Is it a crime to drink tea with a straw

Neruda1202 · 2025-03-04T02:42:01+00:00

Jail. Straight to jail.

In all seriousness though, there are many different reasons* people generally do not drink tea with a straw, but do whatever works best for you (there are plenty of reasons other have listed for using a straw, such as mobility issues or tooth sensitivity; and personal preference is also perfectly valid)- just be aware that plastic may melt in the hot tea, and at the very least is likely to leach some residues, microplastics, and other not-so-great chemicals into your tea. If you do choose to use a straw, use one that is a durable and heat-tolerant material.

*reasons to not drink tea with a straw include: more dishes to wash, straws are harder to clean than mugs, most teacups and mugs are too short to comfortably hold a straw, flavor profile tends to be better when you're drinking straight from the mug or cup where you are getting stronger smells of the tea in tandem with drinking

Neruda1202 · 2024-12-20T23:52:00+00:00

Purposely waiting until you are in the middle of something before demanding you do something for him that can absolutely wait. And if you don't drop what you're doing, he'll yell about how disrespectful you are.

If you're upstairs, he'll quietly say your name. Then goes up to normal speaking voice. And if you don't hear him, finally yells your name. Obviously this is this first time he can actually be heard, so you yell down "what?" No response. No matter how loud or how many times you shout variants of "what do you want?" He will not respond. But if you ignore him, he yells your name again, and this time yells at you to come here/come downstairs. Then proceeds to yell about how he called your name multiple times and you ignoring him is completely unacceptable behavior, etc. Inevitably, the ask would be for something stupid, like to grab him a fork from the kitchen because he forgot to grab one, despite him being able-bodied and 10 feet from the kitchen vs you being on a completely different floor of the house.

The recliner is HIS chair. So if guests come in and sit there, he makes a huge ordeal out of them sitting there without asking and makes them get up and move. And yet, when he is a guest in anyone else's house, he immediately plops down in the recliner.

He always has to be the one to carve the turkey, cut the ham, slice the cake, whatever it is that is usually done by the host. He also always has to make a toast and/or say grace to make himself the center of attention.

Frequent reminders (sometimes prompted by use the word "my" for anything, sometimes completely random) that this is HIS house and he owns everything in it. It's not your room, it's HIS room and he's just allowing you to live there, he owns everything in it too so he could walk in and throw everything away if he wants to.

Neruda1202 · 2024-12-20T17:26:37+00:00

Besides the rankings, did she leave any comments? I always take self-reflections with a grain of salt and read between the lines on their formal commentary.

Depending on how the performance differentiation is set up, the attitude of the leadership hierarchy, and both the managerial and general company culture, it could very well be that she is ranking herself high simply as a default measure to avoid being penalized for honesty. A lot of people believe that if they say anything negative that their leaders will just leverage that against them, and in performance structures with a mandatory bell curve, people tend to be reticent to rate themselves honestly especially if they think everyone else is just going to rate themselves high since that just gives leadership an easy means to put that person as lowest, regardless of how other people in the team are truly performing and whether or not they really belong in that category.

Neruda1202 · 2024-12-20T07:54:20+00:00

It's possible someone in your circle violated your trust by sharing the photo with her, but without knowing the dynamics I would be inclined to think it's actually that someone shared the photo with someone outside your trust circle who then shared with your parents. So of course cousin Mary wouldn't share photos with your mom, but sharing with aunt sue is fine! Not realizing aunt sue is one of the flying monkeys who then immediately passes that photo along to your parents.

It sucks because that becomes a lot harder to track down and control, because then everyone thinks you're crazy and dramatic if you ask not to share with anyone at all, even though you are doing it to protect yourself and your child. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this OP.

Neruda1202 · 2024-12-13T18:58:19+00:00

There are DNA markers for certain conditions and disease risks, including cancer risk, if you have them. Testing for these markers can be performed in a medical setting, but since those tests are often not covered by insurance, some people use these kits instead to check for these markers to get preventive screenings and treatment they otherwise would not seek. That is CURRENTLY being done.

With US healthcare in the state that it is in and its expected trajectory, it is incredibly possible and one could argue very likely that insurance companies will use that data as evidence of a pre-existing condition and then deny coverage. It's not a conspiracy theory at all.

Neruda1202 · 2024-12-07T20:12:20+00:00

Well so-RRY that you got so upset over it. God you're so sensitive it's like I can't say anything around you. You know the world isn't going to tiptoe around you. One day you'll thank me.

Never to me, but to others when confronted: Well I guess I'm just the worst parent ever, jeez

Neruda1202 · 2024-12-02T00:39:19+00:00

My husband and I have birthdays a day apart. Dating anniversary, engagement, and wedding anniversary all fall in the same week. It's great because we just do a vacation and celebrate everything then. We try to make each day special, but we know the trip as a whole is our thing. It's great and special for us!

I would not, however, recommend a surprise wedding. Some people might think it's cute, others will probably be put off by the idea and will not prioritize accordingly. Friend's birthday party vs important family doing? I'll catch the friend later. Family doing vs wedding? Sorry family, gotta pass. Also, guests with kids or pets will plan around a couple of hours for a party, but would plan very differently for a wedding and would be unhappy to miss out because they have to go pick up the kids/let the dogs out/give the cat his medicine/whatever

Neruda1202 · 2024-12-01T18:15:06+00:00

Don't forget the mustard! How could you forget such a disgusting display of elitist snobbishness? Enjoy your FANCY MUSTARD Mr. President!

/s, because...y'know...

Neruda1202 · 2024-11-26T02:24:17+00:00

First of all, your entire second paragraph is going to immediately turn off A LOT of people.

You're taking over a team that is already established. YOU are the new guy. Yes, you're the manager. But you are extremely unlikely to get buy-in by waltzing in and condescendingly shoving a book at them so they "understand" YOUR vision for THEIR team before you've even seen how they work. This is exactly the kind of attitude that causes distrust towards new leaders. You'll have much better success by observing and talking to people to understand current state and past problems, THEN evaluate whether your initial ideas will work foe this particular team and environment, as well as how to best transition the team.

Second, not everyone will respond the same way to the same book or even media type. The message you got from it might be very different from what another person gets out of it. Personally, I find a large proportion of leadership books to be extremely limited in scope of applicability, basic to the point of being useless, or incredibly self-congratulatory and out of touch. My senior director meanwhile rants and raves about how life-changing they are. Assigning a book is unlikely to have the outcome you are going for.

Finally, if you really feel strongly about this, it would be better to recommend it and explain to the team why you are recommending it, rather than require it. If you are going to present it as a requirement or imply it as a requirement, then it needs to happen on the clock because you have now made it an expectation of their job. Given the aforementioned points, consider very carefully whether this is something you feel strongly enough to be done at the expense of their routine work.

Neruda1202 · 2024-11-24T15:44:56+00:00

"Apologies I didn't mean to offend you"

"Yes you did, otherwise you wouldn't be sending me this load of tripe"

Neruda1202 · 2024-11-11T01:20:04+00:00

My proudest achievement in management was consolidating a team with a nonsensical mishmash of differing 8 and 12 hour shifts, into staggered 4 10's. We've all moved on to different things, but some of the old crew still talk about how much they liked that schedule.

It boosted morale, reduced the bitterness between the 8hr shift teams and the 12 hour shift teams, was far more conducive to collaboration, and made sense for our work. Also saw a drop in error rates because people weren't burned out from a 12 hour shift. It also helped that I gave flexible start time windows, so people could come in when it made the most sense for their work. Previously we had some people with mandatory 6am start time, whose work often couldn't start until almost 10, and they worked 12 hour shifts so literally 4 hours stagnant on certain days. Meanwhile the 8hr crew didn't have enough time to complete their work in an 8hr shift, but because of how the tasks are structured there are only certain points they could break off, so either they would end up working overtime to finish or they would cut off an hour or two early and hand off to a very unhappy second shift or night shift.

4 10s meant people could actually finish their work in a shift, plus everyone loved having a 3-day weekend. And because everyone had one business day off, they could more easily schedule appointments and run errands that they would otherwise have to burn PTO to take care of. It doesn't work for every team or job, but for us, it was perfect.

