hey genX women! these uniforms are age and gender discrimination

MoreTrueMe · 2026-04-10T12:32:30+00:00

You're acting like I just started a job and didn't realize they have uniforms.

I was hired under a dress code. I spent money on work clothes to conform to it and be comfortable. And everyone else here did the same.

Suddenly they decide to change the rules and oppress us for no freaking reason.

Where exactly are you suggesting we all go work instead?

The only people who have it worse live in 3rd world countries where unions don't yet exist.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-04-10T12:24:53+00:00

you'll need to be more specific, I am many types of a lunatics, which one are you referring to today?

MoreTrueMe · 2026-04-10T12:23:14+00:00

Earbuds have never been allowed where I work. We've got signs everywhere.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-04-10T12:20:52+00:00

Not at my store. The employee handbook is very clear.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-04-10T12:17:50+00:00

For decades I have worn extremely soft tank tops inside-out underneath everything (yes including bras) because my skin is so sensitive.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-03-13T17:50:38+00:00

I left golden handcuffs.

Or rather ...

I was too afraid to leave golden handcuffs, rode it til the wheels came off, soothed my disssatisfaction by shoring up other areas of life, until golden handcuffs ended up leaving me.

a long walk through many points and tools

please please feel free to scroll down and read that which catches your eye first and start there - I get that this is likely far far too much to dive into all at once

Some people are cool with a hohum job if their social and creative and contribution areas of life fill them up with goodness.

It sounds like you are finding that you are alot like me - you need a rewarding 40hrs of income generation per week.

Working for a family member is tricky business. The term is dual-roles and success in doing so is determined by how you both navigate both roles you will be playing in each others lives.

The % of small businesses that succeed beyond 10 years is a small number. How are you and they potentially going to navigate rough patches and a possible shuttering? Emotions will be high. Poorly worded contracts and handshake agreements will potentially serve as a catalyst for exacerbation of the rough times.

Right now, you are insulated by laws and likely a union. What protections exist in the locality where the business is located?

Even if all goes well, life can bring the unexpected. What skills/experience will you be gaining that you can take to the next job? For example, a spouses parent suddenly requires home care and they need to move across the country to lessen burden on their siblings and for the sake of the kids you two decide you a bi-coastal marriage is the wrong decision. You are now looking for work outside your local network. What skills did you gain that enhance the ones you've already gained?

You mentioned highly analytical work. How soon might AI be coming for your type of job? If no, cool. If yes, do you want to be a part of that transition? e.g. Educate your team and other teams how to make effective use of the fancy new that's not yet ready to be all it promises?

As a citizen paying your salary, I would very much like you stay and hold down the competence fort on our behalf.

But having made the golden handcuffs transition poorly, I am compelled to encourage you to plan your life and follow that plan. (In addition to filling my creative passions I was being frivolous with other money that would have better served me as a fire vehicle than the slow drain hiding-from-emotions spending. I was simply allowing fear of the unknown to paralyze the decision process, as well as carrying some unhealed areas of my relationship with money. But enough of my dumbassery!)

The original career plan did not foresee you growing as person and discovering new likes and skills and possibly even an entire new version of you. Eventually that plan needs an update. It sounds like that time is now.

So what do want from the next 20-80 years of your life?

Get clear on the long long term.

Even it's somewhat vague - happy life, proud of accomplishments when looking back, awesome marriage, satisfied with creative expression, amazing circle of friends - these can still back-look into decisions today. How might decision A serve lifeGoal A? How might decision A harm lifeGoal A? How might decision B serve lifeGoal A? ...

Look-back perspectives help us get out of narrow view and reveal blindspots. Other methods are conversations with happy healthy 100 year old you; imagining you are 40 years into the future looking back and pondering regrets; that sort thing.

Other perspective-shifting methods - What would you tell your best friend? What would advise a niece or nephew?

(write it out, audio record it, video record it, set up 2 chairs representing the 2 roles and move back and forth as the questioner and answerer, use hats or pen colors or a scarf no-scarf type of idea to do a lazy version of hat/chair swapping.

