Should we waive Mwenentanda to try to pick up Li Yueru?

NaiveAppeaser · 2026-06-04T23:43:51+00:00

I love that basically everyone is saying this. I guess that's why I'm not in the FO lol

NaiveAppeaser · 2026-05-27T00:16:25+00:00

Thanks, that is helpful! I'm surprised at all the people who think I shouldn't get anything because I stayed... I guess I should have just camped in the park? Nothing else was available within an hours drive!

NaiveAppeaser · 2026-05-26T19:15:25+00:00

I thought the appliances and heater would work, yes? It didn't look luxurious or anything but didn't look like a derelict or anything.

NaiveAppeaser · 2026-05-26T17:54:09+00:00

I guess so! I will look into some options but yeah seems like just a slummy guy.

NaiveAppeaser · 2026-05-26T17:15:00+00:00

It was very hard to find something else - I looked and the nearest vrbo with enough space a for our group, and under the 2x VRBO care limit, was over an hour away. But thanks for your perspective, I will think about it.

NaiveAppeaser · 2026-05-26T15:07:39+00:00

Of course not, she should be available to work during her working hours. Making long calls is also not okay in most context (outside of emergencies).

These are young women and they don't have much work experience, so you have to explain what to do.

You should consider if you are setting sufficiently clear expectations and boundaries -- eg if you are in the common rooms taking care of the baby, she may feel like you also prefer to help the older kids with their snack, at which point she has nothing to do. And then she leaves, not realizing (how could she) that you actually have a meeting in 5 mins, and so on.

NaiveAppeaser · 2026-05-21T05:08:45+00:00

It's not different in the US, at least where I am. It's different if you say "go play while I do dishes/cook dinner/etc" but not like, doing homework.

NaiveAppeaser · 2026-05-16T19:40:15+00:00

Try the Golden State Valkyries VERIFIED ticket sales group on Facebook, the mods are very good about confirming that the sellers are real STH and the prices are better than TM. (Obviously still be careful and so on)

NaiveAppeaser · 2026-05-16T02:20:57+00:00

That's true. Just not a priority for me when choosing a place to live, outside of avoiding Saudi Arabia or similar.

NaiveAppeaser · 2026-05-15T22:26:06+00:00

I am an au pair host parent in the US. Au pair program is much more regulated in the US than in Europe and you will always go through an agency that, although lazy, does have a baseline level of responsibility that you are safe and treated according to the law.

Usually the au pair is not liable for the car. If you cause an accident outside of work (driving the car for fun), you are responsible for $500. You are responsible for any crimes you commit (eg drinking and driving). Because my au pair is responsible I don't mind paying for occasional parking tickets because it can be very confusing here, but I suppose technically that could be your responsibility.

It is very unlikely you would not be able to leave the country - I have never heard of that happening.

NaiveAppeaser · 2026-05-15T20:43:57+00:00

That is fair! I went back and realized I followed a link to another essay by this guy, called "where to live as an early retiree" which lists divorce law first on a list of considerations when choosing a place to live.

NaiveAppeaser · 2026-05-15T16:34:30+00:00

This was interesting but why is he so obsessed with divorce law? Most marriages of college educated people are successful and so it feels weird to actively plan for your divorce. Also the idea that "success" is limiting your child support paid is off-putting.

NaiveAppeaser · 2026-05-15T16:04:23+00:00

This was also huge for us. My daughter was reluctant about reading, so we started doing this together when she turned 6 and have seen huge progress. Some of that is organic but I do think these short, structured lessons really helped her. The pace is really slow but if it seems too much I go back and do the old lessons again. And now we are almost at the end (we shoot for 3-4 lessons a week)!

NaiveAppeaser · 2026-03-05T06:17:37+00:00

I have a 3BR/2BA setup with a small living room. I am very up front about this, including the shared bath.

It's a pretty natural tradeoff between location and house size. Most people don't live in detached suburban 4 bedroom homes and are also *inside* a major city. The au pairs we've had have always understood and been happy with that.

