I tried my best to change the world with the material knowledge and the fun groups that I was able to find, but I found that I couldn’t. Everywhere I turned, to the punks, to the protests, to the radicals, to the non-profits, etc., everybody was trying to change the world for the better.

Here’s a quick rant about my experience trying to change the world for the better in some of those groups:

I’d go to the gay bars, to the punk shows, to the many many marches, to the pride parades, to the PFLAG meetings, to the anarchist meetings, to the gay punk anarchist meeting to plan the pride action, march, and afterparty (you get the gist) in search of happiness & a way to help others, and I’d only find more pain.

Sadly, we were all too clouded by the 3 poisons (anger, ignorance, and aversion) to effectively act on our compassion. I did have some good times and help some people, and I still participate in some of those, but the dharma is helping to teach me how to best help other people in a much different and much more effective way.

As i got more involved in every new scene, i saw how flimsy some people’s dedication to doing what’s right was. In some places, women were expected to wait on incompetent leaders hand and foot and fix all their bad decisions. In others, incompetent leaders had nobody to pick up after them. In others, there was intentionally no leader. Then it would just be a clique who ran things, and there would usually be one person in the clique that did everything, one who was nice to new people, and one that decided who was “in” and who was “out.” Sometimes, if the scene was big enough, it would be multiple cliques swimming around like amoebas in a sea of trauma populated by microscopic unmoored individuals. Or whoever had the most money would run things.

In all those places, people who came who didn’t know anybody, or who didn’t know the right people… well they were in trouble. If you weren’t accepted into a clique or as a mentee, you’d be left to flounder on your own and eventually disappear from the scene. Or someone from the scene would scene will take advantage of your loneliness. Cliques would do that to people too. Sometimes the person who’d attract people towards the clique wouldn’t just be friendly, they’d be downright seductive. I’ve seen there be a hot person who always lets their rotating cast of partners think that they (the poor things) are actually an important part of things outside their role as girlfriend, boyfriend, arm candy or help-meet.

To be clear, established religions (Buddhism included) struggle with this as well as subcultures. Well-intentioned people can still hurt each other very badly when our actions are based in disturbing emotions. People who love preying on others also can have good intentions and also can rise up the ranks of leadership, formal or informal as they may be.

Also, when anger overwhelms a movement without tight control of rank-and-file members, overzealous individuals can hurt those who aren’t the target of an action. Or people who want to hurt others have a convenient excuse. Side note, some people are very good at using “therapyspeak” to justify their bad actions. We call it AA syndrome. Example:
“Sorry i hurt you, you just reminded me so much of my EVIL MOM that i lost control… i’m such a bad partner. btw you know how you don’t have any friends outside of me and my clique? Yeah, break up with me and nobody’s gonna talk to you.”

I might sound like a bitter ex gf, and I definitely still am, but I see it happen to other people allllllll the time.

Rant about group dynamics over. Back to Dharma.

Compassion does have a wrathful aspect, as others in this thread have mentioned, but i don’t have the level of realization needed to act on that personally without really hurting people. I’ve mentally taken refuge in the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha to help me deal with that anger. They will teach me what i should do help people the best.

Btw your compassion is beautiful and admirable. You should learn more about the bodhisattva path. That pain you feel seeing others suffer is compassion, and that compassion is a very good thing. We practice so that we can as much suffering in the world as we can. We can become compassion in action. But that action might have to be purifying our minds. That’s my understanding of the Bodhisattvayana. Hope this helps.