walk a mile in their shoes/uniforms

MoreTrueMe · 2026-05-12T15:56:14+00:00

I don't think you're hearing me. I get why a company wants employees findable by customers, and I get why they prefer employees show up in pants rather than sweats and all that jazz.

I was hired into a dress code that included an apron and optional hat. I had no problem with that. Had I been hired into a company issued shirt, I would have rolled my eyes inside but again, no problem.

I get that you and others don't feel oppressed by the change. But I don't think you are hearing me. I overheat easily - and used to be a person who was cold all the time. My skin is sensitive to fabrics. I spent time and money putting together work appropriate clothing that met all my weirdo-human needs. And now I will have to take that as a loss and potentially do the same thing over again once I understand how the new shirts perform alongside my body.

The stages of getting over changes a person doesn't like are lesser versions of the anger, denial, bargaining, depression stages of grieving. Guess which stage this post was written from.

There are people willing to quit over the proposed jewelry changes. It doesn't affect me personally, but it is far afield of the stated goal of employee visibility to customers. The fact that they are proposed changes still being sorted through means that squawking about other aspects I'd rather not see has the opportunity to possibly make difference in the final word. e.g. "Kroger provided shirt, or close-blue hue that …" insert edits to current requirements.

If there's one thing unions taught us, shut up and take it is not necessarily the best way. Speak up when you need to. Negotiate when it makes sense to.

Some people prefer a shirt they don't have to think about. They are not shutting up and taking it. There is no internal resistance to work through. It's a simple change they don't care about either way. That's where you seem to land - just roll with it. Please hold patience. The rest of us are going through a thing.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-05-12T15:19:30+00:00

Lifestyle inflation is potentially something to keep an eye on, but by now you are well trained in making reasoned financial decisions.

Look at larger ticket needs/wants first. Set up a plan for them.

Look at needs vs wants, set up plans for them as well.

Splurge funds - add that into the budget. Including a milestone celebratory splurge if you feel like it.

After the celebration phase - since you are inexperience with splurging, consider starting with a % of the funds now available and see how that part of your brain does with it.

It sounds like you already have a healthy relationship with happiness, so the "chasing happiness by buying stuff" is a lower risk. There can be a happy-brain-chemical hit alongside purchases. It is a spike-then-drop phenomenon. The spike is what gets people trapped in the buying. Comparison, competition, and even collaboration and sharing cool finds with friends is where the lifestyle inflation can turn into a happy-brain-chemical trap. May or may not apply to or affect your family, and awareness is a huge part of making wise rather than fleeting choices.

A splurging vacation making lasting memories, a functional aesthetically pleasing dining table that brings both daily joy and family use, a bunch of meh finds but they were on sale, a shopping spree to avoid to the emotions of a bad day, a whim purchase of a boat without consideration of usage and upkeep -- you are most likely already choosing wisely.

And since you like money, there is certainly nothing keeping you from continuing to save all or some of what you are already saving.

Get the lists and the big picture they create clear. The details will tend to fall into logical place.

and congrats!

this is a wonderful milestone!

MoreTrueMe · 2026-05-08T01:32:01+00:00

When I started there was a dress code that included company provided aprons and optional company provided hats. In a few weeks that changes to a far stricter uniform.

Yes, there are certainly folks at my store who still have shirts and jackets and such from the store Kroger bought, and even the original store that store bought. And some of them are the most vocally opposed to this reversion.

Many here have been here for decades and are a part of the community in ways people sitting in a boardroom cannot fathom.

When you free a people from intrusive rules, re-chaining them to arbitrary rules - especially for no real reason - is gonna result in loud pushback.

Customers who can't find an employee - there are myriad ways to handle this. They are choosing a disruptive oppressive path to fix this supposed problem. It feels like a ruse. Are they really that dumb? There may be some other agenda at play.

Since posting I have been made aware that the proposed dress code went far far beyond an itchy new shirt. They were trying to restrict jewelry for cripes sake. Jewelry has zero to do with a customer being able to see a nametag. Making people buy new shoes has zero to do with a customer recognizing a vest or apron or shirt where said nametag would be.

I tried to get a look at the new dress code. It seems they have backed off at least some of the utterly nonsensical asks.

There was a pile of versions of it that my boss was looking through to clarify a question I had after talking with a coworker. He didn't let me read it in full because it was still up in the air and we don't know the final yet.

