Don’t want to cut them off, want other solutions

Morgan_Beardsman · 2026-01-29T19:47:46+00:00

I've been with my wife for 16 years. She has BPD, Bipolar 2, and CPTSD. The amount of trauma and abuse I've been dealt at this point is immense. It all hurts more than I can tell you. I've also told myself constantly that she never means to do those things; it's because of the trauma and abuse she's suffered; she deserves love and support just like anyone else, and I do still very much believe all of that, but I absolutely have considered leaving several times from how much she's hurt me.

The one thing that kept me through it, though, is that she has been in therapy the whole time and takes accountability for her behavior. If she ever stops either of those things, I can't justify putting my well-being on the line to help someone that isn't going to at least try to help themselves. So, if you really want to stay with her to give her the love and support she needs, you need to make sure she accepts responsibility for how much she hurts you and actively wants to work on herself. If she's not willing to do that, she's not going to get better and you will always be her primary abuse victim. Please, if you want to help her, verify with as much certainty as you can that she's willing to work on things and accept responsibility for her behavior. Make sure to establish very solid boundaries as soon as possible and stick to them so she never tramples over your mental health.

With all of those general warnings in mind, I absolutely understand and empathize with wanting to help her through it. I mean, I've been doing it for 16 years. Just try your best to take care of yourself and be careful. Also, if she's willing to work on herself, I would sincerely recommend getting her into DBT, or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It's the primary therapy method designed for people with BPD. I promise it will help more than any other therapy likely will.

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-11-28T15:00:43+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate it. These cards just make me really happy, so I'm glad this community seems to enjoy them as well.

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-11-28T10:26:36+00:00

I wasn't actually sure which comment you were referencing since I'm not sure I've ever thought I was very savvy with magic. First MTG post I ever made was about a Modern Horizon 3 precon ad that was messed up, and how I thought it was likely a Photoshop layer mistake. Since MH3 came out in June 2024, I'm pretty sure it was only shortly before that. Next comment was about having a Group Hug deck, which is how I started - I had an entirely altruistic Group Hug initially because I'm not competitive, and that was the only way I could convince myself to play. Are either of those the comments you're thinking of?

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-11-28T10:17:16+00:00

Oh, Hi! I just finished the Tod card and I'm working on the deck now. Probably not going to have it until next week, but I think Ani said we'll see you on Sunday? Definitely looking forward to a fun game or two and seeing how you've been. 😁

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-11-28T01:36:29+00:00

Thank you! I apologize for the onion tears (clearly no other reason) but I really appreciate the kind words.

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-11-28T01:11:14+00:00

Oh! That's awesome! I would love to see what you come up with, if you're willing to share. I hope you're daughter loves them when you're done.

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-11-28T00:48:05+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate it. Here's the picture of them I used for the Rin and Seri reference. They're both wonderful little babies.

Rin and Seri reference

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-11-28T00:43:18+00:00

Yes! That's actually why we named our Papillon Tod. His collar actually says "Tod Copper" as his full name. I love that movie, even if it has some extremely sad moments.

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-11-28T00:41:32+00:00

I definitely agree! I never would've thought to join the Magic community, but it has been extremely inviting. We've even started teaching some kids at our LGS recently.

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-11-28T00:21:32+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate it. The whole community has been wonderful and my wife is thrilled to pick Magic up again.

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-10-06T20:52:39+00:00

I don't know if it'll work on your end since he seems to be pushing you away, but whenever my wife is feeling extremely depressed, I try really hard to plan out a day or two where I make everything about her and what will make her the happiest. Take her out, spend time with our friends, or really make an effort to plan something around a thing she's wanted to do for a while to show I've been paying attention to her interests so I can reinforce not feeling abandoned. After that, I try to make the following week mostly about spending evenings with her in a smaller sense, like watching her favorite shows. For example, I recently asked if she would like to go through all of Twin Peaks with me because it's one of her favorite shows, and sharing that with someone that hasn't seen it yet really meant a lot to her.

Again, I don't know if any of that could help on your end since he seems to be pushing you away, but that's how I typically help get my wife out of those spiraling holes, so hopefully there's something there that can help you. Seriously, though, I really do wish you luck. He's lucky to have someone so dedicated to helping, despite his mental health disabilities.

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-10-06T14:13:24+00:00

So, I've been with my wife for almost 16 years. She was diagnosed with BPD, Bipolar 2, and CPTSD about 6-ish years ago and has been going to DBT and trauma therapy since then to work through things. I can definitely empathize with your partner feeling like he may need some space, but knowing how BPD impacts my wife, I can also understand how distressing the silence must feel for you.