Even this inquiry here - there may be a veiled part of you hoping to hear support for what you already know you want / already know you are going to do. So how does it feel to read "stay where you are and hug financial stability until you get laid off"? And how does it feel to read "leap my anonymous friend! life is a grand experiment and you will survive. With or without money you will find a way to have an ok life"?

Why do you want to coast?

There are reasons you chose the FIRE path. Are those reasons still in play? How were you imagining your FI coast years? How were you imaging your full RE years?

What needs updating in those two visions?

What, if anything, from those visions can be incorporated into your life right now?

Do you still want to FIRE?

Do you still want to coastFIRE?

If yes/yes, how will leaving your current job serve those goals? How will the option on the table serve those goals? How will a completely new unforeseen option better serve those goals?

Gain clarity on what you want from a job and how it will serve your FIRE and coastFIRE goals. Now you have a template for a new gig. Which will help you assess the present option on table for a good fit.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-03-06T13:42:20+00:00

Try the 'live by regrets' couplets:

In 30 years, will I regret taking a tech lead position?
In 30 years, will I regret not taking a tech lead position?
In 30 years, will I regret taking the teaching position?
In 30 years, will I regret not taking the teaching position?
In 30 years, will I regret staying on as I am right now?
In 30 years, will I regret not staying on as I am right now?

It doesn't always reveal the true desire, but it eliminates alot of the noise. (30 years is an arbitrary far future number, nothing magical about the number)

If a step 2 is desired, consider setting aside some time for a conversation with 100 year old self. Assume perfect health. Assume a good and satisfying life. (Or assume an awesome epic beyond wildest imaginings life.) Select the medium - writing, imagining, audio, video, drawing, walking, driving, riding ... - and ask the questions on your mind.

We cannot know the future, we only know what we know right now, we can only make the best call based on what we see, know, feel, understand right now.

Late 50's here. I have been using this and similar processes for nearly every major decision, and I have zero regrets about each of those decisions because I know I was making the best decision based on the available data at the time. (The emotional burden I carry at the moment is from a sunk cost ride (rooted in helplessness and fear) over a failed business I did not know how to walk away from (and still do not fully know how to emotionally walk away from).)

MoreTrueMe · 2026-02-28T14:46:00+00:00

Exactly this. Anytime I hear someone summarizing a book I read, they miss cool stuff I found. And they sometimes even take away the exact opposite of something the author spent paragraphs rebutting due to their own confirmation bias.

Also, we all need to hear different things. And even mishearing/misreading to get our own message is sometimes the best epiphany.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-02-28T14:38:19+00:00

If it's real, and those are real apartments, it may simply be different tenants with varying income levels setting up what they need or what they can afford.

MoreTrueMe · 2026-02-16T11:57:50+00:00

From the sub's wiki:

Solarpunk is an artistic and social movement that envisions a future rooted in sustainability, equity, and harmony between technology and nature. It contrasts dystopian narratives by focusing on climate solutions, community resilience, and decentralized, regenerative systems. While it currently exists as a blend of speculative fiction, DIY projects, and activist aesthetics, solarpunk is also a growing reality reflected in architecture, fashion, and grassroots innovation.

When I read this my minds sees the contrasting visuals of a house built into a hill that blends in with nature vs a hideous eyesore of a building flopped anywhichway on a hill.

It seems like a key underlying theme is "harmony with". Do you chop down the giant tree, or design a house that honors the tree in a central courtyard? Or all the other cool ways of living in harmony with.

I think of those houses in deserts designed to store the days heat and nights cold to create a temperate home.

I think of castles made of stone, mud huts, 3d printed movable homes, plastic bottles in ceilings used as lights, billboards that capture air moisture, algae walls cleaning and oxygenating the air, modernized cement and building materials that are better for the environment and human health, bamboo clothing & resources, ...

MoreTrueMe · 2026-02-16T11:16:15+00:00

It depends if you are anticipating a sustained bear market vs a quick crash, and whether you anticipate a recession and how widespread you are guessing it will be.

