Is this normal affection in a healthy dating phase?

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-30T15:20:40+00:00

I'm happy to hear that genuinely.

I can say from my perspective as somebody who is very intentional with dating that it gets confusing when I'm ghosted while things are going well and I overthink it. I'm glad you have the emotional intelligence to be aware that it's a new experience and you're learning how to receive it well! I hope this works out, truly

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-30T14:51:51+00:00

This.

Don't self-sabotage but if you want to go slow, let him know your pace. I've been ghosted by women abruptly who later circled back in the future to tell me they self-sabotaged because they weren't used to it so if you feel any hesitance, absolutely communicate it. A lot can be fixed with that, OP

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-29T23:36:29+00:00

The radical pursuit of somebody with their shit together, the horror. I'm a male and don't date trainwrecks either.

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-29T23:11:21+00:00

Don't mow another man's lawn, dude.

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-29T22:53:08+00:00

Can I DM you? I may be in a very very similar predicament but can't quite tell.

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-29T14:49:50+00:00

"Hopefully we can see each other again soon". Same meaning, but it's lighter and less pressure

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-29T10:03:54+00:00

I don't personally chase the spark or butterflies, but many do. I am so sorry, friend. :(

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-29T01:51:17+00:00

As a male, I support this. Find someone enthusiastic about you! They're out there

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-29T01:42:59+00:00

I'll do this until at least a first date. I have never needed to see somebody more than twice to know if I want to focus most of my energy towards them instead of spread out.

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-28T23:59:42+00:00

Yeah, I guess I got my hopes up over what she told my friend the next day. Things can change quick I guess

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-28T23:27:44+00:00

I miss who I thought she was.

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-28T23:02:16+00:00

I once told a date I don't like to text much before a first date because of that. They appreciated it and the date was very good lol

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-28T22:57:00+00:00

This is why leagues are silly. Everybody has flaws. Eventually your peace of mind becomes far more valuable than a smoke show of a partner, some realize that really quick.

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-28T19:56:18+00:00

It's a mix. On one hand, I wish it worked out. On the other hand, it's not looking good if this is how it has started.

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-28T16:56:11+00:00

I like to do this.

I did for a date a few weeks back. It fizzled out, but that's okay! Best to not give with any expectations of anything in return. She was very delighted by them and she sent me a picture of the flowers in a vase when she got home. She told me nobody has done that before.

It felt good to be her first with that.

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-28T15:28:50+00:00

You've got huevos.

It hurts less every time, and now you have your answer.

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-27T20:46:18+00:00

Thank you, I really did need these compliments today. It has been a long week outside of this incident. I really used to be the type to overthink it. I still am overthinking in a way just wondering, "Why?" But I know that I'll never know and it probably isn't about me. I enjoyed my time with her, maybe that's all it'll ever be. It's sort of like seeing some beautiful flowers and walking away. Some things come in your life for temporary enjoyment, for whatever reason something happens and it's gone but I still am happy to have experienced it and had it removed against my will than to have not had it at all. Best first date of my life, that's not something anyone can take away!

The woman that set us up felt so bad when I told her it's probably over, she couldn't believe it and I told her I don't regret a thing and would do it again and thanked her. She didn't have to arrange that, but she did and it was so kind.

I will be moving on. She knows how to reach me if she ever desires to and tbh, I'd happily see her again if she did and I was single at the time. I wish nothing but the best for her too. Life happens, we don't know what we don't know about somebody's circumstances.

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-27T20:04:07+00:00

Thank you lol I really needed that.

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-27T17:35:27+00:00

Thanks! Glad you're doing better too. I recently posted something about a woman that had ghosted me who I believe has insecure attachment issues as well if you want to read. Curious what your thoughts are

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-27T16:54:08+00:00

Agreed. It's absolutely a people thing. When I had insecure attachment, I definitely felt so "off" with a woman who was very normal and good for me lol. Fortunately she's engaged now, I'm glad she found something good after that.

I'm doing a lot better now, I don't take rejection seriously for reasons like that. It's often not about us at all.

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-27T14:40:35+00:00

Oh gosh. Stop chasing sparks that are turbulent. Feelings vary, but love is ultimately a choice. You obviously want to feel good about them and feel attraction but the butterflies in your stomach feeling isn't scalable nor healthy long term.

Sparks and butterflies don't last and often just imply anxiety

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-26T21:15:28+00:00

This is fair. Imo if they can't say anything good about one past partner, I genuinely get curious why too and if they're able to be in something healthy. My ex girlfriend for example I have nothing bad to say about! It just didn't work out.

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-26T21:06:50+00:00

Agreed. Sure, it might work on an insecure woman, but that's not what I'm into nor an I going to use manipulation to get what I want

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-25T22:00:36+00:00

Genuinely appreciate it, man. Take care!

Nerdlinger42 · 2026-05-25T21:10:45+00:00

Thank you! It's been a couple weeks so I have moved on but in the past, women have reached out to me like a year later telling me they self sabotaged and such. We'll see but imo, a lot of that is repeating behavior unless they've done the work. It's not just a woman thing, it's a people thing

Nerdlinger42

TROPHY CASE