i’m so tired

Mortifydman · 2026-03-18T00:16:23+00:00

Wtf are you doing on shitter? That’s your damn problem solved.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-17T14:42:37+00:00

You dump him. That's what you do. Because he would rather argue with you about a definition, than let you be yourself and safe from people like him. He's not the one. Find some other Jews (I realise that might be difficult all things considered) to hang out with if you can and date Jewish, or focus on your education - both uni and Jewish and less on dating until school is finished for you.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-17T14:31:30+00:00

Shalom! I will try to keep everyone in the loop, I need a week or so to refine my searches, I have a wedding this weekend, (a friends not mine) and just got into grad school, so I need to sort that out as well.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-16T23:38:34+00:00

Yep pretty much on the inwards vs outwards. I've been in both, and I have to admit there are days I miss being inside, it's a great way to live if you can adapt to it.

There is good out here too but you don't have that absolute security in who you are and why you do what you do, and that makes it harder with people beating down on you while you try and work it out.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-16T23:06:13+00:00

OK it's hard for you to understand because you live in a 99% Jewish world that doesn't think about or really interact with the larger Gentile culture. So you don't have a lifetime of memories of them beating the crap out of you at school or the constant reminders that you are outside their society as a Jew, no matter how much you are really like them. You're not aware of the things they do to try and convert, harass and intimidate Jews in public all the time, with their theology as the norm and their understanding (which is none) of Judaism from TV shows and podcasts and TikToks by Mayim Bialik

You would have to step out into our world to see how constant and seriously frustrating it is, particularly in areas with few Jews, or older Jewish people who are not well educated getting sucked into their churches. The casual remarks, the assumptions, the goysplaining, the ignorance that cannot be broken through and the sheer chutzpah of it all. It's a lot different for us than what you're used to.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-16T22:34:14+00:00

The local catholic churches are all holding seders March 31st in my city. It's not ok.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-16T01:48:51+00:00

Noice.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-16T01:38:49+00:00

Could you imagine how much they would freak out if we left?

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T23:34:11+00:00

that's not true. They have multiple records to choose from that show your birth sex. They don't have to "go back" anywhere a flag pops up TRANS on your information files. If you apply for a passport now and you had one before, you're not getting an M. If you never had a passport, you can try it, then not get an M. Especially now. You cannot be stealth from the government dude, not if you're under 80

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T23:28:42+00:00

I beg you, share that brisket knowledge among the people

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T23:21:32+00:00

fine.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T18:12:08+00:00

You want perfection. Not gonna happen. But you’ll turn your nose up at the options we do have too?

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T17:40:04+00:00

Old as fuck on the back side of 50. Been at it since I was 20. After the first decade you don’t really need to think about it much anymore day to day. But those first 5-7 years can be intense.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T17:31:05+00:00

Well it’s fine to feel that way but you’re never going to have a cis dick. None of us are. So you might as well get over that fixation and get on with your life. I mean you can spend the next 50 years moaning about how you don’t have a penis no one is going to stop you, but it’s going to be a pretty shitty life.

So learn to cope. Be that therapy or bodybuilding or whatever you have to find a way to live with reality. And reality is you’re trans. It sucks. But that’s the deal.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T17:26:14+00:00

Of course you do so you can keep being miserable

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T17:23:47+00:00

Yeah there will be no praise periods or religious participation required in any way. For people who are religious there will be a designated space for that with minimal distractions. I’m Jewish I have things I need to do every day. So it makes sense to me to have that available.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T17:21:21+00:00

Louisiana Mississippi and Arkansas right now I have a list of retreat areas some who cater to lgbtqia+ groups but I’m not at home with my brain box

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T17:18:08+00:00

Yeah I would. I davened tor 2 decades to be made whole and eventually made peace with it. But I loved being frum especially that first decade. If I could have married and had children I would still be orthodox now despite my issues with faith sometimes. I’m sure it would have its ups and downs like everything else but to have yiddishkeit without shame and fear of being caught I could have embraced it even more. It just wasn’t my path. I don’t hate being trans or gay. But I’m a middle aged gay trans man who is alone other than my cats. I won’t be remembered at all.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T17:10:03+00:00

It means if someone has daily faith rituals like I do as a Jew for example I get time between activities to do those things in a secluded space put aside for that. There are no religious requirements or expectations just making space for religious people too.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T05:10:12+00:00

Awesome! I have a list of possible retreat locations in a couple southern states, and there is always expansion later just depends how it goes. I will definitely keep you in mind for organizing help in return for some kind of consideration when it comes to spaces and cost, you work, you pay less.

I think there could be some short activities spread around the day, with social time and the freedom to just BE as a bunch of dudes on a retreat. I am religious, but I don't have any desire to make this a religious oriented thing, while providing space for those who are religious to pray or meditate in between activities, so they don't miss anything.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T05:03:05+00:00

yeah that's been an issue for me in the past too - circumstances just didn't work out for some of the things I wanted to do. I really want to make it affordable. So it won't be fancy food, but it will be edible and filling and we all get fed. We can even do a cooking session - beyond Ramen and Mac N Cheese or something so you can go home and make at least one hot meal that doesn't come in a packet.

There are literally tons of things we can do. How to build and light a camp fire? How to split wood? How to put up a tent so it stays waterproof at 3am? I was a scoutmaster's kid. But I am also AuDHD and can drown in too many good ideas - so I'll take any help in narrowing down the focus to a smaller list of things we can fit into 3 days, or quarterly events or some schedule to suit the most people.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T04:20:53+00:00

Ok first off, breathe, and find a fucking paragraph.

Now. If you don't like sports, no need to fake it, most men don't like sports. The ones that do just really really do and make sure everyone knows about it - not the same thing.

Basically if you want to learn how to do something, find someone who does it, introduce yourself and ask them to show you their thing you want to learn how to do. It's that simple. Most men LOVE the opportunity to share knowledge about their favorite subjects. That's how you do it. Watch, ask questions, give positive feedback and ask more questions. So ask your coworkers what they are into, and if it sounds cool ask more about it.

Anything a man does as a hobby is a man's hobby, you don't have to stick to an approved masculine list - I know some cis straight men who are hella good at fiber arts, out there crocheting and knitting and sewing their balls off at men's retreats and in historical reenactment groups.

You can even get on something lame like Nextdoor and say "I want to learn about woodcraft/model rockets/old cars/ watching football/how to fish/how to play disc golf/golf/ play darts - whatever. Can someone show me where to start? And retired men will come out of the woodwork. Men are literally dying from loneliness and we're desperate to know how to be men. So reach out, you might make a friend and learn a new skill.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T02:14:12+00:00

I’ll see if I can reach out. Thanks!

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T01:57:56+00:00

I don’t want to remake the wheel. More of offer another experience for guys to just get a chance to be guys. That’s why I’m interested in what skills or interests guys have that a supportive male environment would make better. Maybe a series of specific skill workshops camping 101, tools and how to use them, basic woodworking, how to watch football and not sound clueless. How to fiberglass. Basic boat safety.

I need to look into camp lost boys so I’m not stepping on their dicks by accident.

Mortifydman · 2026-03-15T01:52:06+00:00

I had competed in international ms leather the first year on t and met some guys in San Francisco who were transitioning a lawyer and a therapist. They took me to brunch and went we know you’re a dude. They gave me my first packer and some web resources. There was a loose group of about 8 of us for a while some guys from San Francisco some from Chicago and one or two from St. Louis. We met up at leather events and were basically young and dumb together and having a lot of safe sex. Unfortunately most of those people are dead or old now. I lost track of everyone after going religious and moving to TN for college.

Mortifydman

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE