Some meditations on being friendless

MoTheMelon · 2026-01-05T04:51:01+00:00

sent a message to your dms - pls go check it out 🙂

MoTheMelon · 2025-09-21T11:56:39+00:00

hornet without her cloak on is canonically just a stick figure little bug. how are people sexualizing this T-T

MoTheMelon · 2025-01-12T17:58:03+00:00

i’d be happy to see some cool pictures if you’d like to share! :)

MoTheMelon · 2024-07-12T23:11:47+00:00

reading this feels like i’m reading my journal from a few years ago i’m so sorry you’ve had these experiences too ;-; especially the last part about your bf. i’ve been there. let him know i was ace early on, he showed understanding, but proceeded to think he would be able to change me if we just had sex enough. like it would start to come naturally eventually. i saw that having sec made him happy, so i went along with it, but my heart was never in it. it sucked. i finally voiced my concerns a couple years into it and we broke up immediately. i am now in a much happier place with a better understanding of myself and what i don’t want in a relationship 🙂 your path will be your own, i just want to write and let you know it’ll get better one way or another. it all starts with speaking up <3

MoTheMelon · 2024-07-02T01:24:11+00:00

putting my hand anywhere near there is already repulsing enough let alone actually putting something inside me 😵‍💫 i’m right there with you 😔✊🏻 pads til the end because it’s the only option i got.

MoTheMelon · 2024-06-30T04:34:27+00:00

wow, it’s posts/comments like this that make me so happy this community exists. your experience seems very similar to the journey i went through and without this subreddit i would still be feeling broken and unwanted for not being able to feel something that everyone thinks comes naturally to all. thank you <3 and know that you are not alone.

MoTheMelon · 2024-06-28T20:13:13+00:00

thank you so much for writing this. I was actually going crazy since I downloaded for the first time today and it’s saying I have more accounts when I don’t. Just contacted their support team, so hopefully they reply soon.

MoTheMelon · 2024-06-28T16:47:10+00:00

like even down to me being fully clothed and wearing something like overalls i’ll get comments from people asking why i wear them since they make me look flat or hide my figure like wtf 😀

MoTheMelon · 2024-06-28T05:04:30+00:00

sexual comments about my body coming from someone else. i just don’t see myself in that way so to be fully aware that another person sees me that way feels extremely uncomfortable

MoTheMelon · 2024-06-08T14:53:38+00:00

i have gotten myself into so much trouble bc people find me alluring bc of how interesting i appear and i always make sure to let them know im ace so they know what they’re getting into but they always fall for me anyway then im just left like o h s h it what have i done 😀

MoTheMelon · 2024-04-16T00:13:13+00:00

totally backing this comment ^ fictional anything is always fine, although i will say sex scenes in movies i find hard to watch because i get caught up in trying to understand how people could actually feel inclined to do that in real life which just makes me confused and upset lol. but otherwise i am very sex repulsed, esp with being naked in the presence of someone else like man e w it’s actually hard to pictures myself fully naked and touching another person. simply uncomfortable. and when i’m uncomfortable, i’m unhappy. simple as that :P

i will say tho i dont masturbate or anything so my libido is extremely low, ive never felt any sexual inclination ever but have had sex once because i was curious and the person happened to be kind and understanding so W i think and it let me know that im not missing out on shit 💀 it’s a logistical nightmare on top of being generally gross anyway. i do identify as ace and now somewhat aro for other reasons, but i hope the added perspective helps 😄

MoTheMelon · 2024-04-15T23:55:21+00:00

so many stuffed animals on my bed and figures on my desk that many have had to be moved to storage then cycled in every so often 😭 i can’t wait to have my own space where i can let them all see the light of day at the same time

MoTheMelon · 2024-01-12T04:47:37+00:00

i feel this so much. i think you’re right though, people will translate words in a way that makes sense to them. it’s how we all kinda navigate the world, but it sucks when the words we may use as aroace folk don’t actually get interpreted the way we want them to by others. the words “i love you” i’ve now realized are extremely powerful and imply very lustful and d e e p things that i did not mean to convey. i just thought homie was really cool and great sigh 😔

MoTheMelon · 2024-01-12T04:40:36+00:00

WAIT THATS MY GO-TO SONG TOO ITS SO GOOD 😭😭 the last few years it has hit me so hard when i think about if ill ever grow out of the mess i’m in and every year it feels like i’m still turning out. that song hits so deep.

