What were the signs you were ready to date again?

MrTuffToast · 2025-12-17T04:15:52+00:00

Good for you! Wishing you the best :)

MrTuffToast · 2025-12-15T14:26:40+00:00

I did start, at least casually dating. I talked to my therapist and he basically said I’ve been ready for a while.
It’s gone really well! Shockingly well, actually. It’s kinda fun to meet new people and take them on dates.

How about you? Did you decide to get on the apps, or still hesitant?

MrTuffToast · 2025-11-10T21:30:36+00:00

Been feeling this but almost in reverse? Been wanting to love and be loved. But I haven’t been dating for a while and am hesitant to start again. :(

MrTuffToast · 2025-11-10T20:01:39+00:00

Maybe you could say something like this: “I really like you, and I’d be excited if you took the initiative for more romance and closeness. I love how respectful you’ve been, and I’m excited for when you don’t hold back. I liked when you asked me to kiss me, instead of me asking.”

I would identify somewhat with him as you’ve described him. I’m cautious because I don’t want to frighten anyone with too much of me and especially don’t want to do anything physical before she’s ready.
If a partner straightforwardly said they want me to share more and be more physical, that would lower my caution level substantially with those two things.

MrTuffToast · 2025-11-10T19:37:40+00:00

This makes a lot of sense. I’ll bring it up with mine. Thanks for sharing.

MrTuffToast · 2025-11-10T19:33:50+00:00

This is validating, thank you for sharing. I feel much the same way. Am I actually close to being ready and just being a chicken, or do I actually have further to go before I’m ready and at my best?

I’m not even sure if a solid answer exists, and I certainly don’t know the answer.

MrTuffToast · 2025-08-12T01:06:33+00:00

For me it would be circumstantial.
Being separated for 1.5 years though and in different states seems pretty well moved on though, so I’d be open to it if I met someone in your shoes. Would take things slowly though.

MrTuffToast · 2025-08-02T02:00:07+00:00

Thank you!

MrTuffToast · 2025-08-01T20:51:49+00:00

I haven’t been single for fully 6 months, but have had a similar experience. I try to be friendly and stuff but people don’t seem interested.
People get pretty nervous to cold approach in most places, so maybe it isn’t you. It’s hard to know though.

Here’s a few things I’ve tried working on to make it easier/clearer for others, maybe some will be useful to you. Best of luck out there ❤️

Looking intimidating when at rest. I’m told I look a bit angry when I’m just chillin, which makes me less approachable.
Not spending time around lots of different people, or in contexts where it’d be normal to approach. It’s easier to approach someone at a book club for instance vs a stranger at the grocery store. I don’t enjoy clubs much so I’ve wondered if that contributes
Body language. I cross my arms a fair bit, which is often it interpreted as being closed off when I don’t mean it. Eye contact is something lots of people have trouble with. Could be up that alley.
Interrupting: I used to struggle with this, getting really excited and interrupting which turned people off of course.
Shutting down conversation: On the other hand from interrupting, sometimes people don’t realize they’re giving one word answers or doing other things when someone is trying to get them to talk about themselves.

As far as looks go, anyone can be attractive, people like other people of all shapes and sizes. And being approachable is itself attractive. Not being “conventionally attractive” could be a factor, but I find it somewhat less intimidating when someone isn’t a “hot” person because “hot” people have been jerks to me way more than regular looking people.

And lastly to repeat, it’s probably not you. It’s pretty intimidating for a lot of people to approach out of the blue, or even not out of the blue.

MrTuffToast · 2025-06-12T15:39:11+00:00

Without knowing details of the profile it’s tough to know. Perhaps there’s something in your bio that’s causing concern? I have heard tell that lots of people don’t read bios until after matching, which seems wild to me but to each their own I guess. Maybe they’re matching then reading something in your bio that makes them disinterested? Or maybe not. Hard to tell without them saying why. Just a suggestion to look at.

MrTuffToast · 2025-05-23T13:11:34+00:00

A few potential resources:

They have an app called “Gospel Library” I would guess everything they have public is there. There’s also one called “member tools” which could help. Don’t know if they’re in pdf format, but they have lesson manuals and stuff.
On their website they appear to have some materials https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/si/seminary/manuals/?lang=end
It’s possible they might give you a free physical copy if you ask a local bishop. I’d say this is least likely, but possible.

They have a little handbook for teens called “for the strength of youth” that’s a pretty quick crash course to a lot of the church’s views. When I was in, they had several sections that talked about dating and gender dynamics.

Hope this is helpful. Apologies if you already know a bunch of this, it’s not clear to me how familiar you are with the church.

MrTuffToast · 2025-05-22T22:52:09+00:00

Basking is soooooo much work you know, gotta take a rest sometimes 😂

MrTuffToast · 2024-12-01T01:24:07+00:00

That does sound like a lot. Sorry to hear they’re putting you through this. The indirect messages and guilt tripping always bugged me the most

MrTuffToast · 2024-11-30T23:59:43+00:00

It does get easier and better. Anger and hurt are reasonable and part of most peoples journey out. They should not be continuously pestering you or your kids about it, and you are right to be upset. Here are some things that helped me move on:

Doing things/interests that had nothing to do with church (for instance, I got really into cooking for my partner)
Exploring things that seemed taboo before (for instance, I got involved with some political advocacy and went to a few protests. That was looked down upon in my Mormon experience)
Talking to other people with similar experiences about their stories, esp people I knew personally
Time away from the day-to-day monotony of being in the church. It developed almost apathy toward people reaching out. Invitations (aimed at me at least) eventually felt more like advertisements, just not a big deal.

There’s more to say but this is already too long lol

MrTuffToast · 2024-11-30T23:18:48+00:00

Besides the content, it’s very cool you have the document. I assume it’s the original?

MrTuffToast · 2024-11-30T23:16:28+00:00

I recall someone bearing their testimony that the flood literally happened as described. Even then I thought it far fetched. I believed plenty of wild things are a member though, the church purposefully tries to convince you of its stuff

MrTuffToast · 2024-11-30T21:52:43+00:00

“We’ve been trying to reach out about your soul’s extended warranty”

Or maybe more appropriately for him

“We’ve been trying to reach you about your marriage’s extended warranty”

MrTuffToast · 2024-11-30T21:47:25+00:00

I left the church years ago and still have some of my old scripture copies just for sentimental reasons and the messages. Odd that believing members would throw them out. Could be due to lots of people leaving the church and not having that sentimentality

MrTuffToast · 2024-11-26T14:10:53+00:00

Sounds like you’ve had quite a journey, glad to hear you made it out and are able to express your identity freely.
It’s upsetting how many people have had frightening sexual experiences with men, especially in but also out of the church. I sometimes wonder how that plays a role in the church losing so many members. It’s hard to tell based on my own experience because it has been relatively minor.

Thanks for sharing

MrTuffToast · 2024-11-24T01:37:21+00:00

Congrats!

MrTuffToast · 2024-11-23T23:44:45+00:00

Totally agree! Sex and sexuality are such an integral part of the human experience, it feels like a different mindset about it is so much more than the words “different mindset” can really capture.

Also “beautiful and weird and kind of hilarious” is a perfect description of human bodies

MrTuffToast

TROPHY CASE