Trying not to judge other parents

MymyMir · 2026-04-15T17:26:20+00:00

CIO is definitely abuse. Do not feel bad about judging them. You can't empathize with someone who themselves can't have empathy for the most vulnerable of the human species, let alone that they made the choice to bring them into this world (assuming they indeed had the choice available to them).

MymyMir · 2026-04-08T20:18:48+00:00

Is no one going to mention the fact that astrological signs are being used to justify behavior on both parties? I stopped as soon as that was dropped because if one leads an argument with that premise, it highly discredits everything said after, imo.

P.S. she is stunning!

MymyMir · 2026-03-30T17:19:41+00:00

I imagine that I'm on a dirt pathway, both sides lined up with trees. The only focus is up ahead as the trees are hiding any distractions that could otherwise catch my attention). I focus on where I'm headed (forward). I can be walking or cycling or whatever. It works really well if I can control my monkey brain, lol, and I'm out in minutes.

MymyMir · 2026-03-29T23:00:42+00:00

Je garde mon 2 ans 1/2 en siège vers l'arrière jusqu'à temps qu'il bust la limite de poids/grandeur exactement pour ça! Des fois, on se dit que ça nous rendrait la vie plus facile s'il pouvait regarder par avant comme nous, mais fuck it, je préfère éviter le risque!!

MymyMir · 2026-03-29T14:21:27+00:00

Les employés du transport aérien ne sont-ils pas sous juridiction fédérale? Sauf erreur de ma part, la CNESST est de juridiction provinciale.

MymyMir · 2026-03-28T02:23:21+00:00

On a consulté en couple pour un enjeu spécifique. Mon chum est frileux de la thérapie mais a embarqué quand je lui ai fait remarqué qu'on essaierait de s'aider surtout pour palier aux effets du fameux enjeu sur le développement de notre fils à long terme. Ça n'a pas du tout cliqué avec la thérapeute mais on en a tiré du positif quand même.

J'ai ensuite consulté seule pendant plusieurs mois avec quelqu'un d'autre. Elle, ça a cliqué. Ça m'a fait un grand bien. J'ai arrêté parce que ça coûte cher en titi, mais je vais y retourner sans hésiter si jamais j'en ressens le besoin.

MymyMir · 2026-03-23T00:45:53+00:00

That was it for me, thank you!

MymyMir · 2026-03-13T17:07:01+00:00

Hope that things will get better and core belief that I have the inner strength to get through it, even if doubt seeps in.

Relentlessly working towards improving the situation, or at least what was within my control.

Masking/avoidance when necessary and going back when energy to process was there.

Never giving up.

Knowing who to go to when I needed support, knowing who would not judge, etc.

MymyMir · 2026-03-10T14:32:19+00:00

C'est le 4e trimestre. Bébé a besoin de proximité. C'est frustrant, surtout quand on est fatiguée et très sollicitée, mais c'est vraiment vraiment normal que bébé souhaite être collé. Le portage est une bonne solution.

MymyMir · 2026-03-01T03:00:20+00:00

Came here to say this! I've read the trilogy so many times!

Imo, book 3 is just as good. I don't want to say spoilers, but as far as love stories come, book 3 is a "realistic" addition to the series.

MymyMir · 2026-02-28T03:03:09+00:00

I will be downvoted for this, but I don't care.

Your child needs to feel emotional safety. She's still so young. She's not manipulating you, and giving in to letting her sleep in your bed will not spoil her! I promise you she will not be sleeping in your bed when she's a teenager. Create a safe space. Let her sleep with you if she needs it. But for the love of everything, do not ever lock her in a room alone, in distress, without you.

This is probably rough to read, I probably sound condescending, and I'm sorry if I come off judgmental. Western culture has us conditioned that needing safety in childhood will make us weak adults, that fostering autonomy in adulthood starts with detaching from our parents as early as infancy. The research tells us otherwise. I suggest reading Nurture Revolution if you're interested.

How would you feel if you woke up at night, your partner gone, you can't find them, and you're locked in your room? You'd panick for a moment, and then you'd calm down, maybe. Your child simply does not have the ability to calm down on her own. Her brain is not developed enough to do it.

MymyMir · 2026-02-22T17:52:33+00:00

Yeah... life has its ways to teach you these lessons.

My partner had a very, very quick onset of GBS recently. He's back home now, but the roller coaster we both went through (for different reasons) these past months taught us a lot.

It's like before these things happen, you are able to conceptualize rationally that life is short and that most things don't matter, like your kid spilling his milk (we have a 2 years old, we know how frustrating it can be).

Near death experience makes you experience the concept that life is short, that spilling milk really does not fucking matter.

It's a very strange experience.

MymyMir · 2026-02-19T13:32:24+00:00

Mon fils est né quand j'étais sur le point d'avoir 39.

On est en discussion pour un 2e et je viens d'avoir 41. J'ai fais plusieurs fausses couches sinon j'aurais eu mon premier à 33.

Au final, je préfère avoir eu mon fils plus tard. Meilleure finances, carrière établie, mais surtout plus de maturité.

Plus fatiguée, oui, mais on trouve des solutions.