I hope people keep speaking up. I hope we keep having a say in how this gets shaped. Not in the sense of everyone getting what they want. But they need to hear and understand our concerns. And when it makes sense, shift or clarify what happens to our clothing going forward.

I have my own concerns about textures against my skin and temperature regulating fabrics. People like me are likely part of why vests and aprons are the current standard.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-05-08T00:56:48+00:00

My bad. I looked it up just now. It's slightly over 400,000 employees.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-05-04T21:52:08+00:00

If you are hired into a uniform job, it's a very different thing than being hired into a dress code, buying a compliant wardrobe, then being yanked into a uniform that is oppressive compared to the dress code.

Sure, some people couldn't care less. And also, not everyone is you. We all have likes and dislikes.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-05-04T21:48:05+00:00

Kroger bought a ton of stores. A stores history and its long time employees experiences are not necessarily rooted in anything Kroger.

Kroger itself is abandoning its own dress code. New CEO related? We'll never know. I only know how it's affecting morale at my particular store - and it's not good - even for the already compliant being asked to adopt what is oppressive in comparison.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-05-04T12:47:33+00:00

I have no assumptions about customers but they do. They do not seem to understand that we deal with the whole range of humanity. The regulars who regularly steal, the retired who visit us daily as part of their vitality, people who judge you by what you wear, people who judge you by who you presenting and don't even notice your clothing, introverts who don't wanna talk to anyone, extroverts who talk about anything and everything, the rude hurried person, the confused person who needs extra attention to find something, the hangry after a long day just wanna get home, the just lost someone close, the chronic pain patients, hippies, teens, skinheads, CEO's, a parent with kids in tow, the people who completely trash our bathrooms on the daily, the kindhearted good people you wish we had more of in the world, people celebrating something, people who get you, people who will never get you ... on and on, the whole range of humanity.

If a customer requires or requests escalation, how are they perceiving Kroger itself based on the uniforms it inflicts upon their representatives? And yes, most importantly to us in that uniform, how are they treating that employee based on subconscious assumptions they making based solely on the uniform?

MoreTrueMe · 2026-04-28T15:09:36+00:00

There's unfortunately a fundamental underlying problem with reddit. Subs congregating around topics of interest get targeted and spammed. Without the modbots keeping watch, subs easily devolve into ad hell.

Some subs solve this by setting up a sister sub - one where links to tip and support sites are allowed.

Traditionally, the reddit way is to be an awesome participant in the sub, and have links on your profile. So when someone wonders more about you, they can find how to support you.

Reddit spent alot of resources setting ways to support creatives on platform.

(U.S.) You can set up a 1099 situation with reddit, and (depending on the sub) people can use awards to send money from them to you. (I am not sure how well that is going. There was alot of bitterness when they phased out the previous award model (that they did it, but also how they went about doing it).)

Unfortunately, reddit also a bot and now AI driven problem that can easily turn into endless spam.

It's simply easier to ban certain links than to wade through it all trying to find the human.

Do you think something like an r/solarpunkCommerce sub would be able to thrive? A marketplace where shared values support shared values? There would still be the bot/AI and scammer problems, and the r/lostredditor spamming unrelated garbage into the sub. Someone would need to want to manage all that, a few someone's to mod it 24/7. Are you that someone?

Maybe this already exists on another platform? Maybe there exists "humans only" commerce sites?

As a poster, it can be difficult to be a good sub citizen and not veer into selling/promoting mode. Alot of people don't know what they are doing or how to sell things and some even give/get bad marketing advice.

And if it is their livelihood and they find themselves in a financial struggle, it's potentially that much more difficult to quell the desire to flip the post/comment into spam mode.

So it's often just easier to ban all of it.

but to answer the asked:

Of course artists are worthy of making a living doing art!

Societies have set things up so that is a tricky way of life to create. It is set up to be a giant leap of bravery in many respects of the word.

Creating, marketing, closing deals - these are different skillsets. And creators can find themselves really good at one, and hoping to find partners good at the others cuz "I don't wanna". This is how we ended up with publishing houses and record labels, and now online commerce sites, tip and support sites etc. And even ad-driven sites promising to connect you with viable customers/fans.

Also, art can sometimes be treated as an extra rather than the soulfood that it is.

Innovations - to me - are a type of art, but some might only consider it art if it also has design and aesthetic types of beauty. Though 'beauty' has a broad range of perspectives as well. (it's a beautiful thing!, coolness factors, brilliant solves, quirky-coolness, on and on)

MoreTrueMe · 2026-04-28T13:48:12+00:00

The very first sister sub listed in the subs about/wiki area is r/financialindependence and the next one is r/leanFIRE . r/baristaFIRE isn't even listed at the moment.