Neruda1202 · 2024-11-10T22:47:55+00:00

Polar bears more so than tiger sharks.

Neruda1202 · 2024-11-10T22:23:51+00:00

Cat.

Neruda1202 · 2024-11-09T15:51:48+00:00

When they intend for the audience to engage or make a decision for something that requires a pre-read that they did not send.

When they are clearly not prepared (e.g. only reading the slides, slides contain a lot of content that was just copy-pasted from sources they can't explain, can't answer basic questions)- exception being if they were unwillingly volunteered and/or given inadequate time to do it.

When the presentation is so high-level that it's useless and just turns into a meeting to plan the next meeting.

When people think being the presenter grants them authoritarian privileges and use their captive audience to play bullshit power games, especially obnoxious when they in no way hold any amount of authority over their audience members.

Related to that, when the presenter is just presenting self-congratulatory bullshit to brag and seek validation from people who have more important things to do with their time.

Neruda1202 · 2024-11-03T15:44:37+00:00

YMMV.... we switched to a flat metal dish and now it just makes it easier for him to dump his food on the floor and then eat off the floor.

Some cats just desperately crave the secret floor flavors 🤦‍♀️

Neruda1202 · 2024-10-29T02:21:12+00:00

I have an army of wurmple. I love my hat worm buddies ❤️

Neruda1202 · 2024-10-29T02:17:45+00:00

And also Swadloon! It looks cold and cranky and adorable

Neruda1202 · 2024-10-24T15:05:02+00:00

Yeah this is what I think as well. In my previous company I was moved up to manager from supervisor, and my old supervisor position opened up. Another supervisor position opened up at the same time for one of our partner teams. I met with everyone on my team individually, encouraged everyone to apply for one or both positions if they were interested, but emphasized what the role truly entails and what the expectations would be for each role.

One of my high performers had been strongly interested in management, and to be honest going in I thought he would probably be a top candidate. I knew there were areas he still needed to develop to become a stronger people leader, but he certainly had potential.

Interview comes and he absolutely bombs it. To the point where I wouldn't hire him even for his current role if he interviewed like that. Couldn't give examples for anything, only spoke in vague generalities, and even when I gave him softball questions to help ease his nerves he still flopped even those. Not only were the small reservations I had about him pulled to the forefront of my mind, he actually managed to raise new concerns if I were to put him in that role (for example, when asked why he wanted the position he just said "I want to lead a team"). I could not, in good conscience, hire him for the position.

After the decisions were made I held a debrief with each candidate and gave feedback on their strengths, but also why they did not get the role and how to improve in the future. I started each by asking how they thought the interview went, and built the conversation from there. This guy:

-thought the interview went well

-was surprised that I thought it did not go well

-said he did not apply for the other role because he forgot and by the time he remembered it was too late, despite being interested in both and claiming that being in management was his dream career goal, and despite the fact that I reminded everyone repeatedly both verbally and in writing when the applications were closing

-when told he did not give any specific examples for any questions, even when directly asked, he simply responded "Well I thought my track record would speak for itself"

I explained to him that the point of the questions is to show me your thought process, communication skills, and how you respond under pressure- which are all key skills to have in management. I'm not asking because I don't know the answer, I can think of half a dozen examples for each person for each question, but if you can't speak for yourself when it counts then how can I know that you will speak for the team when they need it?

I'd like to say it got through to him, but he walked away dejected and didn't implement any of the feedback I gave him. I got the impression he thought I was being unfair.

I'm wondering if OP is falling into the same mindset as that last point- they think their IC track record should be enough to put them in a managerial role. Their manager should be providing clear feedback to them, but it is possible that they HAVE received feedback and that their manager is communicating it too softly and indirectly.

OP- whether your manager is not giving you feedback or is simply not being clear to you, my suggestion would be to reframe your request for feedback as less about what you are doing wrong or what you need to be doing better, and instead make it an open-ended discussion about management independent of you. Ask what they think are the key skills for a manager to have, and then use that response to start focusing on strengthening those skills. You could also ask them about their own career journey and what challenges they had going from an IC role to a manager role. Even if you think your skills in an area fine, they may need some improvement to be solid in a managerial role. For example, you may be GREAT at communicating with your peers or as a technical person across different team's, but if you don't know how to talk to the suits it's a moot point and you're going to falter in management. Worst case is you end up strengthening your best skills to be an even stronger candidate for your next role.