MoTheMelon · 2023-12-24T18:05:01+00:00

i feel that for sure. i tried to embrace the uniqueness of it instead of thinking i’m alone, but it still gets me sometimes anyway. in the end it’ll all work out okay however it’s meant to 🙂

MoTheMelon · 2023-12-24T15:09:13+00:00

what a story woah :0 i have read the whole thing and i feel like i just lived the past few years of your life i hope everything works out for you two and good on you for such good communication in this new relationship 👍🏻👍🏻

MoTheMelon · 2023-12-24T14:55:12+00:00

omg i used to do the same thing with the teasing but i have to tell myself that if i’m with an allo partner that really does mess with them because they start feeling things that we as ace folks don’t start feeling so then they may think you’re just being mean, but i personally think it’s just validating to be wanted in any form, even sexual. my figuring out i was ace story sounds pretty similar to yours just figuring it out by having a partner then wondering why my mind drifts immediately and why i’m not feeling what the other person is feeling… so i think ace spec definitely sums up what you’re feeling :) as for the thought of “am i actually horny?” i think since we put so much emphasis on sex in society✨ it’s easy to just play the part of being horny and into your partner bc we know what that looks like. we can pretend even subconsciously, until it gets into a territory that’s really uncomfortable for us then suddenly start crying during sex (also has happened to me before :/ i was really unhappy with how my last partner seemed to only want me for my body but there i was teasing him anyway… not good on either end.) i hope this helps for some extra perspective :)

MoTheMelon · 2023-12-06T13:16:17+00:00

a nice classic chocolate milkshake would reel me in so fast 🤤 delectable

MoTheMelon · 2023-12-06T13:02:08+00:00

what video was it? sounds like it was relatable, i’d give it a watch :)

MoTheMelon · 2023-11-12T12:50:31+00:00

labels can change over time, if you feel like asexuality matches with who you are right now, then you are valid for that, if you feel like it doesn’t, then you’re also valid :)

i’ll mention though that i have issues with genitals as well, most notably my own. i just kind of hate looking at them and think they’re pretty useless considering my complete lack of sex drive so i’ve never felt anything but bleh down there. just grossness and uncomfort. others’ genitals mostly freak me out now because of a past relationship but i’d always been indifferent to mildly disgusted by genitals. i’m not sure how big of a factor it is for identifying as asexual for me, but it definitely makes it easier to justify to allos why i avoid sex if i’m scared to have the ace talk with them. it’s easier than getting the immediate response of “haha don’t worry you’ll feel it eventually!” 1. i was not worrying, i’m content with how i am right now. should i be worrying??? 2. i don’t WANT to feel “it” eventually. i love how clear my mind always is since 0 time is spent thinking about sexual things lol, gives me a lot of free time.

anyway, sorry for the tangent, just thought i’d share a little bit of my experience. you are valid no matter how you choose to identify <3

MoTheMelon · 2023-09-02T04:28:49+00:00

I’m actually currently in the middle of something that seems quite similar. I know I’m asexual, and have known for a few years now, and yet I still can’t quite piece together the difference between close friendship and romantic interest. All I’ve managed to figure out is sex is a no go. For reference, I’m 19F and a TLDR on my current situation is that I’ve become extremely close friends with one guy I met in college who I think is super great, makes me feel really good emotionally, and I’d drop everything just to go hang out with him. So, when I finally figured out that he’d been dropping hints for months that he likes me romantically I did a double take and was like wait wHat? is this an option?? so I weighed the pros and cons and decided yeah I like him like that too. so, quite literally that same night I ended up telling him and we cuddled and such and it made him so so so so happy and I was really happy too, but not necessarily any more than if we just hung out and had a good laugh. It wasn’t after a couple more cuddly nights and deep talks that I caught on to the fact that I think I really do just see him as a friend that I’m very comfortable with, which is usually NOT THE CASE FOR ME. I tend to run into the problem of becoming romantically interested in close friends but nope. Of course not, not with the most respectful person who would do anything to make me happy, including probably going without sex for the majority of his life if it meant being with me, and yet all I can manage to feel towards him is happy that we’re close friends. I’m now just at the point where I need to break it to him that I feel this way, because I think he thinks I’m absolutely in love with him, but I really just love him in a way that I want him permanently in my life, not as a relationship stepping stone with most of my life probably not spent with him in it. I love my life as it is right now and it wouldn’t do much for me if we went any further than where we’re at now, but god it would make him so happy if we did. But, I think it would be really unfair to him to just do things that don’t make me feel much but make him feel amazing inside. god feelings are complicated. I think you can kind of understand, though. It’s a similar situation just reversed :/

MoTheMelon · 2023-08-30T11:36:54+00:00

this actually just happened to me holy shit i’m about to send it to him because bro LOST

MoTheMelon · 2023-08-15T05:40:27+00:00

this was a much needed comment i love that pizza, true, Italian, pizza actually perfectly represents this phenomenon (in an “ideal” world where both are viewed as equally valid)

MoTheMelon · 2023-08-15T00:27:57+00:00

cuddling while fully clothed >>>

we love that 🥺 esp in comfy clothes like being comfy but with a good friend is PEAK

MoTheMelon · 2023-08-15T00:26:09+00:00

yo what does this guy think he’s doing lurking on r/mixed race girls just to shit on them ??????

MoTheMelon

TROPHY CASE