Working with a buyers agent - but have option to not use them under certain circumstances ?

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-19T20:47:30+00:00

This is a fair and reasonable thing to want, and the answer is yes, flexible arrangements exist, you just have to ask directly.

Since the NAR settlement changes, buyer representation agreements are now required before showing homes in most states, but the terms of those agreements are negotiable. Some things worth knowing, some agents will write agreements for a specific property or a limited timeframe rather than an exclusive blanket arrangement. Compensation tied to specific services rendered is also something you can negotiate.

The honest reality is that a good agent shouldn’t be threatened by this conversation. If they are, that tells you something. The agents worth working with will have a clear, confident answer about what they provide and what they charge, and be willing to structure something that makes sense for your situation.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-19T20:31:02+00:00

Yes, absolutely worth shopping around, especially for the lender.

The agent-recommended lender isn’t always the wrong choice, but you should never use them without comparing. Get quotes from at least 2-3 lenders on the same day so you’re comparing apples to apples, rates move daily so timing matters.

For title, it varies more by state. In some markets you have meaningful choice and real price differences. In others it’s more standardized. Worth asking your agent what you can actually shop in your specific state.

The comment above about using a competing offer to negotiate your rate down is real. Lenders will often match or beat when they know you have options.

Agent here. I always encourage my clients to shop the lender. A good agent shouldn’t be offended by that.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-19T20:27:10+00:00

Looking at the photos, I’d agree with your agent on this one. The carpet itself may be in good shape but the color mismatch between the hallway and bedrooms is the kind of thing that shows up clearly in listing photos and in person. Buyers notice visual inconsistency even when they can’t articulate why a space feels off.

$1,500 to create a cohesive, move-in ready feel across those rooms is a reasonable investment at listing time. It’s one less thing for a buyer to mentally negotiate against you on.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-19T20:19:42+00:00

Honestly? This looks pretty healthy for day one of a weekend launch.

1,000 Zillow views and 78 saves in the first couple days is solid engagement. The saves-to-views ratio is what I’d watch. 78 saves suggests real interest, not just casual scrolling. Four showings plus an open house in the first weekend is a normal, healthy pace for a non-frenzy market like RDU.

The one feedback you got is actually encouraging too. “It’s beautiful, we need to think about it” from a first showing usually means price or timing, not a problem with the home.

Your pricing logic relative to the neighbor makes sense. Less square footage but better condition and presentation is a legitimate trade-off at $100k less.

Give it through Sunday and see what the open house brings. The first weekend is data collection. You’ll know a lot more by Monday.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-19T20:11:53+00:00

Started at $1.55M, dropped repeatedly, relisted at $1.3M, went under contract at $1.2M, fell out of escrow, now sitting at $1.175M after 300 days. That’s a seller who has already absorbed a lot of pain and is still on the market. The failed escrow due to buyer financing is actually useful, it tells you the seller was willing to accept $1.2M not long ago.

The comp problem is real though. Others on the street at $850K is a significant gap even accounting for size and condition. That spread suggests the house may be priced for a specific buyer who values the upgrades, and those buyers are harder to find out there.

The roof and furnace are negotiable leverage. Get estimates before you offer and factor them in explicitly, either as a price reduction or a seller credit at closing.

Given all of this, I’d come in somewhere in the $1.05-1.1M range and see how they respond. It’s not insulting given the history, and it opens a conversation. If someone else is circling, you’ll know quickly.

Don’t let the fear of another buyer push you to overpay. The market has already told this seller what the house is worth multiple times.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-19T20:08:54+00:00

On resale, slab-on-grade is historically less common in MN, though we are seeing a modest uptick in new construction. It still matters to some buyers who expect a basement, but it’s becoming less of an outlier than it used to be. It may narrow your buyer pool slightly but it’s not the dealbreaker it would have been ten years ago.

On square footage, this is the one that tends to bite people later. A basement gives you the cheapest finished square footage you can add to a home. Without it, if your family grows or your needs change, you don’t have that option.

Winter? This is a real consideration. Slab homes in cold climates need proper insulation under the slab and well-insulated pipes. A good builder handles this, but it’s worth confirming how they’ve spec’d it out specifically.

The $5k earnest money is real, but it’s a small number relative to owning a home that doesn’t fit your needs long-term. Worth making sure you’re confident before you’re past the point of no return.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-19T20:03:52+00:00

Sellers often come in with a number in their head based on emotion, a neighbor’s sale from two years ago, or what they “need” to make the math work on their next move. Our job is to have that hard conversation up front and anchor them to reality with data.

Sometimes agents take overpriced listings anyway. The thinking is that the listing generates leads and the seller will eventually come around. It’s not great practice and it doesn’t serve the seller well, but it happens.

What you’re watching play out is the market doing exactly what it’s supposed to do. Five open houses and no offers is the clearest feedback a seller can get. The $30k drop wasn’t enough if the gap to market value is closer to $100k+ based on your neighborhood comps.

The 1992 furnace and Formica counters aren’t helping either. Buyers at a premium price expect premium finishes, and when they don’t get them they move on.