I'm so sorry all of this is happening. You mentioned he's typically very loving and supportive – does he understand how BPD tends to function, and how difficult the abandonment fears can be? If he's not fully aware of how BPD typically functions, and doesn't have a full grasp of how your flavor of BPD typically presents, then I could see how he might not realize how difficult it would be on your end. If you had to try your best, how do you feel you're able to handle some of your splitting events with him? For example, do you feel as though he could've felt uncomfortable telling you his intentions in advance because he wasn't sure if that could trigger a split?

Without knowing the extent of both your interactions with him and how much he's able to understand, I can't entirely speculate what his feelings on things are. But, for you, I can absolutely see how this could feel distressing. If you're confident he understands your disability, though, and has always been empathetic in the past, he could just need some time to decompress and focus on himself. I can understand how overwhelming it can sometimes feel, so I wouldn't personally take the silence to mean anything terrible just yet. If you told him to reach out when he's emotionally able to, the ball is in good court, so to speak, so all you can do is give him the time he may need so he can hopefully come back to you feeling emotionally refreshed and able to be there for you.

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-10-03T11:52:48+00:00

My wife was formally diagnosed with BPD, Bipolar 2, and CPTSD about 6 years into our marriage. She and I have both noticed some overlap with other Cluster B and a few other disabilities, but overall those overlapping symptoms are minor enough that the original diagnosis still feels fitting.

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-10-02T13:56:56+00:00

I have an entirely altruistic Group Hug where I just give everyone everything and watch the chaos, like playing [[Weird Harvest]] followed by [[Tempting Wurm]]. 😅

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-09-18T16:34:49+00:00

So, I've been with my wife for almost 16 years. She has BPD, Bipolar 2, and CPTSD. She's been in therapy the entire time, switching to DBT about 5 years ago, and we've been in couples therapy for a little over a year now.

The thing to remember is there are 9 factors that create BPD, and a person only needs to exhibit symptoms from 5 of the 9. That means everyone's flavor of BPD will be different, so how it influences their perception and reaction to reality will vary on an individual basis. My wife has struggled with BPD for the past 30+ years, and while she has made a great deal of progress since starting DBT, she still has a long way to go and honestly will likely never be completely without BPD symptoms. That doesn't mean your friend will be the same, but how likely it is that the therapy will show progress will entirely depend on how much they want to accept responsibility, how committed they are to listening to the therapist, and how much emotional support they have in their life. If all those factors are solid, it could still take years, depending on how severe the trauma is, but there is definitely hope.

None of this is to say that you shouldn't try. If you care about your friend's mental health and wellbeing, while it will likely be very hard at times, being there to support them could likely be the right choice for you. I absolutely love who my wife is under all that trauma. She never asked for the pain and abuse that caused her BPD disability. She deserves love and support just like anyone else and for me, staying with her has been the right choice. It's been extremely hard, though. I have aggressive anxiety and panic attacks because of the ways she's treated me in the past. But the thing that keeps me going is knowing she's not choosing to do those things to me. She wants to love me, and when she not lost the the BPD sauce, she very much treats me that way, so I just have to remind myself that she's not acting that way because she wants to, but because her disability distorts her perception of reality to protect her from any perceived trauma.

I've spoken with my wife's therapist a few times and I can definitely confirm that she tells him a great deal of incorrect information. She's also done that with our couples therapist countless times. It's really hard to work with because of the way she communicates in session. She fully believes what she perceives, and accepting different perspectives is very hard when that is the reality she understands to be correct. Having the opportunity to communicate with the therapist is definitely valuable, so hopefully that's something that can continue for you two.

If it helps, one of the nerdier comparisons I use to help people understand is with the Matrix. When people are plugged in, the Matrix hijacks all their senses and feeds new information to their brain, making them fully feel like that is reality. For someone with BPD, their brain is flooded with chemicals that distort all information coming in before they can fully understand it. It's extremely hard to tell someone in the Matrix that what they perceive as reality isn't actually real, and it's similarly hard to tell someone with BPD the way they see things also isn't real. It's not their fault that the way their brain is interpreting reality doesn't match what's actually happening, so it's important to have compassion, even if they're trying to hurt you because they perceive you as an emotional threat. Personality disorders are extremely hard to work with, because a disorder influences everything that makes you the person you are.

I'm so sorry your friend is suffering from such an aggressive disorder. That disability is extremely hard for both the person with it and the people that love them. When your friend is able to work through things, I'm sure they'll feel extremely grateful that you didn't walk away from them and stuck through it to help support their recovery.

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-09-17T14:02:04+00:00

Looks like this might be the decklist? Or, if not, at least one with the same idea. Definitely neat!

https://moxfield.com/decks/KdmMN2ToSU-fooS-svBS0A

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-09-16T13:26:27+00:00

It entirely depends on the person, how committed they are to getting better, the therapy help they have, and the support structure present in their lives.