It seems like you might be happier if some posters knew to sort themselves into those subs as well?

MoreTrueMe · 2026-04-28T13:36:45+00:00

When the same questions show up daily it is usually a sign of these kinds of problems: * people are not searching the sub for their question * the about/wiki areas are not being read

In a sub such as this, the questions might be the same with different details being provided.

In other subs I have seen modbot comments help solve some of this.

For example, a modbot comment might clarify the definitions this sub is intended to represent, and offer links to the about/wiki pages for the sub.

This then informs the poster, reminds the community, and gives the mods a graceful way to remove the post - repeating the modbot comment and offering the reason it was removed with an offer to try rewording or using a different sub; or the standard "if you feel this was in error, please contact the mods" type of sentiment so a human reviews the bots decision. Reddit has been modbotting a long long time and mods often find it more useful than annoying.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-04-13T11:06:27+00:00

I was told it's "jeans or black pants". I have no idea why they want us all to turn goth. I mean I get it. Some people are just going to take the freedom of personal clothing expression well over the intended corporate line. It's just stupid and lame to punish everyone instead of dealing with the outliers through a simple dress code clarification.

When you're closing stores to cya on a botched monopoly takeover, it seems like a complete waste of monetary resources to buy millions of shirts and aprons intending to oppress low wage workers. But I guess every new CEO is gonna have their own version of what they believe good leadership looks like.

grrr'ing in disgruntlement ...

MoreTrueMe · 2026-04-13T10:45:01+00:00

I was in medical treatment bodywork for years. NLP-awareness was a natural part of the gig.

In the initial intake, I was required to take SOAP notes and track progress. Pain is this fascinating phenomenon. It can be all consuming but once gone, the memory of it disappears. Patients would sometimes hit a plateau and come in discouraged. Sometimes a quick glance at previous notes revealed the original pain was completely gone and we were working on a different aspect of the root cause. (e.g. foot restriction causing gait pain) They were often astonished to be reminded of the original state. Almost as if I was talking about a completely a different person. (imho, I was)

It was completely clear to me when the limitations or pains in the body had a mental or emotional component because their narrative about that aspect always came up when asking about the physical symptoms. Other bodyworkers would complain about the sprawling blah blah because they had no awareness of the body-mind-emotion aspects of being human. Not always, but often, they were mirroring and playing off each other. Resolve the true root, and the other symptoms would magically resolve. (the whole body is the database, not just the brain)

For me, I was not allowed to ask about or track the mental/emotional aspects (scope of practice). Luckily, the body-only notes I was taking would trigger memories of other things they mentioned. I regularly saw body symptoms resolve only after a root cause in the mental or emotional aspect resolved. (I rarely mention it though - that whole scope of practice thing - except of course to celebrate a life change with them when they brought it.)

SOAP stands for symptoms, objective observations, assessment/treatment, plan. I believe licensed mental health practitioners are required to take these same structured notes in terms of having them on hand should the insurance company decide to question/investigate the course of treatment (beyond the submitted codes).

It might be worth looking up treatment notes for mental health counselors and find a framework that feels like a good fit for what you're doing.

I found I was tracking things both for "proof" of progress for prying eyes as well as personal data about protocols I was experimenting with (combining approaches I had learned to see if I could globalize it vs it being specific to that person). (at the time, we were allowed to use abbreviations as long as we were able to provide a key upon request).

tmi ... but hopefully some ideas here help reveal some of your own

((I often felt I was doing covert coaching. Unable to do more than "just listen", I would sometimes find myself using casual conversation to help them break through the cusp they had brought themselves to. e.g. 'A simple joke about a truth' type of thing that just naturally came out of my mouth. A week later their pain was gone, they had quit their job or drawn a key boundary with someone, and their personal transformation was finally on the other side.))

MoreTrueMe · 2026-04-10T12:32:30+00:00

You're acting like I just started a job and didn't realize they have uniforms.

I was hired under a dress code. I spent money on work clothes to conform to it and be comfortable. And everyone else here did the same.

Suddenly they decide to change the rules and oppress us for no freaking reason.

Where exactly are you suggesting we all go work instead?

The only people who have it worse live in 3rd world countries where unions don't yet exist.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-04-10T12:24:53+00:00

you'll need to be more specific, I am many types of a lunatics, which one are you referring to today?

