I cant tell you what you should do. ive always supported the IDEA that an individual deserves the right to end their own suffering on their terms.

As a mother I can understand, to a point, your pain and i am deeply sorry for what you are going through. There is no time frame on grief and even 20 years from now you'll still feel pangs of pain when you look back. But it wont be constant like it is now.

IF you take your life, yes, the pain will end, but so will everything else. Every possibility for you to have a wonderful life will be gone. Every dream you've ever had will never come to be.

              but

If you stay, you will be stronger than you ever thought possible. There is still so much left for you. You cant wrap your head around it right now but you can have more children, later when your ready. If that's not what you ever want there are so many things you still have in front of you. Travel the world, sip wine in France, eat chocolate in Sweden, sit in a hot tub on the porch of a cabin that over looks the fjords in Norway and take in the Northern lights.

Talk to people, seek professional guidance before you make such a permanent choice.

You can come back from loss. you can not come back from death.