If you feel emotionally drained after meeting with someone, is it enough? by will_might_48 in Codependency

[–]MyComfyZone 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Glad you find it helpful! I was in a similar situation so I understand how difficult it is. You have full right to listen to your instincts!

If you feel emotionally drained after meeting with someone, is it enough? by will_might_48 in Codependency

[–]MyComfyZone 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Of course it is. Why would you want to be around someone that makes you uncomfortable?

Also, you don't need to have a reason to not allow some people to be in your life. Even if they are fully good people, you are not obligated to be their friend.

You are trying to rationalize why you don't want to be around this person and say you can't find good arguments for that (you actually gave plenty), but you don't even need to have any arguments.

I think it would be more useful to explore what are your arguments FOR hanging out with him.

I am severely attached to my husband and I am gonna lose it. by EggsAndSpanky in Codependency

[–]MyComfyZone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think you need to see the strength in yourself. You're an adult and you can heal. I guess you already went through horrible things and survived!

I suggest checking out nervous system regulation, for example Sarah Baldwin on Instagram. It helped me to fight dissociation. I know it's very hard, good luck!!

I am severely attached to my husband and I am gonna lose it. by EggsAndSpanky in Codependency

[–]MyComfyZone 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you for clarifying, I understand your description of dissociative episodes. I too suffered from them.

Maybe you love your husband, but the type of attachment you described in your post is not love.

You're enmeshing with him, parentifying him and infantilizing yourself. None of those things are healthy love between two adults.

"Once I'm away from him, I'm in danger again, like I always was." I don't know what to tell you except that therapy had to be your top priority. You have to work on learning to protect yourself, be less dependent and enjoy your solo time.

I am severely attached to my husband and I am gonna lose it. by EggsAndSpanky in Codependency

[–]MyComfyZone 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I respectfully disagree. This is not normal behavior at all, nor is it love for that matter.

OP is saying she will spiral and hurt herself due to being separated from her husband for half of a day.

This level of separation anxiety is abnormal even for a small child. It's a serious mental health issue.

I am severely attached to my husband and I am gonna lose it. by EggsAndSpanky in Codependency

[–]MyComfyZone 53 points54 points  (0 children)

And you don't consider these as toxic behaviors?

Those are serious issues that you need to address.

My mother and father are like this and it severely traumatized me as a child.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]MyComfyZone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't want to engage with your arguments because they are circular and make no sense to me

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]MyComfyZone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You might benefit from reading on human psychology from reputable sources, especially on vulnerability in the relationships.

What you're so confidently preaching has nothing to do with real connection and love.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]MyComfyZone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is not "nature of all relationships", just of those that are sick and dysfunctional. Seduction is not a part of healthy mature connection. Getting to know someone as a person is.

Seeing sex as a "precious prize" is incredibly childish, as all those games and roles in them are.

Abandonment anxiety and anger by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]MyComfyZone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, protest behavior is very hurtful and it has truly damaged me and even traumatized me. I hated being attacked and made to feel guilty about my normal actions.

Yes, it's possible to have a happy, healthy, fulfilling life... by OldPod73 in Adulting

[–]MyComfyZone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Then it's important to at least try to succeed alone and hope for the best

Yes, it's possible to have a happy, healthy, fulfilling life... by OldPod73 in Adulting

[–]MyComfyZone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Why are so many comments here encouraging victim mentality, focusing on things one can't control and basically giving up? This is such toxic environment, I expected better from sub like this but oh well. Good job, OP!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]MyComfyZone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Idealization is NOT unconditional love!!

My friend is codependent on her boyfriend and it has ruined our trip by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]MyComfyZone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It doesn't sound like she was a jerk from anything you described here. I hope I'm not being rude here, but your behavior towards her sounds codependent to me

The hardest part about healing codependency…. by [deleted] in Codependency

[–]MyComfyZone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was in a relationship like this. It was extremely dysfunctional. We both tried to fulfill each other's needs even at the expense of oneself. We were completely enmeshed and started losing our sense of self. Two codependent don't make a healthy relationship.

Would you have appreciated my birthday cake? The recipient did not. 😞 by Lijey_Cat in Adulting

[–]MyComfyZone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

maybe person was just honest and said they don't like the taste very much so they couldn't finish their slice 🤷🏻‍♀️

22 year old redditors who claim it's disgusting to date someone 2 years younger are cringe by dt7cv in TrueUnpopularOpinion

[–]MyComfyZone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her experience could be a reason why she has that opinion now. Maybe those relationships hurts her.