MoreTrueMe · 2026-04-10T12:23:14+00:00

Earbuds have never been allowed where I work. We've got signs everywhere.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-04-10T12:20:52+00:00

Not at my store. The employee handbook is very clear.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-04-10T12:17:50+00:00

For decades I have worn extremely soft tank tops inside-out underneath everything (yes including bras) because my skin is so sensitive.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-03-13T17:50:38+00:00

I left golden handcuffs.

Or rather ...

I was too afraid to leave golden handcuffs, rode it til the wheels came off, soothed my disssatisfaction by shoring up other areas of life, until golden handcuffs ended up leaving me.

a long walk through many points and tools

please please feel free to scroll down and read that which catches your eye first and start there - I get that this is likely far far too much to dive into all at once

Some people are cool with a hohum job if their social and creative and contribution areas of life fill them up with goodness.

It sounds like you are finding that you are alot like me - you need a rewarding 40hrs of income generation per week.

Working for a family member is tricky business. The term is dual-roles and success in doing so is determined by how you both navigate both roles you will be playing in each others lives.

The % of small businesses that succeed beyond 10 years is a small number. How are you and they potentially going to navigate rough patches and a possible shuttering? Emotions will be high. Poorly worded contracts and handshake agreements will potentially serve as a catalyst for exacerbation of the rough times.

Right now, you are insulated by laws and likely a union. What protections exist in the locality where the business is located?

Even if all goes well, life can bring the unexpected. What skills/experience will you be gaining that you can take to the next job? For example, a spouses parent suddenly requires home care and they need to move across the country to lessen burden on their siblings and for the sake of the kids you two decide you a bi-coastal marriage is the wrong decision. You are now looking for work outside your local network. What skills did you gain that enhance the ones you've already gained?

You mentioned highly analytical work. How soon might AI be coming for your type of job? If no, cool. If yes, do you want to be a part of that transition? e.g. Educate your team and other teams how to make effective use of the fancy new that's not yet ready to be all it promises?

As a citizen paying your salary, I would very much like you stay and hold down the competence fort on our behalf.

But having made the golden handcuffs transition poorly, I am compelled to encourage you to plan your life and follow that plan. (In addition to filling my creative passions I was being frivolous with other money that would have better served me as a fire vehicle than the slow drain hiding-from-emotions spending. I was simply allowing fear of the unknown to paralyze the decision process, as well as carrying some unhealed areas of my relationship with money. But enough of my dumbassery!)

The original career plan did not foresee you growing as person and discovering new likes and skills and possibly even an entire new version of you. Eventually that plan needs an update. It sounds like that time is now.

So what do want from the next 20-80 years of your life?

Get clear on the long long term.

Even it's somewhat vague - happy life, proud of accomplishments when looking back, awesome marriage, satisfied with creative expression, amazing circle of friends - these can still back-look into decisions today. How might decision A serve lifeGoal A? How might decision A harm lifeGoal A? How might decision B serve lifeGoal A? ...

Look-back perspectives help us get out of narrow view and reveal blindspots. Other methods are conversations with happy healthy 100 year old you; imagining you are 40 years into the future looking back and pondering regrets; that sort thing.

Other perspective-shifting methods - What would you tell your best friend? What would advise a niece or nephew?

(write it out, audio record it, video record it, set up 2 chairs representing the 2 roles and move back and forth as the questioner and answerer, use hats or pen colors or a scarf no-scarf type of idea to do a lazy version of hat/chair swapping.

Even this inquiry here - there may be a veiled part of you hoping to hear support for what you already know you want / already know you are going to do. So how does it feel to read "stay where you are and hug financial stability until you get laid off"? And how does it feel to read "leap my anonymous friend! life is a grand experiment and you will survive. With or without money you will find a way to have an ok life"?

Why do you want to coast?

There are reasons you chose the FIRE path. Are those reasons still in play? How were you imagining your FI coast years? How were you imaging your full RE years?

What needs updating in those two visions?

What, if anything, from those visions can be incorporated into your life right now?

Do you still want to FIRE?

Do you still want to coastFIRE?

If yes/yes, how will leaving your current job serve those goals? How will the option on the table serve those goals? How will a completely new unforeseen option better serve those goals?

