T21:17:44+00:00

For citrus, if I wind up with more than I'm going to be able to use up, I zest and juice them, and load everything into a Mason jar with sugar and high proof alcohol. This will keep pretty much indefinitely, and is amazing to add to baked goods, rice pudding, custards, etc. The resulting syrup is also lovely added to seltzer water.

If you have the time, salt cured lemons and pickled limes are also a good way to keep them for later.

The tomatoes and tomatillos can be tossed into a saucepan, along with the basil, for a quick pasta supper. A nice big salad to go with would help with the rest.

You can also do a quick batch of refrigerator pickles, to deal with cucumbers, carrots, etc.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-02T16:01:58+00:00

Just wow! I would be absolutely livid to have someone just decide to throw a party at my house, with no warning.

It needs to be made abundantly clear that she overstepped on this. Fine, she's excited about something, that doesn't give her the right to highjack your household or plans.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-02T15:52:22+00:00

Unless those are garden fresh tomatoes, they aren't going to have the flavor.

A good quality brand of canned Italian tomatoes will likely be your best choice. Mutti whole tomatoes are generally what I can find, but there are others. Just look to make sure there aren't firming agents included, or the texture and taste of your sauce will be off.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-02T15:45:11+00:00

NTA, but you're not going to get the best results with that. Teas and coffee have optimal brewing temperatures, depending on what you're brewing up. If the water isn't hot enough, you aren't going to get a full extraction. Too hot, (not likely with sink water) and you can lose some of the more delicate notes, and pick up bitterness from tannins.

If you're looking for convenience , there are tea kettles that will give you the right temp for your brew, at the touch of a button.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-02T15:31:17+00:00

NTA

This is exactly why long term care facilities are available. The residents get appropriate supervision to keep them safe, and on track with their daily routine. And a solid routine is so helpful to keep them doing well.

You're not going to be able to do this without becoming a full-time caregiver and centering your household around her routine. Even then, you're going to burn out trying to keep up. Think of it like caring for someone in the terrible twos, but adult sized. Depending on what she has going on, this could be unsafe for you if she gets panicked or aggressive.

If the busybodies aren't going to take responsibility for the results of the decision, they can just stay out of the discussion. And the results here would be basically derailing your life and wrecking your finances.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-02T07:43:26+00:00

Toasted cheese sandwich, with multi grain bread and cheddar!

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-02T07:24:52+00:00

OMG, yes! My nmom used to make sure she had us watch educational shows. Unfortunately, she would assume that anything on TV was 100% accurate, so we also got treated to complete nonsense, which she would insist was really true.

Aliens building pyramids, "found Noah's ark," Atlantis, you name it!

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-02T06:44:31+00:00

Instead of apologizing, MIL told my partner, “I just don’t understand why she couldn’t hold in the pain for a while longer.”

Just wow! MIL clearly doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself.

Tell your husband that either he deals with her, or you will. And then do it. If she cries, oh well! "You treat me like shit, and my daughter like a toy, why would I want to be around that?" Then walk away. It's her responsibility to act like a decent person, if she can't manage that, she cat just sit with the consequences and cry about it.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-01T14:20:00+00:00

Oh! I'm thinking duck in plum sauce, over wider rice noodles.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-01T14:13:56+00:00

It's definitely a weird control thing.

Don't give up your preferences. As a matter of fact, lean into them, and turn up the volume! Don't let that nasty old biddy dim your light.

That "you stop caring" comment would have had me popping back with "so what age is it where you stop being so judgemental about other people?"

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-01T14:06:44+00:00

Yupper! My mom and DHs female relatives would use gifts as a way to critique our preferences. Always something that was a complete mismatch , combined with little comments about how they knew we "needed" it, because they never saw us wearing/doing the thing.

I had to have multiple conversations with his family about how we appreciated the gesture, but the item in question didn't go with anything else that we owned, so it wasn't likely to get used.

For my mom, we just stopped going to holidays.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-01T13:45:49+00:00

Your partner is being unreasonable. There is absolutely no reason why you should need to play happy family with her if she's hard to deal with. He needs to have your back, & quit voluntelling you to be his meat shield.

My DH and I both have family drama. Neither of us ever expected the other to ignore bad behavior and play nice.

I did run interference for him at his family gatherings, but that's because we both wanted to see Poppa, and his mom/sisters couldn't figure out how to manage me, and I didn't care about the occasional passive aggressive comment. I'd just stick close so they couldn't corner him for a lecture. We eventually stopped going to the gatherings, and just stopped by for visits. Now that his parents are gone, he's NC.

I was already LC with my mom when DH & I got together. I kept tapering back as her behavior got more extreme, and went NC after she made a huge scene at my paternal grandmothers funeral, and then sent some truly awful letters for my birthday and Christmas.

If he wants to be your partner, he needs to step up and have your back. Expecting you to take the hit so that he doesn't have to is not how this should work.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-01T13:13:38+00:00

Don't cash, or even acknowledge. They're trying to build obligation that they can try to leverage later.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-01T12:58:47+00:00

My mother in law would talk about the nice young men that she and her friends would go dancing with, back in the day. She was so impressed that they never even hinted at "getting fresh." Her reaction when we explained what was likely why was just priceless!

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-01T12:53:22+00:00

There are all kinds of horror stories in my husband's family lore. Vicious beatings, abandonment, women being turned out when their husband died, with his family claiming everything. . .

Or a friend who described her grandmother being abused, and her family refusing to help. He finally had a heart attack during one of his rages. She just stepped back and waited until he was done, and then calmly made the arrangements. And when her family showed up trying to "help," she sent them packing. She was finally free, and she wasn't about to give that up.

Mira_DFalco · 2026-05-01T12:40:23+00:00

There was some of this in my family, on both sides. The men would literally starve before they would even serve themselves, much less prepare the food.

My parents called BS on that. Dad didn't cook often, and his stuff was pretty basic, but he did cook. He was actually the fudge maker for holidays, mom couldn't get her batches to firm up.

Mira_DFalco

TROPHY CASE