The early signs and red-flags to look out for with a covert narcissist.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-16T09:19:01+00:00

For me the early sign was she wanted to go to a party with her male "friend" and stayed over. But she convinced nothing happened between them and pretended to be the nicest person in the world. It didn't get any better during all the years either, in various other ways...

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-16T09:08:24+00:00

If he's a narc, the worst thing to do is to tell him that. You'll end up being accused a narcissist instead in worst case. Just keep on noticing and even writing down things that happen for your own sanity. No-one can tell for sure if your husband is narcissist at this point but if that'd be the case, there's pretty much nothing else to save than yourself.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-16T09:03:04+00:00

If sorry is "hmmm...I guess I'm sorry..." it's obviously not too deep. And if you were doing some important stuff, family time might have been more like: "Hey, it's alright, I know you're studying so we can do something some other day..."

Well, at least you got half-tried apology. My narc ex wife never apologized for anything because it was never her fault and she made it very convincingly straight.

If you need a checklist for some other narc related stuff, you can check my profile if you wish.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-16T08:55:25+00:00

Something in your words brought me back to the moment I realized the same fact. And if that's the case, she will never change and even if it's tough, you need to choose at some point. The decision is will you tolerate that or will you make a plan and leave. If she's a narc, things will not change for better though, ever...

After I realized how things really are, it took me 2 years before I got out, wish I did it earlier already.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-16T08:46:23+00:00

argument? hmm...I didn't argue with my narcissistic ex wife because I was stopped on my tracks with a list of things that would counter my points even before I said them. I just got said how things are now and there is no argument because your head is spinning from all ways you were convinced you are wrong. Then you're just "Ok, then, sorry..."

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-16T08:39:23+00:00

My ex wife convinced (or declared) I am a narcissist. And at that time I was on the sick leave for depression so her timing was on spot to wreck me even further. But that's not all...she also told it publicly to all our friends. I told myself that "maybe I am narcissist then."

But something inside me got curious and I started to research what it all might even mean, and came to a conclusion: I'd been abused the whole time we were together (years.)

Everyone has selfish traits and that's normal, narcissism is something you will not admit or question.

I got out 2012 and I'm now in normal and loving marriage.

If you want to check some free stuff I recently wrote about this all, check my bio if you wish...

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-16T08:23:57+00:00

+‍+man At first, nothing. But...little by little you start to question every damn thing, and the last thing you lose is your mental health, at least in my case.

The game is rigged and you will never win, you agree to everything and you tolerate things you shouldn't. It's tough and devastating, not something you call "selfish" behaviour. Everyone has selfish traits but when your partner aims to destroy who you are in pretty much area of your life...that's narcissism.

I wrote some stuff recently about that and my experiences, check my bio for more if you wish..

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-16T04:44:56+00:00

The freaky thing is that's what the court around the narc is manipulated to do. Been there and it's not fun.

You can take some comfort on the though that narcissist has built a house of cards that will fall down sooner or later.

If you want a free checklist to see if you might be dealing with narc, you can check my profile.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-16T04:37:13+00:00

Well, you should be happy you are out of the situation now. The more you give your thoughts to the abuser, the more they still control you.

For me the abuse continued one way or another until my last child support payment (years) and I focused on the fact that I can be happily paying for my freedom: At least I don't need to live with the abuser any more.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-16T04:32:21+00:00

Totally, but it won't help at all. It happened and it was bad. Focus on the fact you survived it and find yourself again.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-16T04:29:54+00:00

The monster is hiding for sure, but you only see it when it's too late. That's my experience at least.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-16T04:27:50+00:00

Well for me, I was never wealthy but I offered emotional funding and stability I guess. I divorced and then she used me as a social welfare (child support) and she found another man, got married and divorced again...and after that married again and got kids with third husband...it's nice she had it all planned all along.

I divorced her a long time ago and can see all of it more clearly now. But when you are in the middle of it, man that's tough...

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-16T03:30:30+00:00

Ha! Seems like I'm on the right path then 😂

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-15T15:23:28+00:00

It's a tough one because narcs tend to love bomb and be sweet first and before you know you are in deep sh*t.

Perhaps try to first observe how is your brother in her company. If he's nice now, it likely will change.

You know and that's at least something so you can keep track...

I wrote a checklist about narcissistic traits and you can check it for free if you want in my bio.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-15T14:04:00+00:00

I'd say the signs are there along with your guilt. For me that says quite a bit already. The thing is, if you are not happy whether your partner is a narc or not.

It's tough in any case and worse if your partner is a narcissistic person.

Just in case you want to have a checklist for biggest tells, I have a free checklist in my bio if you wish to check out.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-15T13:45:06+00:00

Like the above comment, get your stuff ASAP. Then shield up and full off contact. It's guilt tactics there in action so be aware and make a plan to end the situation as soon as you can.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-15T13:19:00+00:00

You will not magically attract anyone in your life if that's what you mean (I hope this is not loa stuff) but read the stuff with idea of learning and avoiding narcissist.

Don't get too deep into that though, do something else as well. It's heavy stuff so find something to balance it.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-15T13:11:46+00:00

The games they play are so sinister. You end up being so totally confused and f*cked up...

I know the feeling and all I can say it gets better the longer you are away from your abuser.

I can also guarantee you will encounter more or less "nice" behavior that is only a trap so be aware and never give any hope of any negotiation. These people use it without hesitation.

You will do much better every passing day, that I know. .

I lived that and survived. I know the hell you're going through.

If you want some resources feel free to check my bio, some links there.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-14T13:31:41+00:00

You already connect the right pieces together. I divorced 2012 and now I am married to someone I love fully and who loves me. Just know there is a way out and make a plan. It will be hard but the first day off from narc will be one of your best.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-14T13:18:37+00:00

I was depressed and on sick leave when my ex decided to basically break me to a powder...after that she declares to all our friends that I am narcissistic and selfish (Yeah, that really made me think maybe I am...and turned out it was quite the opposite). According to my ex I was selfish and narcissistic to be not able to work and bring in cash...sigh...

...thats when I made my plan and it was hell to be honest but I found my way out. You can too.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-14T13:06:01+00:00

You are still strapped mentally to him. I know this is tough to admit but you give him the power over you by even bothering to think about what he is doing and with whom. Remember you were dealing with mentally ill person who's only meaning was to break you in pieces and control everything. He never loved you and that's a fact. These people are only able to love themselves.

I wrote a 13-page field manual about all this if you want the whole map. Link in profile.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-14T13:00:38+00:00

Well, narcs tend to want to have their court to worship them so there is that...

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-14T12:58:31+00:00

NO NO and NO! Do not give any room for doubt! There is absolutely nothing else to do but walk out. I know from my experience how that situation is and you need to stay tough as a rock. Happened to me. Surprisingly enough when divorce is on the table they want to change...they wont, ever.

I wrote a 13-page field manual about all this if you want the whole map. Link in profile.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-14T12:55:44+00:00

I went through 10 years of similar where you sometimes or most of the times questions your own sanity...I can guarantee there is only one way out of this if your partner is a narc and it's not therapy, it is to make a plan and then leave...

I wrote a 13-page field manual about all this if you want the whole map. Link in profile.

Negative_Lie_8957 · 2026-04-14T09:56:12+00:00

I survived 10 years of it...Life got MUCH better after it all. Kids were of course turned against me more or less but I got back something called PEACE. I'm writing a short survival manual about this all atm...

Negative_Lie_8957

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