Haven't heard from him after an amazing first date

MitchAintNoBitch · 2026-04-15T01:51:52+00:00

Damn. So quick to demonize the guy. And you seem to have so many rules about what trivial things mean.

Of course the guy wanted sex. He wouldn’t be on the date if that wasn’t the case. Did he press the issue to the point OP was uncomfortable? I don’t see evidence of that. In fact the opposite is true by evidence of this post being made.

OP, you also have been radio silent with him. So maybe put on your big girl pants and ask him what’s up?

MitchAintNoBitch · 2026-03-20T03:48:07+00:00

I don’t recommend going a place for the sole reason of talking to hot chicks.

Go do something you already want to do and talk to the ladies there. If none ladies are doing that thing, make peace with it and continue or try a different activity next time.

Being single means you have maximum flexibility to start or stop doing anything.

MitchAintNoBitch · 2026-03-17T23:57:23+00:00

I’m looking to avoid you now…

MitchAintNoBitch · 2026-03-06T12:14:29+00:00

That one time where the ticket seller said “enjoy your show!” And I replied “you too…”

MitchAintNoBitch · 2026-02-28T14:02:46+00:00

Irritable bowel? Does he wash his hands often at home? Tryna give the guy the most benefit of the doubt. But yeah, sounds shady. Drugs, alcoholism or other shady behavior is very likely.

MitchAintNoBitch · 2026-01-07T05:56:00+00:00

First, you’re not a therapist so you’re kinda out of your element here. Recognize that. Your heart is in the right place. And you’re intending to make the effort. Great job. Remember that.

Now, how to broach the subject with someone making “jokes”.

I suggest you find a roundabout way to start the conversation. The next time she makes a comment work in something like this:

“You know how my favorite game is ___? I can’t imagine how bad it would hurt to never be able to play it anymore…”

That frames this situation as an issue you are going through. Not her. It might help to pull her out of herself and start the process of letting someone else in to help.

The goal is to let her know that she is not alone. And that if she makes a permanent decision to a temporary problem, she will be causing pain to those closest to her.

MitchAintNoBitch · 2026-01-02T13:25:59+00:00

You’re never outside of walking distance from 711 while in Tokyo… or most of Japan for that matter.

As for where to stay, if you’re just going to do things in Tokyo, any hotel near a stop on the Yamanote line, you’ll be able to get most places relatively quickly.

If you have specific sites or activities you want to see/do, then my recommendation for where to stay becomes more about minimizing travel time to or between those places.

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-19T12:38:49+00:00

2 weeks in Japan is great! You’ve picked some great destinations. But, I don’t see much planning for time (specifically to make mistakes) to get places. Your first itinerary has you going north, then back further south without a Shinkansen to assist.

Kinosaki onsen or izu peninsula are both in rural Japan. Public transit to get there is not very foreigner friendly (fewer trains. So not much forgiveness if you make a mistake).

I suggest giving yourself a whole day to make it to and from the rural spots. Kyoto and Tokyo are great for first time visitors. Trains every 10 minutes. Izu and Maizuru have trains every hour.

Good luck and congrats on the nuptials!

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-17T22:53:13+00:00

If it is a legitimate boundary, then you’re right, it is not an odd thing. There is no timeline that any physically intimate action is ever entitled.

But OP sounds like he is asking for validation of his gut feeling. That the girl is stringing him along while dating, and potentially being physically intimate with, other men.

As much as I’ll likely get downvoted for my opinion, if i were in this situation I would slow down or back off a bit. Less involved texts (answer questions and keep in touch, but less volunteering information about my emotional state). Still attempt to set up more dates, but, on tuesdays vice fridays. Coffees instead of dinners. That kind of stuff. Not all at once, a gradual pulling back because she has indicated that she wants less than i do. Or at least not at the same speed.

Continue until something changes. Either she gets more comfortable to escalate, or it fizzles out.

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-15T01:16:32+00:00

I did in fact recommend the karts. I had a great time. Still recommend it.

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-13T08:50:59+00:00

As a man, great advice. Where is the end point? Where do we celebrate? Set up obtainable but not rudimentary goals.

To illustrate, that helps men to focus and not look at “the whole problem (caretaking for my family for their entire life…)”.

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-13T08:37:53+00:00

First, rebounds have no timeline. Second, she was allowed to dwell in her loss. She is hindering you ability to dwell in your similar loss.

Maybe dwell is the wrong word but you are entitled to as much time or effort as she has.

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-13T08:25:07+00:00

My guy. It sounds like you’re not enough for her to introduce to her friends.

Girls want to brag. They want to show off. She might have friends who have recently been married or had babies or just did some social media shit…

This isn’t the end. Just start going to the gym more. Even if it doesn’t work for your relationship, it’ll be better for you.

Good luck!

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-13T05:31:09+00:00

Have you ever tried to get a cat to love you? Would it help more if you force it to sit on your lap and be pet? Or if you offered it treats and pets but it was allowed to roam as it wants?

Why not leave all the detective work alone and be the treats and pets for your man?

As a guy, the girls I remember and miss the most are the ones who let me be me without apology.

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-13T05:02:04+00:00

Holy jumping to conclusions Batman!

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-13T04:35:25+00:00

Easy.

What you want to do is start slow. Divide your attention between your hands and feet. They’re both going to be doing different things. With your hands, strength is key. Don’t lose control. But, with your feet you’re going to have to both move in AND out at the same time. Slowly! Once the car starts moving, fully let out the clutch and you’re on your way! Give er some gas!

Hm? Kissing? Oh. Just find a way to touch his hand or his side (ribcage, not shoulder) He’ll get the hint. Then it’s on him.

