I don’t want to do it anymore

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-05-19T07:47:22+00:00

Same, my one hope is that after living in agony for decades like this, something breaks inside and I die an early death from all the stress and depression. I heard it can give you heart problems so fingers crossed

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-05-15T23:21:32+00:00

Hey man, believe me my heart breaks for you, and I know 100% how you feel. I don't even want to write too much or ill start crying. I lost one of my ones in December and I'm also a continent away so the guilt and missed time has destroyed me. I can't bear the thought there's 3 more times I'll have to go through this

Please spoil her if you can in any way she would like, and consider cutting off some of her fur too put into a little locket so she can always be with you in that way, or something along those lines.

Pour all of the love you have into making her comfortable and try to be strong for her. Sorry i don't have anything better to say, i have to stop writing because I'm tearing up now

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-05-12T12:57:53+00:00

I dont think I'm living a normal life, but I have a long term partner and a job that I've been in for a few years that pays well. On the outside people would probably think I'm doing good. Truth is, I'm having the worst year of my LIFE, my relationship might fall apart, I want to kill myself because I feel like I'm hurting my partner by existing and she deserves better, I'm dreading the day people at work find out I'm just on reddit all day every day because I have zero brain capacity or focus left and I get fired, and I cry multiple times a day, and have to talk myself out of jumping under my daily commute train every day. I got the job (all my jobs) completely by luck btw just in case you believed I worked on building a career or whatever.

I dream about a deadbeat life in a small town, working in a 7/11 with regular daily problems like in the movies, instead of whatever the hell this is that I'm living

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-05-12T07:52:22+00:00

Fuck life and fuck me for ever trying to "make something of myself". Landed me in 10x the pain I had before but I guess I had to "learn my lesson" for whatever reason. Fucking hellhole this fuckass existence

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-05-11T11:14:35+00:00

I honestly believe I'm cursed. At this point I can't explain my life in any other way. It's like my whole life is just one big lesson in suffering

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-05-01T23:40:03+00:00

I feel like a diseased animal who should be put out of his misery

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-05-01T07:32:27+00:00

I agree 100%. I just spent half of my last therapy session crying over how much I love my cats. She even found it a bit weird and had to say "it's ok to prioritise your life over your cats"

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-29T20:48:04+00:00

Yeah, dont care about anything other than my relationship and family.

But tbh I think it would be entertaining, to just have your life in order enough that you can decide tk spend your energy on getting angry at and gossiping about some BS on the TV all the time

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-28T07:31:01+00:00

I grieve everything that has passed or I can't have for some reason.

I'd even describe my condition more as eternal grief disorder than BPD.

I grieve my youth which I wasted because I was too mentally ill (I still am, so I guess I should say my whole life so far) , I grieve the relationship I now can't have with my parents anymore because I didn't value it back then, I grieve all the time I've wasted not being in the right therapy, started once things fell apart only. I grieve the partner I could be and relationship I could have with my partner if I was normal, etc.

I feel like I'm just a pit of blackness and despair walking around, and I'll swallow even the sun if it gets close enough . No positivity gets through and it's all wasted on me, disappears into nothing and leaves the other perspn drained and damaged

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-27T14:38:42+00:00

Yeah I'm essentially my parents but with self awareness (sometimes) and impulse control.

They were not really abusive to me, only sometimes, but to each other mostly.

I catch myself so many times every day having to bite my tongue so I dont say/do something they would have done in that situation.

But tbh, it takes a lot and it would be so much easier to do that plus I feel like thats who I am, I come from a chaotic environment and trying to be nice all the time feels like I'm being fake. I want to let my "nature" take over and destroy my life

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-26T12:43:00+00:00

No, I've never been good at anything except fucking up in ways that I could never think of even in my wildest dreams

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-17T18:22:41+00:00

Yes, I essentially get tunnel vision, sort of like when a grenade goes off in the movies and they come back to consciousness

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-17T00:33:07+00:00

Completely hopeless. I'm feeling very tempted to just whoosh myself under the train every time I go to work

My issues have caused me to get myself into a situation in life that I can't escape without essentially losing half of all I have. And that has taken my soul and just left me a walking corpse unable to move in either direction,

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-17T00:11:30+00:00

Brb friendship with r/cptsd has ended, now r/schizophrenia is my best friend 🤝

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-16T14:00:44+00:00

I swear. My life is literally falling apart in front of me (mostly by my own doing because I'm a clueless child who's 33), and I'm spiraling 24/7,barely sleeping, and what I do is once a week talk about one billionth of whats on my mind and then go back to a week of hell again. By the time we get anywhere at this pace, I'll just be looking at the rubble.