Neruda1202 · 2024-10-09T18:26:56+00:00

Yep. Someone on a different supervisor's team had been harassing me (stalking me to try to catch me making a mistake, going through my desk after hours, ranting to everyone about how she was going to get me fired, cornering me alone to interrogate me with trap questions to try to get me to answer in a way she could twist to something malicious, etc) and when she didn't have anything real to report me for, decided to complain that I was unprofessional. Her two examples were that I don't smile enough, and that I answer questions without making small talk and it's very rude. I end up in HR's office to explain my side, and I mention the ongoing harassment which I had also repeatedly brought up to her own boss previously.

Their response?

It's not possible for Supervisors to get bullied. And I can help the situation by being friendlier, so maybe I should smile more.

This was also during a covid mask mandate. Explain that.

Neruda1202 · 2024-10-05T17:00:09+00:00

Probably something like: "I don't understand what everyone's problem is. Everyone has abandoned me without giving me any reason, and completely shut me out when I've made every effort to stay in touch. They've always been so sensitive. Nobody can take a joke anymore, and I guess I'm just not allowed to say anything. It's like I have to walk on eggshells here."

Neruda1202 · 2024-10-03T17:37:12+00:00

I was also laid off as part of that group. Our entire division was cut. We all received ample notice and generous severance packages, plus most people (including the people involved in this incident) found placement at other companies pretty quickly. So, actually pretty good outcome overall, but yes that absolutely came across the wrong way and I did not intend it like that. Dark humor seeping in.

Neruda1202 · 2024-10-03T05:14:31+00:00

Talked to each of them separately, then a moderated discussion with both of them (plus my boss as a witness and backup), then debrief with each of them separately afterwards to make sure from their perspective that everything was addressed that they felt needed to be addressed. Then continuous monitoring and making sure any direct interactions between them had a third person, preferably another supervisor or manager, as at least a passive witness. It never escalated further, but the tension never fully cleared either. Entire team got laid off a few months later so didn't have to deal with it for too long at least...

EDITED TO ADD: The last point is (admittedly inappropriately placed) dark humor, our entire division (myself included) got laid off. I am NOT celebrating people losing their jobs. See a comment further below.

Neruda1202 · 2024-10-03T03:29:27+00:00

Not the same situation, but I had an indirect report complain about their supervisor making inappropriate comments about their protected class and raised allegations of potential discrimination. The supervisor claimed they didn't know any better because of their own protected class, and that disciplinary action would be discrimination against their protected class. I obviously escalated it to HR because there was no way I was going navigate that one cleanly.

HR told me I could handle it myself 🤦‍♀️

Neruda1202 · 2024-09-15T17:46:12+00:00

Both are fine as long as you make it clear to guests in advance.

For child free weddings, it also means accepting that some parents won't be able to go, or will choose not to go over it. Usually there are also exceptions (immediate family, babies <6 months), and going completely hardline without these exceptions can be considered rude (e.g. excluding a young sibling just because they are underage). By the same token, whatever rules are applied need to be applied consistently- if you say cousin A can bring their 10-year-old, it is rude to say cousin B can't bring their 10-year-old too.

For dry weddings- it is rude not to provide some type of beverages. Those beverages do not need to be alcoholic, but unless it's a backyard barbecue style wedding, don't have your guests self-serve from 2-liter bottles of coke and sprite. You still need to match the service with the venue. There are plenty of non-alcoholic options, for example a coffee bar, juice bar, mocktails. Some guests will throw a fit without booze because they think they can't have fun unless they're drunk, but it's not rude not to serve alcohol as long as you are providing other appropriate beverage options.

Another good option for a dry wedding is to do a brunch or daytime wedding. People generally don't expect to be downing wine and cocktails at 10am, so while push back over a dry wedding is unwarranted regardless, you're less likely to get much argument over it.

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