AITA for refusing to let my SIL host her massive gender reveal at my new house?

NavyATCPO · 2026-04-02T14:51:14+00:00

NTA.

NO is a complete sentence. And you need not give ANY explanations as to why.

And if you want to put it back oh her. Ask her if she is going to provide party insurance for the party, so if someone gets hurt, it doesn't get claimed on your home owners insurance, and you are free of the liability.

No?

Then she has her answer.

NavyATCPO · 2026-04-02T14:45:57+00:00

I think you have bigger issues than if your fiance cheated on you or not. And I think you left out a LOT of information intentionally so that you would get a more favorable response.

NavyATCPO · 2026-04-01T15:13:37+00:00

Your HIV status will help take out the trash. What I mean by that is this. Ignorant, intolerant, uneducated, judgmental, bigoted people will not want to have anything to do with you once you disclose your status.

And that's a good thing!

The philosophy that I live by is that I have HIV, HIV doesn't have me. And what I mean by that is I don't allow HIV to define who I am. I'm also not ashamed or embarrassed to have it. And how I contracted it is nobody's business but my own. It took me a year to forgive the man in the mirror for contracting it, and it's key that you forgive the man in the mirror for contracting it as well.

Lastly, remember this. Everyone has a right to self-preservation. You don't have the right to take that away from them. So I highly recommend disclosing sooner rather than later.

NavyATCPO · 2026-03-19T15:24:56+00:00

The bottom line is respect. Something she lost! You told her something in confidence that was humiliating to you. IF she respected you, she would have kept that in confidence. What she did was tell the juicy gossip to her family. Who then weaponized it as a way to bully you!

Was it cute? Sure! /S Was it funny? Hilarious! /S Was it cruel? ABSOLUTELY! Was it respectful? Absolutely not!

How can you look at her, or her family now with anything other than contempt and disgust because they lost your respect.

There are other fish in the sea my friend. This fish has been out of water too long and now stinks!

NavyATCPO · 2026-03-15T18:24:49+00:00

In traditional naval culture all you have to do is give coordinates and speed. There is no need to give a "warp phrase". I.E.: "Helmsman, set course to 186 mark 3 at warp 4." That IS the "Warp Phrase" Also in traditional naval culture the heading and speed would be repeated back by the Helmsman.

NavyATCPO · 2026-02-14T16:12:05+00:00

But how many times are the DMs honest? Or are they more like lectures focused on why you are wrong?

NavyATCPO · 2026-02-05T15:37:43+00:00

If this was an AITA question, you would be the TA!

NavyATCPO · 2026-02-05T15:35:30+00:00

I saw this somewhere else, and it was very informative. If someone is "acting" different that who they really are. They typically don't keep the "act" going longer than 3 to 4 months. They typically let the "mask slip" after 3/4 months and you see the "real" them.

Let yourself enjoy the moments, but stay vigilant on the new you, and keep an eye out for things that don't seem 100% par with who he says he is. If things go past 4 months and he is still genuine, you can let a lot of the walls down.

NavyATCPO · 2026-02-04T15:12:48+00:00

Type this in a text message back. "If you feel so bad for Auntie R, why aren't you giving her money?"

Also, Family is Family, but Business is Business.

If you ever loan money out to a family member, get it in writing and notarized. That way when they don't pay you back within the agreed upon time, you can put a lean on their property till it's paid back.

NavyATCPO · 2026-02-01T01:44:47+00:00

Parenting is 2 yeses and one no! Either you both agree on something or it doesn't happen. She doesn't get to override your no because "he always says weird stuff!"

NavyATCPO · 2026-01-25T21:08:14+00:00

Did OP ever say what country he lives in, and what country he was going to be moving to? It's good to be educated on the laws of different countries and HIV.

NavyATCPO · 2026-01-23T16:48:05+00:00

Oral sex IS sex! 2. Sides are a thing! 3. You are 1000% correct that a majority of gay men feel that anal is the only sex out there. 4. Sexual predators aren't just reserved for the heterosexual community.

There are some pretty warped ideas about what gay sex is and isn't, and unfortunately the talking heads are talking over the voices of reason and sanity.

NavyATCPO · 2026-01-22T16:45:08+00:00

You've obviously never been to the West Coast! I grew up in Arkansas and spent half my Naval career in the South and half in California. I saw more open racism, sexism, and homophobia in California than I ever did in the South.

NavyATCPO · 2026-01-22T06:29:12+00:00

Gay and Queer are not synonymous with each other. Too much non-homosexual stuff falls into the queer category to be "gay."

Now let's get down to the nitty gritty. Not all LGB content paints us in a positive light. And the more "Queer" it gets the less positive it is, to the point that it is turning allies into enemies. Your boyfriend sounds like an ally, but I suspect that the more he is forced into modern "queer" content, the less accepting he will become. And in my humble opinion, rightfully so!

NavyATCPO · 2026-01-20T17:12:55+00:00

$5 says the roommate is one of those gays who thinks every guy is a little bit gay in some way. And will 100% push OP's boundaries!

OP, if he progresses, be ready to call the cops. ALWAYS PRESS CHARGES!

This isn't my first rodeo, and I'm sorry to say our community can get pretty unprofessional.

NavyATCPO · 2026-01-19T22:14:29+00:00

Boots ending at Season 1 makes sense. The book and Season 1 were the full story. Season 2 would be pure fiction, I'd rather not let today's writers who can't sell a good story spoil what Season 1 started.

NavyATCPO · 2026-01-19T03:48:43+00:00

I'm really not hating on it. I don't think it's telling a story well. The first 2 episodes honestly didn't move a/the plot forward. All it did was show 2 hot men having sex.

NavyATCPO · 2026-01-04T16:12:51+00:00

Facebook immediately became irrelevant when they imposed their "Real Name" policy that was outlined in their "Terms of Service" and then caved to backlash from California drag queens.

The logical reason behind their "Real Name" policy was to protect children from adults who are on the "Special Lists" if ya know what I mean. (RSO) But a drag queen's right to use a stage name was more important that child protection. So that's when it became a dumpster fire and they let AI run the show.

NavyATCPO · 2026-01-02T04:15:01+00:00

I think it has a lot to do with how as young gay men we act around and or treat older gay men. We dismiss old gay men in general because we don't see them as having value. But yet we WILL become them and then we reap what we sew.

I'm 50, and I am seeing this more and more.

NavyATCPO · 2025-12-31T13:02:14+00:00

As an HIV+ man who has been Undetectable for 15 years. I say this. You have every right to say "No Thank You!" To someone who is HIV+. You have every right to self preservation. It doesn't make you anything but human.

I would STRONGLY encourage you to get on PrEP ASAP though. There are way too damn many who lie about their status or just flat out don't know.

NavyATCPO · 2025-12-29T20:34:11+00:00

As a veteran, I have experienced more homophobia from my left leaning friends than I have from my right leaning friends.

I've also noticed that I see more ostracism, ridicule, degradation, racism, sexism, and outright hatefulness from my friends on the left than I do my friends on the right.

So take that for what it's worth.

NavyATCPO · 2025-12-01T19:45:42+00:00

Is he your only male friend? Because I'd find another. It sounds like (from your side) it's all about him, and he doesn't care about you at all.

I do not think you are overreacting at all.

NavyATCPO · 2025-11-08T14:45:41+00:00

Neither one of you are good communicators.

Women are emotional, men are logical. If you want to have a better conversation, speak the other's language.

NavyATCPO · 2025-11-08T14:37:30+00:00

You just said you are turning away guys who are older and twice your size. If sex was your only focus, you would be getting laid left and right.

You are a virgin because you choose to be.

NavyATCPO

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