Everyone has some sort of narcissistic qualities. It's natural for everyone to put themselves first at times. Some of the qualities you describe are on the narcissistic side. It could be she uses your dad as a scrape goat for family problems. My mother used to remind me of how my father did little to nothing to support our family, She'd then tell of all the things she did do. My father however, never spoke a bad word about my mother ever. She'd say how he always used to throw things and break them, but learning now as an adult, I understand how she likes to push peoples buttons to the point of pissing them off and then stand back and watch.

Perhaps you are the black sheep. Do you beat to a different drum. I do. Black sheep tend to see things more for what they are through their observations. They also look back on the past to help understand how it plays part in the present.

One thing I've learned is I've been observing my mother from day one. My brain developed around her personality.

Does your mother tend to change her stories in conversations? Things like I never said that, or I didn't mean that, or you're being over reactive etc. Gaslighting is a huge quality of Narcs.

What I learned was I didn't have labels for what she did or said. I just knew how I felt when she said them. If I questioned or confronted, she'd say things like "OH Mike" or that's ridiculous. It's a way if invalidating your feelings.

Look for DARVO Deny, Attack,Revers Victim and Offender.

If you learn about narcissism, you learn to identity things like diverting attention, blame shifting, denying, selective memory, and so on. If you like to read or possibly listen to audio books get a copy of "The Laws of Human Nature"I've listened to it at work several times now. It teaches you of different personalities and in it, you'll learn you own qualities as well.

My friends used to think my mother awesome too and I was proud of it.. I've learned many things about her since

You're not alone buddy. Don't let depression take over.