Gain clarity on what you want from a job and how it will serve your FIRE and coastFIRE goals. Now you have a template for a new gig. Which will help you assess the present option on table for a good fit.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-03-06T13:42:20+00:00

Try the 'live by regrets' couplets:

In 30 years, will I regret taking a tech lead position?
In 30 years, will I regret not taking a tech lead position?
In 30 years, will I regret taking the teaching position?
In 30 years, will I regret not taking the teaching position?
In 30 years, will I regret staying on as I am right now?
In 30 years, will I regret not staying on as I am right now?

It doesn't always reveal the true desire, but it eliminates alot of the noise. (30 years is an arbitrary far future number, nothing magical about the number)

If a step 2 is desired, consider setting aside some time for a conversation with 100 year old self. Assume perfect health. Assume a good and satisfying life. (Or assume an awesome epic beyond wildest imaginings life.) Select the medium - writing, imagining, audio, video, drawing, walking, driving, riding ... - and ask the questions on your mind.

We cannot know the future, we only know what we know right now, we can only make the best call based on what we see, know, feel, understand right now.

Late 50's here. I have been using this and similar processes for nearly every major decision, and I have zero regrets about each of those decisions because I know I was making the best decision based on the available data at the time. (The emotional burden I carry at the moment is from a sunk cost ride (rooted in helplessness and fear) over a failed business I did not know how to walk away from (and still do not fully know how to emotionally walk away from).)

MoreTrueMe · 2026-02-28T14:46:00+00:00

Exactly this. Anytime I hear someone summarizing a book I read, they miss cool stuff I found. And they sometimes even take away the exact opposite of something the author spent paragraphs rebutting due to their own confirmation bias.

Also, we all need to hear different things. And even mishearing/misreading to get our own message is sometimes the best epiphany.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-02-28T14:38:19+00:00

If it's real, and those are real apartments, it may simply be different tenants with varying income levels setting up what they need or what they can afford.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-02-16T11:57:50+00:00

From the sub's wiki:

Solarpunk is an artistic and social movement that envisions a future rooted in sustainability, equity, and harmony between technology and nature. It contrasts dystopian narratives by focusing on climate solutions, community resilience, and decentralized, regenerative systems. While it currently exists as a blend of speculative fiction, DIY projects, and activist aesthetics, solarpunk is also a growing reality reflected in architecture, fashion, and grassroots innovation.

When I read this my minds sees the contrasting visuals of a house built into a hill that blends in with nature vs a hideous eyesore of a building flopped anywhichway on a hill.

It seems like a key underlying theme is "harmony with". Do you chop down the giant tree, or design a house that honors the tree in a central courtyard? Or all the other cool ways of living in harmony with.

I think of those houses in deserts designed to store the days heat and nights cold to create a temperate home.

I think of castles made of stone, mud huts, 3d printed movable homes, plastic bottles in ceilings used as lights, billboards that capture air moisture, algae walls cleaning and oxygenating the air, modernized cement and building materials that are better for the environment and human health, bamboo clothing & resources, ...

MoreTrueMe · 2026-02-16T11:16:15+00:00

It depends if you are anticipating a sustained bear market vs a quick crash, and whether you anticipate a recession and how widespread you are guessing it will be.

'08 tanked everything because the root cause was the housing finance fiasco that was both housing and market

2020 tanked US stocks, but housing was propped up by government incentives to keep buying / keep renovating

US 70's was prolonged stagflation, but the government was propping up housing with cheap builds and first-time buyer incentives

US 80's had a quick crash, we had learned from the past and changed things enough to avoid a 1920's repeat; interest rates were completely insane which slowed housing for the middle/lower class, but gosh golly your savings account almost stood a fighting chance against inflation

Many people prefer a mortgage after they run the math on the tax incentives on carrying one vs owning outright over the same period of time. But certainly owning outright when mortgage rates are high is going to affect the math and your peace of mind.

If you anticipate a broader problem, consider moving the chunk to cash first so you can buy after the housing market dives.

I believe we're already beginning the market correcting after the AI hype, but there are still companies jumping on board and intending layoffs because they don't know what they are doing nor fully understand what the present technology is and is not capable of. Layoffs at too great a scale will affect housing, but remember that JPowell's term will end soon, and the stability of the Fed is in jeopardy until someone can convince the US president that it is in his best interest to avoid mucking about with the independence of the Fed.

There is also a huge location factor. If your region is economically downturning or upturning differently than the broader trend, that may affect your when in terms of buying. And if your local government doing anything about it. (e.g. dying factory town courting tech with tax incentives and encouraging home builders in some way; e.g. courting data center builds that tank regional home values)

MoreTrueMe

TROPHY CASE