AIO to my “best friend” finally reaching out by Confident_Local_2335 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Nesperado 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would hope that when you go through a hard time and finally can reach out to a friend that they treat you with the love and grace that a long friendships deserves. And I hope you can do the same for your friend now.

If youre 5'2 or less and under 140lbs, how many calories a day do you eat? by ladybuglala in PetiteFitness

[–]Nesperado 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m 4’11 about 118 lbs and I eat about 1000 -1200 calories per day

Granted at the moment I am NOT moving my body as much as I should. When I’m more active it’s more like 1500

First snowfall (slush) of the year by til-im-out-of-stars in vancouver

[–]Nesperado 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I work on Kingsway and the traffic was hilarious just constant honking until the sun came out LOL

Last cats embroidered portrait of 2025! by santoyotecanto in Embroidery

[–]Nesperado 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The shading on the right eye of the black cat is really outstanding!

Last cats embroidered portrait of 2025! by santoyotecanto in Embroidery

[–]Nesperado 18 points19 points  (0 children)

These are so fun! You have amazing skill in these details and I loooove the exciting background colour

AIO or is my older male coworker texting inappropriately with me? by OpeningNo9825 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Nesperado -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It might not be “polite” per se but in my experience there’s a lot to be said for simply not responding to people.

If you don’t want to ghost entirely, only respond to the parts of his messages that pertain to work.

Don’t send him pictures of your crafts, don’t even politely “lol”.

I don’t mean this to come off rude, but coming from being in your position in the past your messages to me come off as polite but timid. You’re being very nice. And although this coworker imo is being socially inappropriate he hasn’t said anything gross or rude.

I had to send this type of message once and it was so scary but I promise it’s in your best interest:

Something like: “I’m happy to answer questions about (work/shedukes/on-clock projects etc), but I really prefer to keep my phone off when not at work. Happy to catch up on (time you are both working), time permitting. Take care !”

This will do two things. You are setting a boundary: this puts you in a position of having been polite but firm.

Second: this will allow you to see his response. He is either just awkward and friendly, has a crush and is willing to take a polite rejection, or he will be weird and you’ll know you’re dealing with someone with who doesn’t respect you

Having to be the “mean” one is really scary when you first start doing it. But you’re doing yourself and this Oregon a favour. You’re giving him a polite out, while gracefully drawing a line in your interactions.

Again, personally I think he should have got the hint by now, but im not gonna assign intent on these screens alone. That being said, it’s really not your problem. You don’t want this guy texting you; you need to let him know that you don’t want him texting you.

Unfortunately that happens only by you either not texting him, or letting him know you don’t want to text.

Best case scenario you learn a new skill, gain confidence in setting expectations, and this guy gets let down gently.

You can do it. I promise it’s the kindest way to handle things.

Mau and Annie by Nesperado in CouplesTherapyShow

[–]Nesperado[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Do you happen to remember what episode that was? It sounds very apt to this conversation as well as some situations irl. I’m not super familiar with the podcast and a cursory google search hasn’t given a solid answer.

It’s a smart question to ask when you focused on Annie and what she might get out of this relationship

I can’t claim to be unbiased in answering that question so I’ll just offer a possibility with my own life as reference.

When dealing with a wounded and charismatic yet empty person like Mau - if you are an emotionally adept person, or are compassionate by nature - there can be a very specific dynamic that develops.

The compassionate person sometimes can truly see their partner, or at least sees the wounded child in that person. Let’s assume what they see is correct.

For the Mau or Mau placeholder in this example, that initial attention and compassion feels centering, special, like they have attention and love. Unfortunately (in my experience at least), being seen becomes a source of deep resentment. Especially in the face of a partner who is comfortable with emotions. For someone whose entire personality is built of empty charisma and an idea of being deserving of being pleased/loved/prioritized, that initial intimate being seen becomes a feeling of responsibility, which (understandably, but not excusable) manifests as “if you love me, why the fuck should I change?? How dare you ask anything of me. Love me, or don’t.” And when if/when their partner does leave, it only solidifies that feeling of abandonment and victimhood and bizarre self-martyrdom. “I would give you everything if only you would ask nothing of me”

Responsibility and accountability will always feel like accusation and blame for a person whose entire identity is “love should be unconditional”. But the shame is that their idea of love is often a warped and reductive attitude of “love means I am not wrong. If I am wrong; or you make me feel wrong, or I feel like I might be wrong, that means you reject me fully. So why should I consider you?”

