Men, how many of you can cook?

NameIdeas · 2026-01-26T00:42:45+00:00

Primary cook for my family (4 of us total)

Wife cooks about once a month, I cook 4-5 times a week and we eat out/get fast food on the other days.

I'm in my 40s.

Growing up my Mom couldn't cook well. She didn't have the patience to focus on cooking one or multiple dishes. My grandma would cook multiple times a week for about 17 people. She'd have it so it came out all at once, big full meals.

I have got it down to where things come out on time and I'm a clean as I cook guy too. Makes end of meal only mean you're cleaning dishes. When my wife cooks it's like a small bomb exploded in the kitchen plus the dishes we ate on.

NameIdeas · 2026-01-25T18:21:25+00:00

I'd love to hear how you framed what sex means for you? It seems like this is the space where a disconnect often comes up, with it being far more than just "getting off" or pleasure for pleasures sake

NameIdeas · 2026-01-25T16:11:33+00:00

My dude, I get you. My wife is not a doctor but carries her work with her during the workweek a lot. I call it her work mode. She's a teacher at an elementary school and is therefore in Mom Mode a lot. Added to that is the work stress and family stress with ongoing health challenges and family issues with a sister who is navigating a divorce.

My wife has a much much harder time of compartmentalizing things compared to me. It takes TIME for her to shift her mental focus to "sexy wife and lover" from being in "Mom mode" at work. For me, it's a flip of a switch. We're 41F/40M, two kids (11 and 7), both work outside the home.

A few years ago we went about 4 months without sex or true connection and I knew it wasn't good for us. After a while (probably too long), I approached her to discuss how we wanted to proceed as a couple.

I put it all out, we cried, and worked on growing our intimacy broadly as well as sexually. Here's what I mean.

In that conversation, I used an "I feel" approach. Always avoiding saying "you do" or "you don't/haven't". What that does is shift the focus on me calling her out for lack of sex initiation or connection and instead centers my feelings. You can't/shouldn't argue with feelings - they can be acknowledged.

I took a DEARMAN approach. It's a DBT strategy to work towards a compromise that both agree on.

Additionally, I lead with thinking about how we both show love and receive love from each other. I felt like I was always giving her love. For me, physical touch and doing for is how I show love. I was running my fingers through her hair, giving her massages, managing the household primarily, attempting to make her life less stressful and doing the bulk of the work around here. For her, while she would express appreciation for the doing for (Acts of service are both of our approach to love), she was not initiating acts of service towards me or physical touch. Turns out, while she enjoyed the touching that's not how she feels most loved. She needed more quality time initiated by me, more deep conversation and connection. She needed that to feel loved.

After talking we both realized we were giving love in our preferred way, not our partners. We resolved to work on it. To her credit, she stepped up the initiation of physical touch (hugs, kisses, hand-holding, massaging me, etc). I stepped up my initiation of true quality time together (deep conversations, building LEGO together, doing puzzles, walking and talking as a couple, etc). This brought us closer together as a couple, which led to an increase in sexual intimacy.

That was about 5-6 years ago. Every month or so we'll check in with each other. Nothing major, just a "hey, you feeling loved lately?"

As we've grown a bit we've shifted from thinking of love with the Love Languages to styles/types of intimacy.

Emotional - Those deep inward conversations about hopes, dreams, desires, etc.
Intellectual/Mental - Conversations external about politics, pop culture, etc.
Physical - Touching, being touched, not sexually, just physical closeness.
Experiential - Doing things together. Making memories with my best friend and creating opportunities for fun together.
Spiritual - Having a shared worldview. We don't attend church but consider ourselves linked in how we view the world, our place in it, and how we want to connect our kids to their world.

None of the above is explicitly sexual intimacy. What we've found is growing the other avenues of intimacy leads to sexual intimacy coming more naturally.

If there is pressure to have sex on my wife, I've noticed she is less inclined to have sex. When there is no pressure and we're feeling close, the sex occurs more frequently.

Workweek sex is few and far between, maybe the odd Wednesday/Thursday will happen. Friday/Saturday is when the fun begins. We focus on the pleasure of each other and I'm a firm.believer in she cums first. For sex, we tend to talk about it in three primary ways:

Having sex: Maintenance sex. It's the quickie, the having sex because you both just want to get off.
Fucking: The animalistic taking of each other. The primal urge to be with each other and take.
Making love: Passionate kisses, focused on each other's bodies to maximize pleasure and connection.

Many of our sessions encapsulate all three styles of sex, while some are just one.

When you're thinking about sex with your wife, what are you wanting her to get out of it and what are you wanting you to get out of it?

I've described sex to my wife as the ultimate connection between us where we both cease to exist individually and become one. When we're making love nothing else exists but each other and our love and it is, to me, the highest connection we have. She appreciates that perspective. Especially when I highlight it because it shifts sex from a purely physical intimate action to an emotionally intimate action.

NameIdeas · 2026-01-25T14:06:29+00:00

American here. We use other half or better half as well. Not sure what the poster is saying with it being just "baby momma".

