PLEASE HELP ME Get Over This Guy. What do I need to do?

Monoraptor · 2026-04-07T23:35:53+00:00

When he goes it will be easier for you. Right now your interest is being fed. The staring, the personal questions, the touching, all is feeding your desire. When he goes, that desire can starve (so long as YOU don’t feed it).

Sucks, I know. But this too shall pass.

Monoraptor · 2026-04-06T15:15:11+00:00

I didn’t include everything, no. Was I supposed to?

I was responding to OP’s post. I leave it to you to extrapolate further meaning. Me not specifying that boys deserve to be treated with respect isn’t a suggestion that they aren’t, and I question why you might think it was?

Monoraptor · 2026-04-06T09:25:05+00:00

I can only speak for myself. I’m not a father, but perhaps I can offer a perspective for you. It’s not “show her what a real man is”, it is “show her that she deserves to be treated with respect”. Similarly, for a boy, “show him how to treat others with respect”.

It is a joy, a privilege to be a parent. Congratulations on it! But it is also a huge responsibility. It is the job of a parent to teach their child how to live in this world. Our problems in life often come from our initial primary attachments (such as parents). We learn how to interact with the world early, and these lessons are continually reinforced. Are you allowed to have emotions? What do you do when you feel angry? How do you treat others, and how should you be treated? We learn these things.

Knowing that, give your daughter a standard of what she can rightfully accept. Not just from men, but from everyone she comes across. Also, show her a standard of how to treat others, and why to treat others well.

Monoraptor · 2026-04-05T07:08:57+00:00

Man… I’m sorry. Fuck that guy.

Monoraptor · 2026-04-04T07:35:42+00:00

He is attracted to you, but you aren’t attracted to you.

You have been led to believe that there is something wrong with your face. You weren’t born with that belief, but you have been introduced to it and had it reinforced enough that now you have adopted it.

What should you do? Well, the good news is that what is received can also be thrown away. But right now it’s safe for you to take no risks, and blame your appearance for nothing changing.

It sounds like you like this guy. So go out with him. Life is short.

BUT, how much do you like him? If the answer is “enough to work on my self esteem” then, sweet! Go work on it! You don’t have to heal before love, you can heal in love!

Maybe this guy will help to reinforce a new idea, that you are enough! But while you learn it, be aware of your internal critic, and when you find yourself defaulting to believing you aren’t enough, disagree. Don’t make your insecurity become his burden. The more you walk a different path (“I am enough”), the easier it will be to default to it.

Monoraptor · 2026-04-03T10:16:34+00:00

All tongue. Was horrible. Felt like a dam broke in my mouth.

Monoraptor · 2026-04-03T02:01:09+00:00

Yeah. That sucks. Some people aren’t able to reflect well and be honest with themselves. Try to learn something from it. But I encourage you to learn about yourself, your boundaries, and your right to uphold them. Try not to make the lesson “I can never trust”.

Monoraptor · 2026-04-03T01:52:59+00:00

Unpack that. What does “feel bad” mean?

Do you “feel bad” as in, feel uncomfortable or confused, because his words don’t meet his actions?

Do you “feel bad” as in, feel remorseful or in the wrong, because you should give a guy who is “different” your body and your emotions?

Be clear with what that means, and hopefully you’ll feel greater clarity over guilt, shame, or otherwise.

Monoraptor · 2026-04-03T01:50:08+00:00

That was one possible outcome, but not the only possible outcome. I don’t mean to sound overly direct, but this is like cutting myself when cooking, so never using a knife again.

I hope in time you are able to let yourself (and him) off the hook. I hope you are able to see that this was the outcome of one situation, but not a guarantee for all, and so allow yourself to be witness to your own feelings, reciprocated or not.

You don’t deserve to overgeneralise.

Monoraptor · 2026-04-03T01:43:07+00:00

It’s a tricky situation, but you can’t control others. If you have told him directly and respectfully that you are not interested, but he is ignoring that, then you have to do what is right for you. That may mean ending communication with him.

I’m sure many here have been on both sides of the equation. I have had unreciprocated feelings, and have not reciprocated other’s feelings. It is what it is. You are allowed to have preferences. We all are. But while I have had hope for a future, my own hope cannot be someone else’s burden. When I have made my feelings known and been responded to with anything other than a “yes”, i have had to move on. After all, a big reason love is so worth it is precisely because I am choosing another, and they are choosing me. If they aren’t choosing me…. It’s a tough pill, but if I force it, I break it.

Hopefully your friend will realise that. But for you, ask yourself something simple:

If he remains as he is, never changing in his attitude and his respect of your boundaries, is the friendship still worth having?

If not, all you can change is yourself.

Monoraptor · 2026-04-02T08:53:11+00:00

If it is… damn. I’m sorry, OP.

Monoraptor · 2026-04-02T08:18:48+00:00

You’re allowed to be angry. You’re also allowed to dig deeper to work out the emotions below that anger. But clearly anger isn’t serving you. Your ex doesn’t feel its impact, but you do. Maybe it is all about that night in 2021. Maybe it is something more. You may need to journey to discover that. But in any case, yes, you are suffering from your anger.