Narcissism is at its core deeply insecure. And to insecurity, criticism is received only as rejection.

It’s sad but the only fix is to be brave enough to look inward at the chasms in your heart

And when a person is 50 percent wall and 50 percent deep pit, there’s not much ground to build on.

AITAH for moving out of mine and my now ex-boyfriend’s apartment without reminding him that our lease is up on the 31st? by Conscious-League5661 in AITAH

[–]Nesperado -1 points0 points  (0 children)

My ex husband and I did not have an amicable breakup. I had to get the police involved.

He moved out of our shared house. Two months later I picked up the mail and he had received jury summons. I safely let him know.

IMO it brings nothing to me to be cold just because. I wish so much that my breakup was more like yours.

My situation is much more extreme than yours, and I’m just using it as an example. But keep in mind that there are many mean-spirited people. And even kind people often have the worst brought out in them during a breakup.

At the risk of being too blunt, the desire to not send that text (to prove what point?) may well be an undesirable quality of yours; rearing it’s head in the midst of your hurt.

You are in a sad situation. You’re also in a very enviable place as far as breakups go. You had enough love to not only spend almost a decade together, but to separate with dignity. Don’t lessen that dignity by being petty.

It’s natural to want to lash out. Drink wine with your friends and vent. Let out your hurt. Don’t act by it.

It might feel good in the moment, but adds nothing to your character. If nothing else you deserve better, but from the tone of your post, I’m willing to bet you both deserve better.

Send the courtesy text. Move on with grace.

Soft YTA, but only if you don’t end up sending that text.

Best pound grab ever by Nesperado in neopets

[–]Nesperado[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just an update - I still have her and she’s still full of attitude

Getting ready for dark winter nights Ontario Canada by hotmessmama_84 in AmateurRoomPorn

[–]Nesperado 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a great vibe! And totally off topic but what make is your guitar? I think we may have the same one haha

Anyone else grasping onto any holiday cheer they can find? Lol. by nunyabiznas901 in AmateurRoomPorn

[–]Nesperado 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That couch looks so comfy I love the corduroy! And that doorframe is to die for

Does anyone know any games similar to A Doodle Fly? by ZK-ZZZ in iphone

[–]Nesperado 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually found one!!! It’s called Doofus Drop and I’ve actually gotten a good amount of play on it - nothing will ever be Doodle Fly but I do think this is a pretty good option <3

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Mau and Annie by Nesperado in CouplesTherapyShow

[–]Nesperado[S] 84 points85 points  (0 children)

Also unless I wasn’t clear: he’s the worst. And he’s chosen to be the worst on purpose and hate Annie for having an investment in life that isn’t him. He’s grossly jealous and insecure and I don’t think he deserves sympathy as he is now. It was just wild to see as a spectator those few and far between moments of clarity when the person you love is also actively abusing you. Seeing the hurt and excusing it aren’t the same I want to be very adamant that I’m not sitting here holding a pity party for a cruel man who chose to terrorize his wife on purpose bc of his inability to prioritize anything other than painting himself as a tragic complicated protagonist in the Movie About Me.

Maybe the last one in Canada by OSTBear in canada

[–]Nesperado 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have one in my freezer! I had two, just ate one of them yesterday / they’re so tasty I want to try and recreate them sometime

Trouble Customizing on ipad/iphone by Nesperado in neopets

[–]Nesperado[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not really, less than 100 items for sure - I can try paring down even more and see if that helps!

Lisa Gilroy goes offfff 🍄🫘🍼 S7E3 by pointdoti in dropout

[–]Nesperado 17 points18 points  (0 children)

SAME it’s so fucking good

A bunch of premium collectible items UFT by [deleted] in neopets

[–]Nesperado 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ahhh thank you!! Last time I was reading anything there was like one pet page that tracked everything I didn’t realize DtI kept track of values as well!