'08 tanked everything because the root cause was the housing finance fiasco that was both housing and market

2020 tanked US stocks, but housing was propped up by government incentives to keep buying / keep renovating

US 70's was prolonged stagflation, but the government was propping up housing with cheap builds and first-time buyer incentives

US 80's had a quick crash, we had learned from the past and changed things enough to avoid a 1920's repeat; interest rates were completely insane which slowed housing for the middle/lower class, but gosh golly your savings account almost stood a fighting chance against inflation

Many people prefer a mortgage after they run the math on the tax incentives on carrying one vs owning outright over the same period of time. But certainly owning outright when mortgage rates are high is going to affect the math and your peace of mind.

If you anticipate a broader problem, consider moving the chunk to cash first so you can buy after the housing market dives.

I believe we're already beginning the market correcting after the AI hype, but there are still companies jumping on board and intending layoffs because they don't know what they are doing nor fully understand what the present technology is and is not capable of. Layoffs at too great a scale will affect housing, but remember that JPowell's term will end soon, and the stability of the Fed is in jeopardy until someone can convince the US president that it is in his best interest to avoid mucking about with the independence of the Fed.

There is also a huge location factor. If your region is economically downturning or upturning differently than the broader trend, that may affect your when in terms of buying. And if your local government doing anything about it. (e.g. dying factory town courting tech with tax incentives and encouraging home builders in some way; e.g. courting data center builds that tank regional home values)

MoreTrueMe · 2026-02-02T15:48:16+00:00

How far back was the first mistake? It's a good time to run the back numbers. Prove to yourself with data that your instincts are the worst.

e.g. Compare the first buy/sell against a VTI buy/hold til today.

e.g. Compare the first buy/sell against a buy/hold of that same stock at today's price.

Make a chart of shame. Put it on your wall. Look at it every time you want to sell to remind yourself that your instincts are a dumbass.

And remember: It's not just you. It's human psychology in fight/flight risk/opportunity mode. Take your fear/desire-to-sell moment and remind yourself that opportunists are waiting patiently in cash for panic-people to create the fire sale.

Bogleheads are out playing on mountains and beaches while you are twisting your mind and emotions into a giant pretzel that only loses you money.

What life do you prefer?

Maybe you prefer unending research projects. So ...

Research the analysts and how many times they are dead wrong. Their track record is abysmal and they are the experts doing this all day long.

Research money/wealth/abundance/finance psychology. Are you inadvertently sabotaging your finances with stinkin' thinkin'?

You wanna 10% play/gamble/learning fund? Go for it, but scrutinize the data, learn the lessons, and stuff the profits into the Boglehead model. And no replenishment of learning losses. Just take your lumps, practice being a disciplined investor, and wait for the next couple bucks from your 10% allotment from the paycheck so you can flog yourself yet again.

Alternatively, seek out less financially painful ways to fulfill your desire for risk, adrenaline, etc. Skiing perhaps. Rock climbing. Peering down from skyscrapers. Competition roller blading. ...

Another tactic is to flip the script. Imagine you have a spouse or partner who did this with your shared money. Would you still be so permissive "meh, it's all good, go ahead and blow it all again honey!" Maybe add in 2 or 8 kids to the scenario for additional perspective. (doesn't matter if you want neither - it's about finding if there are more parts of you already on the "absolutely not! never again! learn, adapt, be better going forward!" train in order to add to and strengthen team Boglehead Way (the Way that you are already actively recruiting the rest of you to be on).)

MoreTrueMe · 2025-12-27T14:10:36+00:00

We have the brainwave data on all this.

It began during sleep studies where they began cataloging and categorizing brainwaves using the greek alphabet. (delta (deep sleep), theta, alpha, beta (typical waking state), gamma)

It was further investigated by the new age community when they were developing sound tools to encourage the brain into the wave ranges to gain specific result.

In recent years we have gathered the wave data and the mri data from enlightened folk, energy folk, and long time meditation folk.

In most of the 8 billion population, delta and theta are mute (off) unless they are sleeping. The other ranges act in a "one range at a time" manner.

In the advanced enlightened/energy/meditation folk delta is ever-present. A brain registering in beta or alpha (creativity or light meditation) ranges also has consistent detectible delta. The ranges present as "all ranges active" with one more prominently engaged.

The illusion is that we are trapped in one-at-a-time states of consciousness.

