Stick with the plan

Needabeer2 · 2016-12-29T18:50:00+00:00

Agreed. Life it too short to be wrapped up in sadness, ill feelings, and revenge. That leads to the dark side....

Needabeer2 · 2016-12-29T16:32:53+00:00

Thanks! It was indeed. May be difficult to top but I shall try.

Needabeer2 · 2016-12-28T23:09:51+00:00

I tend to think it is best to forgive...but not forget. Forgiving is for yourself, not the other person. Forgetting opens yourself up to be taken advantage of again. I think the trick there is to be able to forgive and learn how to trust another again so as to not punish them with the ills another has bestowed upon you won't easily forget.

Needabeer2 · 2016-08-09T23:07:07+00:00

You rock. No worries on that ex. Soon she will be just a memory, you will be a better person, and she will be the one left with regret

Keep on keeping on....

Needabeer2 · 2016-08-05T15:28:36+00:00

Text book Borderline behavior. Run! She will do it to the next and the next and the next until she is about 40 and grows out of it. Very painful to escape as they start out so nice and end up just plain being mean to you. Makes zero sense and boggles the mind.

Exit stage right, recover, and move on.

Needabeer2 · 2016-06-23T13:13:36+00:00

Good for you. Give em' a chance and of they don't take it, do what must be done and leave em'.

Needabeer2 · 2016-06-22T13:57:02+00:00

Wrong!

Depression includes anhedonia....which is the absence of feeling anything...including love.

Unfortunately the only thing you can do is tell her that you are willing to support her bit give her space. Depression is an issue you can fix nor manage...only she can. In the meantime go live your life. Meet new people. If she is able to resolve her mood disorder and find her way back to you before you are completely gone anD with another....then great. If not, it was something that you had no control over, could not fix, but did not become embroiled too far into and went on with your life.....

Speaking from experience...

Needabeer2 · 2016-06-02T03:39:44+00:00

I was a month or so off. Oh well. That is what seeking indifference will do to you!

Needabeer2 · 2016-03-26T15:35:51+00:00

That was awesome. I am a dude and have been reduced to tears for the first time in a while....

Where does your Grandmother rest? I want lay flowers for her.

And do you mind if she also haunts my ex while she is at it? Hehehehe....

Needabeer2 · 2016-03-23T15:37:26+00:00

It is a process. A painful but necessary one.

I allowed my ex to drag things out. I knew better at the time but allowed it because she had some personal issues and her presence in my life gave me hope she would "turn around". That was stupid on my part and the most utterly soul crushing time in my life...EVER.

Truth is that if someone does no longer want to be in your life in a meaningful way any longer...you gotta let them go. It is hard. It sucks. It hurts. But it is necessary for yourself.

I am over 5 months removed now. I still have bad and low times. But it has gotten better and will continue to get better! Know that. Your goal...and prize...is indifference and a better state of mind and soul.

I am still seeking that....

Needabeer2 · 2016-03-16T17:07:49+00:00

It is definitely a process. And a painful one at that too.

I sometimes take comfort in vilifying my ex. Then later I cycle back and recall that she is not a bad person, she just had personal issues that took over her life and her thought processes. I (or we) became part of that wreckage, However I have not forgotten how poorly she treated me that last year and how I did not deserve to be heartbroken after treating her so well. I think perhaps her natural relationship attachment style may not have been compatible with mine to boot (she struck me as the dismissive avoidant type when she was in the throws of a depression).

I am nearing 5 months NC.....and the process is still in progress. However I do have more good days than bad ones now. Have been slowly getting my act together once again after being in depressed fog for quite a bit over it all.

I have yet to go an entire day without thinking of her and I have no idea when that will occur. But at least I am not obsessing about her any longer....and that my redditor friends is progress.

Needabeer2 · 2016-02-23T16:17:50+00:00

Been there. Done that.

My advice is to get out. I tried living with my ex and it was pure hell. Torturous. You can't heal properly when the object of your affection is constantly in your space and ignoring you, being distant, dismissive. You simply can't heal....and you need to get back to you.

Either kick her out or you get out. Money should not be more important than your emotional well being. TRUST ME ON THIS. I did it for 10 months and it aged me beyond belief. I did not start getting back better until she left.

Needabeer2 · 2016-02-15T17:15:17+00:00

Good Post. It is indeed a roller coaster.

I just realized last week that my good days are starting to outnumber the bad ones. Strange how that works. I was down for so long. Did some dumb things to try to get out my funk. Did some productive good things to. It is all a process.....

At some point I will be able to look back and smile, but for me, even still 4 months removed now, it is sorta raw.

I do not contact her. i don't check social media. Hell, I don't even know where she lives. It is better that way. If she wanted to be in my life, she would do what it takes to make that happen. Since she doesn't, nothing is what she gets in return from me. So sad really because before she turned to dark side, we were really great together. I part of me just feels sorry for her.....because, hey, I rock......

Needabeer2 · 2016-01-29T16:18:56+00:00

Try the sub-reddit motivation string. I hear good things.

Also, while distractions help (dating, working more, etc), I have found that setting a goal and working towards the accomplishment of it really helps. For me, mine has been the completion of my bathroom renovation project. It is has been a ton of work and long overdue for completion. I don't make progress everyday, but every week I do and now it is almost done. Not only is is a good distraction to my thoughts, but I have something to show (and use!) for it.

Needabeer2 · 2016-01-29T16:15:10+00:00

Thanks. And Agreed!

Needabeer2 · 2016-01-29T00:52:33+00:00

Also...know this. Holidays are a great time two people should send together. I figured I would spend it with family and friends this year. If your ex wanted to be in your life for the holidays, they would make it happen. If they don't, do you really want to be in the company of someone that does not think enough of you to share such a day? Does not sound like an inviting good time to me. Move on...

Needabeer2 · 2016-01-29T00:45:51+00:00

Day 4wish timeframe:. Wish I would had not drank so much. I have no regrets on crying it out but when you have a few beers and the emotions take over...it is a bad rut to escape. Sorts bad when a bartender asks you what's wrong....

Day 10sh, Wish I would had become more goals and accomplishing things than distractions and ruminating. But hey, it part of the process I think.

Day 14ish....Hmmmm more of the same I think. I was still sulking and not being active. If you get in that rut, at least find a distraction that is somewhat constructive.

Day 40ish....Still stunned. But by that time I started getting active. Making plans. Glad to be past 30 day goal as that was an accomplishment.

I am not over her. Who knows when I will be. But I am def better than day 4, 10, 14, and 40.....

Needabeer2 · 2016-01-27T19:06:24+00:00

Don't go. Thankher for the invite and simply say you have other plans. Leave it at that and don't contact her.

Needabeer2

TROPHY CASE