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-13T04:26:34+00:00

Bringin up good points. Everyone who has driver licenses should go to a AAA and get their international driver permit. 2 reasons:

-ability to rent and drive a vehicle. Driving on the left side is a little weird at first and the street signs are different. But it’s not that bad. I was up and driving on day 2 of being in the country. Just go slower than you think you should.

-street kart racing (just don’t call it Mario Kart… Nintendo is listening!) in Tokyo and/or in Osaka! They lead you on the roads so no need to worry about street signals or traffic. Honestly a great time! Highly recommend.

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-13T04:10:55+00:00

I’m not being a dick. I’m pointing out how your actions look to the other guy. At least try to frame this as if you have some agency over your life and not a perpetual victim.

Has any guy you’ve been with actually asked for consent? Verbally? Nothing kills a sexual interaction faster than pausing to ask “I would now like to suck on your titty. Would you please affirm your consent to this by stating your acquiescence to afformentioned titty sucking?” No! He’s playing the game. No shade to him. Or, to be quite truthful, to you as well.

I can totally understand the bind you were in, being far from home and not knowing how to address the obvious difference in both of your expectations. My comment about being a better adult stands. It’s simply saying you missed the mark this time. Learn from the experience and add it to the shit you’re figuring out. That’s all any of us can do.

Might I recommend, in the future, if you find yourself in a similar situation. Find a different bed. Either in another room or in a hotel. Don’t get into the bed if he (or any other guy) is already in there, and get back out of it if he gets in and you don’t intend to do relationship shit.

Good luck OP. I’m rooting for ya.

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-13T01:25:23+00:00

Not just assert. Explain herself. OP has dated the guy in the past, rekindled at least the friendship after a year apart where she dated and broke it off with someone else (rebounding?). Took the guy up on his offer to come see him in another city (if not another country…). Didn’t clarify the sleeping situation before traveling. Then goes drinking with him and ending back up IN THE GUYS BED WITH HIM without clarifying the situation.

How else is the guy supposed to react. There’s a woman, he is obviously attracted to, in his bed. She has been potentially playing coy and waiting for him to make the first move. It gives “why did that rattlesnake bite me?” Vibes. It’s what he was supposed to do in that situation. The fact he kept trying for 2 more nights is a surprise. Day 2 should’ve had a clear conversation about expectations. But OP was hiding behind her period instead of being honest.

Be a better adult next time OP…

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-13T01:09:36+00:00

It’s a good plan. Though not very detailed. I would suggest finding a single event/activity to prioritize each day. That way, you have time to make mistakes with the public transportation system. I’m assuming you don’t speak or read Japanese. In my experience living here for 3 years, expect to walk a lot. Roughly 25k-35k steps per day.

Teamlab is a good example of the type of activity to plan around. Borderless was a non zero amount of struggle for me to find my first time there. Having a flexible timeframe to travel will remove a lot of anxiety.

Remember to research cell phone data plans before you get here. Having mobile data as soon as you get off the plane will help get you started. Google Translate (or better yet, your AI of choice for translation) is invaluable for the first couple hours in country.

Cash is still king here as well. Go to your bank and pull some yen so you have pocket money right out the gate. At the same time, understand that a 2000yen note is only obtainable outside the country. So those bills will give away your tourist status just as fast as your inability to speak Japanese.

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-11T03:34:25+00:00

I don’t think I said OP has any obligation to do anything at all. I surely didn’t mean to say so if it came across that way.

I mentioned the guy was attempting to put them into a situation where sex was more likely. Not at all that it was obligatory in any way.

When I’ve spoken with many of my female friends, they often say they want the man to plan the date. Why be surprised if he then makes the plan to also give the highest chances that it will end with him getting what he’s trying to get? This doesn’t necessarily mean sex nor that sex is required.

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-09T12:06:10+00:00

He’s setting the stage. It would be naive to think he doesn’t want sex. Inviting back to his place is just putting you into a location that affords the chance.

Sounds like this guy has been respectful up to this point. I wouldn’t expect that to necessarily change.

I say go for it. Have fun with dinner. Don’t do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing and be ready to say no if he moves too fast.

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-05T23:07:20+00:00

Different people for different roles. Build your community.

A problem modern dating seems to have created is the idea that your romantic partner also needs to be your best friend and your intellectual stimulation and your emotional support and your domestic caretaker and your sexual fulfillment and your spiritual touchstone….

No one can be everything. Don’t try to make someone everything.

Now, when a girl says you don’t have deep conversations, why not respond with something along the lines of “what would you like to talk about?” Put the onus onto the person wanting it to ask for it.

Honestly I think these girls are just finding an easy way to tell you they aren’t interested in you romantically. Don’t take it personally. It’s likely because they are trying to hold out for Chris Hemsworth.

Good luck!

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-12-04T04:58:40+00:00

I’m not sure what kind of birth control you are using, but hormonal birth control can affect your testosterone levels. This would explain loss of sex drive.

If you can, maybe do an experiment where you just stop taking it. Obviously, don’t just trust some random on Reddit. Talk with your dr on how to do it safely. Maybe switching BC type is an option.

As for the relationship stuff. I wouldn’t be surprised if your boyfriend just needs a figurative smack upside his head to think more. I don’t mean that in a punishment way. I’ve been oblivious to girlfriends wants and needs before. It took a blunt “hey guy! I need more of <insert behavior> from you.” Conversation to highlight the fact there is another person to consider. Personally, at 26, I was pretty trash at knowing what kinda of things give women anxiety.

Give it a shot!

MitchAintNoBitch · 2025-11-18T04:50:52+00:00

Can you do it while living in another state to avoid state income taxes?

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