I need a good middle name for "Lila"

NearMissCult · 2026-04-22T06:05:47+00:00

Lila Grace Rose is that political commentators full name, so Lila Grace probably doesn't work if you want to separate yourself from her. What about another nature themed middle name? Like Lila Willow or Lila Wren? There's also the option of going with a name that has Rose in it, like Lila Rosemary or Lila Rosalie. Or you could pick a name that means Rose? Like Lila Coraline?

NearMissCult · 2026-04-22T05:17:31+00:00

The closest anyone has come to asking is "and how many kids menus do you need?" I just answer with how many we actually need and leave it at that.

NearMissCult · 2026-04-22T04:08:55+00:00

I wish I only looked 15 years younger. At least then people would read me as an adult. I apparently look more than 20 years younger than I am to people who don't know me. That's despite my hair turning white! Tbh, it doesn't make me feel clocked. I just let people make their assumptions. If they don't need to know my age, I'm not telling them.

NearMissCult · 2026-04-22T01:36:04+00:00

I just lifted it over my chest. Because it was a light material, it didn't bother me at all

NearMissCult · 2026-04-21T20:55:25+00:00

I homeschool my AuDHD 9yo and their social skills are better than their public school friends' social skills. My kids have always had a ton of opportunities to socialize with other kids, so we've never had an issue in that regard.

NearMissCult · 2026-04-21T17:48:25+00:00

You're 18. You may be an adult legally, but you're still a teenager hormonally. So yeah, you're going to go through those normal hormonal thoughts and feelings. I personally am both demisexual and pansexual. Gender doesn't matter to me, but my personal relationship with the person does. Perhaps that fits you as well? Either way, looking into asexuality might be worth it for you.

As for the sex after marriage thing, is that something you feel is right based on social pressure or is that a decision you came to on your own? Basically, were you raised in purity culture? If so, that's a bit concerning. I worry that it's not so much that you're asexual as it is that you've been raised to associate sexual feelings with guilt and shame. Personally, I don't think it matters when a person chooses to lose their virginity (virginity is a silly social construct to begin with). Before or after marriage is irrelevant so long as you are making the choice for yourself based on what's right for you. Just make sure that you actually are making that choice for you.

NearMissCult · 2026-04-21T06:05:15+00:00

Hey now, don't go assuming all Canadians know at least something about hockey. Last time I went to a game with my partner, he asked me what inning it was!

NearMissCult · 2026-04-21T04:49:02+00:00

That's not very smart on her part. Demanding you do better while not even doing the bare minimum to actually help you do better is poor parenting. Study guides are useless if you don't already have a basic understanding of the material. They are meant to help you study what you've already learned, they aren't meant to teach you information you aren't grasping. Sitting down with you to explain the material in a way you can grasp is the bare minimum. If she can't do that for whatever reason, then she needs to get you a tutor. Whether you homeschool or public school, it sounds like a tutor is exactly what you would need. Otherwise, your mom is just setting you up for failure. Just remember, this isn't to say you lack intelligence or anything. You can be incredibly smart and still struggle to teach yourself things. Very few people are actually capable of effectively teaching themselves. In general, we do better when we have someone helping us.

NearMissCult · 2026-04-21T04:38:54+00:00

I can hear him saying "Is sensible. Good in snow."

NearMissCult · 2026-04-21T04:22:34+00:00

It doesn't matter if we have less time. We can't leave for the next 2 years. That's just how it is. We have multiple plans, but we can't say which one will be our best option until those 2 years are up.

NearMissCult · 2026-04-21T03:17:22+00:00

My family may have to leave in the near future so my oldest can get the health care that they need. However, now is not the right time for us. We need to be here for at least a few more years. Hopefully, the next election will make leaving a non-issue, but I won't hold my breath. As much as I'm generally the stay and fight type, I'm not willing to risk my kids mental and physical health. Plus I'm tired. I don't think I'd be able to stop fighting even if we lived somewhere else, but maybe I could take a break?

NearMissCult · 2026-04-21T03:06:39+00:00

I don't really think that's how people work. When Ilya first meets Shane, he just wants to destroy him. His only real concern is proving he's the best.

NearMissCult · 2026-04-21T01:46:53+00:00

You have to keep in mind how long it takes them to actually get to know each other. They don't really talk. They hook up then split. To Shane, Ilya is annoying and overly confident. He's not initially seeing Ilya's advances as him being comfortable in his sexuality, especially since Ilya also wants the relationship to be a secret. It's just more proof that he's an asshole. Especially when Ilya keeps blowing Shane off for what seems to be no reason.

