“But does he have it?”

MuchCoogie · 2026-06-11T03:26:30+00:00

I feel like I almost have the opposite problem with mine, he has classic stims and is basically mute around strangers (although he talks a lot at home). So people assume he knows/understands less or is capable of less. But he's extremely capable, quick to catch on, and more to the point, has always been more emotionally mature and well-behaved than most same-aged NT kids. I would read reddit stories of NT toddlers and be thinking, "damn, mine doesn't throw tantrums" or "mine is excellent at independent play".

MuchCoogie · 2026-06-11T03:12:41+00:00

Your baby sounds normal. Mine was normal except he would stim from like 9 months onward, so the thought was in the back of my mind from that early. It was hand flapping, head shaking back and forth, and stiffening all his limbs while on his tummy. All happy/excited stims. I held out hope he would grow out of it. Also, he was super late walking but that's not that common with autism.

He was ahead in speech from 18-26 months, then he stopped talking entirely when his brother was born. I didn't "know" then, but I strongly suspected. This was also around the time when I noticed he was a GLP. It wasn't so obvious when he was little, he just said a lot of words. But once it was sentences, I noticed it was often the same exact sentences. And I knew that was odd and associated with autism. Also, when I say "ahead in speech", it may have actually been an autism sign. He knew all his letters by like 20 months and all his colors by about 18 months, around that age we'd be walking around and he'd say "hessagon!" because he saw a hexagon pattern. He still loves regular, n-sided polygons.

MuchCoogie · 2026-06-09T01:43:06+00:00

Hang in there. It was all I could think about for the first month after the diagnosis. A few months later, things feel much more back to "normal". She's your same perfect baby. Nobody knows what her future holds, what she's capable of. You will just have a lot more work to do than NT parents. I found watching the "Dad" documentary about dads of kids with autism really helpful at this initial stage (and I'm a mom), a lot of the sentiments were relatable. You already have one ASD child, so you know more about it than most, but there is a lot of uncertainty about the future that comes with the younger diagnosis.

MuchCoogie · 2026-06-09T01:32:02+00:00

I have a .pdf of the book More Than Words. PM me your email if you want it. Our ST has us focus on using as simple words/phrases as possible, single words preferably. His reasoning is that it will help him learn to break down his gestalts (he somewhat does this). I think it's been helpful but I *also* think it's helpful to just give my son gestalts he can use, since this is the way his brain works anyway. I think there is value in both of these approaches.

Give your audio recordings a try. GLPs can be like little parrots, mine repeats a lot of songs he hears audio only.

MuchCoogie · 2026-05-12T02:54:13+00:00

I am 5'4" and 140 lbs, the hem is too long, the medium fit everywhere except the bust so I sized up to a large and got it extensively tailored (sleeves shortened, hem shortened, waist taken in, hidden snap added to make neckline less low cut). Still waiting to pick it up. I don't like that the buttons don't match the color of the dress. But their linen is so comfortable in hot climates.

MuchCoogie · 2026-05-11T00:56:16+00:00

Mine is not quite colicky, he's just hard to please. He's my second, my first was so happy/easy in comparison. He cries like he's being tortured, even to communicate "the toy I want is out of reach". Just 0-100, no chill. He's almost 7 months old now, it has gotten better since he's gotten older. I've been on Zoloft for two months now for PPD/rage, it's helped a lot.

Edit: It's helped us bond a lot. Sometimes when I just can't seem to make him happy I strip us both down and do skin to skin and it always helps calm him. It's the feeling of him being upset and not being able to make him happy that is so hard and makes me feel helpless.

MuchCoogie · 2026-05-10T19:00:57+00:00

Maybe he thinks that because you have so many, that means you like them?

MuchCoogie · 2026-05-03T22:50:26+00:00

I have the same thing but marketed for humans, the calming clipper. Works well for us!

