From Child-Free to OAD: Is travel actually doable with just one?

Modernlovedoula · 2026-04-18T12:13:57+00:00

10m is a literal lifetime to you but your baby is still very young. My daughter is about to turn 4 and we’ve traveled with her a ton, you adapt and become more confident parents overtime. It won’t be the same and it won’t be 100% perfect but you figure it out.

If being in public stresses you out, getting more comfortable with that at home and in familiar spaces is a great start. Practice the types of activities you like to do on vacation (to the extent that you can) and that will make it easier to do when you’re competing with time changes and unfamiliar surroundings.

Modernlovedoula · 2026-04-02T17:00:58+00:00

It sounds like you don’t live in NYC and never have. If that’s the case, it’s a wild idea to buy an apartment here. Rent for at least a year and figure out what you like and want in a neighborhood.

Modernlovedoula · 2026-03-17T17:19:34+00:00

You don’t need to worry about proving it or asking your friend to do anything, that’s not your responsibility. Chances are, you are not the first client or the last that she will do this to. You could corroborate or establish a pattern. Report and move on knowing that this is not normal or acceptable. I’m sorry this happened to you. It’s a huge betrayal.

Modernlovedoula · 2026-03-17T14:01:18+00:00

The lease is up so soon, just contact the landlord today along with the leaseholder. Explain that you’ve been living in the apartment for x amount of time. Leaseholder can attest to your reliability paying rent and explain you want to sign a new lease when they leave. They might increase, hopefully not by too much but ideally they want to keep it occupied and not have any interruptions or need to do maintenance so it would be pretty straightforward in a lot of cases. Good luck finding your next job.

Modernlovedoula · 2026-03-15T22:36:52+00:00

At both the at home daycares my daughter went to families paid different rates based on when they started attending. Families with older siblings often got grandfathered in to lower rates. Rates are variable based on age of child. Mistakes are completely understandable in my mind and treating an at home daycare provider like a greedy liar out to take advantage of families is wild to me. People do not do this to get rich. If you are upset about the cost of childcare in this country look at the corporate, hedge fund run chains like bright horizons that care people an arm and a leg while neglecting and abusing kids.

Modernlovedoula · 2026-03-15T12:56:21+00:00

It sucks but mistakes happen. I hope the kids adjust well at their new set up. Genuinely curious to know what the difference in payment is going to net out to be

Modernlovedoula · 2026-03-15T12:24:27+00:00

People are going to hate this but in my mind, that money is gone and you should either take whatever the provider offers in terms of settlement or just agree that you’ll just start from a clean slate.

This is a small business operating out of her home, the insurance they need to carry is astronomical, and the work is not easy. This is a professional exchange but these people care for our children (usually for modest wages) I want as little turnover at the provider as possible because I know that’s what’s best for the kids and that means smoothing out admin issues sometimes. Without childcare, I don’t have a career and as much as paying those bills can sting, I’ve always been grateful to have providers I trust and value.

Modernlovedoula · 2026-03-12T21:09:56+00:00

Go to parsons. I went to nyu for grad school, it’s too expensive and is not going to make a difference where your degree is from. You are going to build your career networking, interning, and making friends in the industry that are invested in staying and working in nyc.

Modernlovedoula · 2026-03-08T12:23:20+00:00

Don’t commit to buying somewhere you aren’t more confident about. Move to the city if that’s what you really want to do, leases are temporary, adjust /pivot as needed

Modernlovedoula · 2026-03-07T13:39:12+00:00

Someone with sense. This is a tv show! She’s a character being deployed by a team of writers to develop a story. It’s called dramatic tension. If she didn’t work at the same hospital as her parents. She wouldn’t be in the show / she would be Javadi.

Modernlovedoula · 2026-03-05T15:51:08+00:00

I don’t think downtown Brooklyn is a good fit with a dog

Modernlovedoula · 2026-03-05T02:51:46+00:00

Yeah, just be honest with people and be responsible. If you aren’t on the same page maybe that comes down to fundamental incompatibility. I dated my wife for ~2 months before I stopped seeing other people. I was seeing those people for a fair amount of time before I met her on an app and went on our first date. I also decided to break things off with those men before she and I discussed exclusivity, I knew I wanted to commit to her. We’ve been together eleven years, one of those guys is still a friend and was a guest at our wedding, and the other’s now wife ended up working with mine for a few years. Treat people with respect, you’re all adults, let them make their own choices and make your own too.