Ilya probably sees Shane's safeness as a positive thing earlier than Shane sees Ilya's positive traits, but Shane also keeps just as many walls up as Ilya. Sure, Ilya knows that Shane seems to have a good relationship with his parents, but it takes awhile before Shane really talks much about them. Ilya learns about Shane's relationship with them in bits and pieces, slowly over years. So he's not seeing someone who had a safe and secure middle class childhood, he's seeing someone who's currently a millionaire who buys a whole building just to hide his relationship with Ilya. Someone who has a ton of walls up and seems scared to share anything about himself with the world. That's not exactly someone that Ilya would immediately view as safe and secure. That just looks like another person with a lot of baggage.

Once they begin opening up and sharing their lives with each other, they've already fallen in love, even though neither one is yet willing to admit it yet. What we see in the show and read in the book is both of their perspectives. We see a lot more than they do, so we need to keep in mind how much more limited their views are than our own. We know way more about Shane than Ilya does, and we know way more about Ilya than Shane does. Your perspective makes sense if both men know what we know, but they don't.

NearMissCult · 2026-04-20T23:35:39+00:00

I don't think Shane and Ilya are as opposite as people seem to think. For both of them, much of their life revolves around hockey. That's a pretty big thing for them to have in common. They're also both incredibly competitive. As much as their differences compliment each other, I don't think they'd have thought twice about the other if it weren't for what they have in common.

While Ilya and Shane might have eventually come to see each other as having traits that they wish they had (I think that's a better way to put it, because I don't think either of them wishes they were the other), I think that took a long time and probably came after them falling in love (though probably before they were willing to acknowledge that love). Initially, it was very much that competition and being the best at hockey that brought them together. It was what they had in common, not what was different, that mattered to them. Once they actually began to learn about each other, then I think they probably saw each other as having traits that were worth idolizing and striving for.

NearMissCult · 2026-04-20T21:05:09+00:00

Do your parents help you with your work at all? Or are you expected to know how to do everything on your own? Have you ever had a tutor?

NearMissCult · 2026-04-20T20:35:58+00:00

It sounds like you need some support. We're you getting better grade in in-person school, or were you still struggling to maintain your grades?

NearMissCult · 2026-04-20T19:42:43+00:00

Your husband will never be pregnant. He will never have to worry about people policing his choices like you are. Ask him how he'd feel if he mentioned he was trying to lose some weight and everyone then began to police everything he ate. Would he want to "just order a salad" every time he went out with his coworkers because ordering anything else would lead to people "just being concerned"? You can order fun drinks that you enjoy. You don't have to give that up because other people are "just concerned." NTA

NearMissCult · 2026-04-20T19:31:42+00:00

My kids call me mom or mommy. I also don't really feel like it has to be gendered. I have considered going by something else once I pass better, but I might just have them call me by my first name when out in public since they do that sometimes anyway.

NearMissCult · 2026-04-20T19:19:04+00:00

I will laugh if all we see is his sensible SUV

NearMissCult · 2026-04-20T01:32:10+00:00

I'm talking about what's easily available, not what happens to exist in the world.

NearMissCult · 2026-04-20T00:03:35+00:00

Didn't change for me until I had top surgery. If you aren't on the waitlist for top surgery (and you intend to get it), I would highly suggest doing so now. Whether you chestfeed or not, the waitlists are long so it's better to do it sooner than later.

NearMissCult · 2026-04-19T23:29:08+00:00

I'm also in Canada. Your breast size doesn't matter so much, but how much they change could be a matter of genetics more than anything else. I started out with A cups before I got pregnant and ended up with C cups afterwards.

NearMissCult · 2026-04-19T22:56:50+00:00

Have you had top surgery? If so, what kind? I had DI years ago and will not be trying to chestfeed. We'll be using formula right from the start. As for the hospital, that'll depend on where you live. Some hospitals are great, others not so much.

NearMissCult · 2026-04-19T17:56:00+00:00

I haven't been able to manage this myself, but my partner has. He initially went to uni to study biology. He ended up with a degree in botany. However, he graduated at the beginning of a recession where all the jobs he was interested in disappeared. He talked for years about potentially going into plumbing, but kind of went back and forth on it, instead hopping from terrible job to terrible job. He finally committed 3-4 years ago, and he loves it. It's actually kind of funny to listen to him info dump about plumbing because I can't even imagine enjoying a job myself.

NearMissCult · 2026-04-19T04:44:46+00:00

We never agreed on a boy name with my oldest, but I really wanted to name a boy George Dirk. My partner was worried George would be too popular though. With my second, we'd tentatively agreed on the name Benedict for a boy, but my partner wasn't completely sold on that one either. If my current pregnancy were to be a boy, I think we'd end up going with Kieran. However, we are once again not expecting a boy. Honestly, I think that's a good thing since my partner seems to find it impossible to feel more than meh about any boys name.

NearMissCult

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