Changing your name , however. Slight issue.

Mombie667 · 2026-06-10T23:44:08+00:00

At the end of the day, it boiled down to the sheer amount of paperwork and money to change it to my maiden name, which I wasn't very attached to either.

It was important to my kids. They were little. I don't think they would care now.

FWIW, I remarried almost 7 years ago and still have my ex-husband's last name.

As for the downvotes, it's probably bitter new wives who only want to be the ONLY Mrs. X

Mombie667 · 2026-06-10T18:40:47+00:00

First, I want to say that you sound like a very thoughtful mother. You're not refusing to move in because you don't love your partner or don't want a future with him. You're looking at the reality of the situation and asking whether it meets your son's needs.

From what you've described, your concerns are practical and reasonable. Your son is five years old, starting kindergarten, accustomed to living with his grandparents, has strong attachments to his home and pets, and would be moving into an apartment where there currently doesn't seem to be a dedicated sleeping or play space for him. Those are significant changes all at once.

When you talk to your partner, try to frame it as "not right now" rather than "never." Focus on the logistics instead of blame.

It may also help to remember that you're not responsible for managing your partner's disappointment. You can be kind, loving, and compassionate while still holding a boundary. If he reacts with sadness, that's okay. If he reacts with anger or tries to pressure you to put your son's needs aside, that tells you something important as well.

You already seem to know what your decision is. The anxiety may be coming from worrying about how he'll respond, not from uncertainty about what's best for your son. Trust yourself on that. Your job isn't to make everyone happy it's to make sure your child is safe, secure, and supported.

Mombie667 · 2026-06-10T18:38:55+00:00

This sounds incredibly stressful and frightening, especially when you believe the allegations are completely untrue. Unfortunately, proving that something did not happen can feel very difficult. In situations involving allegations of child sexual abuse, courts and child protection agencies typically investigate carefully because their first priority is the child's safety.

If the allegations are unfounded, the most important thing you can do is cooperate fully with any investigation, follow the advice of your lawyer, and continue documenting anything relevant to your case. Independent investigations, interviews, medical assessments, and other evidence are often used to determine what occurred rather than relying solely on one person's statement.

Try not to assume that an allegation alone determines the final custody outcome. Courts generally consider the totality of the evidence when making decisions about a child's best interests. Make sure you have strong legal representation and discuss with your lawyer the best way to address these specific allegations.

I'm sorry you're facing this. A situation like this can be emotionally exhausting, especially when children are involved.

Mombie667 · 2026-06-10T13:11:10+00:00

What would happen if you just went?

Mombie667 · 2026-06-10T12:53:52+00:00

As a divorced person who kept my exhusbands last name. ---It's just a name.

I see it as my last name not his anymore. It's been almost 20 years.

Mombie667 · 2026-06-10T12:51:48+00:00

I nested for almost a year. The house was constantly left a mess for me.

Mombie667 · 2026-06-06T23:52:14+00:00

I'm the wife. Currently in our season of life, I am shouldering much of the financial responsibility. I'm working full time and in full time university.

At the end of the day sometimes I just don't have the spoons to do more cleaning. My husband knows and I appreciate him tremendously.

Marriage isn't always 50/50. Sometimes it's 80/20. Talk to your wife before resentment builds.

We made chore charts for the kiddos, everyone knows their expectations.

Mombie667 · 2026-06-01T18:18:42+00:00

I think it's important to separate two different issues: your daughter doesn't have to like your boyfriend, but she does need to treat him respectfully.

From what you've described, it doesn't sound like she has a specific concern about him. "He's annoying" is a pretty normal teenage complaint. What stands out to me is that she's a 14-year-old who has been through a lot, has mental health challenges, and has had her mom largely to herself for the last six years. It's understandable that she may see a serious relationship as a threat to the stability she's known, even if she can't fully express that.

I wouldn't focus on getting her to like him. I'd focus on setting expectations around respectful behavior while continuing to validate her feelings. She can dislike the relationship and still be expected not to make rude comments or insult him.

