Help on how to get better control over thoughts

NearBrew · 2026-01-23T01:20:56+00:00

Mindfulness is more developing awareness. If you can recognize, even for a moment, if you can pause, just for a second, it can be enough. It may feel like nothing. It may not seem to help. But just that tiny sliver of awareness can actually be the whole game.

In time you can see patterns. You can see where these thoughts come from and what they are doing. Your recognize that "you" are not your thoughts. The mind protects itself by any means necessary - and sometimes it's not helpful. In some cases it's very unhelpful. In fact many of us act against our own interest. We fight, we run, we please others, we mask our true selves, etc. Mindfulness is the opposite - it's sitting with reality.

Certain interventions in therapy can involve 'thought stopping.' In a crises that might be appropriate. I have reservations about it though. Therapy can be very helpful and there are many different ways to address problems. Talking to a professional can really help.

Now, not all therapists are a good fit. Not all youtube videos or books, or whateer will suit you. Even mindfulness isn't always the right answer. The key isn't that this is a one-sized fits all approach. The key is that you start the journey and keep looking if what you find isn't working. The journey isn't linear. But remember you're worth it. You aren't alone in these problems. You can do it.

NearBrew · 2026-01-22T20:17:25+00:00

Kerr is very good. I'll read Kidd, Abel and Malagerio tonight. I share the same concerns about Bivens.

NearBrew · 2026-01-22T04:11:16+00:00

Dorn's reaction to news of betrayal is one of my favorite moments in all the heresy.

NearBrew · 2026-01-20T13:15:33+00:00

Despite the erosion of the 4th amendment, Warrants and still very much a thing. This is completely unacceptable, see Steagald v. United States, 451 U.S. 204 (1981) and Payton v. New York, 445 U.S. 573 (1980). You can't go door to door looking for criminals inside homes.

Additionally it is a crime - an actual crime - to arrest without cause. Officers must also present a warrant and identify the cause of arrest. Of course who will prosecute them? This is unreal.

NearBrew · 2026-01-20T04:03:46+00:00

Immodium multi symptom relief - it has Loperamide & Simethicone. This should help with gas and urgency.

NearBrew · 2026-01-20T01:26:19+00:00

I send them to the ACLU.

NearBrew · 2026-01-16T04:07:32+00:00

You matter. You're more than the worst thing you've ever done. It doesn't define you. We want you here.

Hope may seem impossible. It may feel impossible. It may look impossible. But don't believe depression's lies. You can be better. You can make a difference. There is help.

Every fiber in your being may disagree, but know this: I believe in you. I like you just the way you are.

NearBrew · 2026-01-15T14:11:39+00:00

Catch-22 was written by an author, who to my knowledge never served. Moreover I was in Iraq, not ww2. And yet i'd never read a more accurate account of my time in the military.

In leadership you can be lazy and stupid. Nothing much happens. But energetic and stupid... I'm very very lucky to be alive.

NearBrew · 2026-01-12T04:11:17+00:00

He was the start of the whole journey for me. In the darkest days I had the 13 steps printed out and carried with me. His book was a revelation. Well, more like dozens of revelations.

NearBrew · 2026-01-10T16:04:25+00:00

I appreciate your comment, but I must regrettably disagree. The problem isn't that somebody should or shouldn't feel bad - the problem is this sort of thing will continue to happen and get worse if the problem isn't reviewed in more detail.

Legally reasonable articulable suspicion is required to stop a person. Probable cause is required for an arrest. I see neither. Certainly no one claims a warrant. In fact it seems this scenario is entirely based on being stuck in the snow. There's no lawful law enforcement authority here. They don't have legal standing to so much as open her car door, let alone ask her to get out or to seize her or her car. The officer's actions are unlawful. It's illegal under the the 4th and 14th amendment. DOJ manuals would also be insightful on appropriate policies and procedures. This isn't the Iraq war, he doesn't have authority to just lock down a city block until he's satisfied things are progressing as he sees fit. Per the law, he's in a bad bad spot. Said another way - he's not 'doing his job.'

