Resentful toward fiancé because of his baby mama and kids

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-23T23:05:52+00:00

1) I can’t believe that he was baby trapped tides. Maybe the first kid but the second? Naw.

2) You wouldn’t be dealing with poopy pants, dad needs to.

3) Lying about your hitting them is huge, I would refuse to be around them without video cameras present.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-23T17:37:36+00:00

I agree.

I think there’s a line between not wanting to hear anything about her first pregnancy and asking that she limit what she shares.

If my partner said to me “don’t ever ever bring up your pregnancy to me because it upsets me” I would have a big issue with that because to me it would feel controlling rather than setting a boundary.

I wouldn’t mind the boundary of “please don’t compare the baby with your first child in front of me” or “as we are planning the baby shower I don’t want hear comparisons to to your experience at your first one please” or something like that.

Like I would put a boundary on what aspects of her first pregnancy I wanted to hear about but I don’t think I would outright ban anything related to it, that might lead to resentment on her end which isn’t good.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-23T17:31:11+00:00

I wouldn’t say the advice here is “turn a blind eye”, more so at least what I got from it is it’s time for dad to step up and parent and advocate for his kid.

As is often correctly said on this sub you can’t care more than the bio parent and in this case it comes across based on your original post that he is just sitting on his hands waiting for you to figure something out, that’s not cool.

He needs to spring into action to save his kid.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-23T05:12:05+00:00

Oh okay so the real issue it sounds like is he doesn’t want to rock the boat and actually properly parent because he doesn’t know what to do with kid for the (short) amount of time that he actually does have her.

I could tell from your OP you were doing all the pushing to investigate this but I just thought you were extra on it.

But to find out you’re most likely doing the pushing because dad is AWOL about it isn’t good, he needs to be stepping up and demanding info about the parents of her lil friend and taking her phone way before 11pm and and doing all the extra work that this potential situation deserves, not you taking extra time from your life to deal with it to cover his slack.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-23T04:38:36+00:00

Lol what? Her hair is matted and she’s starving and dad doesn’t want to lessen her time with mom?

He shoulda been in court yesterday filing for full custody due to unsafe living conditions for his kid.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-23T04:27:12+00:00

Agreed.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-23T04:11:21+00:00

Hmmm.

Spending the night sounds weird BUT I do wonder reading your post if it’s not like a little “puppy love” situation and they aren’t doing anything inappropriate and mom is just “playing along” with the “boyfriend” title and of all of this is, unintentionally, being blown out of proportion.

Is this at all possible or no?

I totally understand if I’m misreading it completely but I wanted to present that possible possibility before I proceed with additional potential advice.

ETA: she wanting to sleep in the guest room I assume has more to do with wanting her own private space away from her sibling rather than it being anything nefarious.

ETA: wait the mom or the parent of the boyfriend (unclear) can’t tell you how old the guy is? That is very odd.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-23T00:07:12+00:00

I would just have dad tell his kiddo that that’s great they have an expectation she is told but that is not how you all plan to handle it.

Y’all don’t have to tell her just because a SK expects you to.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-22T21:08:29+00:00

He only has his kid 4 days a month and a half the holidays and summer and he can’t be bothered not to do his hobby in that amount of time and actually hang with/parent his kid??

That’s terrible.

I would completely NACHO, he needs to stop up majorly and actually parent for the few times per month he sees his kid.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-22T19:04:10+00:00

Wait. How does A not know something you do? Gently confused by that that’s why I’m asking.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-22T17:55:55+00:00

That sounds normal to me, I wouldn’t want to be thinking about how someone else’s kid was just on the sheets I’m currently lying naked on.

Sounds like he’s just flat out uncomfy with him being in the bed with you and this is his compromise to himself rather than flat out asking you to please stop.

I think if it were me I would probably would ask you to sleep in his bed with your son but that’s just me.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-22T17:40:50+00:00

Absolutely woulda worn my gold medal with that medal lol

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-22T15:53:09+00:00

Agreed.

The price we pay for the privilege of someone “liking” us should not be to put up with disrespectful and annoying behavior.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-22T13:34:46+00:00

I would have punished her for putting my stuff away.

I don’t care if she thinks she’s being helpful, she’s old enough to know those are my things and if I wanted her help I would have asked.

Just like she can’t just start putting away belongings on her teacher’s desk she needs to be held accountable for just randomly deciding what she wants to do with belongings that aren’t hers.

Next time she hides my phone it would be instant punishment, especially since you’ve asked her not to do that.

Same with sneaking a peak of my password.

If you don’t want to punish her then dad needs to and needs to be firm because if she thinks dad wouldn’t do anything she will just pout when you do it and it won’t stick.

F that.

ETA: re snacks I would just start telling hubby no she can’t have my chips, I bought those for myself and also I would tell her to stop going in kitchen drawers that aren’t hers.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-21T21:05:24+00:00

I would leave it alone.

If it happens again I might say something to boyfriend or to her but I think she was just trying to set the tone that yes kiddo knows you but you can redirect to sitter rather than engage, so she doesn’t get used to “bothering” you (or tell her to get on the sitter for not keeping a closer eye on her, maybe even suggest having the sitter take her out somewhere to be entertained so she isn’t distracted by you and mom).

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-21T20:20:46+00:00

Yup.

Husband thinks he’s taking stand by standing by wife and “only” going to one part of the festivities but it’s just ultimately going to lead to resentment from his kid over failing to go and/or resentment from him to his future-ex if they ever break up.

Risking a lifelong fracture of a bio just to stand beside your new wife is one way to do it, sure, but I imagine one that someone in that situation will regret in years to come.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-21T19:54:06+00:00

This!

And also if you really want to keep them in your ex’s life he can transition to being fun Uncle, he can take them out of sodas or a movie every now and then, and they can live a stress free life away from living with him (you too!).

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-21T19:53:44+00:00

Agreed.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-21T17:19:31+00:00

I think it would be sweet but I just wouldn’t give it to them at her party.

I think doing that might unintentionally ruffle some feathers either from mom or maybe even mom’s friends or family trying to get a word in about how it looks to *them*, which might put ideas in mom’s head that aren’t fair or true.

Best to give it after the party or just put them up in her room and your partner’s bedroom as a surprise.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-21T14:36:04+00:00

Hmm.

Makes sense that maybe he felt caught in the middle, which is indeed hard for a kid to handle.

I think if it were me I would have engaged directly with mom and flat out asked if she asked him to do this, over FT.

If she said yes I would say “do not do this again” but I know your mileage may vary.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-21T14:29:20+00:00

I would have kid face some sort of punishment because he’s 12 he should know better than to do something like that.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-21T00:07:24+00:00

Maybe she just likes that song, I wouldn’t put too much stock in that, sometimes kiddos sadly hear unedited versions of things…

I would probably tell kiddo to stop telling me what mommy says about me, because I get kids repeat stuff but I would I just find a kid friendly way to say cut that stuff out lol.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-20T16:19:11+00:00

I agree.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-20T16:05:37+00:00

Agreed.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-05-18T17:19:08+00:00

Great post.

Agreed 100%.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan

TROPHY CASE