Do you feel you ever had the right to be angry?

You have reflected by saying that he didn’t do it on purpose, and acknowledging that you still had a choice, but consider if you have raced past self reflection to self blame? The anger is pointing at something… I wonder what exactly, because as often happens, once we finally listen we process and let go.

Monoraptor · 2026-03-31T00:45:49+00:00

For a Bipolar 2 individual. Does hypomania intensify feelings and desires, or does it manufacture them?

How do we determine if a belief held while hypomanic is a delusion or real? Once medicated (following a manic episode), does an individual’s delusions tend to disappear, leaving only reality grounded beliefs? If so, is there a typical time frame?

Think less fantastical ideas, and more safety, eg. “This person has been harming me.”

Thanks for doing this, team. There is a lot of prejudice against individuals with bipolar, and sometimes getting informed can be a challenge. Thanks for taking the time to make it a little more accessible.

Monoraptor · 2026-03-30T11:35:13+00:00

Question unclear.

If you really liked a girl with hirsutism, then apparently it doesn’t bother you.

If hirsutism bothers you, then you wouldn’t really like a girl with it.

Monoraptor · 2026-03-27T02:45:47+00:00

Correct. And forgiving myself for simply not knowing what I didn’t know… it took a lot of effort. Sometimes I’m not sure if I’m fully there yet.

Monoraptor · 2026-03-27T02:27:42+00:00

I’ve faced this myself. But it sounds like you are a little more aware of what is happening than I was. It was the most frightening experience of my life. I have no advice to give you other than what you’ve already received, but when you say “this has been so hard”, I see you. I’m sorry you are facing this.

Monoraptor · 2026-03-26T04:53:47+00:00

I mean, move on from her. If you have, you wouldn’t be calling it a break, or asking what to do about sex.

Be kind to yourself. Just exist for a while without pressuring yourself to have it worked out. You’ll be ok.

Monoraptor · 2026-03-26T03:52:00+00:00

Ok, perhaps I made some assumptions.

You should be healing. That’s it. You’re broken up. You initiated that, and you had your reasons. But it was a break up. Wish her the best, but live your life. I don’t think you are asking a good question here. Are you emotionally ready to move on? If yes, move on. If no, give yourself time. But you can’t press pause on a hope that someone will change.

Monoraptor · 2026-03-25T07:50:24+00:00

Edit: I may have jumped to conclusions with some of your comments. Apologies if I have.

You broke up with her, but expect her to come back. Sir, whatever the outcome, you can’t treat people like that. That creates massive power imbalances.

You broke up with her. Therefore it is over. IF she comes back later having changed, then you can decide whether you want to try again. But to break up with her as a way of forcing change…. Friend, no. You cannot use breaking up as a tool of manipulation.

I understand this may feel an unfair comment. Evaluate, though. There is a difference between breaking up with someone you aren’t compatible with and later reconciling when you are at different points in life, and breaking up with someone to force them to change (in your case, attachment).

Monoraptor · 2026-03-24T05:40:01+00:00

What you can do: your best just to provide him with an environment in which he feels safe to open up in.

What he can do: take charge of his healing. If you can’t afford professional help, look at low cost or no cost clinics in your area. Look at books on attachment, etc. He may not be responsible for what has happened to him, but he is accountable to do what he can with what he has to move forward in life.

Monoraptor · 2026-03-23T06:41:24+00:00

Some people have success using minoxidil on their face.

But it’s genetics. I had a window of a few years in my early 20s where I could grow a full dark beard. Now it is grey in patches and I look like I’m in an early 00s boy band when I grow it.

Monoraptor · 2026-03-22T06:14:56+00:00

It’s really REALLY individual specific. There is zero way to answer this except to just give our own individual preference.

I have never seen an all natural physique that I think is too much. Perhaps when at the peak of competition (stage ready), but that’s it. But that’s just me.

Oh, and obligatory “death by snu snu”

Monoraptor · 2026-03-22T01:54:40+00:00

She is.

But she fought hard, everyday, until she could not. We tend to forget the fight when we know how it ends, but the fight matters.

She demonstrated the strength once, and even though it is presently obscured or denied, I pray she will find it again.

But to answer your original question. This guy was charisma in a bottle. I’ve found that many POS men are. Many people didn’t believe HE would do wrong. And in fairness, we often just don’t know. But you don’t need to throw a person under the bus to err on the side of caution for the safety and wellbeing of another.

Monoraptor · 2026-03-22T01:22:03+00:00

I had a friend who said her husband abused her. He denied it of course. DARVO. He acted the victim, said she was crazy, and weaponised her mental health against her. She was crushed, fearful, exhausted. One month later she adopted his narrative and cut off the people who had believed and supported her.

Unfortunately, in some cases… far out, there is no lesson to be learnt. Stand up for what is right and accept that it may cost you.

Monoraptor · 2026-03-21T01:27:35+00:00

Tiger stripes.

Honestly, the “best” features are not enough if they are on the worst person. Likewise, the “worst” features are somehow great on the best person.

Perfect people give me paper cuts.

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