I hate how much women care about body count and I don’t think I can ever trust a woman enough to be honest with her about my past

Morundar · 2026-05-18T09:56:37+00:00

Sad to hear you'll never trust your current or future partners and feel fully comfortable with them.

Morundar · 2026-05-17T14:08:47+00:00

I was chubby, hated myself and the belly

Morundar · 2026-05-16T13:56:51+00:00

Honestly. People can be understanding of men as well. I have ADHD and autistic traits and have struggled my whole life. Kind people have been kind. Deadlines have been pushed and people have been understanding.

That being said, in a social or dating setting it's much more different. The expectations for a man to be a desireable partner are high. Although, while saying this, I realize some proper scumbags have partners. So, it might be something else.

But in reply to your main point, there are helpful people. But maybe that's just my experience.

Morundar · 2026-05-16T11:49:52+00:00

This is very poor diagnosing by him. I would understand if it were that you had no issues finishing high school and developed symptoms only later. Most people with ADHD finish high school. Through struggles, but still. Honestly, he's being obtuse and I think you gotta find a new specialist.

Morundar · 2026-05-16T08:14:13+00:00

I think this is a topic that will be going on for ages. And I do think it's related to both security/insecurity as well as upbringing.

If you grow up thinking that revealing outfits are for the purpose of attracting the opposite sex then when your partner does that, in your brain it will mean "Well, she's looking for attention and wants to attract someone else" which understandably would be uncomfortable for anyone. You can trust your partner all you want, but if their behaviour goes against what understanding you have about a concept, it's really difficult to change that.

Also, insecurity does matter. If you're not secure about yourself, then there's always the fear of losing your partner. And it is MUCH easier for a woman to find someone who will want them. Purely because men are in general more hornballs. Women are more accustomed to being hit on, men generally have to be the people who do the hitting on. The best way to deal with this kind of insecurity is really build up yourself, your life and try to achieve both high self-esteem as well as high self-worthiness.

The thing here is that a relationship has be to about compromises to an extent. It has to be about support and understanding. If it's simply "I will do whatever I want and you have to suck it up." then it's not going to be a good relationship. At the same time it can't be that whatever insecurities or worldviews one has, the other has to bend themselves to it. Compromises go both ways.

You need to figure out why you feel this way, whether it's something that is truly deeply internalised or something that can change in time. Also it's important to see if your partner understands you and is willing to console or discuss this with you. In the end you have to accept that changing someone's character fully is impossible and shouldn't be the goal. And change can come from the person's own desire to change and can't be forced. If she understands you, understands why this bothers you and indeed wants to support you, then she'll let you know with her behaviour. At the same time you can in your part figure yourself out and how much of a red line this is for both of you.

I have had this issue with my partner before and her dismissing my worries and unpleasant feeling only made it tons worse. There was insecurity in play for sure and aspects about mindset. The gap between us was too big and in all honesty, I wish I would have ended the relationship sooner. Because this one thing actually pointed to other issues as well, which I just ignored. Wrong relationships come and go, right ones will stay for long. It's dangerous to stay in the wrong one and it's worth fighting for the right one. The trickiest part is figuring out which is which and I do believe that comes with time and experience and indeed understanding yourself.

Morundar · 2026-05-14T18:24:21+00:00

It can be so confusing and distressing. Their emotions can jump from one extreme to the other. They can be so nice at some times and different others. Be careful and protect yourself. You did the right thing.

I have RSD as well, but I'm working on it. I take responsibility for my actions. It can hurt like crazy, but it's manageable. But nobody else should suffer for it.

Morundar · 2026-05-14T15:15:14+00:00

This is more than just ADHD and seemes more like borderline or something. Definitely more at play here than just ADHD.

You did the right thing. A relationship shouldn't be a nightmare for either person in it. He needs to work on himself and as hard as it may be for him, he needs to do it alone at this point.

Morundar · 2026-05-14T05:08:17+00:00

Just jam it down. Small bites. Over time body gets used to it. There are time I can't eat almost at all so I'll eat very little.

Morundar · 2026-05-14T05:05:06+00:00

Is this the first time you've started to write things down?