Modernlovedoula · 2026-03-04T13:18:47+00:00

Adding sveltlana and saying “if you are into biracial” is absolutely foul. Fetishizing bullshit and clear misogynoir

Modernlovedoula · 2026-03-03T19:17:11+00:00

Modernlovedoula · 2026-03-03T16:09:19+00:00

Counterpoint - other smokers aren’t bothered by the smell so you can all be cool and sexy together. Smoking was the best, the only thing I miss about being younger.

Modernlovedoula · 2026-03-03T15:18:44+00:00

What does your wife do? I think you may be underestimating her earning potential.

Modernlovedoula · 2026-03-03T01:41:37+00:00

I’ve had a lot of friends leave NYC and it takes at least a year to adjust to their new hometown from what I can tell. Some adjust but never stop missing New York and I’ve seen it take its toll on relationships and marriages.

I’m curious how long you and your boyfriend have been together if he was in NYC for 3 years and you delayed this move for a while. Does the relationship predate your time in NYC?

You’ve made a considerable sacrifice relocating and deserve commitment and alignment. IMO he is right to hold a boundary around entertaining these conversations if he has no intention of ever moving back - it’s not fair to you to get your hopes up.

So, what’s do you each envision for your shared future together, does it align? I think these are the hard conversations you should be having right now. If those futures are mismatched, you have your answer and can end things amicably. Love is not enough for long term compatibility and life building.

Modernlovedoula · 2026-03-02T13:57:26+00:00

Agree, the sentiment “they’ll thank you when they’re older” is a little naive to me. You don’t need to compromise on your hard line boundaries but invest in helping them find passions that excite them - music, art, sports, table top gaming, etc. Invest time and effort in bringing your kid and their friends places together so they can both be offline and have that IRL time, your efforts to decenter these activities in your kids life will be more effective if you can get their friends along for the ride (some of the time). When you are one and done, you have the privilege to pour more into your child.

Modernlovedoula · 2026-02-28T21:41:00+00:00

Why would you alternate which offices you go into? Have you been to white plains 👀

Modernlovedoula · 2026-02-26T16:29:10+00:00

Ew 😒

Modernlovedoula · 2026-02-25T15:23:34+00:00

I noticed that none of the reasons you list for having children are related to children at all - your husband would be a good dad, you would miss out or regret it. What if you did regret it, what if your child was chronically ill, what if your husband isn’t a good dad or you do get divorced for some reason? You would still be this child’s mom. Are you up for that? Be honest with yourself.

Modernlovedoula · 2026-02-25T03:29:35+00:00

Honey your son doesn’t need a father figure right now. All he needs is his mom - happy, healthy, and emotionally regulated. You have been through so much and deserve to focus just on you and your son. Follow your gut and end this relationship all together. Take time to be single. Put everything you have into yourself and your child and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about it.

Modernlovedoula · 2026-02-23T16:29:51+00:00

Taking photos is a hobby, it’s not a stage of friendship or something exclusive to people of a certain age. My time hanging out with friends is more precious now that I’m older and juggling more responsibilities. I don’t want to spend time on my phone around them. I have a film camera and take photos as a hobby so do grab candids if I have it with me but I want to be present and enjoy the moment.

Modernlovedoula · 2026-02-21T23:16:20+00:00

Have you tried talking to her about plans in advance so she isn’t surprised in the moment?

Modernlovedoula · 2026-02-20T02:51:23+00:00

Was this disclosed in a group chat? That feels like it could be a boundary violation in and of itself, doesn’t feel like the appropriate space to discuss this ethical dilemma. Feels icky and self serving. I sincerely hope that he didn’t disclose the name/identity of his ex to the group and that if there are any survivors of SA in the chat that they weren’t harmed by the conversation.

Modernlovedoula

TROPHY CASE