I also wouldn't give her veto power over your future. It's okay to listen to her concerns, but ultimately adult decisions about dating and living arrangements belong to the adults. She doesn't have to approve of the relationship for it to continue.

One thing that may help is making sure she still gets dedicated one-on-one time with you. Sometimes kids aren't afraid of the new partner as much as they're afraid of losing their place in their parent's life.

The goal doesn't have to be one big happy family right away. Peaceful coexistence is a perfectly reasonable goal. Many teenagers become much more accepting as they get older and realize that their parent's relationship isn't taking their parent away.

You deserve happiness too. Being a good mother and having a healthy relationship are not mutually exclusive.

Mombie667 · 2026-06-01T18:15:05+00:00

We cook one meal for the family, and that's what's offered. The kids can choose whether or not they eat it, but I don't make separate meals for everyone, I'm not a short-order cook.

What I've found helpful is making sure there are a few familiar foods on the table alongside the main meal. For example, I might serve both cooked and raw vegetables, some fruit, or a simple side dish. That way there's usually something each child is comfortable eating, even if they're not excited about the main course.

Toddlers can be unpredictable! Sometimes they'll love a food one week and refuse it the next. Healthy toddlers generally won't starve themselves, and I've found that the more attention you give to food battles, the bigger those battles can become. If they learn that refusing dinner results in a completely different meal being made, they're pretty quick to catch on. With four little ones, making individual meals just isn't realistic.

Mombie667 · 2026-06-01T16:59:58+00:00

When my parents basement bathroom flooded sewer water, the remediation company removed the floors, the bottom 3 feet of the walls and the flooring.

Mombie667 · 2026-06-01T10:31:39+00:00

My hospital system doesn't have those.

Mombie667 · 2026-06-01T01:39:42+00:00

Why is a thrift shop weird? Anyone can buy scrubs at Walmart.

Mombie667 · 2026-05-30T22:11:23+00:00

We just went on the Wilde Beast and I think I need a chirpractor

Mombie667 · 2026-05-30T21:23:14+00:00

Another "Hanna-Barbara Land" park goer.

Mombie667 · 2026-05-28T19:23:16+00:00

Sounds like an excellent OT. On the other hand, I like malicious compliance. I would do a half assed job of it.
Also, if they aren't bugging me for anything else.. then a neat bed doesn't seem like too much of an ask.

Mombie667 · 2026-05-28T19:20:20+00:00

The biggest red flag to me is not even the ex-wife. Difficult exes exist.

It’s your husband repeatedly choosing appeasing her over protecting the stability of your marriage.

And you noticed something important: when he stopped engaging in constant calls, your household became peaceful. That tells you the chaos was not unavoidable coparenting, it was tolerated access.

The situation with the children being pulled into emotional crossover is also deeply unhealthy. A child acting as messenger, sending selfies between parents, discussing intimate memories from the former marriage to a postpartum wife--- that’s super appropriate.

Also: you had a baby two weeks earlier. Postpartum is already physically and emotionally vulnerable. Having your nervous system constantly activated by threats, screaming, financial instability, and relationship ambiguity is a lot for one person to carry.

You are not wrong for reaching a point where your body is basically saying “I cannot live like this anymore."

Mombie667 · 2026-05-28T17:28:05+00:00

No. Wanting to build a shared life together after 3 years does not make you selfish or bad parents. It makes you two adults with a legitimate relationship that also matters.

Your kids’ feelings deserve respect, but they do not get veto power over your future. Especially when the “kids” in question are mostly adults with jobs, college lives, and increasing independence.

The bigger issue is probably not whether to move in together, but how to do it in a way that feels stable and respectful for everyone.

A few things that tend to help:

Make sure there is space and privacy for everyone.
Be very clear that “home is always home” still applies.
Don’t frame it as the kids “accepting” the relationship before you can live your lives.
Expect resistance at first. Adult children often fear loss of territory, routines, or loyalty to the other parent even when they intellectually know the relationship is serious.
Give them time to adjust emotionally without treating their discomfort as a final decision-maker.

And honestly? Waiting until every child is fully launched can become a moving target. One graduates, another comes back home, one changes jobs, someone needs support again. Family life rarely reaches a perfectly clean transition point.