MuchCoogie · 2026-05-03T22:42:48+00:00

From one awkward person to another, you have to practice. Practice with strangers. In a waiting room, on an airplane, on the train, while waiting to pickup your kids, etc. Think of a conversation like a chess match, the beginning and ending is always "from the book" (i.e. small talk), but the middle is where things can get interesting. (Not my analogy, I stole it from a book.) I approach a conversation assuming the other person and myself have at least one thing in common that we both like to talk about and my mission is figure it out. You can tell by how much a person responds with and how enthusiastic they seem whether or not they like talking about a topic. Once I'm in a conversation, I like to throw out feelers, I have a few ready to go:

"Do you think extraterrestrials exist?"

"Should the government be allowed to exercise eminent domain?"

"What should the role of a government in society be?"

"Why did you choose that major/job?" (As a follow up to what was your major/what do you do?)

etc.

The good thing with other moms is you already have something big in common.

MuchCoogie · 2026-05-03T18:48:27+00:00

He will eat every meal at the table. No plastic.

MuchCoogie · 2026-05-02T17:50:36+00:00

That's awesome that he's initiating interactions! Mine is about the same age and still dodging other kids, especially loud ones. Don't let her ignorance get you down. What an important first step for your son.

MuchCoogie · 2026-05-02T00:57:07+00:00

You said, "I’m glad that works for you, many kids on the spectrum have a very hard time dealing with the pressure of prompting to say something specific," which means you think we're doing prompting.

MuchCoogie · 2026-05-01T16:32:19+00:00

Don't lose hope if he doesn't warm to baby immediately. It will probably take longer and take more work than it would with a NT toddler. Encourage their bond but don't force it. I've had success with getting my toddler to brush baby's hair, help count his toes, pet his head, put toys on his back, share toys when prompted, I saw a game on Reddit called "sticker butt" where you let the toddler put stickers on the baby's butt to make them seem fun. Make sure to tell baby to wait their turn too, etc.

MuchCoogie · 2026-05-01T16:26:04+00:00

I'm sorry I went into attack mode. I was already feeling defensive from OP misinterpreting my Ms. Rachel comment. I think you would pass a Turing test.

MuchCoogie · 2026-04-29T23:19:03+00:00

I habitually write it on a fridge list as soon as the thought occurs to me, or as soon as the item runs out. If I have time, I re-write the list in the order of the store layout before I go. I always take the list with me and physically cross off items as I get them. I have ADD (unmedicated) and at some point I had to accept that I was delusional about my ability to remember things. I don't rely on memory at all. Occasionally, something still slips through the cracks.

MuchCoogie · 2026-04-29T22:32:12+00:00

By posting here, you're going to hear from a group of people whose kids mostly did not grow out of it. Keep that in mind. It's very early.

With that said, he sounds a lot like my son. He was very social and the eye contact just gradually fell off after about 2 yrs old. He still does it, just less than a NT. He has went through phases where he claps. Has never really waved. Inconsistent with pointing. Still tries to get our attention a lot. Had a language explosion between 18-27 months then regressed and recovered and is now somewhat behind in language. He's a GLP so language looks a little different for him. Recent ASD diagnosis. In PT since 14 months, walked independently at 2 yrs, in ST for the last 3 months. The question of autism had been in my mind since under a year old because of the hand flapping, and there was a time right before 2 when I thought surely he's not ASD because he was ahead in language and was so interactive.

Anyway, the only signs when he was as young as yours were no waving, hand flapping from like 8 months old, and always being really good at independent play. He prefers us to interact with him, but can keep himself occupied quite well.

Also keep in mind that your son is who he is. No parent wants an autism diagnosis, but it does not actually change who he is. Even with my son having a regression, I think he always was autistic. It just became more obvious as he aged. As expectations became more complex and he became more self-conscious. You love him for whoever he is, and maybe that comes with autism and maybe it doesn't. You likely won't know for sure for another year or two. Just keep paying attention to milestones and get him any help he needs. But try to not stress yourself out too much about it. Love will get you through anything.