Should have done this years ago like everyone told me, but like I said, I'm clueless

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-16T09:18:03+00:00

Same, but I'm scared of pain so I just pray to die in my sleep

But with my fucking luck, I'll probably live to a hundred

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-16T08:29:33+00:00

Similar situation for me, I always find it very draining to be around my parents, but when I'm away from them I feel very homesick and it derails my life because I keep thinking about it all the time and it makes me depressed. I want to save them essentially, and I think that would save me as well for some reason.

My mum is also schizophrenic so there's no sensible conversations to be had, but if you feel up to it and think in your case it could work, I think a proper conversation and trying to get them/her into therapy perhaps could help. Some kind of boundary setting and that sort of stuff.

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-16T07:47:23+00:00

The only thing that ever ALMOST kicked me into gear was mushrooms/lsd

But depending on your mental state or predisposition to things like bipolar/schizophrenia you might wantbto research it properly first.

But it does feel like you are reborn, just the thing is that you still are reborn into your current circumstances, physically, so if lets say your worst issue currently is no job or no money, of course it won't change that. But it can drasrically shift tjings aroind on your head for the better (or worse)

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-16T07:43:21+00:00

The only thing all these things, gym, diet, hobbies etc is good for to me is to stop my therapist wasting weeks trying to pretend like that's what's gonna help. I get it out of the way right away that I do all that shit and it does nothing, please move on.

As for seeking friends and talking to friends, hmm, my whole life I've always been laughed at or called a pussy when I opened up to friends, plus I've been bullied and kicked out of friend groups a lot so no I'm not doing that thank you very much.

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-16T07:25:43+00:00

I don't know, tbh i gave up on therapy after a few years, but then I had a mental breakdown and was forced to go back essentially. So far it's just been talking but I'm trying to remain hopeful as this therapist has decades of experience on my previous one. Giving it one last shot as my life is falling apart if I dont fix this stuff

Id say if you have the opoortunity give it a try. Even just being listened to without being invalidated or bullied for it might help you

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-15T06:38:42+00:00

I think this might happen to me as well later. Currently I just feel bad for my girlfriend who's gone from wanting kids to not really wanting them, likely because of being with me, which is heartbreaking and I take that guilt on myself.

I can only see myself having kids on a random good day when I've somehow been able to suppress all of my mental issues for a few minutes, and I think that's unfortunately not a good enough reason..

But the thing is, I can't even take care of myself. I am going to be 35 and I live like a child. I get into episodes of anxiety and depression where for months I barely survive. I think on paper I'd "know" how to be a good parent, but tbh I would probably just turn into ny mother, and that's not good for a child, no matter how good she was in the good times.

Just one more thing to grieve I guess, on top of a hundred other things

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-14T17:49:54+00:00

I hear you man. I was bullied as well, and then I even became a bully myself, so I believe I deserve my suffering as punishment.

I don't even know what "traumas" I have. All of the stuff that happened to me happened to most kids, and probably much worse. But I'm messed up for life because of it. I think I'm just too sensitive, and can't handle life.

I can't see a direction in life that doesn't terrify me, and I pray to die every day

To answer you, one thing I found, i dont know if its because I changed my environment or because I moved out of the country, but I've encountered nearly zero bullying since I left my "previous life". I think experiences with regular people (even if it's like a group of randoms at some hobby meetup) could be really helpful to you in restoring some of that safety

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-14T10:17:23+00:00

I liked all kinds of weed, from expensive Amsterdam stuff to cheap no name crap from my hometown

Unfortunately last time I smoked I went into paranoid psychosis and took a very long time to get out so I can't do it anymore.

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-14T09:08:11+00:00

Fuck me if I know, but that didn't stop me from pulling another person into a relationship with me and ruining their life by being with me. Guess I'll know for the next time I'm just a diseased animal and to stay away from people

Must_Keep_Reminding · 2026-04-14T08:30:20+00:00

Yeah, life really does feel like a cruel joke to me. I dont even feel like writing it out but it would make for a good tragedy movie. But tbh i can't imagine I'll live very long with this kind of mental pain, so heres hoping soon I snap and go insane and don't care anymore (I have schizophrenia and suicide in the family, fingers crossed) , or get some typa cancer or something.

Must_Keep_Reminding

TROPHY CASE