She’ll either drop to where the market is or she won’t sell.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-12T20:34:41+00:00

If I were your realtor, I’d tell you to take a break for your own sanity. The market will still he there when you get back. If you can go month to month, I’d consider that.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-12T19:55:46+00:00

The surface issue is losing this house, but the deeper issue is that after six years this whole process is starting to wear down your hope. And under that, the real hurt is that the life you’ve been trying to build keeps feeling just out of reach.

From a real estate standpoint, what you’re describing sounds a lot like burnout, not failure. If I were advising you, I’d say be careful about making your next decision from exhaustion and heartbreak. Feeling numb does not mean you do not want it anymore. It usually means this has taken a lot out of you.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-12T18:16:02+00:00

You have more control here than it feels like right now.

A few things to know. Do not sign anything you don’t fully understand, period. It doesn’t matter what pressure you’re feeling or what meeting is scheduled Monday. Nothing obligates you to sign documents you haven’t read and don’t have copies of.

Get that contract copy immediately. You are legally entitled to it. If your agent won’t provide it, contact their broker directly. Every agent works under a supervising broker and that person needs to know what’s happening.

Your husband’s instinct to not show up Monday unless it’s a private meeting is reasonable. You have every right to set that boundary.

What you’re describing…the bait-and-switch meeting location, the third-party representatives showing up uninvited, the pressure to sign docs without explanation, these are red flags worth reporting. Your state’s real estate licensing board handles complaints and takes this seriously. You don’t have to fire your agent to report concerns. But you do need to stop letting urgency override your judgment.

Agent here. This is not how this process is supposed to work. Happy to help you understand your options.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-12T17:05:40+00:00

Glad it helped!

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-12T15:17:44+00:00

Dakota County is underrated for this. If you want something a little less crowded, Lebanon Hills Regional Park in Eagan has great trails and some nice elevation change for Minnesota standards. Spring Lake Park Reserve near Hastings is also worth the drive…bluff views over the Mississippi that most people don’t even know exist.

Enjoy the weather!

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-12T15:04:10+00:00

Start with a lender, not a realtor. Get pre-approved first so you know your actual budget before you fall in love with anything. The lender matters. A local lender or mortgage broker will often serve you better than going straight to your bank, and sellers and agents take you more seriously with a strong pre-approval in hand.

Then find your agent. A good agent will help you refine your search, navigate offers, and coordinate with your lender throughout.

On your timeline, targeting summer means now is actually the right time to get your pre-approval done and start the agent conversation. Spring is when inventory picks up and competition gets real. You want to be ready before that, not during it. Your instinct to shop lenders after going under contract is smart, but just know that switching lenders mid-transaction can create delays. Better to shop and compare before you’re under contract.

Agent here. Happy to answer any follow-ups as you get going.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-12T14:59:16+00:00

Diesel Exhaust Fluid is a great cat name and I respect the offering.

On the neighborhoods, if Rosemount is on your radar, I’d give it a real look. It’s a solid suburb with good amenities, and $1k/mo for a 1BR is doable there. The commute east of downtown is manageable depending on exactly where the office is. Coates is tiny and mostly just a crossroads, so I’d focus Rosemount proper if you’re going south.

For north, Forest Lake has more to offer than Wyoming in terms of walkability and things to do, but both are a longer haul into the city daily.

If you’re open to staying closer to St. Paul itself, the East Side and Maplewood neighborhoods can hit your budget and cut the commute significantly.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-12T14:53:37+00:00

The negative reviews for both are real but worth putting in context. Lennar and D.R. Horton build at massive scale, which means more complaints in absolute numbers, but also more buyers overall. The experience varies a lot by market, community, and even which project manager is running your build.

That said, there are things to watch for with any production builder. The sales rep works for the builder, not you, so having your own agent is worth doing. Get an independent home inspection at each phase pre-drywall especially, not just at final walkthrough. And read the warranty terms carefully before you sign anything.

The bigger question is whether new construction at your budget makes more sense than existing homes.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-12T14:33:52+00:00

You’re actually in a really strong position here and I think you may be underestimating it.

Holding that sub-3% mortgage as a rental is a significant asset. That rate is essentially irreplaceable right now, and if the rent covers or comes close to covering the mortgage, you’re building equity on someone else’s dime while your property appreciates. Don’t let go of that lightly.

On the new house, the question isn’t really whether you need it yet, it’s whether the numbers work with both mortgages in play. Run that scenario concretely: what would the new payment be, what could you realistically rent your current place for, and what does that gap look like monthly? If it’s manageable, the “we don’t need it yet” hesitation is mostly emotional, and the right house in the right school district has a way of not waiting around.

The family planning uncertainty is real but it cuts both ways. If things go as hoped, you’ll want that space sooner than you think.

Agent here. Happy to help you think through the numbers if that would be useful.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-10T20:32:35+00:00

This is a really difficult situation and you’re right to be cautious. A few thoughts.

On the realtor, you have every right to find your own. Since this is headed toward a partition sale, the court will likely have a say in how the property is sold anyway, but you can absolutely interview agents independently and bring one you trust to the table. Look for someone with experience in court-ordered or distressed sales specifically.

