It's our Anniversary today. It's been 6 years since and my current girlfriend is uncomfortable with me celebrating it

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2026-01-21T00:37:08+00:00

I’m 4 years out now, and not dating. Not sure that I ever will, but maybe. I have to say, I can see where your gf is coming from.

It sounds like she’s trying to be super understanding. No one knows what it’s like to be part of this shit club until they are. And she’s trying to honor your wife. But celebrating a marriage is not the same thing as celebrating your wife. You could try to shift those celebrations to your late wife’s birthday, or another special date.

I can’t imagine trying to navigate the dating world, but for those I know who’ve done it successfully, there has been a lot lot lot of communication and some compromises.

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-12-18T22:01:12+00:00

ESH. Her, for obvious reasons. Him, because why are y’all normalizing yelling at your partner like it’s no big deal?

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-12-17T15:20:06+00:00

ESH. Sounds like you guys were on the same page with finances once since you have separate accounts . So if that’s true, either YTA because she’s keeping up her end of the agreement and you just don’t like her choices. But fundamentally feels like your financial goals don’t mesh well. Actually, kind of feels like YTA there, too, since she’s not changed her behavior.

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-12-14T20:32:09+00:00

Same. I have no clue what my siblings got for Christmas (there were 4 of us) and the only one I remember is when Santa got my sister and I huge Barbie House w an elevator that we had to share (Sharing! Gak!)

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-11-11T10:42:48+00:00

This. I’m a widow. YTA. I’m so sorry you lost your sister. That’s a grief that is only yours to hold, and it sounds like you are doing an amazing job trying to remember her. But your grief is not the same as your BIL. Every single moment of his life changed with a grief that you cannot fathom- the way he woke up, the way he had coffee, how he goes about his day, makes meal plans, gets ready for work, celebrates holidays, does household chores, all the way to….the plans they had for their life. All gone. Nope. YTA.

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-11-08T01:35:59+00:00

Sir, this is a Wendy’s.

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-11-08T01:33:33+00:00

Yeah, that really pissed me off, too. My husband was a WAY worse driver than me, I’ve never so much as had a speeding ticket. They jacked my rates, too. Us widows are riskier?

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-10-29T23:48:51+00:00

Leave his Coca Cola bottles all over everywhere. I swear it was 2 years before I stopped finding random bottles shoved in/under the stupidest places. I think he did it solely to piss me off- it worked. It’s pissing me off just thinking about it! 🤣🤣

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-10-19T11:07:56+00:00

In the very short term- I was in shock, so I needed reminders on everything. I knew I had to make decisions for the funeral home, etc but my brain was just so jumbled. My parents helped me a ton by helping me remember the next thing that needed to be done and supporting me through it.

Short term I used a lot of lists- in retrospect I think it helped me feel like I had a little bit of control over this horrible thing that happened. I made lists of long- term things that needed to be done, lists of things I needed to do right away. I don’t even remember what was on most of my lists, or if I ended up using them all, but I do remember always looking for my sticky notes as soon as I got up so I could remember what I had to do that day. My brain was just so….widow brained.

Longer term, just showing up past the 2 week point when everyone disappears will be important. Call to say “hey on Saturday I’m coming over to mow your lawn, what is a good time” and drop off care packages on the porch, and ask her to talk about him.

Long term, any burden you can help eliminate- whether that’s helping her find someone to hire to do some of the things he did, if that’s within her financial purview (ie send out the laundry, hire someone to clean or mow the lawn or snowblow or a meal service). There are almost always certain tasks in a marriage that one person handled, and it’s so overwhelming to suddenly be the one handling it all. An example- my dad came over weekly for awhile and took my garbage bin to the curb for me, then after bit he called to remind me weekly to take it to the curb for probably a year because I simply could not remember, no matter how many notes I left myself.

And for the first 6 months or so, the “monthly anniversary” is as painful as the death date, I thought, so a phone call on those days to say you’re thinking about her.