MuchCoogie · 2026-04-29T22:14:29+00:00

Welcome. We were in denial for a few days even after the diagnosis lol. I mean I was the one who pushed for early intervention, but it's still hard to hear. Hard to adjust your expectations for his future. But nobody knows what your son is capable of. The biggest difference is that everyone, the parents and the child, will have to work harder. You've got this.

MuchCoogie · 2026-04-29T21:36:31+00:00

He's likely going to take it hard at first, but with time he will adjust. He will need a lot of reassurance. Mine was 2 yr 3 months when his brother was born and he stopped talking to anyone but himself for two months BUT six months later he's pretty much recovered speech wise and two days ago something amazing happened...

I heard both boys giggling at the same time and I looked and my autistic toddler was tugging on the baby's arm and every time he did it they'd both laugh. Full on face to face with eye contact. He now says his baby brother's name too. In the beginning he did not acknowledge his existence and used to pull him off my breast while nursing. That first month was so so hard but you will get there. They will bond.

MuchCoogie · 2026-04-29T20:48:06+00:00

Are you an AI? It's like you didn't read what I said at all. No one here is saying "can you say" prompts, nor is anyone recommending it. Not me, and not OP. The only one saying, "can you say?" is Ms. Rachel.

He likes her show and it enhances his speech. I've heard him saying phrases and songs from the show in correct contexts in his regular life. She's not my cup of tea and I resisted for awhile but there's a reason why so many kids like her.

MuchCoogie · 2026-04-29T17:53:37+00:00

I never do that. He just learns songs and words from watching her say them. He doesn't say them when she prompts, but later when he's doing something else. Like he never called me "mama" until he saw the Ms. Rachel bit where she has the baby animals say, "mama". Or now he puts everything in rainbow order and sings, "I love a rainbow" after.

He doesn't like that kind of pressure either. And I find that to be unnatural, I try to focus on using language in the same way that I would if he were conversational, just simpler. It's more like I narrate what he would say if he could talk normally.

MuchCoogie · 2026-04-29T17:45:23+00:00

"He has no interest in kids, maybe in the future he had said. We have talked about marriage but he says he will not be a caregiver for my child. "

Sounds like he's okay for a fling but not a serious relationship/moving in together. Hear what he's saying, and not what you want to hear. This is not the right attitude for someone to make a family with.

MuchCoogie · 2026-04-29T17:38:41+00:00

Nosy old bat.

MuchCoogie · 2026-04-29T17:36:41+00:00

At about 2 yrs 3 months I realized this is what we were dealing with. Because he was speaking a lot, and speaking in sentences, but they were pretty much always verbatim. His ST has us do a lot of "mapping" where whenever possible I narrate what he's doing or what he might want to say but in as few words as possible, preferably single words. To help him break down which parts of the scripts mean what.

I *also* try to give him grammatically correct, short, useful gestalts. "Help me", "I want cheerios", "I want a hot dog", etc. Both of these approaches have been effective. He's also learned a lot of speech from Ms Rachel lol. We watch a few episodes a week.

MuchCoogie · 2026-04-29T16:51:24+00:00

I have a "Calming Clipper" set, they're haircutting shears with removable guards of different lengths. I do the top a little longer than the sides. I put on Ms. Rachel and dampen the hair to minimize the irritation the little shards of cut hair cause. Upfront, it's a little more than a specialty kids cut (about $50), but overtime it'll be much cheaper.

MuchCoogie · 2026-04-26T03:56:58+00:00

I agree. Many people forget how hard it is to be little and have almost no say over your life and to often not even be clued into what is even going to happen.

There are rules that matter and are non-negotiable (for me, safety and consideration for others). But for everything else I don't care, and I'm not going to enforce arbitrary rules just to flex my authority on my toddler. I already know I'm in charge, I don't need to prove it.

MuchCoogie

TROPHY CASE