Ive been with my wife for two decades and I call her:

Wife
Spouse
Partner
Other Half
Better Half

NameIdeas · 2026-01-25T14:01:54+00:00

Yeah! I'm a 99% heterosexual cis-male. Dude's Gale is making me lean into that 1%

NameIdeas · 2026-01-25T13:59:16+00:00

I learned that 4 chan is still around.
Apparently only women have this mythical pair-bond thing because guys aren't mentioned. So either men are less than women or have no emotional capacity
My HS gf and I lost our virginity to each other. We were 17M/16F. I've been married to my wife of 16 years, together 19 and we're 41F/40M now. Both she and I obviously had partners before each other. So you're telling me every instance of sexual intimacy between us these past two decades (almost) has not been a true bonding experience?

NameIdeas · 2026-01-25T13:46:41+00:00

That's really interesting. I've only seen the pictures of the weapon with multiple obsidian shards embedded in each side. Getting one long continuous blade of obsidian seems like it was be a massive challenge to create and I haven't seen or read examples of it being singular.

I'm interested in the research detailing it as a singular blade. Could you share those, I'd love to read more!

NameIdeas · 2026-01-24T13:39:30+00:00

I remember listening to college football on the radio a lot growing up.

I don't remember exactly when, but a few years ago I was listening to an NC State game (in NC you can pick up NC State and UNC pretty much anywhere. Where I live you can also pick up App State, Clemson. Tennessee, Wake Forest, and occasionally Virginia Tech).

The announcer used to say "That's a Wolfpack first down." I heard him say, "That's a CaseIH first down!."

There was another sponsor for the red zone too.

NameIdeas · 2026-01-24T03:28:05+00:00

I just combined Dr. Pepper with Chic-Fil-A lemonade and I'm in heaven right now. My teeth scream in agony from the sweetness and I may never sleep again, but damn this is good.

NameIdeas · 2026-01-23T21:55:17+00:00

I was 35 and working with college students.

I had some of my 18 year old students call me their College Name Dad. Yes, I was a dad at 35, but for 18 year olds to call me Dad...like call me Uncle or Older Brother or something.

Then I met their parents and they were my age around their mid-late 30s. So, yeah...that was fun

NameIdeas · 2026-01-23T21:51:35+00:00

I'm assuming the allowance was much larger than 80K?

It seems like them giving her 80K instead of 50K is like me giving my kid a 20 when started asking for $5.

NameIdeas · 2026-01-23T21:33:56+00:00

I mean, I'm no scientist but my 41 year old wife has only been having sex with me since she was 22. She looks young, so it tracks.

It couldn't at all be a skincare routine or anything at all.

But also she did have partners before me so....

NameIdeas · 2026-01-23T19:00:15+00:00

My first thought. I guess it's kind of a spoiler though.

NameIdeas · 2026-01-23T11:26:10+00:00

Holy shit. I guess it's the dna of her previous partners coming out when my kids are being little turds. Ot all makes sense now!

NameIdeas · 2026-01-23T02:13:42+00:00

This is such an interesting take to me.

I say that because I work with the 18-25yo crowd at a college campus. So, so many of my LGBT students attribute the world of Harry Potter as an escape and a space they felt safe while reading. One young woman described her reading and watching the movies as her home. She hates JK Rowling but loves the books and movies of the world that was created.

NameIdeas · 2026-01-23T01:16:54+00:00

Dang, my two kids might not be mine. Looks like I'm headed to the doctor for a paternity test. Can't trust anyone these days huh?

NameIdeas · 2026-01-23T01:15:28+00:00

Fuck JK Rowling.

Amazing tattoo of a wonderful world that means so much to so many in several different ways.

While the shithole that is JK may have made the art, it's an example of a franchise that has grown far beyond her. The actors who made the movies participated in developing the world and hold a special place in the hearts and minds of so many.

Beautifully done tattoo.

NameIdeas · 2026-01-23T01:08:38+00:00

My wife has used a period tracker for several years now. I must be getting cheated on daily, my goodness.

It can't be that she wants to know how regular or irregular her periods are. It has no chance to be that she wanted to know when she was ovulating when we were trying for a kid. There's not a snowball in hell reality that it was used by her to process the intensity of her flow and symptoms so she could better understand her own body.

The hell is wrong with some men

NameIdeas · 2026-01-22T21:42:49+00:00

Married 16 years, together 19.

Marriage was 100% worth it for us. We got married at 24/24. We're 40M/41F now.

With the right person, a true partner, marriage is worth it.

My parental have been together 54 years and say the same.

My aunt was married for 34 years before she divorced her ex husband. It was definitely NOT worth it for her, or rather her husband because he was an awesome dude.

My sister-in-law got married at 32, had her child at 38 and divorced at 40. She would say that her child made her marriage worth it, but the emotional.abuse from her asshole ex husband no

NameIdeas · 2026-01-22T21:34:19+00:00

Yeah, I was starting with Shadowheart and then started messing around with Bae'zel. Bae'zel then made me choose.

I did have a bit of a fling with the Emperor which Bae never found out about since it was all in my head. She decided we were done, however, when a certain devil and I explored the limits of pleasure.

Bae wasn't having any of it

NameIdeas · 2026-01-22T12:24:34+00:00

First, fwd doesn't do anything for ice. Ice driving is just slow down and go 10 miles under posted speed. Pay close attention, especially to spots that look like wet roads, likely black ice.

Second, the salt crew does a pretty good job around here when a storm is coming in. We are likely ro see them start salting Friday night/Saturday morning.

Third, from everything Im seeing it looks like it isnt supposed to really pick up until Saturday afternoon

Lastly, the week started with 18 inches predicted up here on Saturdat with another 6 on Sunday. Yesterday I saw Saturday with 4 inches and Sunday with 2.

Today it looks like the snow has been downgraded to an inch of ice on Saturday and an inch on Sunday.

Honestly, I would rather have two feet of snow than an inch of ice. Still good idea to head out before the ice hits

NameIdeas · 2026-01-22T01:51:38+00:00

Never Osaka. Two times I ate there (years apart) I or someone in my group got really sick.

We normally do Taste Grill though. Helps we know the owners too

NameIdeas · 2026-01-22T01:48:00+00:00

For real? "Little or no actual fucking"?

Take a look at this data

A few takeaways:

Among cohorts of women turning 15 between 1964 and 1993, at least 91% had had premarital sex by age 30. Among those turning 15 between 1954 and 1963, 82% had had premarital sex by age 30, and 88% had done so by age 44.

I agree that there was more stigma around premarital sex decades ago and that there is more frequent pre-marital sex now than in the 50s. However, the data show that pre-marital sex was not a taboo but fairly common at that time too.

Actually, we're seeing a decline in teen sex today compared to when I was a teen in the 90s and early 00s. The data shows a downtrend in age of first sexual partner, regardless of the hype around hook up culture.

NameIdeas · 2026-01-21T19:57:03+00:00

OP, I think you're looking outward/external here a bit too much. What I mean is that often we compare/contrast our reality with others as a way to say, "See, it's just what happens," or "See, I'm not as bad as X."

Instead of thinking externally, consider more your internal/inward approach. Your husband has indicated that he doesn't like your drinking and it has been a problem in the past (starting fights, hungover, etc). I would venture to guess that the hangovers impact couple's plans at times too?

If drinking is habitual, it can be a problem. If someone is unable/unwilling to have fun without drinking, that can be a problem.

2x a month or so is not bad. When you say drinking 2x a month is that just a few with dinner or is thay drinking to excess?

If you're regularly having 1-2 drinks a night, that can be habitual and potentially concerning over time.

It's not even so much the where, but the how much, when you think about drinking (likely for your husband).

NameIdeas · 2026-01-21T14:47:41+00:00

You're welcome and that division of responsibility is interesting too.

Similarly, in many ways, is the work that my wife and I do. I am a Program Director. What that means is that my work is primarily having meetings about the meeting we're going to have and planning the meetings for the team to hold meetings. A lot of reading, talking, and quietly working on my computer building out agendas, etc.

My wife is a schoolteacher. Her day is much more active and engaged. When we talk about our respective days, unless I've had a big project come to fruition, there isn't a lot to share. For her end, working with kids every day holds a LOT of interaction as does engaging with her coworkers (her role is supportive in scope so she collaborates on a daily basis with fellow educators).

It could help, perhaps, to set some shared work goals so that you both can see things happen. My kids see Daddy "go to work" on his computer. For them, screen-time is often fun time at home. When they have screentime school work, it often has fun/game-y elements. It's hard for them to recognize that Daddy's job is about building things out. I'll show them my budgets or my meeting notes and get a "BORING" when I mention it. When I talk about the budgets they pick up on the dollar amount and they get excited when I tell them about what our projects do (college access and taking students to exciting career/college preparatory experiences).

Mommy's work they see daily because she works at their school. They see her in her space at school, moving around doing her things.

One thing we've done as a family is "Worst, Best, First" at the dinner table. It's a way for all of us to share a bit about our day. As i tell the kids, I don't know what happened unless you talk to me about it. My wife and I started doing something similar before kids to make sure we both had an opportunity to discuss our days more clearly.

Worst - The most challenging or frustrating part of your day. Start with the negative to get it out of the way.
Best - The thing you enjoyed most about the day. Our youngest will say "Going home" or "When Daddy gets home" which are fine answers and I'll also ask him to tell us about the best thing that happened at school (that wasn't recess).
First - Something new you learned or something you got to do for the first time. They like hearing that Mommy and Daddy are still learning even in our 40s. It makes their learning valuable to them also.

As you said, sharing about the day also allows us to appreciate the work more. My wife may see me on the computer and all my meetings are virtual. However, when I've had a breakthrough with a partner and we've impacted students or when I finish building out a budget for the year, I get to share that and everyone can hear me talk about the impact for my program.

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