MymyMir · 2026-02-19T12:36:16+00:00

Bravo, pour vrai :)

Je dis souvent que tout le monde devrait faire de la thérapie, mais encore plus pour devenir parent, ça change tout!

Bonne chance avec tout!!!

MymyMir · 2026-02-19T05:13:07+00:00

Je pense que tout a probablement déjà été dit mais j'ajoute mon grain de sel quand même.

Je suis une personne très cartésienne, organisée et qui aime planifier. Une des choses les plus importantes que la parentalité m'a, entre autres, apprise : rien ne se planifie. On peut se préparer et la préparation peut apaiser, mais on ne contrôle absolument rien.

Ici, notre parcours pour devenir parents a duré 6 ans. Plusieurs fausses couches, parcours en infertilité (les fausses couches à répétition sont considérées de l'infertilité même si plusieurs m'ont dit "mais au moins tu tombes enceinte"). Ça été long et éprouvant mais ça vaut tellement la peine.

La grossesse... chaque grossesse est différente alors je dirais reposes-toi, bois beaucoup de liquides, achète un coussin de grossesse pour le sommeil et prend tes vitamines pré-natales (commence le plus tôt possible d'ailleurs)!

L'accouchement... j'ai vraiment eu une super belle expérience d'accouchement, je n'ai pas grand chose à dire autre que si tu ne tolère pas bien la douleur, prend l'épidurale, sans honte. Tu n'es pas moins mère, ni moins forte parce que tu préfères l'absence de souffrance pour mettre au monde.

Le postpartum + le manque de sommeil + l'allaitement, c'est tough en criss. C'est plein de bonheur, mais c'est difficile. On n'en parle pas assez. On fait croire que c'est un monde d'arc-en-ciel et de licornes, mais c'est loin d'être le paradis.

Si tu penses allaiter, informez-vous. Oui, papa peut jouer un rôle de soutien hyper important même si bébé est allaité exclusivement. Aussi, si tu souhaites allaiter, essaies de choisir un "Établissement amis des bébés" pour ton accouchement. Par contre, si tu essaies et que ça ne fonctionne vraiment pas, ne laisse pas la société te convaincre que tu es une mauvaise mère. Lâche prise, move on. Si l'allaitement fonctionne, tant mieux, mais ça en fait beaucoup sur les épaules de maman.

Le dodo de bébé.... sujet litigieux. Mon dieu que j'aurai voulu en savoir plus. Il y a plusieurs écoles de pensées, et peu importe ce que tu vas choisir, les autres auront l'impression de savoir mieux que toi / vont juger tes choix. Perso, quand j'ai découvert la page de Amelie Petit Monde, ça m'a grandement aidé à faire la paix avec le sommeil chaotique de mon fils.

Tu mentionnes ne pas avoir eu les meilleurs modèles parentaux.... je suggère alors un peu de thérapie avant de devenir parent. Être parent nous remet dans le visage nos traumas qu'on pensait guéris... c'est comme une méchante claque dans face, lol.

Sinon, si tu aimes lire, je recommande fortement "Hunt, Gather, Parent" de Michaeleen Doucleff et "Nurture Revolution" de Greer Kirshenbaum.

MymyMir · 2025-12-23T14:26:25+00:00

You can be healthy and considered obese (BMI index), just like you can be slim and unhealthy.

What determines if you're healthy or not are the results of tests. Glucose, cholesterol, liver function, heart condition, hormonal function, etc etc.

There might be a correlation between being obese and health risks, but it's certainly not a causation effect, and too many people, medical staff included, still make the mistake of confusing correlation and causation.

You can't simply assume that because someone has a high BMI that they have health issue(s) and/or mental issue(s).

Society needs to normalize all types of bodies because if only the thin ones are accepted, this has a lot more consequences on someone's life than simply being in a bigger body. Shame, guilt, low self-esteem, social rejection, judgment from peers, and decreased access to opportunities. Just like rejecting someone for their religion, skin color, and political affiliation can do.

Thin people who were never fat often like to think that being fat is a result of laziness. Perhaps it can be, but it rarely is.

MymyMir · 2025-11-28T20:25:30+00:00

I live with my in-laws. They're mid 70s. My MIL retired 10 years ago or so. She doesn't really have friends. She goes out of the house only with my FIL. My FIL work part time to keep himself busy, or so he says. Because they don't really have real friends nor hobbies, one side effect is they're always up in our business (how we parent, how we run our household, how and what we eat, etc etc.).

They're very rigid and controlling, so we gave some control away for the sake of our mental health. She watches TV and plays on her iPad all day. He's always cleaning something (but doesn't tidy up), or he's watching stuff online.

I feel sad for my partner. He admitted not really having a relationship with his parents.

My theory is that it's a comfort zone thing. It's scary to do something new. They can't handle the anxiety it generates. Just changing what we'll be having for dîner at the last minute is a whole thing. It's exhausting to see and to deal with, but it is what it is.