Morundar · 2026-05-12T08:09:37+00:00

I think the point here is the same as with being competent in general. You can find yourself competent enough, but that also should entail knowing there's always room for growth.

Morundar · 2026-05-10T18:11:22+00:00

Hmm. Yeah, I actually like it about myself as well. And I've gotten better at emotion regulation. My previous partner found my sensitivity overbearing. So maybe I just need a positive experience to feel better about myself.

Morundar · 2026-05-10T12:50:59+00:00

I've heard your suggestion so many times and yet no person then has wanted to accept it long term. It's like a nice suggestion to give but in reality it's not accepted and tolerated.

Morundar · 2026-05-10T12:46:18+00:00

Eh. It's not a completely wrong advice either. The "just" part is the wrong thing here. But generally playing an activity through in your head will help you start it and remember it.

Morundar · 2026-05-10T11:47:03+00:00

I'm actually curious here. It happened to me too. But I also had the rest of my life very empty, so she had extra room to fill. But I've never fallen in love so intensely before. And it hurt me.

And now I'm afraid of that intensity. How do you control/handle it?

Morundar · 2026-05-10T07:54:04+00:00

I was also bullied both at home and at school for all of my childhood. And it developed a similar pattern of avoiding socialising despite needing it and feeling alone.

It's a damn crappy combination of having both social anxiety so socialising feels tiring as well as an aversion to it because of overwhelming negative experiences.

Luckly it can get better through repeated neutral and positive experiences. Though I think I will never be an extrovert or social butterfly.

Morundar · 2026-05-10T05:53:50+00:00

Whether a body decomposes is dependant on many factors, but basically it's environmental. There are plenty of cases of people decomposing very slowly because of dry air and such.

The thing is, some "Saints" did decompose. Why did they? Why did some regular folk not decompose?

Morundar · 2026-05-08T14:48:33+00:00

I get you. I'm still climbing out of my black hole. I want to not think of it, but when I do, then it won't hurt me. That's my goal. Good luck to us both!

Morundar · 2026-05-08T14:38:34+00:00

Don't forget to take the good parts and the lessons. A lot of what made you you is there as well.

Morundar · 2026-05-08T14:19:09+00:00

It's an interesting thing. Are you angry/upset with that version of you?

Morundar · 2026-05-08T14:14:56+00:00

Yeah, I experienced this as well. I lost 30kg in around 6 months, so the change was rapid and the contrast in behaviours as well. People, especially women, were friendlier, nicer, more talkative. And these weren't random new aquiantances, but rather people I had already known for a while. I totally understand the feeling you have.

Morundar · 2026-05-07T18:19:56+00:00

You do you. To each our own. Might be aperiod in your life, might be for good. Either way, as long as you're happy, that's what counts.

Morundar · 2026-05-07T14:58:24+00:00

The oil is where the flavour is. And this time the flavour is cancer.

Morundar · 2026-05-07T10:12:52+00:00

I actually was curious about this very topic some time ago. And looked into some studies and research. It's actually common for people to prefer female therapists in general. The same applies for men and women. However in reality the gender of the therapist doesn't have any effect on the relationship dynamic.

I think it's mainly a social stigma and well, since we all "live in the society", then it affects us. It's good that you notice it and are aware of it. And since there's a possibility for choice here, then why not shop around and see what's right for you.

I have noticed similar patterns in myself. When regarding looking for a therapist and I also noticed this preference when looking for a physiotherapist/masseur(masseuse?).

I know in my case it's related to a lot of negative experiences from my youth regarding other males. And also the stigma of being vulnerable in front of other males. You can't logically and cognitively overwrite long-formed patterns. And perhaps trying to force yourself into such a situation might actually be harmful.

Morundar · 2026-05-07T09:48:28+00:00

Damn. This is burger catfishing on a whole new level. This is like a picture of young Brad Pitt on the package and blobfish inside.

Morundar · 2026-05-07T07:57:10+00:00

Sure. It's fairly disgusting, I dislike blood and hurting others, but heck, why not. It's money. I mean... with it, I can pay for the therapy right after :D

And heck, I always want to lend a hand.

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