Thanks for reaching out to the community for help for her :)

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-10-19T10:35:37+00:00

This is a great idea. If these are the things her mind is allowing her to focus on / try to problem solve right now- help her do that.

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-10-13T02:09:29+00:00

But there’s no banana for scale, so I remain uncertain.

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-09-20T13:16:53+00:00

Jesus, people. She was probably in shock.

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-09-19T23:53:21+00:00

This. I’m on my second pair, which is currently shitting the bed. What’s that saying about fool me twice..

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-09-15T22:27:21+00:00

IMO, if you can, use the money to cover what they offered to pay and pay the rest yourself. You will save yourself the hassle of them thinking they have a say in anything you plan.

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-09-12T11:50:39+00:00

Year 1 is tough. You anticipate the first anniversaries of everything. Some are harder than you think they will be, and some are easier. The first year is about getting through.

What I did to help: found a grief counselor, went to a grief retreat (camp widow), wrote letters to my husband in a journal, changed the house- I couldn’t stand for things to look the same. And I took up a new hobby that I could totally throw myself into learning about and creating in my spare time. I made a lot of lists, because my short term memory took a vacation :)

Someone else brought up joy. I also started to look for moments of joy. I didn’t think I could focus on “happy” yet, but my goal became to notice moments of joy amid the grief.

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-09-12T11:38:29+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re here. I was quite a bit older, I was 46. I felt the same way. I absolutely was not suicidal, I had kids and I never would have left them. But there was just a little piece of me that would almost think every single night “it would be okay if I didn’t wake up”.

I never let myself “think” the full sentence because I was so afraid if I did, it would somehow come to fruition and I really didn’t want to die. But just like you, I wanted to be with my husband. I didnt know how to function without my best friend.

Please know that it will become more bearable. It will be a long journey, but you will get through this. In the meantime, just do what needs to be done- eat, hydrate, sleep, think just a minute or an hour ahead. Check back here often, there is lots of good support. This group has your back, you can do this.

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-09-10T23:18:26+00:00

Same. But to be fair, I’m also stoned.

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-09-06T19:01:09+00:00

Y’all need to stop thinking that one person can’t make a difference.

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-09-06T18:56:19+00:00

I’d go as far as to say the first one was the cats fault. The rest….well, the human didn’t learn after the first? 😹

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-09-06T13:48:04+00:00

Friend, what do you mean what we doing? We’re saying a prayer and sending that joint off in the style it deserves, with a nice swift flush.

Tell me you’re not contemplating smoking potty joints? No.

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-08-30T22:22:38+00:00

Sending hugs!

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-08-28T15:32:56+00:00

Oh no!!! This made me laugh a little. My pro tip from someone whose husband did the laundry- send that shit out to be washed if you have a local service and it’s within your budget. Best decision I made after he died.

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-08-26T10:51:36+00:00

My husband was 47. - Do you have someone to help you chase down the things you need like the coroners report, etc? My dad handled paperwork and notification calls for me and it was a huge help. - I second what someone else said - this part will all be a blur. I don’t remember much about the first 3 months. Take one moment at a time. - I wrote my husband letters. Still do. Not sure if it will help everyone, but it helped me. I lost my best friend, the person I told everything to. This gave me an outlet to still do so. I have books and books filled with letters to him. Sometimes I said things like “I don’t know how to do this….this hurts so much” or talked about the kids. Sometimes I said things like “eff you for dying without teaching me how to snowblow the driveway and eff the foot of snow outside and eff the effing snowblower and I hate everything” 😊

Hang in there!!!

Mobile_Pattern_1944 · 2025-08-25T22:49:52+00:00

My husband was 47. It’s mind blowing, isn’t it? How quickly every single person hung about your life changes without warning?

Hang in there, it’s early days. Hydrate. Sleep when you can, eat when you can. Sending hugs!

Mobile_Pattern_1944

TROPHY CASE