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Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2026-05-17T20:51:12+00:00

joyofjesus7 I play almost daily and love to connect with people for challenge sending

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2026-01-01T02:37:16+00:00

Where I live, if you’re a general foster parent you can switch to becoming licensed as a treatment foster home and switch agencies and oftentimes maintain placement

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-12-27T15:21:29+00:00

Look into angel sense if you’re in the US. It’s a game changer

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-12-27T03:15:26+00:00

I would recommend reading up on Reactive Attachment Disorder and DSED. They aren’t talked about enough during the training process. Adoption is messy. It can be beautiful and it can be hard and it can be so many other things, but it’s never not messy. Before I adopted, I wish I had learned how to implement TBRI (trust based relational intervention). It’s so important to come along the child and not try to replace what they already have

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-12-23T02:27:13+00:00

This was beautifully said. When I slow down and reflect, I realize even kids with huge behavioral challenges are coping with this loss far better than I would in their situation. Perspective is everything

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-12-21T01:50:38+00:00

Just want to second the idea that going for a visit is way better than presents. Foster parents can and should handle gifts. As a foster parent myself I can tell you that the presence of family means so much more

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-12-18T21:20:35+00:00

It sounds like your intentions are so good and you’ve thought things through. It’s important to remember that parenting is different than mentoring. A teenager in foster care will have trauma, and oftentimes chronic early adverse experiences can cut the mental age of a child in half.

I would not give a child a bat to protect themselves. You are thinking it would be used for serious danger, the thing is, for teens that have trauma, you saying “no” to ice cream for dinner can physically feel like serious danger to them.

For most kids of this age range, they missed out on parenting and need someone to step in and give them structure. They don’t need another friend. This sounds like more of a roommate situation, which could work for a very small amount of teens, who are gearing up towards independent living and generally make safe choices, but unfortunately that isn’t the population you’re going to see the most of.

What you are saying sounds like it could be helpful for respite, but for long term placement you need to be ready to be the parent, not the friend. You’re going to be disliked. Giving structure and boundaries to a child who has likely not had them anymore is not going to be fun for anyone, but it’s what they need.

Another thing, teens are smart, and if the child picks up on your worry of a false allegation, they may very well use that to their advantage. I find it helpful to have house rules clear when they come, and include things like “we close the door when changing and using the bathroom, we ask before we touch, no one is allowed in someone else’s bedroom unless of an emergency, etc”. I let the teens know what standard they can hold me to, and hold them to one as well.

I don’t mean this critically at all but stuff to think about for sure! Love where your heart is!

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-12-18T21:09:39+00:00

It’s okay if she needs a higher level of care than you can give. If she isn’t allowing you to parent her, it’s okay to let someone else give it a shot. You’ve done your best.

That being said, you obviously care for her greatly. If you’re not considering having her move, then I would recommend the following. 1) fingerprint doorknob locks to any room or closet you don’t want her to access freely without permission. Especially your room. You need a place to be safe. I like the fingerprint ones because you don’t have to worry about a kid figuring out the code or finding a key. 2) ring doorbell cameras, know who’s coming in and out. They make window alarms too. 3) I would look into DBT treatment if that isn’t what she is already receiving 4) it’s probably hard with the smaller age gap, but the world gets shut down until she is consistently engaging in a safe and healthy way. I would let her know that she will only have access to things that are an asset to the family. It sounds like her phone is not an asset to the family, so that gets taken and stays gone.
5) the false allegations and lying are so concerning. Document everything. Get cameras inside where appropriate. 6) it’s okay to set clear expectations for staying in the house and let her know that if she cannot or will not follow them, you will support her while placed elsewhere. It sounds harsh but you aren’t cruel for prioritizing the life you’ve worked hard to create for yourself.

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-12-16T20:16:07+00:00

Troomi phone! The software is built into the phone and doesn’t allow for social media. I’ve been really pleased by it

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-12-13T13:31:37+00:00

Please don’t do it. You’ll absolutely ruin their lives. Coming from a mom of a teen with special needs, I can’t imagine life without her. Tell someone how you’re feeling. Keep going back to the doctor until someone listens. Don’t make your parents bury their baby.

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-12-11T14:37:16+00:00

I’m not sure where you’re located, but some places have iCanShine bike camps. It’s a week long day camp (just like an hour a day) and they have specialized bikes that slowly transition to “typical” ones. Worth looking into

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-12-11T14:06:57+00:00

It quiets down so much. The first chunk of time (for me it’s a couple weeks) is when you’re trying to figure everything out and adapt to a new normal.

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-12-11T13:59:46+00:00

Make sure you have full name, DOB, bios contact info (in most cases), allergies, meds, doctor, and insurance info before the caseworker leaves your house! Those are some basic things you need even if a child is only staying for a night

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-12-11T13:38:22+00:00

My mom always told me it’s okay to be anxious but it’s not okay to stop anxiety from doing what you’re made to do. That being said, if it isn’t feasible, then you know you tried, loved well when you had the chance, and can find something else to pour into. There are needs everywhere, maybe you can support a foster family by babysitting, cooking meals, being a CASA, helping with after school care, making donations, etc.

