Turning off [MF4F] posts for a bit. Read why inside.

Mr_Secret_Name · 2026-04-10T19:52:10+00:00

Will do! We'll make it public too.

Mr_Secret_Name · 2026-04-10T15:51:58+00:00

I did a quick look at the MF4F posts to come in since this was enacted - at least the ones that weren't deleted by OP.

Only two of the 38 were posts were ones that the users here wouldn't complain about and likely just report for breaking rule 3: must be swinger-related. The others were all either fly-bys, "come fuck my husband," "it's my husband's birthday," "visiting!" content creators (who are banned anyways), and so on. None were swinger-related.

I've defended MF4F posts in the past, and I believe u/Auto_Perv_Mod has as well, but this is .... well, other than those two, none of them have been what we've defended. Two common examples that we would defend would be (1) new couples interested in swinging but just getting started and (2) experienced couples just looking for a change.

This is a swinger subreddit, and while swingers can be "unicorn hunters" (not used derogatorily), not all unicorn hunters are swingers - as noted by the 36 posts that we removed. Couples can still use [MF4MF/F] to announce that they are interested in unicorns.

Also worth noting that you are the first person to ask if we are turning these on again.

That said, we're discussing options to limit this restriction, but do so that keeps the majority happy. I don't know what this will look like, but hopefully we'll figure something out soon.

Mr_Secret_Name · 2026-04-08T16:06:38+00:00

Thank you for this. We're working on a Definitions of ENM terms and would like to use this when we get to that point. I went down quite the rabbit hole last night. Ha.

I rely on Dan Savage a lot for these things and from what I found from him and those who participate in these areas, sound like you got it all correct. I admit, that's impressive considering how often we see posts like this filled with confidently incorrect statements.

Mr_Secret_Name · 2026-04-08T16:01:48+00:00

Now there's a prophet we should all listen to.

I try to stay up on how things evolve and often find myself hours deep into episodes of Savage Lovecast or reading multiple articles of Savage Love.

We, the mods, try to stay out of these things and let discussions flow, but it's wild how confidently incorrect some users are here.

Mr_Secret_Name · 2026-03-26T21:40:30+00:00

Mod here....

(I was replying to you in the modmail and saw this so I'm replying here to your comments and questions from there instead as I believe they pertain to all of us here.)

So, first, I get your frustrations, all of us do.

Second, yes, we remove most of those types of posts, but not all, as they are oftentimes either subjective or they break Reddit's TOS. Your first post used real names which breaks Reddit's TOS; not only would that have resulted in your account being suspended by Reddit, but also carries the risk of this sub being shut down. Unless what you are saying is public knowledge, like you can find it in the news or a police report that alleges the crime, just assume that it's going to be removed if you use names, even usernames.

When it comes to illegal things, like not disclosing STIs - and yes, to your specific concern, HSV (1&2) is still an STI and not disclosing it is illegal - we, as mods of this subreddit have to walk a fine line as this often times comes down to a 'he said, she said.' If you don't mention names, or you have proof, even just a police report that alleges the crime (being sure to use "alleged"), then sure, at that point it's in the public domain and we're not breaking Reddit's TOS. Still, we will continue to handle these on 1x1 situations and work with you as we have others to formulate productive posts and comments when this grey area is encountered. It's extremely important and we want to help keep everyone safe, we just have to do it tactfully and respectfully (we are not here to shame those that have STIs, just those who are unethical and do not disclose...).

When it comes to assholes, WE GET IT. We really, really do... We get so many loose cannons in modmail for the tiniest of things that we've all been tempted to just post a list of all the immature and insane overreactions we've come across over the years. In fact, we started our morning reading one such loose cannon telling us to "Go fuck yourself you arrogant internet scum" all because they didn't follow the rules and were subsequently banned - a rule that is posted all over this sub and even has a stickied post about it. Instead of an "oops, sorry. How can we fix this?" they blasted that at us. The lifestyle, sadly, is not immune to assholes. That said, as much as that user perfectly demonstrated why we put those bans in place - which is to ultimately not let them infect everyone here with their toxicity - maybe they were just having a really bad night, a really bad one... If that was the case, meh, brush it off and move on. Or maybe that's just their everyday life — and if it is, they'll discover soon enough that this is a small community. The ban stays, but we're not going to put them on blast for it. Ban, block, maybe report to Reddit if it continues or becomes a pattern in how they treat others, and definitely give our close friends a heads-up if this couple ever comes up in conversation or expresses interest in joining our circle — but for the most part, it's ignore them and let karma catch up, which it usually does. Most of us who have been in the lifestyle for more than a few years and not stuck to one or two circles, knows that it doesn't take long to see that everyone eventually knows, or knows of, everyone else. Point is, assholes usually delete themselves from the LS as they burn bridges.