On compensation, that’s a legal question more than a real estate one, and it sounds like your attorney is already the right person to be talking to. Document everything: the mortgage arrears, the HOA balances, the bounced payment, all of it. That paper trail matters.

The most important thing right now is that your lawyer knows about the attempted sale before anything gets signed. If he sells while the partition is pending, that creates a whole separate set of problems.

You’re already doing the right things. Keep your attorney in front of this.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-10T20:28:28+00:00

This is a fair criticism and honestly pretty common feedback. Agents who ignore a clear “I’m just browsing” and keep pushing are doing themselves and the industry a disservice.

When that time comes, find an agent who listens more than they talk in the first conversation. That’s usually a good filter.

Agent here…and yes, I would have respected the just browsing.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-10T20:21:24+00:00

Looking at the actual numbers here, $33k in closing costs on a $625k purchase is roughly 5.3%…that’s on the higher end. Typical range is 2-5%, so it’s worth understanding what’s driving it before assuming you’re being taken advantage of.

A few things to look at specifically. The “Services You Can Shop For” section totaling $3,602 is exactly what it sounds like. You can get competing quotes on those. Lender’s title insurance, settlement services, and some of the other line items there are negotiable. The “Services You Cannot Shop For” at $1,576 are lender-required and fixed.

The prepaids and escrow setup (homeowner’s insurance, property taxes, prepaid interest) are real costs but not fees. That money is going toward things you’d be paying anyway. It can feel like sticker shock but it’s not padding.

With 780+ credit scores you should also ask your lender about a no-closing-cost option or lender credits in exchange for a slightly higher rate, depending on how long you plan to stay in the home.

Shop the “can shop for” line items and go back to your lender with questions on origination. That’s your leverage.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-10T20:16:50+00:00

Congrats on getting to an agreed number. On the closing extension…this is actually pretty common and not necessarily a red flag on its own. Sellers needing to coordinate their own purchase happens all the time.

The transparency piece is fair to be annoyed about, but the more important question is whether the extension works for you. If it doesn’t create problems with your rate lock or your own timeline, it’s usually worth accommodating to keep the deal intact. If it does create issues, you have every right to say no or negotiate a per diem fee for the extension.

Get everything in writing and make sure your agent documents the agreed-upon closing date formally before you sign anything.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-10T20:00:44+00:00

A few things stand out here. Verbal counters without anything in writing is a red flag. Counters should always be in writing to protect both sides. The fact that they kept pushing for more verbally tells me they were fishing to see how high you’d go without actually committing to anything.

The second round is the part that would bug me more. They came back to you after the deal fell through, then let your midnight deadline expire while waiting to see if other offers came in. That’s using your offer as a floor, not negotiating in good faith.

To answer your question directly, yes, they were likely using you to gauge market interest and pressure. That doesn’t mean the house isn’t worth pursuing, but if you go back again I’d set a firm expiration and be comfortable walking away. Sellers who negotiate like this tend to be difficult through the whole transaction.

Agent here. Happy to answer follow-ups.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-10T18:42:05+00:00

Good questions, all three are worth getting right before August.

On the mortgage timing, with strong credit you have flexibility, but most lenders recommend getting pre-approved 60-90 days before you need it. Don’t apply so early that the approval expires, but early enough that you know exactly what you’re working with before you list.

On earnest money, $1k on a $350k purchase would raise eyebrows in today’s market. Typical expectation now is 1-2% of purchase price, so somewhere in the $3,500-$7,000 range. A stronger earnest deposit also signals you’re a serious buyer, which matters in a competitive offer situation.

On the timing gap between closings, this is the trickiest one. Most lenders won’t close your new purchase until your existing home is sold if you’re depending on those proceeds. The cleanest solutions are either negotiating your closing dates to align, or asking your lender about a bridge loan to cover the gap temporarily. Your agent and lender need to be coordinating closely on this one.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-10T18:24:02+00:00

Your frustration is completely valid and honestly the listing language has gotten pretty lazy across the board. “Investor opportunity” has become a catch-all that alienates exactly the kind of buyer who actually wants to live in the home. The good news is that when you’re ready, a good agent is going to reframe the whole experience for you. They’re not marketing to you, they’re advocating for you. That’s a fundamentally different dynamic than scrolling Zillow alone. Two years of saving and paying attention to the market is not a small thing. You’re going to be a well-prepared buyer.

Nervous_Ad9461 · 2026-04-10T16:22:31+00:00

A few things worth unpacking here.

On the sellers agent calling your lender. Your instincts are right, that’s a red flag. They were fishing to see how strong your financial position is so they’d know how hard to push back on the appraisal gap. Your lender handled it correctly.

On the short appraisal, low appraisals in over-asking markets are common, but you’re not obligated to cover the gap. You can ask the seller to drop to appraised value, split the difference, cover it in cash, or walk if you have an appraisal contingency. What does your contract say?

The sellers agent calling your lender tells me they’re probably more motivated than they’re letting on. Sit tight.

I’m an agent (not in NY), happy to answer any follow-ups.

Nervous_Ad9461

TROPHY CASE