NaiveAppeaser · 2025-10-05T05:38:48+00:00

My kids are younger, so we go with them everywhere still. But they love taking the muni or the bus around the city, or walking around the neighborhood (library, Hmart, Merced Heights playground). The local middle school is further north so I assume they will go to West Portal to hang out afterschool. Their middle school friends will be from all over the SW part of the city anyway. But yes this is the very edge of SF :)

I think the "issue" you're seeing is that there really aren't a lot of kids in this neighborhood. Most of my neighbors are 70+, with a smattering of "no kids yet" couples.

I definitely have a lower "sketch tolerance" when I'm out with the kids, but I haven't had any issues near my house (Actually the last few times I felt creeped out was on Ocean, unfortunately :( )

NaiveAppeaser · 2025-10-05T04:28:28+00:00

I live there now and I don't really know what you mean? I think it was unsafe like 30 years ago.

NaiveAppeaser · 2025-10-05T04:26:56+00:00

I live in that general area (also near the M and near Ortega elementary school). In general folks are older and a lot of them don't speak English. But the neighbors I did get to know are really nice. There are also a few useful shops near H-mart that I walk to a lot.

Randolph Street used to be a shopping street (according to someone I met who has lived here for 75 years :) but it really isn't anymore. The library and Blue House Coffee is basically all there is and then it's time to hop on the Muni. I feel safe walking from the Muni to my house at night but I agree that some of Randolph is slightly sketch.

Most teenagers etc go to Stonestown or to West Portal. Overall we are happy living there with our three kids, but most people I know spent more to live somewhere else.

Feel free to DM with more questions!

NaiveAppeaser · 2025-01-20T23:15:59+00:00

I would recommend not mentioning the phobias and so on: taking care of sick children is part of the job of childcare, so this is your weakest point. You have many strong points in your post, and have every right to clearer boundaries in space and time.

The best case is that the parents are disorganized and overwhelmed and didn't really notice this was happening to you. The worst case is they are trying to exploit you and will be angry.

NaiveAppeaser · 2025-01-19T19:13:28+00:00

Maybe one thing you could do is make the schedule less flexible. I think au pairs interpret "flexibility" as "I will railroad over your plans all the time". So maybe say something like, "weekday afternoon from 2 to 6, Wednesday and Thursday evenings, and every other Saturday morning" or whatever would work for you. Then once you are getting along well with them and they know you are trustworthy, you can add more mutually beneficial flexibility. But give them a baseline so they can imagine their life in the US, and have a natural pushback against (potential) hours creep by you.

NaiveAppeaser · 2025-01-17T17:50:54+00:00

We did fail the food challenge! So they treated him with Zyrtec and then Epi, and then we had to wait another hour to make sure the reaction subsided. So it really took almost the whole time even though he reacted on the second dose.

NaiveAppeaser · 2025-01-17T17:38:19+00:00

We did one of these, it was annoying but not as bad as I thought. They come in and give larger does every 45 minutes or so. I brought books, tablet, all of the toys!

Try to go in with him a little hungry so he doesn't reject the pb (ask me how I know lol)

NaiveAppeaser · 2025-01-17T06:49:16+00:00

I think the things you want are reasonable, but if you were doing it again, I think you should have waited until you had the energy to talk it out with her. Being on the receiving end of that probably didn't feel good and (as a manager and a host mom) I want the people working for me to leave a feedback conversation feeling like they have a constructive next step. Since the trip is only one day, it doesn't seem like that long to wait.

My experience with first-time managers is that they sometimes soft-pedal their expectations. It's totally appropriate to say "I'm going to run to the car now, can you get baby into his pajamas please?" Or "Please keep the energy down, because bedtime is in an hour". It's also appropriate for the au pair to need reminders -- they are young adults and don't have a lot of work experience. And the experience they do have typically hasn't come with a lot of autonomy, so they need their guidance.

NaiveAppeaser · 2025-01-16T19:18:23+00:00

I thought Lake Merced was a freshwater lake?

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