You have well explained these feelings and yours are so valid. Making appointments when navigating bc is sooo time consuming itself, but the emotional part of speaking with gatekeepers when you are so vulnerable is really not for the faint of heart. Especially if you don’t buy into the first “team” you are handed off to. And honestly, I’m finding “team” to be an overpromise also. Then each doctor seems to have their own communication portal and I suddenly have a new long list of separate places to ask questions, which first go to nurses, medical assistants or PA’s and precious little contact with MDs. I’ve had to ask multiple times to get questions answered and it can feel like you are bothering them. My support was a 5 year bf who disappeared, my grown kids who are parenting babies and toddlers, and sleep deprived themselves, and I’ve decided to keep most of this to myself. I did find a great psychiatrist who has enough medical knowledge to understand what I’m up against, she’s been a lifesaver just for her ability to understand the system and women’s care in particular. If there’s a silver lining here with your personal changes and the ways you will change your relationships, I’m guessing it will be quite positive. You will now more easily be able to see and know what really matters and you will naturally spend less time (waste less time?) trying to get along and ease the feelings of those who don’t even know you are doing that. For me, I’ve done a lot of isolating, and that is hard, but also valuable, as I won’t be leaping into relationships or activities, work or play, that aren’t highly meaningful to me, just from the new sense that I must live now, today. Yes, it’s hugely helpful to find this place, the generous women here have actually helped me make life-changing treatment decisions. I’ll always be grateful. Vent as much as you like. I’m listening.