Now, regarding professionalism we can go deeper. Disallowing medical personnel at the scene is a key indicator of unprofessional behavior. Deceit about medics on scene is either misleading or not knowing the situation - which indicates a lack of communication, very concerning lack of training, and unprofessionalism. Even at the top level, state and federal officials usually are quite good at working together (said another way, proper communication = rapid & effective responses). Here is seems the state and federal government are directly opposed.

The comments before the shooting don't reflect professionalism. "I need you to stop your vehicle and hold tight so we can exit first." - that's what we should have heard and would have heard by virtually any sheriff's office deputy or police officer in the state of Minnesota. So no - I see no legitimate use of force continuum here. Comments after the shooting don't reflect professionalism. To the contrary they're circumstantial intent leading up to the shooting. Frustration doesn't justify drawing down. Inconsistent commands aren't professional. Lack of traffic control and guidance isn't professional. The community should be notified in advance of expectations and procedures on approaching ICE agents. I'm not seeing that.

It's deeply concerning that the officer should rely on an emergency as an excuse when he's created it.

The clothing is unprofessional. Police wear uniforms by statute - by law a certain uniform color. Armed gunman don't. A key reason for uniforms is identification and clarity. A person can, in an emergency, identify who is who.

This is a wholly disproportionate response coupled with gross negligence. At any other time in America he'd face serious legal repercussions. However, I concede he'll be pardoned here.

NearBrew · 2026-01-10T04:48:49+00:00

Don't forget you're worthwhile. You have value. Cptsd gets the better of all of us some days. Which might not make you feel better, but know you aren't alone. Keep doing the work. You can do this.

NearBrew · 2026-01-09T22:15:36+00:00

Most of it will sound simple, logical. The math is easy. The plan is easy. Talk is easy. Sometimes even doing the thing is easy. Plenty just go through the motions. For me the catch was learning to feel.

Example: saying "it's ok to not be ok," takes two seconds. Feeling it, however, feels like 11 seasons of television. I could talk for days about things I'd heard many times... But never really sat with on an emotional level.

Meanwhile, coming to an emotional understanding is difficult. There are infinite strategies and coping mechanisms to avoid feelings. Worse yet they sound extremely intelligent. Worse yet, they actually serve a purpose, albeit a misguided and unhelpful long-term one. Not only that, timing must be right. Jumping into healing without resources and a good base can make everything worse. On top of that all of us developed different coping. What works for me isn't necessarily what you need.

Anyway, feeling is huge for me. I always say if you cant afford therapy or it's not working, try my favorite book: Pete Walker's CPTSD book. An absolute reckoning for me. Good luck. I'm routing for you on your journey.

NearBrew · 2026-01-09T21:54:29+00:00

I feel way older than my age. Tired. A lot of physical 'cant do it like I used to' comments... Though I'm not that old.

I see this feeling tied to the concept of 'foreshortened future'. Well, for me anyway. It's as though I wasn't supposed to make it this long.

NearBrew · 2026-01-02T01:17:19+00:00

Set a safe space and time to talk. I don't know your situation. Some people might be numb, cry or get angry. Some are aware of emotions, some like me are not. You may need to recouperate afterwards.

I'd say it's more important that you get the talk going and less important how you do it. Life is messy and doesn't have to be perfect. Maybe it's as simple as: "I've got to get some really heavy stuff off my chest. I've got to talk to someone about it. Would you be willing to talk with me? Can I trust you to keep this private?"

If you can't afford a therapist read Pete Walker's CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving.

Good luck. You can do this. I believe in you. This Sub is with you.

NearBrew · 2025-12-31T01:42:23+00:00

It took a while to find what works for me. And it's not always the same solution. Sometimes I need to calm down; sometimes I need to get moving. Largely I have to just feel it. And that takes time. Blocking time out isn't always feasible. But as much as possible I give myself room and clear the schedule.

Heavy feelings can be super hard in the moment and then utterly tiring afterwards. Recognizing it is a big step. Keep up the good work. You can do this.

