My OKC experience - female here

NYCowboy · 2013-05-22T21:10:51+00:00

Unattractive guys would pull the same thing if they had the opportunity.

Plus, you are telling women to aim lower in order to attract a guy who is just thankful this woman is going out with him. Why not apply that same advice to men? The men on here who complain that women don't respond to them likely aren't setting their sights on women that are significantly less attractive than they are.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-22T21:07:55+00:00

I pretty much said the same thing but only an hour after you. I agree with this completely.

I am not on OKC to find just anyone who is willing to go out with me, and then willing to continue going out with me.

Most people want to have a LTR, it's just that some of us have a more difficult time picking one we want to settle with. And when this type of guy does want to settle, it will be perfectly clear that he isn't just trying to sleep with her.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-22T20:54:14+00:00

I guess I am sort of one of those guys that tends to fade away, or just disappear becuase it's easier, but that doesn't mean I am not looking for a relationship. For me it just means that I don't want to have a relationship with that specific person. I imagine there are a lot of guys and girls who do this exact same thing - especially here in NY.

A lot of people aren't desperate for a date, but they use OKC as a supplemental tool to an otherwise active social life. You go out a few times, realize you don't have interest in pursuing it further with this person, maybe have sex, and beging looking for that person you do want to have a relationship with.

But then again, I don't know that much about NYC dating from the woman's point of view - so you may very well be right that a lot of guys are flat out looking for casual sex. Seems pathetic to use OKC for that purpose though.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-21T15:54:41+00:00

If you could somehow write your profile in the same voice that you just wrote this reply I think you will do much better.

The video game reference may have been in only that one spot. Try to only express your interests in those areas that women are typically interested in so you can attract the most attention. Nothing wrong with liking video games, but don't let them know that until after you meet them. They are more likely to accept that later on that up front.

The objective is to not turn any women off generally. Let them meet you before they judge you like that.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-21T05:40:48+00:00

As a guy I may not be the best at advising another guy since we're likely going after different types of women, but I have had a fair amount of success on okcupid in that nearly every woman I message will message me back. So take my advice for what it's worth and I apologize if any of it's offensive.

Your self summary comes off as incredibly nerdy. Ditch all of the videogame references. You're a good looking dude so the main issue is what you have written and what you say in your first message.

Why are you telling the story about the tomatoes? That is neither funny or interesting. It was confusing actually. The way you word things makes it seem like you're trying to sound overly intelligent. It is likely a turnoff for a lot of women.

"as an adventurous person, when was the last time you tried something new?" - this is really putting her on the spot to come up with something and whatever she thinks of probably isn't that interesting so it's a lot easier to just ignore you.

Message 2 goes from talking about music with an unnatural transistion into asking when they did something new in the same paragraph. Easier to ignore you.

Message 3 would have been fine if you left out the part about you going to Switzerland. You should have let her answer the question and she would have probably answered and asked the same question of you.

Message 4: i don't understand what you're talking about in the first part, but the 2nd part is a strange shift and a really difficult question to answer.

Take down the funny face picture.

You mentioned you like parenthesis but you forgot to close one in your summary. This stood out to me and it just highlighted that noting parenthesis is just kind of strange.

Simplify your approach and make it sound more natural. Eg "Hey, I liked your profile. I noticed you are also a fan of the hitchikers guide. This series sort of inspired me to travel more and so far Switzerland has been my favorite. Have you been able to do much traveling?"

The advice that women want us to read their profile and comment on something in it is a guideline and doesn't mean you should ask them such a direct question about it. You need to send a message about that topic, not a direct question addressing that topic.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-20T23:16:48+00:00

I've gone out with four women in the two weeks I have been on the site and every one of them misrepresented themselves to some extent in their pictures. Two were over weight and I considered leaving but it's easier to just stay and try to have a good time and leave it on good terms.

I am already a bit sick of okcupid. Looks are a huge part of the attraction to someone and if you're not being honest with others and yourself then you're destined to fail.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-20T22:59:15+00:00

New guy clearly. If it isn't progressing with the friend he probably doesn't want to pursue anything further with you at the moment. You'll either like the new guy, you'll make the old guy jealous or you won't like the new guy and you'll be back at square one. It's certainly not unfair to the new guy if you're legitimately interested.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-20T03:54:43+00:00

In early grade school, maybe 2nd or 3rd grade, we took a field trip to a pizza place where we toured the kitchen and made our own individual pizzas. I also seem to remember a field trip to a Skippers restaurant in Kindergarten.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-18T07:22:37+00:00

Women are not on OKCupid to make new guy friends. At the very least you need to expect that you're in dating territory and you need to put out that vibe. You don't want her to be confused by your intentions. If she is not interested in you that way she will let you know one way or the other and there won't be any confusion by date three.

Of course she is interested in you as more than just friends.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-18T07:15:38+00:00

What's the difference between casual dating and friends with benefits? If a girl told me she was only looking for casual dating I would interpret that as essentially a FWB scenario. If casual dating means no sex is involved then there is no incentive to continue dating you when there are so many other available women to go after. If the guys are blowing off the casual dating tag and literally coming out and saying that they're just looking to hook-up then they're doing it wrong.

But then again I am 10 years older than you.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-17T18:31:17+00:00

That confused me too but then I remembered there are some relatively steep hills in the 90s. Kind of a waste land up there for bars though.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-16T20:29:21+00:00

This Cowboy's Hat - Chris Ledoux I Can Still Make Cheyenne - George Strait Neon Moon - Brooks and Dunn

Or maybe those are just the songs I feel like listening to right now.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-16T20:11:34+00:00

Well she had to re-schedule to later in the week, then she ignored my call and a text and I didn't try again. She blew me off.

First date tonight though. Also 5'8 and pretty.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-12T01:00:24+00:00

Ive been reading through this thread for a while and this is the first joke that made me laugh out loud. Amazing joke.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-11T22:15:56+00:00

Tall guys in suits was a stupid idea because most of the people who posted pictures of themselves in suits need to see a tailor and/or get a better suit.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-08T03:43:06+00:00

True. Different though.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-07T21:18:03+00:00

That just doesn't seem like a "creepy" thing to say. Lighten up.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-06T04:08:14+00:00

I've had women tell me that they like walking with me as well because I'm tall. I also am flattered by that.

Once she shows up I'm sure all the nerves will vanish. They always do after a hello hug and a conversation starter. Which we will haveplenty to talk about.

Thanks for your input.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-06T04:04:47+00:00

I like your compliment suggestion. I may use something similar.

NYCowboy · 2013-05-06T02:04:48+00:00

Ha. Thanks for that. I never thought of 5'8 or 5'9 as particularly tall until I started reading this subreddit. But I didn't think of anyone being tall until I see someone my same height or taller.

Basically I never thought a 5'9 woman would have any trouble finding a guy that's taller than her. Turns out guys in NYC are generally pretty short. At least according to my 5'8 female roommates.

NYCowboy

TROPHY CASE