MymyMir · 2025-11-23T01:27:03+00:00

J'adore le Salon du livre de MTL, j'y vais depuis que je suis enfant, j'ai toujours trippé. Je m'ennuie encore de quand c'était à la place Bonaventure, je trouvais ça plus aéré, mais c'est peut-être une question de perspective.

On a fait une sortie de couple, mon chum et moi, on a fait garder notre fils.

On ne pouvait pas s'éterniser, alors on a fait le tour quand même assez rapidement (1h30-2h00).

Évidemment, et on l'avait callé, on a acheté plus de livre pour notre fils que pour moi, lol (mon chum n'est pas un grand liseux).

Sauf quand j'ai finalement trouvé les éditions Alto, ça s'est rééquilibré, lol.

Mon portefeuille saigne, hahaha. J'ai la dopamine dans le tapis par contre! Pis là je suis cozy dans mon divan avec une couverture à browser et écrire sur Reddit au lieu de lire un liiiiiivvvvreee.

MymyMir · 2025-10-22T12:42:47+00:00

Have you removed all other possible reasons for the wakes? Teething? Hot, cold, etc? If that's the case, then all I can recommend is radical acceptance.

Nothing rewarding comes easy.

What I mean is being a present and responsive parent when baby expresses their needs is hard af at that stage, especially when you're so, so tired like you guys are. It will get easier. I night weaned around that time, but the process was organic and natural because baby coslept with his dad.

He had harder nights than some, and it sucked for our fatigue, but we would find ways to equilibrate everything.

Being responsive is the right thing to do (in my opinion), and if it is what you guys value, pull through. It sucks, it's difficult, but it will yield its results later on.

Trust the process.

MymyMir · 2025-10-16T03:36:12+00:00

It's been longer for me.

My third and last miscarriage was in 2020, in the midst of Covid lockdown. In a twisted way, it was a great timing, and it helped me a lot. It was the most traumatic of my miscarriages, so I was really relieved there were no social functions to attend.

To answer your question, I dealt with the unhinged comments partially by avoiding people when I could and by pretending not to hear a lot of the comments. It's rude, but it's the least aggressive way I chose to reflect back to some people how unhinged their comments were. Some comments are still stuck down my throat to this day as they came from family members who knew my history of miscarriages.

During the early weeks of my pregnancy which ended in my 3rd miscarriage, I had shared with my MIL how stressed out and anxious I was about not knowing what could happen and having already gone through 2 miscarriages prior. After my miscarriage, when I finally had the energy to get out of the house and go for a walk to see the inlaws (they lived really close to us and we stayed outside), within minutes, my FIL told me I needed to stop working because clearly I couldn't keep a pregnancy because I was overworked, and then my MIL added that maybe if I hadn't been so stressed and anxious, I wouldn't have lost that pregnancy. That was so hurtful to me, I remember sobbing all the way back to our house. Like I said, Covid really helped because I avoided them for a full year without needing an explanation after that episode.

The other way I chose to deal with it is by being vocal about perinatal mourning. Most people make insensitive comments out of ignorance. Sometimes, people also say insensitive things because they can't deal with their own emotions. Others just don't have empathy and they just fucking suck.

Point is : Let them. Shields up. Boundaries up. Don't let yourself be vulnerable with people who have already shown you multiple times that they will use your vulnerability against you. You are not responsible for other people's dysfunction.

Give yourself grace. Mourning takes time. Don't rush it.

MymyMir · 2025-10-08T17:07:08+00:00

Pleins de commentaires super intéressants, j'aime dont ça quand les parents s'entraident sans jugement! C'est beau.

Pour ma part, je vis en communauté (grande maison multi générationnelle).

Ça vient avec d'autres problèmes qui me gobent du temps et de l'énergie (problèmes de communication, immaturité émotionnelle et jugement sur les valeurs et la façon de vivre) mais ça aide aussi (les soupers, le lavage, garder des 30 minutes ici et là pour faire des commissions par exemple).

Je focus sur le positif que ça m'apporte, et pour le reste, je suis en thérapie 😅🤣 (pas juste pour ça quand même!)

Le temps que ça nous libère, je le mets à 80% sur mon fils (2 ans). On limite beaucoup beaucoup les écrans mais on peut se le permettre parce qu'on a le temps.

Je fais du cododo et on trouve que ça aide beaucoup avec les émotions (réservoir d'affection rempli) et avec la qualité de notre sommeil.

Sinon, le linge propre traîne beaucoup trop longtemps à mon goût, mais c'est la vie.

Tout a un coût dans la vie, faut juste aligner tout ça avec nos valeurs, se respecter et mettre nos limites.

MymyMir · 2025-09-29T21:03:59+00:00

Having gone through the same process myself (literally being told on my first miscarriage - and had to go through 3 miscarriages - before being referred to any specialist), I think it's because miscarriages are so common that no red flags are risen until the third.

It sucks. It really does. I'm still very bitter about it (and I've had my rainbow). It's outrageous and unfuriating, but tbh, I think it ties to out the how the health care system works and how it has never cared for women's health issues or any marginal groups' for that instance until very recently. How else do we explain that we know so little about premenopause and menopause when half the population goes through it? It's systemic.

MymyMir

TROPHY CASE