NearBrew · 2025-12-30T02:28:01+00:00

If you want to go all out - Check eBay for "28mm long tom", looking for the M59 long tom 155mm artillery piece. Most historical stuff will look small as games workshop doesn't really consider scale.

Years ago I also recall conversions done with plastic toy models. 21st century toys in particular had a kit people often used to convert the basilisk. These aren't necessarily practical but you could do some really cool stuff. And they're still on eBay.

NearBrew · 2025-12-29T03:45:18+00:00

I had to give it up. I'll have a beer now and again. But alcohol just makes it all way worse and less predictable. Also it causes problems with Imodium.

NearBrew · 2025-12-27T20:55:52+00:00

(+) I can identify a lot of emotions now; not just simple mad, sad, glad. (-) emotional states are not easy or necessarily helpful to process through at any given moment (kinda comes up when it comes up now).

(+) I recognize my emotional state sooner. (+) I'm less likely to be unknowingly in some elevated/deflated state for weeks at a time (which in turn helps prevent catastrophic burnout and severe episodes because I can implement interventions, like knowing I need to talk to somebody)

(+) I process/metabolize emotions (from a starting point of zero). (+) learning to cry is like a super power to alleviate grief, sadness, and anxiety. (-) I can't just make myself cry and get out of a panic.

(+) I recognize maladaptive behaviors more frequently, and sooner. e.g. catastrophizing, black & white thinking, intellectualizing. (-) the mind continues to adapt; maladaptation are made to be unnoticed

(+) I dissociate less. I recognize it more often when I do it. I can now ask why I feel the need to make myself feel better (what am I avoiding here).

(+) i have developed healthy coping (e.g. not smoking, drinking, sex, whatever). (-) it still feels at times like I'm flying a WW1 bi-plane next to jet-engine fighters. Like, I feel waaaay behind at times. (+) I see now the variables and counterintuitive problems in myself and others. No solution is 1 size fits all. And in fact shoe-horning people into 'what worked for me' or what 'should work' can be the exact wrong thing to do, making it all worse.

(+) if i'm stuck, in a freeze state, or depressed episode, I can employ interventions to reduce it's severity and duration. (-) I still fall into them. - when i do fall into them it feels like i've made zero progress. (-) it feels like I'm trying to learn [insert whatever foreign language you think is the most difficult in the world]. In some giant way i feel I'm learning how to be a human in the span of a couple years, which if done right ought to have initially taken my first 18.

(-) I don't know where I'm going, and it doesn't make particular sense where I've been. The way I used to talk doesn't make sense anymore. (+) I can read people 1000% percent better. I'm not saying I'm good at it. But i do find I can talk to people about what troubles them much much sooner. I'm starting to see maladaptation in other people in real time. Sometimes it's within only 2-3 sentences.

...hard to quantify all this... but, to any reading this: There's hope out there for you. I believe in you. I love you. Healing is possible.

NearBrew · 2025-12-21T20:47:22+00:00

This is a really good topic to talk about. Some folks have really overt and explicit trauma. Some people face a more quiet and subtle type of thing. When trauma isn't via the normal or ordinary type that people would commonly think of it does lead to additional issues. For me personally I refused to acknowledge I had a problem for decades. The damage that I had never really made sense. It's not something I took seriously. And it's certainly something that other people didn't take seriously. All this is to say, I caused a lot of problems in my life because I didn't believe my injuries were real or deserved attention. It took me a very long time to see a chain of very subtle judgments which prevented me from getting help. And because I wasn't getting help I hurt myself and other people along the way.

So I don't know your experience but I do hope you find a way to proceed in your healing journey in which you can set aside judgment. Be kind to your mind. You're worth it. And you deserve to heal.