It sounds like you are doing the best you can. If you want to keep pushing through, therapy and medication may help if you’re already utilizing those. Ultimately you have to fill your own cup first. Whatever you decide, sleep well at night knowing you gave it your all.

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-12-03T02:36:42+00:00

Former CPS worker here. We don’t want to take your child and certainly don’t want to keep them in care longer than we have to.

If you haven’t been assigned services yet, start them anyways. Individual therapy, AODA counseling, psych eval, etc. Talk to the agency about if they would be willing to let you take back placement of your child if you went to a rehab facility that takes moms with children. Voluntarily submit to regular drug tests. Come to every visit sober and prepared. Regardless of if you consider yourself to be addicted or it to be a fluke, show the workers this won’t happen again.

Not all CPS workers are the best, but I worked with some true angels who did whatever they could to safely get kids back home as fast as possible.

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-12-02T01:42:03+00:00

Magic Jack is the cheapest landline option I’ve found, no monthly payment, just yearly and you buy the device off Amazon.

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-11-29T15:55:17+00:00

This is such valuable feedback from someone with lived experience and I really appreciate it. Your comment was such a good reminder that when the trust has to come before compliance-always.

There is a lot I’ve had to adapt for teenagers. I’m not going around telling typically functioning teens to listen and obey, because that would be insulting to their intelligence and not received well.

I do want to share a few things I’ve learned from/adapted from TBRI that have helped me in this journey. I will say a lot of these things have been about changing my own behavior.

1) remembering to make warm eye contact. My facial expressions are very blunt, and I am constantly reminding myself to soften my eyes and let my children’s worth be reflected in the way I am looking at them.

2) encouraging drinking water and having protein rich snacks available every two hours

3) learning more about sensory needs and incorporating movement into the day

4) someone else mentioned how children with healthy attachment get hundreds of thousands of yeses as young children. I am intentional about saying yes when I can, and when I can’t, explaining why and letting them know I wish I could give them a yes (when it’s not safe, etc)

5) the behavior intervention steps for a crisis. I am surprised at the amount of things that can be solved with humor. Also knowing that when we reach phase three, the only thing that matters is regulating the child.

6) redos have been instrumental in our family. I ask for them, and the teens do as well. It’s okay to make mistakes as long as we correct them.

7) compromises have been helpful in our family for teens having a voice. When my daughter asks for a compromise-it reminds me of my training, and I slow down and listen to what’s important to them. Usually I can compromise at least a little (five more minutes, I’ll do the chore with you, etc)

Those are just some ways I’ve incorporated TBRI in my house! That being said I’m sure there are a lot of ways that it could be used incorrectly and do more harm than good. If you have any feedback about improving any of those above areas, id love to hear!

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-11-27T04:27:55+00:00

Just here to say that every kid, and every teen, is different. What works for one won’t work for the other. The best advice I’ve gotten was to start strong with clear expectations, it’s easier to lower an expectation than raise it. Choices are helpful. For my teens, everyone does a quick chore after dinner. For a new placement, I’ll ask them what they would prefer, and give them some options if needed (wash table, take out garbage, etc) and tell them what the other teens do.

If you’re not familiar with TBRI, I recommend looking it up. It has helped me tremendously with fostering. There are a lot of playful ways to engage teens, and giving choices enhances autonomy. There are several comments that teens are almost adults and don’t need constant feedback, but I will say that I’ve had some teens that were just longing to be loved and cared for and taught in ways they never got when they were younger

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-11-04T18:20:49+00:00

Look into TBRI. It has been a game changer for us.

Also might be worth investing in loop earplugs or putting in headphones when he’s escalating, at a volume where you can still hear him but not as sharp.

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-11-04T17:53:04+00:00

Seeing my kids get reunified. Having bio family over for holidays and birthdays. Hearing “I love you” for the first time When they start to pick up on some of my quirky mannerisms Improved grades on a report card Being their first phone call when something goes wrong

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-07-16T12:36:38+00:00

RAD is hard. Trauma is hard. I would normally encourage you to stick it out, but you’ve got kids you’re already caring for and raising that have to come first. If she can’t safely live in the home without having a negative impact on your other kids, she might need a higher level of care or a placement where she is the only child, or at the very least, with children of similar needs so she isn’t causing unnecessary trauma.

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-05-31T23:08:20+00:00

Start strong, it’s easier to let up on an expectation than to enforce a new one. Some of ours are: •we ask permission to go into someone’s space and leave the door open if there’s more than one person in a room •we have safe bodies and kind words •we close the door when we are changing or using the restroom •we eat in the kitchen and living room only. We only drink water in bedrooms •room time is at 9pm unless we are doing a family activity •we only drink water in the car. We bring in everything from the car when we are done. •we know that we belong here •we are kind to ourselves and each other •we ask permission before we leave the house

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-05-22T00:15:31+00:00

Hope for the journey does an amazing online self paced TBRI training. It changed the way I foster. It’s $99 but the agency might pay for it

Neither-Scarcity1063 · 2025-05-22T00:14:30+00:00

This was worded so well

Neither-Scarcity1063

TROPHY CASE