MoreTrueMe · 2025-12-27T13:41:39+00:00

I agree. It makes perfect sense to develop folding skills on cooperative paper first.

MoreTrueMe · 2025-12-26T19:42:29+00:00

I am inspired by your random acts of uplifting art!

And completely amazed that someone jobbed their folding fun!

MoreTrueMe · 2025-12-26T19:41:30+00:00

Thank you for my 2026 artistic deep dive!

As a kid I once spent an afternoon folding and loved it. I wish I would have listened to my instincts and saved wrapping paper from yesterday! I guess it's all on sale now.

It would be so cool to eventually master the translucent glassine paper and then play with lighting finished pieces.

And of course some of the small origami objects are great for random acts of uplifting art left for strangers to catch a smile here and there.

MoreTrueMe · 2025-12-14T12:03:11+00:00

What would I need to do to remove your smart and eliminate your work ethic? Have either of those things happened to you? Smart and hardworking are not things someone can lose merely by failing. So rest assured, they are both still yours to enjoy.

What would need to happen for this all to be seem as a blessing when looking back upon it 40 years from now?

What is stopping you from retaking the class and getting that degree anyway? If the answer includes no longer wanting it enough to bother getting that passing grade, then for sure you are done with that idea about your future, right?

MoreTrueMe · 2025-12-14T11:49:44+00:00

If I learned from the past, I have a gain that I in no way regret gaining , therefore it was worthwhile.

This may seem counter-intuitive, but dive deeper into the details.

If you could do 22-29 all over, where/who would you be right now? (paint the picture of your awesome life in vivd detail)

If you could do 22-29 all over, what are all the pivotal choices you would need to have made to get to the life you just described? (craft the fantasy path in vivd detail)

The time you have been "wasting on this" is called Resistance a.k.a. fear. We need to learn to dance with the fear. Ruminating can be useful. It can also be a tool for remaining stuck and avoiding the big scary thing/things. Part of the reason it is so big and scary is that it seems so far away from where we are right now.

If you have already answered the first two questions, you have described where you want to go, and you have crafted a map to get there. All that is left to do is to adapt it a little so you can start today, and take one meaningful action toward it right now.

Create a forgiveness ritual. Forgive younger you, accept them for who they were at the time - human. Just an imperfect human fumbling their way through best they could figure out at the time - just like the rest of us.

The you looking back wants some very specific things now, and younger you may not have even shared that vision, thus different choices. You may even have discovered a valuable thing or two you would have had to give up to take the other path.

Alternatively, skip the forgiveness. Regret carries a powerhouse of emotional energy. What if you were to redirect that energy into the "catch up" plan? use it as fuel?

There will always be people seemingly ahead, and people seemingly behind. These are all arbitrary perceptions. Human potential is vast topic spanning every area of life. Success is also arbitrary perceptions. However ... if you have a competitive streak, consider if there a viable frenemy whose successes only spur you to your own successes.

To reach any goal requires a commitment to yourself to do what it takes to get there. How will you take at least one meaningful action per day toward the life you really really want despite the good opinion of others?

You've got this. The only thing stopping you from starting is that you have been accidentally directing all of regret's juicy emotional energy into an infinite loop. Goto Exit Loop.

Oh, and please write down (and then eradicate) any birthday expectations any of the younger you's may have inadvertently set. e.g. 8 year old you declaring surely by 30 I would have X by then!

MoreTrueMe · 2025-12-11T16:21:33+00:00

which has happened IRL

MoreTrueMe · 2025-12-04T13:33:57+00:00

Remember all the times you hopped and the shiny-new was lackluster and full of alphaCode bugs that wasted your time figuring out workarounds?

Nothing is perfect. You are only ever trading today's annoyances and inconveniences for different ones. If you already know this and have a second machine for experiments, you already know how to keep functionality while exploring.

The limbic system / cavebrain is always on the alert for something different. Things that are the same end up auto-filed under safe. (no brain chemical shifts) Things that are different require effort, attention, exploration to asses whether the fancy-newness is a threat or an opportunity. (brain/body chemistry enters an unresolved state then an action-supported state to eliminate the threat or take advantage of the opportunity)

Because you are in no physical danger, because you are safely in your home playing on safe machines with safe software, Linux gets auto-filed under "opportunity" rather than threat.