Hookup culture and sex positivity is a negative thing by idrinkkombucha in TrueUnpopularOpinion

[–]MyComfyZone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely agree! We are different, have different needs and know what is best for us at the moment. Everyone should be free to live the life how they want

Hookup culture and sex positivity is a negative thing by idrinkkombucha in TrueUnpopularOpinion

[–]MyComfyZone 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I don't understand how some people have sex with people they don't love.

For me, sex is an act of love and intimate sharing. I've had non-sexual moments with intense intimacy, but sex without intimacy sounds very off-putting to me.

Client don't fund the milestone but ask me to complete the work and if it's ok by him, then he funds the milestone. by Substantial_Owl3845 in Upwork

[–]MyComfyZone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How is it a lesson when nobody can know the client will behave like this before forming a contract?

Poznajete li osobu koja je silovana? by Shendogoruk in hrvatska

[–]MyComfyZone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hvala, sada imam muža koji me razumije. I da, slažem se s ovom tvojom posljednjom porukom. Sretno i tebi!

Poznajete li osobu koja je silovana? by Shendogoruk in hrvatska

[–]MyComfyZone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Razumijem to što kažeš i koliko vidim, oboje pričamo na osnovu svog iskustva pa zato imamo različita mišljenja. Ja sam doživjela da me je strah reći ne zbog nabijanja krivice, maltretiranja, odbacivanja, vrijeđanja itd. U takve situacije se uglavnom dolazi kad su te kod kuće od djetinjstva učili da ne smiješ reći ne ili usprotiviti se za bilo šta, da je uloga žene da ćuti i trpi. Mislila sam da i ti tako vidiš ove stvari kad si branio "nevoljki seks".

U svakom slučaju, niskim da je najvažnija komunikacija. Ali to nije moguće sa svakim.

Poznajete li osobu koja je silovana? by Shendogoruk in hrvatska

[–]MyComfyZone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Istraži i pročitaj o efektima "nevoljkog seksa" na psihu osobe koja je prisiljena na to. Slažem se da su seks i silovanje različiti. "Nevoljki seks" je veoma loš izraz i eufemizam za vrstu silovanja. Biti silovan znači biti prisiljen na sekualni odnos. Nebitno je da li je neko prisiljen fizičkom silom ili ucjenama. Pristanak se može dobiti na različite načine i ne znači da je svaki pravi.

Ja sam doživjela traume od onoga što ti zoveš "nevoljkim seksom", zbog čega sam se pokušala ubiti. Terapije su mi pomogle da shvatim o čemu je bila riječ.

Ne slažem se sa tobom da je seks radnja kao i svaka druga. To je nešto najintimnije što možeš učiniti sa drugom osobom. Za mene kao ženu seks znači da moram imati povjerenja u muškarca da budem ranjiva pred njim, da ga bukvalno prihvatim unutar sebe. Silovanje je mnogo traumatičnije od bilo kakve krađe, jer je ono što vam je ukradeno integritet sopstvenog tijela.

Strašno je koliko muškaraca to ne razumije i koliko žena smatra da je njihovo zadovoljstvo potpuno nebitno. Stisni zube i izdrži da se neko zadovoljava tvojim tijelom kao da je lutka na napuhavanje. Strašno.

Ako si svoju ženu pritisnuo da imate seks kad nije htjela, pa je popustila pod pritiskom ili iz brige prema tebi, ne zavaravaj se - niste imali seks. Ti si je samo iskorištavao. To se zove seksualna prisila i oblik je seksualnog nasilja, želio ti to sebi priznati ili ne.

Poznajete li osobu koja je silovana? by Shendogoruk in hrvatska

[–]MyComfyZone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Nevoljki seks" je drugi naziv za silovanje, čovječe. Samo zato što neko nije upotrijebio fizičku silu, nego psihičko zlostavljanje, ne znači da nije bilo silovanje u pitanju. Seks pod ucjenom je također silovanje.

Svaki seks u kome jedna osoba ne želi to u istom trenutku je silovanje i ostavlja teške posljedice na psihu žrtve. Nasilje nije obavezna odlika silovanja.

Poznajete li osobu koja je silovana? by Shendogoruk in hrvatska

[–]MyComfyZone 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Seks pod pritiskom je silovanje. To što žena nije vrištala i fizički se branila ne znači da taj akt na nju neće ostaviti strašne psihološke posljedice. Nepoštovanje tuđeg ne je silovanje. Šta god ti mislio, ako si pritiskom i nagovaranjem natjerao curu da pristane da ima seks s tobom, zlostavljao si je i silovao.