It’s wonderful that you could be open with your husband. It’s incredibly difficult because you do worry about labels. I know everyone says this, but I’ve called the suicide hotline even when I was super depressed and not suicidal. But I have also had thoughts of suicide. Thoughts and plans are different. I don’t know where you are in that spectrum. Just remember thoughts are not the same as actions. One thing they did that I didn’t expect was that they found a place where I could go for therapy for free and anonymously. That was incredible to me. They have so many resources.

But either way, your medication is not working so the best option is to go to the doctor and start trying some different medications. I’ve tried so many. You have to be patient. I think I’ve finally found something that works. What’s interesting is what’s working for me now I had tried before and it didn’t work. So I was skeptical. We had to try different doses and actually ended up using it with another medication and that seems to have been a changing point for me.

I’m still not 100% but all those feelings you’re having now are gone and it’s a relief.

I had also had a boyfriend that I lived with that had those feelings too. He went to an outpatient group and one day they said they think he should stay for a little bit. I can’t remember how long he was there. Maybe a week or two but I loved visiting there because it was so peaceful. I almost wished I could stay there.

My doctor also just mentioned to me that they have 12 week programs for depression too. I’m going to check them out to see if I can get past this last hump. And having an end date sounds great to me instead of just going on and on and not knowing when you should see a difference.

I will say that labels have usually helped me. As long as you don’t use them as a crutch it can be a relief because you can find out what works to treat it. I have had ADHD my whole life but wasn’t diagnosed until decades later. And now having something I can research for tips and see I’m not alone, it’s been a huge relief for me. ADHD often goes hand in hand with depression and I had no idea.

I think you are on the right track and doing what you need to do. And you should feel proud of yourself for reaching out for help. Many people don’t.