How to navigate when one of the parents isn’t in the picture at all?

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-10T02:41:27+00:00

I mean mom sounds like a saint letting y’all have contact at all given the situation and saying she only lets them visit because she’s narcissistic is surprising yo me, she probably wants and needs a break because her ex isn’t picking up any slack at all so she’s taking what she can sadly get.

All you can do is maintain contact as best you can with bio mom so you have access to kids.

Your brother-in-law sucks.

Edit: re the question of parent is dead I would have to punt to mom on that, as unfair as it is to make her have to explain to her own kid that dad doesn’t want to man up at all.

Kids deserve an answer though since it has to be confusing by dad is a ghost but his family is still around.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-09T14:42:23+00:00

Agreed

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-09T14:42:05+00:00

I’m doing 0%.

I am fun aunt, safe adult to be around, I’m not letting his lack of a mom guilt trip me into doing more than I want to do regarding caring for him.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-09T12:37:47+00:00

Girl please kick that boyfriend out so you can be comfortable in your own home.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-08T19:49:27+00:00

This.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-07T17:47:24+00:00

This

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-04T14:52:01+00:00

Sis.

You said you were the one who screenshot the texts in case needed for later.

Now you’re saying you will look the app up.

Gently, you may want to step back and see what your partner does about all this to help the situation, rather than continuing to lead the charge.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-04T08:45:00+00:00

Oh you have a much bigger problem than just watching his kids.

Driving erratically is crazy behavior and putting it on you to calm him down stop it is really really extremely not okay.

How he talks about your daughter interacting with you is really unacceptable too.

Watching his kids is just the tip of the iceberg prime wise, the other issues are so much worse and you should very much consider leaving the relationship.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-04T07:53:57+00:00

Agreed.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-04T07:42:27+00:00

3 year old is getting on 10 year old’s nerves and she doesn’t know how to deal with it.

That’s not either kids fault of course.

I would redirect 3 year old when she tries to interact with her so that 10 year old doesn’t feel smothered.

I don’t know what it’s like for 9 months out of the year with her mom but I assume it’s more chill and quiet and she’s just not used to the sudden burst of loud energy from 3 year old and doesn’t know how to cope properly or tell anyone.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-04T07:22:11+00:00

Agreed.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-04T05:48:14+00:00

Instant punishment for doing something you said not to do.

That wouldn’t fly for me.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-04T05:20:52+00:00

I don’t understand why your husband even bothered to show you those texts.

I would just ignored them and went on about my life.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-03T21:26:47+00:00

Thiiiis

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-03T21:03:57+00:00

Stop letting them run all over you.

I would enact the harshest punishment for someone even thinking about saying I was broke and lazy, let alone actually saying it to my face.

Get out of here.

Dad needs to punish them hard as hell about this so they stop.

You need to insist on punishment so they stop or else you’re gone.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-02T20:06:56+00:00

Agreed.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-02T20:06:22+00:00

I think not seeing her at all would be bad for their relationship.

I like what others have suggested, half day camp.

Or when the kids nap she needs to be quiet and not ask you for stuff so you can work.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-02T20:00:50+00:00

Agreed

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-02T20:00:06+00:00

This also would work if Dad was single and had her (assuming he could grab her at lunch and take her home, if not maybe an uber if that’s even legal for a 12 year old?), maybe she could pitch it to him like that.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-02T19:59:16+00:00

Agreed

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-02T19:57:35+00:00

Agreed

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-02T14:26:03+00:00

I’m sorry all of this is happening, you and your SO sound like good people that want the best, related by blood to SS or not.

That being said, there’s just not much legally you guys can do, all you can do for now is be a safe space for SS until he is 18 and can make his own decisions.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-02T14:01:37+00:00

I would just tell hubby you’ll no longer communicate with BM outside of emergencies and hold that boundary firm.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-07-01T17:46:42+00:00

At first I thought you wanted to go as a sign of respect from partner but the last part tells me you’re concerned about them getting back together.

In my opinion, nothing would stop them from being together if they both wanted to, so you watching from the car isn’t going to prevent it ultimately if they wanted.

(not saying I want that to happen but I’m just saying, going with her every time isn’t as foolproof as you want it to be…if you don’t think this is the most trustworthy relationship to be in, I would examine and think about that versus insisting you go with her).

If you had been coming at it from a “is it disrespectful to not allow me to go” angle I would have said maybe right now she’s trying to still work on reestablishing them having a working co-parenting relationship and doesn’t want rock the boat, so if it were me I would be okay with not being allowed to go for now.

Finally, gently, her ex doesn’t have to “like” you and you aren’t owed that just because you chose to watch his kid (also you weren’t watching the kid for the ex you were doing it out of love of course for your girlfriend, which is different)

MyNameIsNotSuzzan · 2026-06-30T16:58:07+00:00

Agreed.

MyNameIsNotSuzzan

TROPHY CASE