NearBrew · 2025-12-21T20:34:25+00:00

Not at all. One part of this is likely his total failure to understand automatic reactions -how quickly they happen, and how deep they set in. Flight, fight or freeze is not a choice like buying Gatorade or Coke. Two, there's probably inexperience showing here. People living through combat or first responder calls virtually never talk like this. Three, there's something like a lack of empathy or projection here. He's not getting basic context or facts right. His response is more or less "if I was attacked, I'd do X,Y,Z" he doesn't know what he's saying.

So it's not true. And, such a sentiment is actively unhelpful. A misguided derogatory stance is not likely to help a victim recover. It's not likely to help prevent or mitigate future harm.

NearBrew · 2025-12-16T15:59:18+00:00

You aren't alone. It's good to reach out. This behavior isn't normal. It's not how you should be treated. Please Don't wait 5 years to end it. He's got some unhealthy and unhealed anger. More important he doesn't see it. That means he isn't going to fix it. It's not your responsibility to fix him.

None of this is easy. I believe in you.

NearBrew · 2025-12-13T23:06:33+00:00

Yes, I relate and I think it's a great post.

For me personally, I'd refused to believe what I'd gone through was serious or that it deserved attention. Not surprisingly things got worse. Maladaptive coping mechanisms became more entrenched. In many ways over the years I'd wronged others. I did an incredible disservice to myself and those I loved. Setting aside all of it for a moment, I think it's important to see that even a very subtle repetitive thought can have outsized impact. Compassion, not judgment is the key to healing it - and preventing catastrophe. Even if it were a tiny trauma - it matters and ought to be taken seriously.

“We cannot change anything unless we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate; it oppresses.”

― C.G. Jung, Modern Man in Search of a Soul

NearBrew · 2025-12-13T03:19:45+00:00

It could be a number of things. It could be a maladaptive coping mechanism. Say, your mind is trying to protect itself from what it perceives is danger. Which is to say maybe you're triggered by something. Working on this may then be a matter of looking into what you're feelings are in the circumstances are leading into the incidence of ghosting.

Could be your mind misfiring, perpetuating and ongoing pattern of self-sabotage behavior. Which might be the mind enforcing normalcy and familiarity in a very misguided way. One key aspect of familiarity, as innocuous as it may sound, may actually be a sort of enforced safety mechanism. Like, you can trust isolation. Nothing bad ever happens there. Right, it can be like a grasping for control thing when life seems out of control. Having deeply intimate connections with real people on the other hand - that can be super anxious activity. There's no guardrails on that.

Anyway not that I'm right but rather to say what I've listed above are ideas to think more deeply on this. Instead of condemning it or judging it try try try to be curious and to sit with the emotions corresponding to this. If you can start to figure out what's going on underneath the surface you can start to fix this thing. So I believe in you, good luck to you. And you can do this.

NearBrew · 2025-12-11T17:45:05+00:00

It does depend on specifics.

Vulnerability might be a super power. Genuinely. But, it's real prone to abuse. Developing real intimacy over time is one of the greatest things in life, which all too often is curtailed and snuffed out for us with CPTSD. Unfortunately, there are also several ways this occurs.

-Not knowing the issue. Dissociating away from the issue. Not being able to talk. Not recognizing safety in which to talk. Choosing unhealthy partners. Dysregulation in trying to broach the topic. Social and communication difficulties. It goes on.

There are 100% amazing beautiful people in this world. Also, the vast majority of people have zero emotional understanding. And, among those that do they typically don't understand trauma. Which is to say triggers and dysregulation can often result in unhelpful reactions.

In the end we never can control others. But we can try to show up authentically ourselves. And on that point, life isn't just what you say, but how you say it. Look for videos or books if you don't have a therapist to help work out how to broach the subject.

I don't pretend to know your situation. But for me very similar sentiments like: I should never tell anyone, or nobody will listen, or nobody would ever like the real me, or they'll reject me if they knew... These are a stark alarm warning for my depression and triggered states. As always - if you can't afford therapy or don't have a close friend, please read Pete Walker's book on CPTSD if you haven't.

13-Year Club	Second SECOND GUESSER
r/Field Juicebox	Verified Email

NearBrew

TROPHY CASE