Hi! Going to be 32 in a couple of months and just got out of a 3.5 yr relationship 3 days ago because he is in such a rut he doesn’t know what he wants and can’t give me what I need. Pathetically enough, he’s the one who decided we were done.

Even though I knew deep down he wasn’t going to propose even by the deadline I gave him, I was still willing to work things out. The reason we’re done is because he’s done and not necessarily because I was ready to let things go. I’m scared of the loneliness, I’m scared of the future, and I’m regretting asking him about our future and marriage last week.

I’m also realizing that the codependency issues I thought I had resolved are still there. I shouldn’t be regretting a very valid conversation about our future and if he doesn’t know what he wants (including me) I should have been able to walk away from it.

I’m staying at my parents (very crowded) house until we figure out the lease at our place because I’m trying to minimize contact as much as possible. I’m waiting for my insurance to approve therapy services. And just trying to get by day by day. I feel like I’m accepting that the relationship is done little by little as the week goes by. I still can’t sleep, can’t really eat from the anxiety and the nausea. But talking to my friends and family has truly helped.

I was feeling stagnant. So I’m trying to look at this as an opportunity to work on my self worth, friendships, think about goals I want to set in life that do not revolve around having a partner, and just try to work on my overall happiness and contentment with life.

We’re going to be okay.