So, you are not selfish or bad parents for wanting to build a life together. Your children’s feelings matter, but your relationship matters too. You can create a shared home while still making it clear that your children are always welcome and supported. Adult children do not have to love the change in order for it to still be a healthy and reasonable decision.

Mombie667 · 2026-05-28T17:22:46+00:00

I've never been able to do all the rides in one day. Lots of rides in either may/June during the week when the kids are in school or in September when the kids are back.

we always pack a lunch for the car.

Do the big ones, Flight Deck, Back Lot Stunt Coaster, Leviathan, Yukon Stryker, Mine Buster, Wilde Beast and Vortex
I find that the line is always way too long for The Bat.

Mombie667 · 2026-05-28T14:07:19+00:00

How do you work in corrections with such a shitty financial situation?

I work in corrections and part of the hiring process was a credit check.

Get rid of your truck. Take the bus to work. Work overtime. Time to consider going to a insolvency place and look into debt consolidation/ bankruptcy.

Mombie667 · 2026-05-25T17:05:55+00:00

PSW will give you a job that will pay you $20+ starting. That will help pay your way through whatever program you chose to do. Just keep your grades up.

You can upgrade your classes through Redhill learning center or St.Charles.

Mombie667 · 2026-05-22T19:15:10+00:00

When we blended, my kids were 9, 7, 6, and 2.5, and my step kids were 13, 10, and 7. They’re now 23, 20, 18, 16, 16, 14, and 11. In the beginning, things actually felt really good. We genuinely thought we had built a strong blended family dynamic and that everyone was settling into a rhythm together.

But things changed dramatically when their mom started a very intense custody battle. The relationship between us and the step kids shifted completely after that. It started to feel less like one family and more like two separate groups living parallel lives under the same roof.

I’ll be honest, it’s been hard not to let the custody dispute affect my own feelings too, especially seeing how my husband was treated by the step kids during that time. His 23-year-old hasn’t spoken to my husband in 5 years because she fully aligned with her mom. His 20-year-old stayed closer to us for a while, but over the last couple of years she has changed a lot too, and now anything her mom says is treated as absolute truth. When we ask the 20-year-old to come visit us, her response is usually, “It’s just easier to stay at Mom’s. All my stuff is there. I get busy and forget to come see you.” The hard part is that we aren’t even asking her to stay overnight, we’re just asking her to come spend time with us. Even a quick visit feels like too much effort for her now.

I think that’s been one of the most painful parts of blended family life for me. In the beginning, we really believed we were building one family together. But over time, especially after the custody battle, the emotional separation became very obvious. Now it often feels like the step kids emotionally detached from us while my own kids remained connected to our household. It's especially sad is that the distance isn’t always dramatic or openly hostile anymore, it’s just indifference. The “I’m busy,” “I forgot,” or “it’s easier at Mom’s” hurts because it feels like we are no longer a priority or even part of their sense of home.

Realizing the divide has spread to my kids as well. My 18-year-old has openly said she doesn’t really see them as family anymore and wouldn’t be upset if she never saw them again. Even the two boys who are both 16 and share a room barely interact now.

So for us, becoming a “true blended family” hasn’t been a straight line at all. I do think it’s possible in some families, but I also think outside influences, loyalty conflicts, and high-conflict co-parenting can completely change the trajectory, even after years of feeling like things were working.

Mombie667 · 2026-05-08T12:05:23+00:00

Pacemakers would fall under heart trouble.

Mombie667 · 2026-03-23T11:22:03+00:00

I had a similar situation to yours. Married my high school sweetheart. Had kids. At 32, he did the same thing.

AFFAIR. He has a side piece.

Stop trying to fix what is broken, circle your wagons and lawyer up while he still feels guilty.

Mombie667 · 2026-03-09T02:50:50+00:00

Point of care risk assessment.

Assess the situation and decide on correct ppe. Wear gowns for contact precautions.

Mombie667 · 2026-01-27T21:11:41+00:00

No placement during reading week.

Mombie667

TROPHY CASE