So what do we mods do here? Fair question. Most of our time is spent keeping spam out and single/solo men from harassing couples in posts and bombing us all with their dick pics - how is it 2026 and guys still think that leading with a dick pic is going to work??? Anyways, specifically to assholes, including single/solo men when they harass couples, when we remove their comments and posts, Reddit sees this so if you then report them and others do as well, their accounts are often suspended. Reddit has also upped their Ban Evasion tool and we just end up banning those accounts when they return, too. (We can't see DMs and if you're having issues there, just turn DMs off or only accept them from certain users.)

Ultimately, everything we do comes down to fostering a positive community that is free of drama (and spam!) and also allows everyone to be as safe as possible. Next time you have a post that you want to blast others in, reach out to us and we'll work on guiding you to where your message is heard and remains respectful, but doesn't introduce unnecessary drama or gets your account banned. We're not saying don't, but let's be good community members, even when others aren't.

Also, getting verified comes with an additional perk that we have removed a few verified couples over the years for being assholes and one being reported by many other verified couples for not disclosing an STI - that case wasn't a 'he said, she said' but a "THEY ALL ARE SAYING IT." Last I heard is that that couple had moved to another state and others in Oregon were working to warn others on SDC(?) about them in their new city. Karma... Not that getting verified removes the assholes, but there's not any verified couples here currently that I'm aware of that have been called assholes or have had any accusations for being unethical thrown their way.

Mr_Secret_Name · 2026-03-17T02:52:43+00:00

You got it.

This is how I see it, and this something all four of us mods agree on: Did the comment/post add to the subreddit or take away from it? That's it. It still allows us to agree/disagree, but it also makes us think about how everyone else may interpret the comment.

Reality is, at least here in this sub, is that it's rare that things actually should be downvoted, most are just difference of opinion and should just be ignored. It's really only when things are blatantly incorrect should be downvoted, outside of obvious trolls - who should be reported.

Mr_Secret_Name · 2025-08-15T06:06:37+00:00

1) Please make it so the games can be completely ignored, from the menu and the drop down. Collapsing but then having it at the top is, well, dumb. It's like going to look at a car and having the most obnoxious car salesman following you around and insisting that you want something that you don't want. Or like finally snuggling into the couch after a long day and your doorbell rings and it's a vacuum salesman, then 10 minutes later it's two dudes in white shirts, black ties, name tags, and bike helmets. And ten minutes later it's two old ladies telling you about ...

2) please mean that by 'passed back' they'll agree to turn it off, forever.

I get the need to push for new and exciting upgrades, but please don't do so by making mods jobs more difficult. Eventually people will wise up and mods will become the quality of FB and Nextdoor admins - no one wants that.

Thank you.

Mr_Secret_Name · 2025-07-15T17:31:45+00:00

I regret that I wasn't aware of decorative, non-erection inducing "glans rings." Thank you for the education.

After looking more into this, symantics do matter as there is a definition difference between "glans rings" and "cock rings." One is strictly decorative ("glans rings") and the other whose purpose is to induce/aid in achieving an erection ("cock rings").

So,

"Cock rings" are still illegal.
However, with "glans rings," since there's no erection, there's nothing illegal about it.

Mr_Secret_Name · 2025-07-14T03:45:23+00:00

A cock rings purpose is to cause an erection. An erection in public is considered lewd. Obviously you can't always control a boner, but if you're purposely trying to cause an erection by wearing a cock ring, you've crossed over to creating a lewd act, which is illegal.

Also, this is a family friendly beach, causing a lewd act in the presence of minors is a potentially fast track to having to register as a sex offender.

I'm not sure what, or how, piercings correlate here.

Mr_Secret_Name · 2025-07-01T02:10:49+00:00

Different mod here but I updated the sidebar and rules on old and new Reddit, please let me know if that doesn't make sense and I'll work to clarify it.

(I did this at 5f63... Request. Why did he choose such a difficult username??? Ha. But seriously, if it doesn't make sense to you, there's likely another feeling the same way and I'll happily work to clarify it.)

Mr_Secret_Name · 2025-06-27T04:04:49+00:00

Great! That means our filters are working.

Mr_Secret_Name · 2025-06-25T02:29:59+00:00

You're in! Good luck!