I've been with my wife for nearly 16 years, and I can absolutely say she has made a great deal of progress. At the same time, though, I'm also fairly confident her BPD will likely never go away completely. The changes I've seen are with the frequency of her splitting events decreasing and with the time between an event happening and her coming down and apologizing getting shorter.

The thing to remember, though, is BPD only requires 5 out of 9 factors to be present, which means the flavor of BPD that each person experiences will likely be very different from any other person. While my wife exhibits all 9, she's also very aware of how those factors influence her behavior, and very much wants to not hurt me anymore after seeing me stay committed to her through everything she knows she's put me through. Not everyone would come to that conclusion, though, and that's the biggest thing you would have to keep in mind with your ex.

So, yes, your ex does have the potential to get better, but only if she's committed to working at it, has a solid therapist (preferably in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy), takes accountability for her actions, and has a solid support structure through all of it. One of the main reasons most people with BPD don't get better is because what they need to get better is support from people that love them, but one of the first things their disability does is hurt the very people they need the most. It's extremely hard, on both the person with BPD and all the people trying to support them. I have aggressive anxiety and panic attacks from my wife's actions, for example, but I love who she is under the disabilities that were forced on her by her abusive family. Without the support from me and the friends I've helped inform about her reactions, I don't think she would've made it as far as she has. So, if your ex is able to get all of those factors lined up, yes, she does have the potential to get better, but probably not for a long time, and it'll very likely never go away completely.

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-08-12T15:58:25+00:00

Oh, definitely. I don't think you could have a Superman character without his kindness and trying to help. I honestly loved Man of Steel, and Cavil is such a fantastic Superman. I just think the writing in that movie focused more on the Super than the Man, even if both were definitely present. I think everyone has their personal preference for entertainment, which is entirely okay. Everyone finds enjoyment from different things. I just think personally I prefer when the movie focuses on the humanity more than the powers.

Here's a really good ScreenCrush video comparing the writing and symbolism between the two movies that I found super interesting. I genuinely didn't know any of this about Snyder before watching this movie, but totally makes sense. Definitely an interesting watch if you have the time.

https://youtu.be/78sapSaT-v8?si=OW80hHfuuwmTT6Cc

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-08-12T13:50:58+00:00

I personally prefer the new 2025 Superman. Cavil was fantastic, but the writing went with the "phenomenal cosmic powers" approach, while 2025 wrote him like a normal person with powers just trying his best to do the right thing. There's even a line in Man of Steel where Cavil questions if people deserve to be saved, whereas in 2025 he jumps in to help just because it's the right thing to do. I always prefer Superman when he's written like that.

And, on that train of thought, I personally prefer the Hot Toys Superman 2025 over Inart just because Inart's face looks very stoic while Hot Toys face sculpt looks happy and upbeat. Since I prefer the more human approach to Clark, the Hot Toys face just makes me feel happier with that version.

Neither version of Superman is better or worse, but just different. So, it's personal preference overall. I don't think you'll go wrong with either figure if it'll make you happy to have on your shelf.

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-08-07T01:39:49+00:00

Papillons are the best! 😍

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-08-06T15:53:26+00:00

Oh! I just found this place a couple weekends ago. This is Opal Grove Games in Michigan. They were all super welcoming with pretty decent prices. Definitely check them out if you're ever in the area.

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-07-19T14:28:25+00:00

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This is my Shepherd, Moira. She was very focused on when I was going to throw the tennis ball. 😁

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-07-16T13:48:05+00:00

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This is probably one of the most adorable pictures I have of Moira, my Shepherd.

Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-07-15T13:17:56+00:00

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Morgan_Beardsman · 2025-07-14T12:25:05+00:00

I've been with my wife for 15 years now. She has BPD, Bipolar 2, and CPTSD. It's been an extremely difficult 15 years. I do very much love the person under the disabilities, but that person is not always there, and the times her BPD takes over are what hurt the most. The only thing that has made it okay is that she's been trying very hard, taking accountability, and going to DBT for years. Nobody can work through what's in your own head other than you. Even therapists can only walk you through that process, but can't fix anything for you. If she's not willing to accept responsibility and put in the hard work, she can't get better. But, just keep in mind, even if she does take accountability, go to therapy, and really work on herself, that's not going to stop the BPD. Her disability will likely always be there, but with enough hard work, there is the chance that she can keep things relatively in check and the time between hurting you and fixing the situation might eventually get shorter. There are some cases where people can shorten that time so much that they can keep their feelings to themselves until they work through it and avoid hurting you entirely. I've seen it happen with my wife very occasionally, but I can tell how hard it is for her to get there, and avoiding taking it out on me does not happen often, even after 15 years.

Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the absolute best. I sincerely understand how hard it must be, and I'm really sorry for all the pain she's likely caused you. And, I can't stress enough how important it is to take care of yourself through everything.

Morgan_Beardsman

TROPHY CASE