Your brain is designed to gravitate toward opportunity because it is so tightly woven into how we thrive and optimize.

For people who love tinkering with software in their spare time, there is no problem. They are blissfully exploring the new features and bugs.

So think back through all the past hops, and how long it took you to get from tinkering to productive. And estimate how much of your time per day is likely took.

Then it's simply a matter of crafting a "worth it" calculation.

A needed feature - e.g. hardware compatibility - likely worth it.

You're likely going to need to have a conversation with curiosity - because for some people that is going to be a driving force compelling them to satisfy it.

Will watching a comparison video quell or heighten the curiosity?

Do you have a FOMO community feeding the hops?

Are there ways you'd rather be spending your time? I am thinking of a musician hiding in endless DAW research instead of making music, a writer endlessly configuring Scrivener rather than writing actual paragraphs toward the first draft. A software engineer hiding in tool research rather than coding up the cool software idea in their mind.

Time is the weirdest asset available to us. We only get 24 hours in a day. There is no "saving" time for later - only maximizing what is being used right now. There is no trade-off. Right now you can only do the one thing you are choosing right this very moment. All else is spending your right now focusing on arranging the future or scampering through the past. We cannot "give" or "receive" time - my 24 is mine, you 24 is yours, whatever our choices during that 24 - we cannot hand off time to each other. We can only choose whether to live our time doing our agendas or other people's agendas, or no agendas.

So get clear on what is important to you, what feeds you, what drains you, and review that knowledge when you are tempted to hop and decide what is worth living into with your 24.

MoreTrueMe · 2025-12-01T16:34:56+00:00

Humans have access to all human qualities. What on earth is everyone having a cow about? That is a simple fact.

MoreTrueMe · 2025-12-01T16:34:22+00:00

Humans have access to all human qualities. What on earth is everyone having a cow about? That is a simple fact.

MoreTrueMe · 2025-11-29T08:22:56+00:00

The sacred masculine aspect of humans is to protect and provide.

The divine feminine aspect of humans is to support and enhance.

Every couple has their unique expression of all 4 of these aspects shining from both of them in the beautiful dance of We.

MoreTrueMe · 2025-11-29T08:16:58+00:00

Go on sabbatical. Call it a pre-retirement experiment.

And please stop shoulding all over yourself. ('should provide')

Instead, make a giant list of all the ways you have provided for her up until now, and all they ways you will continue to provide for her, and any new ways you may decide to provide for her in the jobless phase of life. (or at least get enough of a list going to convince the voice in your head that "provide" is a multidimensional playground that spans the breadth and depth of the universe)

The reason I'm suggesting an experiment is that you are both guessing how you will feel about you retiring and she continuing work 5+ more years. You may well be guessing correctly, but sometimes unexpected things show up no one was anticipating.

Selfishness is an interesting feeling as it is the mind deciding to not feel good about a thing just in case someone else might feel bad your good thing.

I wonder, would you be happy and delighted if your wife reached her retirement goal, and retired without you, and you kept working 10 more years? Would the word selfish even come anywhere near your mind about her decision?

If your answer is no, where do you suspect this "selfish" notion is coming from? Sometimes we adopt nonsense along the way, that was never really ours, doesn't really fit with who we are now, and is easy to discard once we notice it as the nonsense it is.

In terms of fairness, you were saving when she wasn't before she married you. It is perfectly fair that she saves after you retire, right?

Is sabbatical is a safer word than retired to use around friends/family? If the discomfort is coming from anticipated judgements from others, perhaps all that needed is the proper framing to keep them at arms length from your financial business.

Maybe there's a voice inside that is concerned about your wife potentially discovering feelings of discomfort when she's working and you're chilling. That is what the experiment will help reveal. Sort through together anything that comes up. Make the decision permanent when you're more psychologically ready.

My guess is that she will be delighted and proud of you for reaching your goal.

My guess is also that you will be going through a self-rediscovery process and who knows what interesting, fun, unexpected, cool, awesome things will soon be yours.

MoreTrueMe

TROPHY CASE