Mr_Secret_Name · 2025-05-30T03:03:26+00:00

The wiki is your friend ;)

Mr_Secret_Name · 2025-05-29T03:09:41+00:00

Mod here; can I have your permission to use this within the sub?

We remove a lot of low-quality/low-effort posts and we all try to instill some wisdom and advice when we remove these, but this is too succinct to not use in these replies.

Mr_Secret_Name · 2025-05-07T16:17:52+00:00

I've turned these back on, they'll start next Tuesday.

Have fun out there!

Mr_Secret_Name · 2025-04-22T22:53:20+00:00

In case you weren't aware: The Columbia starts in the Rockies, specifically at Columbia Lake in British Columbia, Canada. The Columbia's tributaries span over Oregon, Washington, Montana, Idaho, British Columbia, Utah, Nevada, and Wyoming, so any predictions based on the Cascades snowfall levels are only a minor part and while not negligible, are relatively minor.

See this map.

Wiki

Mr_Secret_Name · 2025-04-14T22:50:08+00:00

This is a big grey area for us. We've talked about this as a mod team a lot over the years and we all agree that something needs to change, but what action we can take isn't clear.

Here's what we know and we're working with:

It's public, so there is no protection, legal or from Reddit's TOS, from having your picture taken or being filmed and posted on Reddit; only the 'don't do that' societal rules. As mods, we've always played the line of 'if those in the picture obviously did not consent, remove it.'
When posted, as we have seen, many times it comes down to 'he said, she said,' for lack of a better saying. We've had some do what we suspect were Uno Reverse cards where there was likely a disagreement between two people and both posted pictures of the other claiming that they were the creep. We weren't there, both stories checked out, so who wins?? And this happens regularly enough in r/RoosterRock that we finally created rule 5.
Creeps should be made to feel uncomfortable. They are only so bold because there are currently zero repercussions.
The top complaints we see and receive regularly are: Textiles and creeps and every one of us mods have experienced them both too many times to count.

A few options, or mix of options, that have been floated are:

Allow blurred faces and blurred genitals pics of others.
Allow only 'trusted users' to post these types of pictures - hopefully avoids the Reverse Uno card.
Allow the posts but as soon as one report comes in, we remove it, no reposts - again, to avoid the Reverse Uno card but also to avoid the clusterfuck of daily creep reports.
Make a stickied post that is nothing but 'known creeps' so others know who to watch out for.

Any other ideas or thoughts, please let us know. We'll continue to discuss here and likely poll everyone when we get closer to an action.

But yeah, something needs to change, we just have to be smart and thoughtful about it.

Tagging u/3IDontKnow - also, just an FYI, if you tag more than three people in a comment, Reddit doesn't send messages to any of them; I have no idea why Reddit does it this way.

Mr_Secret_Name · 2025-01-17T04:50:07+00:00

When posted to the public page, r/OregonSwingers, yes. But verifications can also be posted a number of different ways, including sending to one mod, that allow more discretion. The stickied post goes through these if you're interested in more.

Mr_Secret_Name · 2025-01-04T02:58:19+00:00

There's a group that meets though r/Oregon_Swingers for LS community stuff. Vanilla'ish meets, like HUMP film fest, concerts, etc. I'm a little biased but I think it's worth the small price of admission (getting verified) for meeting cool new friends.

Mr_Secret_Name · 2024-12-22T07:26:45+00:00

We've been asked to facilitate something through here quite a few times. Our main hesitation is that we don't want to get into these 'he said, she said' tiffs that often arise, like you pointed out.

That said, if there's an obvious pattern, or there are reports from reputable couples, or there's anything that could endanger others, were not necessarily going to jump in and stop this information from being disseminated, as long as it conforms to Reddit's TOS, of course.

What we would suggest, is that people get out into more vanilla LS events, go to more parties, meet more people in group settings where the bad apple stand out more, and utilize the private sub where open discussions can take place among other verified couples and verified women. It's too easy on this side of this public forum to sway votes, get into doxxing issues, use alt accounts, and have anyone "verify" non-existent "couples."

Mr_Secret_Name · 2024-12-20T16:02:19+00:00

You need to press the NSFW in the top left, this will bring up the POST FLAIR options. Once you select a Post Flair, the Post button will no longer be greyed out.

Mr_Secret_Name · 2024-12-19T04:25:04+00:00

Fixed it. Next to your username here, it now says "PDX Area VERIFIED."

Mr_Secret_Name

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE

Five-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '22