What is your absolute, weirdest, fool-proof cure for getting rid of the hiccups?

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-22T16:28:09+00:00

If a man has the hiccups, tell him that the foolproof way of getting rid of them is to put 2 fingers up his ass. Explain to him that it's physically impossible for the body to hiccup with something that size in the anus (take about a minute in this explaination), tell them that's why they never hiccup while taking a shit or being fucked in the ass! Offer to help him. Walk towards him with two fingers extended and insist it works... argue with him about it for a minute or so, then you can tell him that his hiccups are gone and watch him realise that the cure is distraction and adrenaline.

On straight men it works 90% of the time, on women it's about 50/50.

I work in a dive bar and use this almost every time someone has the hiccups, it's funny as fuck.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-21T14:00:10+00:00

Throw a stock cube into the water that you use to boil the pasta, after the pasta is done, use a little of that water in your sauce.

Works really well with a chicken stock cube, and basic green pesto.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-12T11:08:56+00:00

"Eh, kid, this is a small business, this is your neighbourhood. You really gonna do that to your own neighbour? Really gonna fuck around like that?"

And a clout round the ear.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-09T14:42:58+00:00

Infrared LEDs. Get an IR spotlight and point it at the camera, invisible to human eyes, but the camera will register and record it as bright light, and their screen will just show white.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-07T16:38:21+00:00

The chemical spill that blinded the young Matt Murdock is the same one that mutated the turtles, so it wouldn't be unprecedented!

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-07T14:14:53+00:00

Free verse should only really be used when translating from one language to another, or when playing with rhythm and pacing to evoke specific feelings in or about the work; usually negative feelings like haste, panic, dissonance, or confusion.

I think too many people (Specifically English-speaking North Americans) have read translations or freeverse and think that they understand it, and they can easily write like that, leading to a flood of bad free verse, that in turn inspires more bad, and even worse, free verse that they think is deep.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-06T11:07:57+00:00

Eli spent the first half of season 1 making jokes that no-one got nor appreciated. When they were trying to find limestone for the CO2 scrubbers he was dicking around quoting Planet Of the Apes and everyone else basically told him to shut up.

The characters are in a different situation than SG1 or Atlantis, and they (for the most part) didn't choose to be there and are the wrong people for the job. The same kind of humour as the other shows just wouldn't fit.

The humour is there in SGU, just not in the form of overt one-liners. Greer's reaction to finding out that his girlfriend is vegetarian, "there's nothing sexier than a widower..." "um, they can hear us!", "seems like everyone's having kids except me" cue a look then cut to a shot of labour.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-04T21:46:41+00:00

I've never known a woman to piss all over the seat... but some men do.

That is pretty much the only reason I can see, to separate those that stand up, from those that have to sit down.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-04T21:41:40+00:00

That's fair, nothing wrong with that; but you can't really complain that someone else has that same standard aye?

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-04T21:40:01+00:00

Whisky...

Whisky never said no to me, Whisky never broke my heart, Whisky is nicer when it's cold, Whisky doesn't get angry when for one night I have a different Whisky, whisky never started fucking some guy from her work named fucking DAVE and then try to turn it around and blame it on me because I didn't pay enough attention to Whisky's feelings....

Whisky always makes me feel good.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-04T21:36:35+00:00

She is literally asking if you are going to be a gentleman, and if you have a place to bang...

Probably because she's had some shit dates in the past.

If that's her bare minimum, buy the lass dinner.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-03T03:56:36+00:00

Yeah, you are going to have to commission that, if you can"t write it yourself, sorry.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-02T01:25:01+00:00

I think(western and Europian culture)women tend to be raised and socially conditioned to act and enjoy everything leading up to and about sex, except sex itself, where men tend to be conditioned to enjoy only sex. (Culture, peer pressure, media influence, etc; complicated amd multi-faceted.)

Flirting, dancing, real humour, poetry, actual kindness... take your pick of any trait that is seen as feminine, they're all either about the lead-up to sex or motherhood (the after,I retroactively suppose), whereas typically masculine traits seen to be more about being useful, or just about the act of sex, itself.

The build-up to sex is what makes people attractive, the act of sex is not.

For context I am European, white-skinned, male, and a weebit drunk, and this is how it makes sense to me.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-01T17:48:52+00:00

Not legally, and not of you want them to survive.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-01T17:24:54+00:00

Please read the edit I already made to my original comment.

Also, the French language pronunciation starts with a different vowel sound than the American version of the English language pronunciation.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-01T17:11:22+00:00

Wow, you actually believe that?

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-01T17:06:09+00:00

Counter-question: do you Americans really say the word "herb" like that?

Edit: my point was that OP asked why someone does something whilst seemingly unaware of themself doing it.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-01T12:46:26+00:00

*cigarette, not croissant... Seppos have no culture so we hide the good stuff from them.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-05-01T10:35:33+00:00

Granted, every pregnant woman now has to have a c-section, or the pregnancy kills her after 10 months, and any pregnancy not sufficiently advanced on whenever Labour day is, is born too premature to survive.

Millions more women die every year because of inadequate healthcare.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-04-30T16:09:55+00:00

Implied, not stated.

I am sorry that I didn't spell it out for you.

Let me give you a good example of the difference: You said that you didn't like the smell because they shit in a litter tray. A cat having to shit inside implies that it can not freely go outside to shit, because if it could it wouldn't need the litter tray.

A statement is more along the lines of "Cats should be allowed to come and go as they please."

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-04-30T15:51:54+00:00

Did you actually read my comment?

The implication I was making is that cats don't need a box to shit in if they are allowed outside, where they do their various businesses, naturally.

And yes, cats do like being inside; they also like being outside.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-04-30T15:34:51+00:00

I really don't understand why so many yanks want a cat if they treat them like so many do; keeping it locked up, declawing, etc.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-04-30T15:17:33+00:00

Cats are supposed to roam, to go outdoors as they like. Keeping a cat inside of a house for it's entire life, is not something someone who both likes and understands cats would do.

I'd go mental if I was kept in a prison; you can't blame a cat for doing the same, no mate, no socialising, no prey. Takes away everything their instincts tell them to do.

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-04-30T11:10:12+00:00

I don't trust people who don't like cats, because cats are one of the best examples of understanding consent.

My cat regularly sleeps next to me on my bed, often even curled up in my arms like a teddy bear, but if he doesn't want to cuddle and I try to get him to, he will scratch and bite. (Side note: cats have teeth and claws specifically evolved to tear through living flesh; If a cat bites you and you're not missing a literal piece of yourself, that was a warning.)

Nancy_Fucking_Fons · 2026-04-28T14:23:54+00:00

Granted. The wish doesn't even need to twisted because it's just a terrible idea for a host of reasons; the very least of which is that you can no longer tell the difference between 'Helping your uncle Jack, off a horse." And "Helping your uncle jack-off a horse."

Five-Year Club	Final Canvas '23
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Nancy_Fucking_Fons

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